& perhaps
the tragedy of it all
was that reality
never seemed to be a
bother
compared to her sense of
pareidolia

if at any moment she caught
a scent of any
deeper meaning
she took to the tips of her
toes
& stalked it





until the
silence
became too great

to bear as
tried and true
fate


then down came her shoulders

down came the flood gates

fueling the catacombs
of her
nerve-endings
with any drug that was
welcoming

sleepy days
& lucid nights

misplaced whispers
& constant fright



"something must have remained"

she'll tell herself
on the seldom, solemn
cigarette days





"some piece must have stayed"

sleep will not yet come
& the air is thick
with memories of all my
wrongdoings

an argument left without
pursuit

confrontation is key
but I lose those
**** tiny metal things
all the time
& I'm not really sure what
my point is
'cause in truth I'm quite terrified
to ever speak
at all

the world passes
we all age
our children are babes
& I still cannot say
a thing
to save my life

the autumn wind rises
in its full, achy
swing

I wipe my nose on
my jacket



& sometimes remember
to sing

the whole self-help scenario has never worked
well for me

I spent my days in
& out
of conscientiousness

forever fueled by what my heart
hungers for

& nothing on the table
is worth a
bite

my glass is not filled
with enough
drink
to ripen my anxious
tongue

my bed is a battlefield
of lost sleep
raised voices
& blurry dreams


I could dig myself to the
other side of the
Earth


& never feel any more
unclean

narcissistic, cruel


but you always keep your cool


with me as your fool

she left the pen on the shelf
for the last few days
afraid of her own mistempered tongue
& the way she felt so alone
in a crowded
bar

to dive in
with nostalgic hope
is to die
in heavy-laden glances
from the stage
& realize that this is all
you will ever have
left

& it is hell
yes
as it may always be

but you must let those eyes
gaze upon you

until you realize
you must walk away
with heightened
shoulders

'cause honey you were never
good enough
to stand up there
in the laughter
& the groovy depth


never good enough
to sing along


that
& you really ****
at the two-step

she emerged from the
small home
into the thick
late afternoon air
she could feel a storm
in the close
brewing just along
the tips of her
fingers
obscuring the horizon
looking up for a
while
she daydreamed of
happier things

like the way lightning
looks
in darkened shades
an arm around her
shoulder
& a glass of pink
champagne

a beating heart
within her head

but it all ends up with
rain instead

tell her tall tales
& she won't worry of
your height

unless you are the monster
she's been dreaming of
at night

if you witnessed the Earth
dry up beneath
your feet
with every step
& all that you breathed

would you will your body
to become
a permanent post

or risk the heavy drought
of all that was
your worldly host

praying that the vague
& volatile sea
would grant you at least
a bit of reprieve?



you never seem to leave

& honey
it worries me
the way your tone beckons
for my company




then falls into ashes
whenever
I come clean