feelings change but all I want is a sign for which we have only shared words that can be denied
since that night I imagine you over and over dipping your hand into the other woman's thigh

I keep using "you", that second person way of pointing your fingers through poems without bearing their name
how can I say I meant "don't" and not "do" when we talked of pity toward you what's the point if you can't feel the same

there's a rhythmic flow of emotions in the river that we should have jumped in soaking us to the core and skin
would we have found honesty in water tainted by poison and sin

I only hope I remind you of whiskey and green

two things you will continue to see without me

Will you remember the messy words I stained your shirt with or the cocky sunrise that awoke us all whether we liked it or not or the drug store candy that would dye our teeth every wrong color like a mood ring for all the feelings we must avoid

Do you like how much she hates your hair and makes you change so you can kiss her chalky makeup stained face that will never understand Bob Dylan or the moon because his voice is too gritty and it's too cold for the sky

I let his hands warm mine
I let his breath be unkind
I let his words haunt my mind

I want the past to be erased or last forever
this blistering cold and ****** up weather
do you tire of your winter clothes ever?

I remember all of the dreams you have been in
I remember the night of brush burned skin
I can remember but have I ever truly sinned?

drunk night upon drunk night

my question to the DJ is


How can I become music?

speak up
make eye contact
sing to yourself to clear the silence
only take the back roads in daylight
make sure to hide your complex humor
behind a veil of long hair and thick perfume and lipstick
always make sure to wear a palate to paint the day’s mood
take cautious lefts and firm rights
and make sure to wipe the dogs paws after her daily walk
act like you don’t care but you are interested
act like his hands still give you goosebumps
and always second guess that set of constellations you found in his eyes
and when your sing make sure to stay in tune
no one wants to hear an angel sing of tragedy
always know who to waste your sins on
this is how you lie awake
strangled by your own love handles
this is how you **** it all in
this is where you let it all out
this is when you pity laugh for their respect
this is how you keep it all inside
keep in mind the breeze can bring you to collapse

that ******* recorded voice when I cross the street
‘Walk sign is on to cross fifth, walk sign is on to cross fifth’
she has to remind me I might forget where I am at any particular time

that the human mind is fragile and the human heart is overworked

I like living in the city so I can see all the different life
and no one knows how much I care about them
as long as I am in the crowd
I will never be done exploring my own mind

close enough I can see the view
far enough away that I can’t be touched

you lie in bed as softly
as the fog caressing the street lights

outside the window is a dangerous world
but in this small white room
the night sounds are shifting springs and sighs

water drips from the pipes
cement floors radiate ice
your breath runs down my face in a hot rhythm
eyelashes and skin fall toward each other
and I have never been more warm

I can't get myself to move
as I watch you sleep

"I miss you"

these three words

I feel a sudden realization
of just how human we are

January- chilly sad and hungover
she distorts what she can get her hands on
but behind glazed over eyes, she laughs
she becomes frostbite
IN THE BATHROOM CARVING HOLIDAY DESIGNS

February- he tries to write you a song
but runs out of inspiration
he hides from the answers to his unasked questions
he learns not to dare the cold anymore
WHEN LOVE IS GONE, WHERE DOES IT GO

March- strong as a lion and as modest as a lamb,
she spends her time in the waiting room
WE MUST GET OLDER NOW (please) WAKE UP

April- watering the flowers with her tears
she knows her current misery will bring beauty one day
HOPE THAT SOMETHING PURE CAN LAST

May- our ray of light
smiling listening and unique
she is the sweetest thing we await
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL FACE WE HAVE FOUND IN THIS PLACE (and be gone from me)

June-he's silent and observant
his presence feels like a dream
he drinks your beer
stomps out a song and peacefully sleeps on your kitchen floor
THIS IS THE ROOM ONE AFTERNOON I KNEW I COULD LOVE YOU

July- she is bloated and hot
with sticky watermelon lips
lost in a ridiculous obsession with love and books and hammocks
she drunkenly whispers her secrets to the woods
AS I RECALL OUR SHADOWS IN THE MOONLIGHT IN THE SUMMERTIME

August- she is warm loyal and reckless
you love her Sunday presence
but fear when she has to leave
she is meant for bigger things
PLEASE REMEMBER ME (happily, fondly, mistakenly)

September-  August's silent shadow
He loves her so
but can't find the courage to tell her
He never had a voice
He lives his life beautifully and tragically unannounced
HER LAUGHTER ECHOED THROUGH THE EMPTY STREETS

October- he is the perfect fall picnic
swinging from trees and supporting the year with his humor
he tells us the end is almost here and we shouldn't take life too seriously
he lights the flame and he couldn't be happier
I AM YOUNG AND I AM NAIVE TELL ME SOMETHING I WILL BELIEVE

November- a tall and gangly memory from a time before
looking for oblivious love to defend
at this point in the year
he deserves someone to call a family
he takes a nap and doesn't care to awaken
NOT MUCH HAIR LEFT ON HIS HEAD, ATE A SLICE OF WONDERBREAD (i loved you first)

December- ghosts float in bulbs and holiday punch
the empty buzz of the heater reminds us that we may never know true silence
RETURN TO SISTER WINTER (i apologize)