The email reads,
“you mean the world to me
I am the luckiest woman alive
thank you for sharing this experience with me”
I sit re-reading the words
understanding the meaning
but struggling to believe
I am this man now –
She looks at me with a soft smile
and an excited twinkle
checking this six foot five inch frame out
a warmth fills me
as I know she desires me
…. the desire is mutual
her delicate fingers
caress my neck at the hairline
sending a shiver through my body
I sit amazed that after 13 years
we can still share lovely moments
like it was the first day –

a loud click rings through my head
two teeth meet where once
fingernail lived
as if I were a ******
tiny little gnawing nibbles
travel 72% across the plain of my nail
when at once a slip
pulling tear…
upon inspection and to my horror
what was a clean cut
has become jagged and frayed
looking like an oak bough
with long hanging moss
but this moss is attached to the nail at large
gripping the offender tightly
and with a quick jerking motion
an attempt is made to remove the blight
without pain or fanfare
to my dismay it breaks free
just at the edge of the nail
I can see the reddening start…
immediately those same to teeth go to work
biting and twisting the tiny attached shard
drool trickles to the second knuckle
as I, totally engrossed, do my best cannibal impression
removing my finger from my mouth
a deep sadness cross my face
there will be no way to avoid bleeding….
with a renewed vigor akin to feverish
I once again attack my own hand
teeth gleaming, ready to savagely destroy
the surrounding flesh
I feel myself clamp down
frozen with fear I slowly pull my head back
tearing skin makes a slight squeak
and an iceberg emerges from my nail crotch
instantly I smash the now bleeding hole
into my tee-shirt
the stain a small price to pay
for the relief I will feel in a few days
once the swelling goes down –

the fatalist in me thinks about a Trump vote
quietly marking the box that will end the American dream
snickering to myself as the ballot falls into the bin
knowing I have done my part to bring about the end –
destroying families across the land
and building a wall greater than any Chinese design
breaking the back of a faltering agricultural system
asking the masses of impoverished to stand right there with him –
expressing a desire to actually nuke Iran
and that the military would rival that of any era
planning on expanding our empire abroad
telling the public that peace is a fraud –
I cannot help the reality that I am entertained
frozen with terror, eyes peeled to the spectacle
this train wreck developing is really just catching speed
could the American people willingly vote for greed –
there is only one way to bring about the end of days
and like anything it takes work, practice, and dedication
but this move seems more real than any before
we are all being wooed by Babylon’s ***** –
I, for one, am going to sit back and enjoy this ride
it’s not often one gets to see the fall of Rome
a nice mountain lake; spring fed and crystal clear
waits hidden in the mountains if the end gets too near –
see, having a plan means there’s no reason to worry
and gives me the advantage to vote for your doom
while most of you sit, hands folded to pray
I’ll hike to the hills when we come to the end of days –
maybe I won’t survive the coming nuclear battle
when ‘the donald’ shoots his mouth off to Vladimir Putin
or Kim Jon, or Iran, or the Afghani folks
but until then I will prepare and go on making jokes –

I was born in the United States of America
register as a democrat… but just so I have access
to primary voting.
In this land touted for opportunity and freedoms
mostly, I find myself lamenting the choices
my government makes on my behalf.
I would not purposefully donate six percent
of my daily earnings
on drone bombing civilian Muslims
if it were up to me…
I would generally look to my own neighborhood
and those in the surrounding areas
when deciding where to offer my services and aid
as opposed to installing and maintaining
coup after coup on foreign soil…
Everyone I met who needed medical assistance
would have the ability to speak with a doctor
or at the very least a therapist…
My mind is so weary my body has become tired
watching my nation attempt to maintain empire
while the masses refuse to believe
that concept exists in the 21st century,
but for me, like a dagger in the eyeball
twisted and rusty, its
infecting me constantly with the reality
we are morons….
There is an adage I believe comes from the hillbilly’s
regarding one’s love for a land
and if the lack of that love shows itself,
then the individual must leave said land
well,
I have a second option:
You go………
You go to Iraq and wait for the drones
You go to Okinawa and get ***** by the American military
You go to any of the 600 places not in the United States
harboring military instillations of all types
You sit on the beach at Fukushima
while our advisors watch quietly the Pacific die.
Me, I will stay here
and see what I can learn from any still living
native peoples….

fractured rays pass through tattered treatments
the broken fast moving clouds ever changing
shadow creatures dance across my desk and skin
playfully morphing from recognizable shapes
to distorted images of madness
my concentration only hastens the changes –
thoughts race to match the sky
bounding effortlessly from subject to object
objectification to subjugation
absconding subjected objectify-ers
subjugating the obtuse –
swaying tree tops pepper my field of view
a light breeze plays among the needles
damaged branches dislodge and fall
in the ever-changing Fall –

out of the still of night
and with a jolting start
I find myself inundated with cool liquid
and given life through direct current –
pressed against the yellow mica
I sit quiet, then, at once,
a rumbling fills the quiet stillness
held together only by glue and gravity
the boiling water transforms
settling back down to a simple
swirling and steaming mass
but now, a slightly different color appears
and the smell of spice wafts freely –
grabbed without a please
or a moment’s thought to my well-being
I feel myself lifted into the air
and tipped over
the sensation is not unlike a rollercoaster
except after, I am always empty
the hollowness of my body matches the emptiness of my soul
as I watch her sip the tea
and leave the quiet kitchen to start her day –

I can’t breathe….
the weight is too great and my fate waits
plated…
I need only choose it as it sits so near
I can touch it
crutched ******* munch my lunch
my growing hunch bunches
and I get a headache –
the macabre steps out
rotten curtains hang limp around eyes
coated with think and smeared mascara,
earlobes gauged and a professional gapper,
lifts its 6 fingered hand
reaching for the peaches –
cheap fruit on the veranda molds
plastic bowls hold cracked eggs
and her legs stretch to the moon
swooning, I come unglued and swallowing ludes
like a Bill Cosby date I wait again
for my fate to begin –
peeling paint and fainting actresses
plaster masked maniacs along muddy hallways
shinning pennies give the illusion of care
but rarely is flare so debonair
the holey underwear share in my despair
we were unprepared –