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 Jan 2014 JJ Hutton
TW Smith
I killed myself today.
It was too much.
The debt,
The expectations,
The hippies,
The stonefaced
Unsympathetic Vietnam vets asking me if I was a *****.
To tell you the truth, Gus,
You've got to be pretty **** ******* to slit that throat,
To pull that trigger,
To hang that corpse from a rafter high.
But I did it classy.
Yeah.
I died like a Roman who had plotted against great Caesar.
I went home,
Slipped into the tub wearing a suit I pieced together from Uptown Thrift.
As the scorching water flowed,
I sipped wine and read the bible.
King James Version only, mind you.
As the water approached my neck I shut it off.
I laughed at the hypocrisy:
A suicide scene with a bible strewn about.
I muttered,
Then took the knife and opened up my veins.
I bled out.
My thoughts drifted to depressing things:
My 2 year old brother working a night shift at Walmart holding back his tears while being yelled at by a balding middle aged man who never did anything with his life,
A dog corpse ***** and mutilated by some *******,
A banker smoking a cigarette and laughing in an infant's face,
And the world turning on.
As it always does.
As it always will.
 Dec 2013 JJ Hutton
brooke
how easily i remember
why I loved you after
all this time, it's strange
to see you talk and watch
your eyes move and hands
tremble gently pouring
coffee grounds, you'd
never say you're
nervous but
right as I
thought that
you strummed the
guitar and said so.
(c) Brooke Otto 2013
You keep your heart away from me, you will not share.
I tell you secrets about me, but you just don't care.
I suspect the worst - that we are going to end in tears
and crash and burn. Yet I ignore my fears.

I watched you like a hawk and learnt your trick.
You lead me on but commiting just makes you sick.
I held you close for long enough, but I can't keep up the fight.
I've moved on.
There's a girl here in town who likes to share,
and she says she's free
tonight.
 Dec 2013 JJ Hutton
Nicole
I feel the need cry
But I can't tell why
Besides the fact of wanting to die
(Except that that makes me feel alright.)
I swear up and down I'm fine
No one sees I'm on the line
Dwindling on something hard to define
Darker than the night.
I'm so sorry
You deserve so much better than me
I'm no longer all that I can be
And nothing near what you need.
Hey maybe I love you
But what is love to do
When there's no feeling to prove it's true
And I'm gone past crazy.
So maybe I'm going to hell
Who am I to tell?
Can there be much worse than this spell?
Depression never leaves anymore.
****, I can't do this
Death is my underlying wish
And I'm nothing to miss
So why drag it out even more?
"No," I apologize,
"That's not wise"
Oh, don't you just love those lies?
Kiss my lips to seal the deal.
Oh no, no worries here
Don't fear
My dear,
I'll see you again.
(But you may luck out
And not have to return the favor then...)
To W. R. B.

And so, to you, who always were
Perseus, D'Artagnan, Lancelot
To me, I give these weedy rhymes
In memory of earlier times.
Now all those careless days are not.
Of all my heroes, you endure.

Words are such silly things! too rough,
Too smooth, they boil up or congeal,
And neither of us likes emotion --
But I can't measure my devotion!
And you know how I really feel --
And we're together. There, enough . . .
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