a beacon shone onto the
cold stone steps
like an escape stripped of
human consequence

she felt the warmth
but dared not tread upon it

he could breathe life into anything
he touched
& she prayed they'd never
have to shake
hands



though she still sang into
the kitchen sink
if only to remember
that she
could still carry
a tune

The knives have been
Winning
& they're cutting up
Against
Our toes now
But we got ourselves in
This embrace
& there aren't keys
To those cuffs
Yet, honey
But we've just got to
Keep waiting
Until
They fall from our
Weary sky
You were known in
The books
As the one who dreamed
Of much greener grass
& I was more
Inclined
To the Victorians
Than I was to the taste
Of tea.
But oh, did we wage
Our wars in perfect
Rhythm to our
Untamed hearts?
Or we were just shimmering
Light in the bits of cutlery
They found shining
At the bottom
Of the sea?

sun stayed close
today
I thrive on the first
day of the year
I can wear shorts outside
though it came a bit early this year
& I won't cross my fingers
for it to stay

the front porch step
offers little else than the
neighbor
trash-talking
on the other neighbors

everywhere I go at least
one more person
has lost the power to love

I should start making fliers
spread a little hope

but I'm no good with promises
& the cigarette butts she
flicks on my lawn
make me love her a lot less
too

these apartments are
non-smoking

none of us follow the rules here

I let the sun bake my bare legs
a bit more
the babe is trying to eat
dead leaves

I wonder where you
really are

& when you're coming home

catch the falling
star
that was caught up
in your dreams
& promise to reveal the
living devil in your
screams
so I can lay with you
until the dawn
bleeds through your
silver curtains

I am not to trust my
own sun-kissed
skin
& you are not to
fall for what I led you to
give in
when all we have left
are the lonely
prospects
of empty bottles
& long, long records
playing for only
us to hear


remember that
I love you


remember what
I've seen


the blood beneath the
burrowed breath


& all we kept
serene

cherry colored heels
peeping from the corner
a raven-haired reaper woman
has become my writing desk
& I still haven't solved
the riddle of all her torture
all her second
glances
blush lips pleading
profiting
smiling through make-believe tears
& whispers on cold rainy
nights in our bed

what I wouldn't give
to live
under your rhythm
where you chill my skin
& bones
wrap me in a cocoon
of sheet music and piano strings

what I wouldn't give to
kiss a pretty girl at some point
in my life
just for the sheer hell of it

if it could be anyone?














Charlize Theron.

the summer disperses into
the asphalt
you disperse into my
conscience
& I cannot carry on


the sky was raw with
your pain
a pale blue and silent
agony
just before the dawn


the wind will shift in
your favor
& I'll waver in my
courage
to say you're wrong


the full moon seen in
the daylight
are all the words I ever
needed
to tell you of my song

stay away from the computer
clean the apartment
remove toddler from dangerous objects
stay away from the computer
clean the apartment
**** myself
clean the apartment
stay away from the computer
remove toddler from dangerous objects
look for a job
before my husband throws me out
clean the apartment

rinse
repeat

the modern-day gypsy
has an ache
that can only be settled through
the open road

a few days with her
mother
the all-American lifeline
of peace
love
& cheap bourbon
should cure her ailments
even if the small
country town
has little else to offer
than
friends, drinks, and
withdrawals
from technology

she'll
be back soon
hopefully
with a fuller head
& happier things to write about

hopefully

narcissistic, cruel


but you always keep your cool


with me as your fool

basorexic beauty
truck limousines for hire
I use the rain to
drive away
& I still can't calm
the fire
nestled deep within
my sigh

let's sleep beneath
Louisiana sky

I'll sing to you in
French
as we walk down
Bourbon Street
we'll dance our way
into Metairie
until we cannot find
our feet
amongst the life
within the
night

& we'll rest underneath
warm Southern
starlight

constrained and
deranged
he caught me in
a flame
of golden, righteous
perception

he paid me
twenty bucks
& I read his palms
like a sad, sad
story
while I sipped on
my wine

I could see his mouth
ever so clearly
with its own longing
to read my own
future
in the contours of my
wrists

so I told him he was
going to die
alone
& he still returned
the next week

when I told him he'd be hit
by a truck
he only laughed
& left me blue roses

the week after that
I had a cold
& refused to read
so he bought me a
bottle
& read the back of my
neck
& I was tired enough
to let him

he was prettier
than a summer storm

a FedEx truck ran over him
the next day

I held his roses until
my hands bled
& no one could ever
read me again

we could have danced upon
the levee with the tips
of our bare
toes
for many ages
& still not be rid of
the bitter taste of anxiety
& horror that at any
misfortune-filled moment
the river would swell and swallow
us whole

the feeling of fear is like nothing
in this world
& sometimes I don't think
I can shake it
his eyes are resting on my
collarbone
jesus christ, man
I can't take it

make-believe misgivings
cigarette sweet
took residency in my ribcage
& I swear they'll never
leave

so if we got all we
came for
its best we take to the
unforgiving streets


while I silently observe
as you practice
& you
preach

when no one is around
& the silence
surrounds

I can still hear you whisper
"close your eyes"

even in my wildest
day trips
& lapses from time

I never quite imagined I would
find a more intoxicating
drug to condone
than the skin above your
collarbone

or the intensity of your
gaze

but our lips at last
have met
oh, will me unto death!


for I'll beg
& beg
for them
for
days

you could blend my blood
with the edge of your
lips
& watch our unspoken words
go to battle for a
sip

its the push and the pull
you could swear
I was full
but I haven't danced nearly
enough in such a
reckoning
mood
& my frail fingers have
yet to trace my
absence of
food

just as I'll never know
yours
you'll not ever grasp
the war within
my head
& above all else I shall
always ache for
your bed

no matter of the
weather
I could promise I'll get
better



but darling
some things are far
better
left unsaid

she dreamed of sweet
& beautiful
things
skipping across planets
kissing the
stars
as they passed her by


she drank herself
dizzy
from hollow asteroids
& stumbled into
the arms of a celestial
king


every so often when
her eyelids would
flutter
& she felt time move
ever so slowly
she'd realize the gist
& jest of it all
waking to find her hands
tied as she dangled
from the ceiling
***** feet scraping the floor


morphine dreaming


the genie appeared
not a smile in his gaze
but a sick
satisfaction
& asked her for the third and
final wish

"where am I?"
she whispered, vocally
& spiritually
drained

he pressed his
brittle lips
to her
trembling forehead
"sleep"
he said
as he drank the blood
from her bare
pale neck


& under she went
above to the
stars


home sweet home

the whole self-help scenario has never worked
well for me

I spent my days in
& out
of conscientiousness

forever fueled by what my heart
hungers for

& nothing on the table
is worth a
bite

my glass is not filled
with enough
drink
to ripen my anxious
tongue

my bed is a battlefield
of lost sleep
raised voices
& blurry dreams


I could dig myself to the
other side of the
Earth


& never feel any more
unclean

his solo journey made
its fresh, courageous start
on the waves of
*** and vicodin
& the bright, painful
color of it all
was nearly lost on her
heavy-lidded
& pale eyes

little did he know she was
a stowaway
steadily drinking up the
audacity
to make herself known
to him

but oh Lord, when
she did

you better believe he
never
forgot her

its probably about time
I wrote in this ****** thing
or bothered to write
at all

I had an eyelash on my fingertip
& no clue what to wish
for

you are fast asleep in the
submarine
& you told me I hadn't
had much time for
silence
so I poured a margarita
& listened to you
breathe

my house is clean
but I fear I'm no
longer a
dream machine
instead dancing on the pinpoint
of stability

where did my soul go
if I've had
one?
we're both in the know
& we're both on the
run

is it all in the crook
of your bones
or used up to keep
from being
alone?

when was the last time
I ever did spend on
my own?

mismatched jigsaw
pieces
& burdens to
atone


I must be better
without being bitter
I must be better
without being bitter


I must be better
without being bitter.

They took me back to 1967
Where I was
A raging narcoleptic
& a traveling belly dancer
For the Indian circus
A closet anti-war revolutionist,
You met me
In the dust storm of the
Reenactment of
History in the making
I think at first I only
Liked you
Because we'd had the
Same dream
About elephants and
Talking stars
Could you have loved me then?

she was the
cold
cold
queen of the
warm
wild west

sunset hair in
heavy waves
acted as its own personal
masquerade ball
shading the town from her
sincere
countenance

oh, but she could drink even
the sturdiest men
under the table
though even
the sturdiest men
would rather have her
on top of them

rumor had it that she
kissed a boy
by the name of Billy Dorchester
with a pistol
in place of her saint-like
lips

you'd think with the way
she dances on those
tables
high above all the
greedy
& amorous folk
you could catch a glimpse
of the gun at her
thigh
but I ain't seen it once

I think all these
****** people
know how to do around here
is lie

she could burn this place
to the ground
& not do any harm

we all just got some
sort of fever

for the evil ones

your sense of self control
is seductive
I long to dance in your
imagination
& drink with your
wit

you can place as many
cards as you want
in front
of me, baby
but I ain't ever played
the game
& I can never tell if
you're bluffing


its only when your skin
touches mine
that your walls seem
to fall


so let us seize the
moment
& pour ourselves
into the last
call

What now, starlight?
What say you to these never-ending
Elegies of long and lonely
Dreaming
Fueled by your fingertips
That have circled every lock of her
Midnight hair
That failed to glisten in all
The right ways
To keep your guilty
Conscience
At bay?
She could cut your tongue
For all the misleading
Love it spent
& you would still sing
Of nothing but
The sweet
& very, very
Low.

sometimes the highest hopes
can pull you from the
darkest depths
& I fear
we're at the bottom

I'd like to climb my
tree
& live in it for a
while

& maybe someday
I'll come
down
& maybe so
will you

the grass won't be
so brown
& my eyes won't
be so full of
moon

& perhaps
the tragedy of it all
was that reality
never seemed to be a
bother
compared to her sense of
pareidolia

if at any moment she caught
a scent of any
deeper meaning
she took to the tips of her
toes
& stalked it





until the
silence
became too great

to bear as
tried and true
fate


then down came her shoulders

down came the flood gates

fueling the catacombs
of her
nerve-endings
with any drug that was
welcoming

sleepy days
& lucid nights

misplaced whispers
& constant fright



"something must have remained"

she'll tell herself
on the seldom, solemn
cigarette days





"some piece must have stayed"

there are completely irrelevant
things in our lives
that we will remember until
the day we meet our
makers

his eyes blue
as a clear sky that you
never notice all day long
until you finally
look up

& you can't look away


there's just nothing else there
but blue





& the way that he's looking
at you

she'd been in ballet
since the age of three
a queen of the castle
she'd have you
believe

her eyes were cold
& grey
hair as dark as
the shadows under it
but her voice was soft
& sweet as honey
so I never believed the things
she would whisper
in her sinister
tone

her parents were murdered
when she was ten
she spent the rest of her days
fighting crime
as a suited-up *******
with a multi-million dollar arsenal
of weapons designed to bring
the evil of Gotham
to justice

no, I'm kidding
but her parents really were
murdered

she's always been this way
before that
always so serious
she couldn't stand it when I
grew my hair out
so she chopped hers off

we both knew who
was stronger
who was braver
I'd seen her in many a fight
& she never lost
I feared her


but there was something within me
that she feared too
& she swore to sever it
with any might she had
like I was her only weakness
skin and exposed bone
we were


she was everything I wanted to be

everything
& me

to all lost within the
night
to all left behind in
the firefight


she became a caged bird
sullied and shamed
brave enough to sing
through bars in
whispers


the moon pulsates in
the clear dark
& gives her warmth and
wanderlust


she dreams about dancing
in sunlit prairie
meadows


she'll never tell you where
the wind goes
when it steals your hat
& never bothers
to tell you
goodbye


we must all roam the earth
a few times
before we ever come
back home

come and dive into my
aching bedspread
& I promise I'll give you
room for a proper
rest

your chest is pulsing
symphonies
in coordination with my
left breast

& your tongue is ever
as clever as
the weather of which
I possess

I hope that one day
you'll believe my
breathless
finesse



& I'll kiss the pain
and pleasure from
the aching in
your chest

sunlight lips
haven't brushed her skin
as harsh today
& the valley behind corporate
America
doesn't smell as vile

she longs to pick wildflowers
& gentle silence from this
green shelf
& take them home to her
sweet boys

if only the rush of autumn
were enough to quell
trouble

the insects still greet
her skin
with urgency
& she still greets
her days far too late and
lazy for comfort
we call her
The Midsummer's Lass
the one who'd be grand if
she'd get off her--

well, you get the picture
where the paint is still dripping
& she only has the energy
to dab a few spots

in a comparative sense
all is grand
when pinned beside last year's
endeavors:
an unhappy heart
a verbally broken home
& an unrequited pining that
seemed painfully
permanent

it was around then that
The Wild Blue Yonder-Eyed Boy
emerged from the garish
sun-stricken sky
to stake his claim in
Mother Earth's
weary embrace for
eternity

his breath continues
to thwart away drought
& death
his skin is her
lullaby
their hearts will always carry
a heaviness of sorts,
for such are their dreamy spirits,
forever in search of a better
land instead of the
mundane
& nerve-aching

but their love
oh, love

is
a season all of its own

wake up
get real
stop living in this cloud where you think
you don't have to clean
because you do
every day
yes, every single day

you are not your mother
you don't have to live in a hoard house
'cause life hasn't gone your way
yet

it will

but you have to demonstrate patience
& strength
as well as stability

& a girl who can't take care of
herself
isn't very **** or
impressionable

so get with it
clean your house
smile
get some sun
before the weather gets
cold


& remember how to be
alive

if you witnessed the Earth
dry up beneath
your feet
with every step
& all that you breathed

would you will your body
to become
a permanent post

or risk the heavy drought
of all that was
your worldly host

praying that the vague
& volatile sea
would grant you at least
a bit of reprieve?



you never seem to leave

& honey
it worries me
the way your tone beckons
for my company




then falls into ashes
whenever
I come clean

in rare moments of
instance
I find myself longing
for paintbrush strokes
& ink lines
pressed far down the length
of my spine
your willing human
canvas
at the cost of a loosely
carried dress
I hope you didn't mind
inviting all of my
mess
if at all you could
forgive my
shadow hurricane
I'll grace you with the
weather
& you'll be the king
of all the
rain.

some distant barely dangling star
can pull you right from where you are
& there is where I stand amazed
that not so much can shake your gaze

so the over-captivated me
has climbed the very nearest tree
an arm outstretched to try and claim
the sky that made your spirit tame

& I fail at attempts to save
your insanity that I dearly crave
nothing more could draw me to
the darker side hidden from you

& save I could if clouds would stay
to starve you from the light of day
I'd tie an anchor to the rain
& swim we would with great disdain

I will you to become that night
where stars are not what make our plight
& tragedy is not so far
as keeping you from where you are

Someday our hearts should
Crash like stars
On a fragile blue sea
You tend to
Condescend my
Questions
Turning me into the
Captain of the
Side streets
As I control the
Steering wheel with
Timid words
& beautiful exasperation
Your eyes looked
Reasonable
Enough to call them mine
For a few hours
Until the touch of air
Meant little to the
Passing minute
Call me your queen
& I'll tell you no
But my fingertips will
Dance
Because you asked me
First
I lock my answers in
A box that harbors a
Ballerina
& a lullaby
& I've forgotten where
I've hidden it
Over the years
When the answers
Are so much
More important
& we sit here at the
Crossroads
For hours because
You craved indecision
& I craved

Insistence.

swept underneath tide
horror ride
lungs salted
screaming
& tried

they'll never know what
broke her
for each story has a
side


but there'll be those few
feeling fellows
who could read her
through a
sigh


breath flow like
pen to paper
so carefully applied


my dear, how much
did you bleed
out

to let them know
you died?

she emerged from the
small home
into the thick
late afternoon air
she could feel a storm
in the close
brewing just along
the tips of her
fingers
obscuring the horizon
looking up for a
while
she daydreamed of
happier things

like the way lightning
looks
in darkened shades
an arm around her
shoulder
& a glass of pink
champagne

a beating heart
within her head

but it all ends up with
rain instead

tell her tall tales
& she won't worry of
your height

unless you are the monster
she's been dreaming of
at night

it just isn't Spring
until you see a
field engulfed in
flames
smoke shrouding the highway
fire lining the hills

once I was driving home
& I could swear I was headed
straight into Hell
with the red night sky
& an inferno on either side
of me and my car
sweet, sweet Lydia
but I'll be ****** if it
wasn't absolutely
beautiful

to me, Hell would be more
like a ghost town in
winter
nothing but fog
& cold

quiet
& rain

Heaven would be a
sunny day
at Woodstock in
1969

& I dare you to convince me
otherwise

4:17 AM
I prayed we would meet
again

in the hollow of lost
lonely souls
& the fortune tellers
that sell them happy tales
of
growing old

we deal down to
the bone at
night
but you best
believe
I never tried to peddle
my sense of
sight

'cause honey, you were
always there
when I needed you
the most


& I never dared to tell
a dying man
the truth
just to ever get
that close

cheap whiskey slides
& collides
milky veins
forfeit of precedence
never thought I was any
better anyhow

I'm just here for the
ride
& for the taking
he can bet on his bones
that I'd love to leave
him shaking

his tongue to my
cheek
they'd say bravery was
for the meek
I'd give it a week
before those fingers start
aching


one more taste


oh, chérie...

I will not let you go to
waste

"Careful,"
he said.
"If you burn all those
Bridges
You won't be able
To go home."
& he tried to take the
Matchbox
From her hands
& she was stubborn
Enough to convince herself
That it was a permanent
Fixture to her
Sweating palms
& heavy indiscretion.
"I was never much for superstition,"
She tried to tell him
As they stood on the final
Steel structure
"It won't matter what you
Burn."
He tried to reassure
But the tone
Was more of longing
Than comfort
& everything was already
Soaked in gasoline
& she couldn't
Bear
To listen to that song
Of reason.

allow me to spill into your
fire-fed circle
like dust amidst our heap

let me live within
your deep

may your soul breathe full
against my brine
a fortress carelessly built
along the edges
of my spine
& may every touch I taste
coalesce
with blood and wine

may your eyes be my
beckoning
until all kingdoms come

& may all your
whispers
beneath my skin seep
through
& come undone


ik houd van u



you are my
truth

she sits in a booth
far back in some corner

panther in the grass

it wouldn't matter
he could smell her perfume
from 40 miles away

& you don't forget her scent and
the way her hair looked like
black sails in the
western wind
soaked within the pale moonlight
of your last days
as a
human being

so how do you really decipher
who hunts who?
a riddle is a riddle is a
never-ending
tirade of unanswered questions
that they never dare
to ask

always watching, always wanting
the ****
& the thrill of it
all

so why does she walk blindly
into the den of wolves
full of loud music and heavy tension
& far, far too much whiskey
knowing full well
this night may be one of her
last?

she didn't seem to mind
when I asked

she smiled from her hospital bed





"oh, honey, he was well worth
the fight."

she thinks its a bad idea
to ever be online
after a few pulls on her
whiskey friend
but we'll give her some
slack
just this one time
because we're dying to hear
her speak

give me everything you are
& leave nothing behind
except your love for
another
don't forget your
guitar
I'll remember your
good graces
every ******* day of the
week
if you just play me a
song
that speaks of nothing more
than sorrow
'cause that's all I ever call
home
in this hungry heart

a few more drinks
& I might be bold enough
to tell you
you're an *******
but I'll always love you
no matter
what
the sick season is

sleep will not yet come
& the air is thick
with memories of all my
wrongdoings

an argument left without
pursuit

confrontation is key
but I lose those
**** tiny metal things
all the time
& I'm not really sure what
my point is
'cause in truth I'm quite terrified
to ever speak
at all

the world passes
we all age
our children are babes
& I still cannot say
a thing
to save my life

the autumn wind rises
in its full, achy
swing

I wipe my nose on
my jacket



& sometimes remember
to sing

revenge
is a dish that is best served
cold
& I've got mine on the
r o c k s
eagerly awaiting his lingering
taste
of my bittersweet
*victory

once upon a time
I used to stay awake all night
reading
watching television
occupying myself with some
seemingly important task
only to find myself observing
the subtle changes
in the room

the walls would lighten from
black to dark blue
sparkling
only because Mom threw glitter paint
on it once they moved in
I would crawl out onto the balcony
& feel the cool morning breeze
summertime in Kansas can get wicked hot
but the mornings feel heavenly



it is so quiet


I feel like I'm the only one in the world
who's awake
but then a cattle truck will
drive by
& you can hear all the people
start to shuffle in their
beds
wakened by the slightest
inclement of impending chaos
that drives their will
to live
in this tiny, economically
forsaken town




I don't stay up all night anymore
it brings out the evil
in me

some days I want to
go home
some days I can't define
such a place
some days I wish to
call my mother
tell her how I was mistreated
this time
have her beg me to
come home

but her home is not mine
not anymore
not a safe haven for
me and my boy
too much trash and cigarettes and drinking
& I'm through depending
on others

yet the day in
day out
worthless
stupid
jobless
childish
*****
from the mouth of
the man that
I kiss
is stripping me
of sanity
& I have to lock the
liquor cabinet
to keep from going under




breathe


breathe again




it will all be
better
soon

The stars never seem
To move in the
Proper direction
As we travel the
Universe
Searching for clues as to
Who could have
Possibly
Created this horrible mess.

"Maybe they're trying to
Trick us,"
I told you as
Reluctantly as I could.
"Maybe they're
Guilty."

By God, somedays I
Could swear you would
Defend those lights
To the death.

By God, somedays I
Wake up and remember
Not to speak.

She says "Its been one of
Those nights
Where I can think of a million
Sassy remarks
& never speak a word of them."

There was too much
Kindness
In their borrowed blood

He can do nothing
But smile at the peculiar
Image
Of her restrained wit

She pours another
Shot
& he tries to search
Himself
For the perfect naughty
Joke.

the weather starts to turn
her eyes start to open
a bit
from the retreating sun
the prairie starts to cool down
& she looks around
to catch his gaze in the
strangest way

like he'd been looking for her

heart pulsing like
a nightmare dream
she pretended to be invisible
& ran back into the
trees
he followed to the other
clearing
hoping she'd be
nearing


but oh



she kept on
running




she'll never see the
beauty of
burning eyes into the
back of her hair


& he'll never have to wonder
if he ever played
fair