And if you're asking if I slept well the answer is no.
my eyes and heart are aching with cement stuck in between my toes
and your words in my fingers.
Tears come back to burn like the summer sun
tripping on my own eyelids
drowning in winter
drowning in you.  

Your voice croaks from all the plastic you've swallowed.
Shadow after shadow I'm on my knees begging that you won't have another drink;
you see, I'm afraid that the burning of all the camera flashes and ***** have replaced the warmth of long term friendships and sarcastic complains.

your name is the only word i can not say

(forbidden in my veins)

and your hands are roots so

when you place them on my shoulder blades

i moan the 7 wonders over and over



I'm going to hurt you

but right now I'm only going to want you

and let you believe in a higher power

as your lips whisper foreign languages

into my mouth -

i want to see the devil in your eyes



Your skin is a desert with no life

so let me give it some water

if only for a second

let me pull your hair

until the only word you can't say

is my name



i want to *******

but i also want to hold your hand

i want to break your heart

and i want mine to be broken by you

When you told me you loved me
I could barely breathe
Never would I ever suspect
To be so happy
Everything feels
Right when I'm with you

I know I am in love with you
I have known for a while now
I just didn't know how to say it
Until you said it first

as the music takes control of two lonely people
we danced through these months
with bruised feet and
****** toes.

as the year comes to an end we pick old broken glass
from our fingers to leave them in the sun.
lets not forget sober sunsets
and intoxicated rises.

as a new one comes so does the end.
so let's say our goodbyes now
and maybe leave a piece in -
for two thousand
and thirteen.

I miss hearing you excitedly explain your dreams about Bill Murray saving your life
I miss hearing you explain why you never take Advil
I miss hearing your voice slur "what" and "hmm" together in a way only you could,

asking a question and simultaneously thinking about it too.

I miss telling you about why my mom takes the scissors out of my room.
I miss telling you "sorry i called last night" when i got drunk and you
weren't around,

(even though that never really stopped)

I miss my heart forgetting how to work every time we were together,
like morse code through my body pounding the scaredest possible "wow"

I miss you telling me "You're the worst" with a cocky smile.
I miss lying under the stars with you,
just looking while our friends made out beside us,
my neck uncomfortably on your arm because i was too shy to lie on your chest.

I miss sitting on your lap and worrying I would crush you,
and you reassuring me out of pride that I wouldn't,
that I couldn't.

I miss that day when we were drunk in you're best friends bed,
I was too scarred to kiss you so I just giggled,
and too drunk to remember how it eventually happened

I miss you making me feel small and beautiful and wanted.
I miss you making me feel big in a different way than my height ever could.