Why do I keep coming here?
for it is not here nor there anymore

for that pathway that led me to him has been eroded by the waves of time,
and as I sit here beneath these entwined bridges
hurricane winds come to unravel all that I once held so dear,

but it was not to be

for oh don’t you all see,
that those teeth of that vicious barracuda have come inside of this place to gnaw away at each entangled thread of that distant horizon that has now turned black.

jo

Caught up upon this sleeve of mine are memories etched and spun inside a place of never

Eroded sharp words and jagged edges of all torment still live inside of there
as whip-poor-wills crest outside of this place of all longing

For jack hammered innocence became lost within those tangled webs of all deceit

And I am now back in there shackled
to nothingness.
jo.

A broken heart has no refuge
as it sits broiling away in the sun

Trying to escape all that was once so beautiful
but stung by the sword of betrayal.

jo.

The sign said yesterday

And so inside I went

There were doors everywhere
So I opened the very first one longing to find out what was in there
And but it was empty

So bitterly so that I could see my very breath as it froze up inside of the air

So I scrambled to get out of there so disappointed that I had found nothing,

Then I heard the shrillest voice saying five minutes to closing

And I just had to find yesterday

And I needed it so much that it hurt

And there I stood outside that haunted like place unable to figure out just how I got out of there because I had no memory of leaving

And a loudest voice ever consumes me
And it said, scram for you do not ever get the chance to go inside of what is not.

jo.

Every night when I go to sleep I think about what I want to try and dream about.

And no this is not easy to do because most of the time it just does not happen,

But once, just once I  got my wish
and it all came to be,

And this is what happened inside of a place where I get to go to dream.

I was sent out there among all those stars inside the galaxies
and I was handed a long like pole that had a net on it
Well you all know what I mean,

And so there I sat out there along side all beautiful things

And I heard each silent star that was sent whooshing on by me.
but then I did not want to do what I was sent out there to do

Because it would ruin everything.

You see,
I was told to capture all stars so that the midnight sky would cease to be
and so I did not want this to happen

And so I said no outloud
and ouch it!

For would you believe that I had been zoomed inside a pile of stars that had been all piled up inside of a place so sad that it made me start to cry outloud,

But hold on.

It does not end there

But here.

jo.

This is my secret garden.

It is very well hidden and only I have the key to the doorway that is to be found by me only,

Or is it even there for real?

and so off I go

and inside of me I tremble to think that such a place is there awaiting me

And now it is I that stands here in front of this jagged fence that sticks out from in front of a hollowed out log

And so inside of here I must beable to gain entrance to for I dearly need all that lies so inside of there

And into the keyhole I glide this my key
And instantly I am there
Inside of my secret garden

And lilies and larkspurs and hollyhocks are now dancing as to send out their very welcome and to make me feel at home,

But I am now standing shattered inside of me
for I wanted to make a wish upon my favorite flower the dandelion

But it is far past too late

For there are only those strands of what once was a blossom

And a rabbit now darts out in front of  me and grabs it out of my hands
and I kneel down in the very grass and I start to cry,

For he has destroyed all that I came inside of here for

For what he took away from me were all dreams and wishes that once were spoken inside of that magical flower of long long ago.

jo.

the nights i lay awake
far past the hour society has began to sleep
i imagine the look on her face
when you first brought her to your room.
when she first saw my name carved to your bed frame
how'd that conversation carry?
did it weigh down the air in the room
forming a burden on your back,
how'd it end?
did you tell her you fell out of love with me,
did you lie and say “i didn’t write that.”
did it make you miss me,
did your heart drop to your stomach at the thought of
love once lost and did
your head ache with the thought i could move on,
i know it did.
you were driven crazy past the title of insecurity
to the point of hiding how you felt, now
you're a blur. but i could still
rewrite your atoms better than any
fragment of the bible, and every 9th day of every month
i look for you, for what you were.
the scar on my left arm from your cigarette burn
tells more stories than any novel ever could.
the letters you wrote me, did she see those too?
and tell me, what raced through your mind.
was it her?
these are the things i’d like to ask you, but
yes i’m guilty of letting fear stop me.
the fear of those five words that could stop a heart beat
and implode a building,
that could tear open the scars on my heart and
run my mind straight into the brick wall i’m staring at,
“i don’t love you anymore”