The words that reside
Behind your lips
Are what drive her
Into this
Convulsion of
Lust
She can't be
Saved
We all knew this
She begs for those
Instances that are as
Rare
As the sunlight
On a cold winter's
Day
Make me live in your
New idea of an
Embrace
I'll swim in it
Just to see what it
Feels like
When I don't dream about
You
Anymore.

to me
the most attractive
quality one can possibly
possess
is a brilliant
witty
sincere
& even mildly
childish
sense of humor


the Sad Keanu meme will
never not be hilarious

Exhausted and unbeknownst
To the world
Trying to comprehend
Anything
Everything
Still coughing out
Insufficiencies
She's hitting her
Record low
& decreasing in
Seldom movement
Culminating every molecule
of unwilling breath
Without commiseration
A fever too full to fast
Love to lithe to last
Chiseled to match
The statue of imperfection.

midsummer rain
wept onto the
tall grass
that hid all of what
we knew
was haunting us

his breath graced
my neck
& I melted and molded
into a barefoot
slow dancer
on a hardwood porch

as if he'd laced something
into
his sigh

they say poison
inhibits
a rational mind

but they tell you that
you should have
known better


than to allow your
soul
to unwind

Her hands feel
Dry
& she's trying to
Find
Her place
Amongst the antithesis of
Her blankets
& his warm
Embrace
Thunder crashing as
His lips
Meet hers
While they lie in the
Midst of the
Literal and quite metaphoric
Storm
She loves in her
Own ways
With subtle smiles
& awkward silence
He asks her if she's falling
& with a laugh
She replies
"Not quite."

give me your
ghosts
& I'll fight the
fairest faces of the
earth
to prove you don't
belong where
you are

we only expose the very
barest
of our skin to the
things that know not
how to love

& he still turns away
disgusted
at the sight of a
tear

we continue to find our
little hope
in loveless places
& you continue
to puzzle me
with your peculiar
grace

we would have made
phenomenal outlaws
driving down the
desert highway
resistant to death
& calmly causing a mockery
of the
cracked and brittle bones
of the vast
decaying wilderness

yeah, we would have
if you'd only let me
use your gun
for the greater good

to engage in vocal
agony
leaves no repose

& we've fought as far
as the altercation
goes

now please my
dear



won't you leave me
to my own?



I'll place my gilded cape
on the ground

& step far from
our throne

one last glimpse
from sunken moon eyes



& I'm dust

you can't know
the trouble that rests within
my heart

all the blank sheets of
paper
that I fear to
fill
you cannot know


& yet I am still so inclined to show
the love I keep
buried in between the curtains


save me for a
rainy day

save me from the
hurricane


its coming



so don't pretend
you haven't seen my
plight



my love
we are setting sail
on this night




& we can't afford
to ever look
back



you know
& I very well know



what we mean
with our second glances
& your arm around
my neck


I could have kissed you
if I dared
but I never step a inch forth
in the wilderness
unprepared

I wish it were as simple
as butterflies--
to create your own
cocoon; turn to
jelly while dreaming
& awake anew
brighter and more powerful
than before

but here I am


same as it ever was

The knives have been
Winning
& they're cutting up
Against
Our toes now
But we got ourselves in
This embrace
& there aren't keys
To those cuffs
Yet, honey
But we've just got to
Keep waiting
Until
They fall from our
Weary sky
You were known in
The books
As the one who dreamed
Of much greener grass
& I was more
Inclined
To the Victorians
Than I was to the taste
Of tea.
But oh, did we wage
Our wars in perfect
Rhythm to our
Untamed hearts?
Or we were just shimmering
Light in the bits of cutlery
They found shining
At the bottom
Of the sea?

what did you give
that I could never take away?




how could you
ever love





& then so swiftly shatter
faith?

tomorrow
it will have been ten years since
my late aunt's mental instability proved
to be the nail in her own coffin
her four youngest children were all taken away
in a police car
right before my very eyes
& right on John-John's birthday
we were all going out for ice cream
when the sheriff pulled up
I wonder if he still remembers it
the look of horror on my mother's face
we'd been caring for them for some time
my oldest cousin got to stay behind
he was old enough to fend for himself
but the two boys and the baby twin girls were gone like that


I didn't see them for five years
the heavens graced our family and kept them all together
through the help of a wonderful family nearby
one day they all drove down when I was 17
it was one of the happiest moments of my life
to see that those boys who were like my little brothers
were suddenly towering over me


though tomorrow I know will be rough
it feels rough today
& I can see that the boys feel it too
I often wonder what that **** woman was thinking
if it was just too much for her
if she couldn't deal
her body was found in the morning
the day before I graduated college
she was always taking pills
she always hated my guts
always screamed at me
she instilled within me the fear of life
but now she's gone
leaving behind broken children
loved, but damaged

oh, fight or flight
my old familiar fiend
come you to taunt me or
have you come to
feed?

recall a year ago
when I fought so hard for
love?
& now I'm clenching fists
just to keep my head
above

I long for the haven I
may never be blessed with
again
thanks to this jaded heart
& the loss of dearest
friends

am I being punished?
am I being tried?
& here I thought the worst of it
was buried when he
died

"Gold Dust Woman"
comes on
I must remember me.

the worst to come
cannot be measured in
how it makes you
bleed

it can only be held
against the strength of
everything you've
managed to
survive

I suppose that's why I've
endeavored to somehow stay
alive


though this wretched year
has left me with
every will
& intention to
die


I am still
in some way
given the grace
to allow myself to
shine.

I like to tell stories
of other people
when I no longer feel
interesting

I like my men
with longer hair
& he loves his women
with shorter skirts

sit by the pool
cuddle your glass of scotch
until you feel bold
enough to slip right in

or take ***** shots with me
in the middle of the street
'cause there isn't anyone driving
for miles
in this small and quiet
town

he's a lot kinder to his liquor
I ignore mine for a time
then I come crawling back
crying
for just a sweet taste
of what its like to forget
who he was

oh, how I'd love to
go back
& drink his pain
red eyes at my eleven o' clock
doorstep
red eyes on the tile floor
by the pop machine
defeated
almost invisible

speak up, sweetheart
no one can understand you
when you think out loud

he never understood
how she could give her love
to another man
I never understood
why he forgot she ever
did that

they got married in a
not so distant fever
I reacquainted myself with
my shower rug
a giant bottle of wine
& a handful of pills

I fake gag when they kiss

God, I'm glad she don't
come around here
any more
but I always dread
seeing him at the door again
when I smile
& he doesn't smile back

you'd think I'd be over this
by now
but the cards never add up
& he always hits on me
when he's drunk

there's just something about the
way our stars aligned
our entire lives


we always meet in the middle
again
shaking hands and hugging
for too long

she fell too
fondly into fortune's
sweet dreaming
& sequestered us
to the cold

that toybox heart
birthed and bred from
clay
was left out far
too long to
mold

& the flies began to
take hold


there exists a
stark contrast between
what is deemed
brave
& what's bold

they say she'll fight
fate just not to
fold

you'd never believe it,
baby but those
tears?



they're solid
gold.

I nearly wrote in the year
as "2010"
where is my mind
once again?


tangled up in bed sheets
& the mess of his
hair
his scarf smells like an
old house
& cold mountain air


he arrived with
bare feet
a pharmacy in his
backpack


I kissed his clammy
forehead
& traced my fingers
down his
back

the shifting wind
gave way to a cooler night
but I laid in bed
sleepless
& sweating away
withdrawals from my self-proclaimed
ban on smoking

wide awake in silence
is the worst place to be
if you think like I do
every ache flooding in underneath
the door
the bleeding in my recollection
as if I'd gone so many years
in a cloud of amnesia
it all began to play back on
the silent film reel

the first time you heard me sing

the night I punched you and didn't know what for

when you invited me to meet your band

the tears that fell from your eyes and onto my doorstep

the tears from mine when you went back to her

your fingers in my hair when we were in class

the ***** shots we took on the sidewalk
& you said you loved my poetry

the second tear-stained doorstep
& you went back to her the next day

when you spent the night in my room
& we slept seven feet away from each other
because we were cursed with our loyalty to our lovers

the day she found out
& told you to stay away from me

the day you married her and I locked myself in my bathroom
with a bottle of wine and a handful of pills

my wedding day
you showed up alone and hugged me for too long
in front of God and my husband
my wedding night
when I apologized for punching you years ago
& you kissed my hair

new year's eve
when you invited me over 'cause she was gone
& you held me while we laughed at
Pulp Fiction




these are the things I can never tell you
these are the things that only matter to people like me
who tend to love far too much
in all the wrong places



in quiet dark rooms
while the whole world is asleep

grit your teeth
& tie your garters
girls
we got him right where
we want him

just don't drink his
blood
don't laugh at his
jokes
& for God's sake

never catch him smiling

the blue-eyed babes all call
that man the devil
& he will drag us all straight
to Hell if we can't keep
our cool

keep lighting his
cigarettes

keep tasting his
bourbon tongue

your day will come
& your glorious goddess wings
will strip him down
to all the breath
he ever stole
from you

& you'll never let your
musician of choice
into your bed
again











for another week
or two

I feel as if I am perpetually
reaching for things that
are never there

like stars
that have long since changed shape
or died
like conversations
that have long since changed pace
or died
like people
that have long since changed face
or died


there is no home left here for me


but I’d sewn myself into
the ground
just to grow the strength to feel
safe
& now this whole ******
devil town
grins pertinacious
in my attempt
to escape


did you see it, too?


the sick, sad smiles
of the vacant

& the blue?

she took the next
train
& forgot to check the
destination

she skipped her
last meal
& left her deathbed
at the station


she jumped from the
middle car
after a few drinks
& a stranger's
dare


now she'll forever roam
the woods with dirt
& flowers in
her hair

I could have asked her
If she was
Dreaming
But I saw it in
The way
She held her breath
So low
Too many of the
Same familiar songs
& it makes as much sense
As it did
The last time she
Saw him go
"Aren't we all prisoners?"
She thought to ask
Some cool summer's dusk
Why, of course
Sweet love
Now take my hand
& I'll show you
What we're all
Dreaming
Of.

The stars never seem
To move in the
Proper direction
As we travel the
Universe
Searching for clues as to
Who could have
Possibly
Created this horrible mess.

"Maybe they're trying to
Trick us,"
I told you as
Reluctantly as I could.
"Maybe they're
Guilty."

By God, somedays I
Could swear you would
Defend those lights
To the death.

By God, somedays I
Wake up and remember
Not to speak.

my cunning wit
has vanished into the waves
& the uncertain deep

I want you to really see me


even as you sleep


I wanted to be carved within
the whispers
behind your teeth

I want to be the prey beckoning
the slow mellow
creep



& I want you to feel the
fire as I drag you
underneath

you have this subtle curl of hair
just behind your ear
& I always see it when you're
driving
'cause I can't ever look right at
you
your gaze is pure heat
& I may begin to
evaporate
given enough
time

your pedestal
is made out of innocence
as well
& I cannot help but wonder
if we were always meant
for a lost boys
sort of life
never truly growing
old

we could paint our own
dinners
we could stop cashing in on
the cold

I could age gracefully as long
as I live by the
water

where the sun is always
warm
& my skin is made of
gold

untold riches
sold by the pound

you tucked them within
your shirt sleeve
& I never made
a sound

it's just too cold for a
heart so bold
& all these missed
advances
make me feel all the
more this old


wait


wait for me
by the crossroads
wearing only your bare
brazen skin

& I'll help you to
remember
all the hell that we

lived in.

speak
for once
& I promise I won't
stay so silent

I miss our
philanthropic musings
& every time you forgot I had
your CDs

why do I keep
writing about you?
you never read
these ****
things

I'm gonna get caught
some day
& not be able to
explain myself

at first I thought
I should always be this
slightly drunk
so I might tell you
not only the truth
but everything else in between

tomorrow I'll wake up
& know it was a
stupid idea

someday I'll grow up
my friend
someday I'll stop
thinking of
you

I could say so much
right now

but I couldn't bear to
give you away



I love my family
& I know you love yours
too

why are we so star-crossed?
maybe we're not


maybe its just
me

my darling sun shines in the east
though you can't see it rising
within you dwells an ignorant beast
past all foretold advising

for you, a prince, with diamond tears
could cast gray skies away
though vibrant as your meddling fears
your smile is absent today

what for, my zealous heart
so present in the spring?
& in your thoughts the seasons part
to change their melodic ring

lady luck has cast her dice
across the horizon of gold
set your pace to further suffice
this contemplative hold

what fate might have in store for you
could harbor more than woe
to repose on words you thought to be true
so rest, my dear...lie low

"the world is
a conveyor
belt"

mentality has stricken
with force
today
& I'm struggling
to cope


we could all be
packed like
sardines;
destination: incinerator


& I would still feel
more alone
than I ever have
in my life

someone took a knife
to my neck
I think it might have
been me
dried blood on my hands
& I never noticed
until the red ran from the sink
the color cast into darkness
swimming down
to a new home in the earth


we ain't what we used to be
& the sun shines only
when we don't talk about it


someday I'd like to go to bed
knowing somebody's gonna kiss me
while I sleep
the unknown terrifies me the
most
& when I get scared I stand
completely still
refusing to move
or look
or listen



he caught me crying
I lied about what for
we all went back inside
& I slammed the screen door

no
enough of this

I could say that I would pin myself to the ground
through each of my toes

but that wouldn't draw you
'cause I wouldn't dare say it aloud

I could say that I don't give a ****
about anything you did to me

but that wouldn't push you
'cause you'd just feel sorry

so no

I won't speak words to your glimmering indifference
that's what got us into this ******* mess in the first place.

cherry colored heels
peeping from the corner
a raven-haired reaper woman
has become my writing desk
& I still haven't solved
the riddle of all her torture
all her second
glances
blush lips pleading
profiting
smiling through make-believe tears
& whispers on cold rainy
nights in our bed

what I wouldn't give
to live
under your rhythm
where you chill my skin
& bones
wrap me in a cocoon
of sheet music and piano strings

what I wouldn't give to
kiss a pretty girl at some point
in my life
just for the sheer hell of it

if it could be anyone?














Charlize Theron.

the trees perform
in the soft denim light
& my handwriting
could stand to
be prettier
but I am drunk on
sadness
& lack of fortune

I feel you in
the air
for once I confirm
I am not alone
although I *******
am

will it blend?
will it
mend?

the only two stars
remaining
helped me to
believe it
may

4:17 AM
I prayed we would meet
again

in the hollow of lost
lonely souls
& the fortune tellers
that sell them happy tales
of
growing old

we deal down to
the bone at
night
but you best
believe
I never tried to peddle
my sense of
sight

'cause honey, you were
always there
when I needed you
the most


& I never dared to tell
a dying man
the truth
just to ever get
that close

lips of amaranth
dripped decadent language
through weakened teeth
she gave all she had
to get there
& she's forgotten where she
left her pieces

fear of fate follows
her around as
vines held tightly to
her wrists,
waiting to prepare it's most
nefarious dish
so that she may be
tempted
to break loose
& put a pen to her
pain
but seldom does the
ink flow
for the fear makes its
bed in the nest
of all she doesn't want
to lose
settled in the leaves
of ivy
a prisoner she remains

but
would you declare
Stockholm Syndrome
if you truly
belong?

someday she'll teach herself
how to get past
all this
*******
sentimentalism
she inherited from her
mother

until then its
            
want  

want      
          
want

& can't have

when you go for so long
giving
& never getting back
only to find that
recently
the receiver has
some kind of heart
for repayment
but you don't know
where it lies
& you'll never ask for
the dreadful, dreadful
fear of the
consequence

well, then you start to go
a little bit

crazy

& the things that no one
should ever know
start to shimmy
out of the
carefully manufactured
woodwork
we call self-preservation

its a lonely
lonely

                                            lonely­ night

in the prairie

turning tables
now you're the one
left in the midst
of the depth
& the dark
like a scorned yet
desirous lover
frantically picking at
flower petals

"he loves me"

"he loves me not"

by the time you've reached
that last pluck
you've become so unsure
of a heart's
folly
that you toss the
tortured daisies
& reach in the grass
to start
anew

at night
you seem to come
to me
through the warmth
& the quiet dark
between
the narrow slit
of the moon
& the cold champagne
that rests glassed within my
fingertips

I've seen you too often
in the day
& there aren't many words
as we burn
underneath our angry
sun

you look your most
handsome
when you dress in
black
& I would never dare
turn my back
upon you




even if I promised
my own heart



that
you weren't worth the
wait

tears in front of
the ancestors' tomb
again

you'd think at
twenty-eight
I'd learned all my
lessons
but Lynn & Gretta's
littlest girl
lost the chips she thought
she'd win

stuck between an atrophied,
near-calcified heart
& a hard place
good lord,
she's still fighting to
salvage face

to keep her name

but all these pitfalls
are none but hers
to blame

never a gambler


but ever still playing
the game

we could have danced upon
the levee with the tips
of our bare
toes
for many ages
& still not be rid of
the bitter taste of anxiety
& horror that at any
misfortune-filled moment
the river would swell and swallow
us whole

the feeling of fear is like nothing
in this world
& sometimes I don't think
I can shake it
his eyes are resting on my
collarbone
jesus christ, man
I can't take it

make-believe misgivings
cigarette sweet
took residency in my ribcage
& I swear they'll never
leave

so if we got all we
came for
its best we take to the
unforgiving streets


while I silently observe
as you practice
& you
preach

sometimes the highest hopes
can pull you from the
darkest depths
& I fear
we're at the bottom

I'd like to climb my
tree
& live in it for a
while

& maybe someday
I'll come
down
& maybe so
will you

the grass won't be
so brown
& my eyes won't
be so full of
moon

she took the gun
loaded with benadryl
pulled the trigger
& prayed she could
sleep a ******* fantastic
lovely
dreamless
night

she'll pray for
the opposite
before she closes
her eyes

naturally

She drove on the edge of
Cliffs
To ensure you didn't
Disappear
& there's a ghost on
Her heel
& a ghost on
Her bed
& neither of them serve
Drinks
But perhaps she missed
The flavor of
Nicotine
Embedded in her
Jacket
Oh, she says you're
Changing
You were always
Changing
& like a dream
There was always a ripe
Melody
& she'll always know
Sarcasm
Even when she never
Realized it had
Fallen
From her lips.

I keep having
dreams
that you love me


*it *****

may you ever be
as colorless as the cold
country night
don't forget my home
in the blistered
stars
reflected on the wires
held so intricately
by your
puppeteer
I am the
cruel, unforgiving
judgement
forever against her
behalf
& behind shades of
Earth
my eyes burn with
this envy
for all I possess is
one who lays
love
with a harsh
tongue
& a heart that
craves
all you only barely
mentioned
that is long, long, long



and
not yet
forgotten

look
oh, look
what have we here?
a scene of
Fate's young rival

with twists and turns
& pirouettes
she's kept up with
survival

she danced on coals
of hit and miss
with feet bare as
temptation

to land upon the
other side
with no room for
revelation

I am no longer captivated
by this element
of surprise
I foresaw it within your
sea storm eyes
the crystal clarity only
assisted
but don't you dare get
it twisted

my veins course with
resistance
in this the game where
the rule book is
laden
with blank pages
love, I swore we left
our cages
& traded them for
passion
but no one taught you
how to ration


& I'll still melt within
your smile
if you'll still mold within
my wild

something startled the
fault line yesterday
a misalignment in the stars
she tried to find the volume in
your expression
but you are far too quiet
& its horrifying
tingling underneath her fingernails
intuition like haunting
& she still can't figure out
where you are

speak

speak here


I drift like the
tide
constantly
in and out of
awareness
out of life
out of mobility

you rise up over
the shore
a sunlit statue
at your charismatic helm

or so I thought
but you sailed right past


your face was so empty
I could not reach
you


& you never looked
never saw me watching you





its as if you already knew
you were on a
sinking ship

She says "Its been one of
Those nights
Where I can think of a million
Sassy remarks
& never speak a word of them."

There was too much
Kindness
In their borrowed blood

He can do nothing
But smile at the peculiar
Image
Of her restrained wit

She pours another
Shot
& he tries to search
Himself
For the perfect naughty
Joke.

on my better days I am
a gypsy songbird
addicted to
dying my hair unnatural
colors
wearing too much
jewelry
& swaying my hips to the
Counting Crows or
Queens of the Stone Age

on my scarier days I am
a modified hermit
addicted to
hard liquor and coffee
daydreaming about the things that
will never be mine
& blaring sad piano ballads
about rotten, undignified, but
true, true love

on my normal days
I am a mommy
my son will be a year old on
Sunday
& he is my entire soul
I am addicted to
his dimples
his laughter
& watching him sleep

if anyone were to
ever tell a tale of the
dear Latham girl, they would
have to say
"Well, didn't you know?
Davy Martin
saved his mama's life."