i hope to speak to you again
but then what would i say

that your current relationship
makes me feel like an angel
buried alive and forgotten
that i drink
then i call
to hear your voice
but there is nothing to say
i am doomed to dead leaves and empty carousels
i am stuck on one song
the piano is tired of hearing it
and the folds in my throat are tired of singing it
Sundays call for routine
Samson sings my rampant mind to sleep
and David can play to please the Lord
but i will never please you
the way that her tiny hands and heart do
you were everywhere
including my lips
and time will heal all wounds
but instead you left a tattoo
that reads
i ****** up
i still get high from the memories of our eye contact
i know that we could have made it
if we had tried
but you're the balloon that flew away
into a greedy breeze
and you taught my childish heart
that all things are temporary

kind hearted man
why do you try so hard to be simple

i loved you for your innocence
but i know it's chosen ignorance
because if you think too hard
you might learn that everything you know is a lie

your God is the easiest road to travel
rather than tackle the real questions of the universe

you are stuck in your own head

i have dreams where i try to chisel you out
but instead my pecking backfires
and i'm the one left in pieces

you want to do whats easiest
so i'm left alone

sprinting through the dark fields of the world
on my birthday
chasing down nineteen candles without you

Is your best potential love always unrequited?

the language of love held in our eyes
words zoom by
our messages passing each other
on the other side of a divided highway

unnoticed

it's been 33 weeks since our last and first kiss
and i have dreams where all i can do is scream at your girlfriend
but its been 21 weeks since you told me to forget it
and this number counting has become an obsession

piano keys burn my hands
and every dark haired boy could be you
i wonder if its been long enough that you forget what i look like
did you know its been four years since you first made me blush

i clutch to loss like it's something i can fix
but love is a rusted piece of the titanic
93 years tucked in it's death bed
a tragedy so short-lived it's a spectacle

i'll always celebrate the night this love came to life and died
that morning sunrise was the first blow to the bow
you got in a lifeboat with no turning back
i chose to lie in bed until i drowned

your eyes cried love at the back of my head for years
and i ended up kissing your heels for attention
our anxiety ridden smiles match
i flirted through a funeral when you wore the color of lively cheeks and sun burnt toes
my mirror looks hold room for two
and when i wash my face
i look up hoping to see you
blazing purple like the subtle brilliant lights behind the milky way
that make it so wise
this story never had heroic start and will have a passive end
but in the meantime i can't bear to see your wedding day acted out in every silent moment that catches my calendar

how does it feel to own a body
comprised of missed opportunities?
i avoid you
only to find you settled
in my bed
with a bottle of whisky
morning breath and bed head
playing every song i've ever loved backwards
you project my memories of him
on the ceiling
in lamp light
with shadows
i am the left hand and he always will be the right
dear regret why do you only visit at night?
sometimes you hide in the stars
or a boy with the same shade of uncertainty in his skin
you smell like firewood, wet grass, and sin
you are a ghost
in my present
you are a soldier
of the past
you are my life
in rewind

he used to grow his hair wild like ivy and kept it for hiding all of the self imposed wounds on his skull from beating his head off of the wall

had he not learned a lesson from the first love at all?

how could he bloom in his house like a zoo ruled by Mosaic Jesus's and rosaries on a loop

he held his words prisoner like the bird in it's cage

his pond was full of beer and red white and blue couples photographs

maybe the red velvet dress she wore reminded him of theater seats
and her near black hair was the charcoal stage
and the scars from their love was the masking tape
trying to fix what was broken from the start

maybe he made a mistake trying to love her
but everyone deserves their fair attempt at being someone else
for a day or two years