My poor friend Mike, he’s drunk again. Two beers
and he’s already texting me. “they playd
that songg u luv nd it reminded me
of u”. A few more cups and we’re at, “heyyyyy
u like my abs?” and then an “lol
cuz i really like u.” Then soon, “im home,
but u shuld b here 2.”  And then he spills
some more: “i thnk ur cute :)” shows on my phone
We’re friends, I think. He’s drunk. It’s just a fluke.
It gets too late. He begs, “will u plz tuck
me in?” And when his eyes begin to droop,
the last: “forgiv me plzzz but we shud ****.”

Embarrassment exudes when we next pass.
He looks at me, his face bright red. I laugh.

I guess I'm not quite sure
how addiction grabbed me
I picked it up slow
but it grew so vastly

It started with *****
which turned to puffs
and then powders and pills
both downs and ups

I'd have one in my hand
and two more in my pocket
effects don't matter
I just want to skyrocket

Saying, "Please, take me away
to the places of unknown
Lord, help me escape
these sober feelings I've outgrown"

Cause there's no happy soul
it's been broken to pieces
but the puzzle repairs
each time the **** hits

Now I'm hiding away
from both friends and family
I'll deny it every time
so please stop asking

A boy, once joyous
now fell from grace
peace of mind only comes
from numbing his face

No pride, sheer shame
pure feelings of failure
the thoughts run wild
'Oh, will it all end here?'

Partners in crime
are now long deceased
it's a harsh realization
of succumbing to the beast

See, we're pleading for help and
praying for power
got to rise and prevail
stop trying to cower

Cause there's a want and need
plus strong will to succeed
to turn life around
since devoured by disease

Now I stand here humbled
with apologetic eyes
for my selfish acts
under life self prescribed.

It's been a year since you left,
Six months since you last visited,
(But I didn't see you then).
When you left,
I thought I'd never see you again.
But when you came to visit
I thought that that would be my last chance
But you barely even left the house.

When I heard you were finally coming back
I figured that you'd be lazy
And not want to leave you house.
But your brother dragged you out
And I finally saw you.

As I turned down the road
And saw you for the first time
All I could think was
"Oh God!  Not again!"
An infinite amount of emotions
Slammed into my heart
All at once

It was all I could do
Not to throw myself into your arms
And cry tears of joy.
We fell into our comfortable insults and jokes
Just as soon as we saw each other.
It felt like you had never left;
Like it was any other weekend.

The next few days we just hung out
Talking, joking, insulting one another.
It seemed like we were thrown into the past
When nothing had pulled us apart
Before either of us made the mistake
Of telling the truth.
Watching movies
And giving commentaries
While eating pizza and soda
As we lay of the bed.

I wish we could rewind time
Just so we can relive those amazing moments.
But looking back on the past few days
And all those years we were together
I realized
I really do love you.
Never before
(Or after)
Have I ever been so close to someone
(ANYONE!)
Never have I told somebody so many secrets
Never has someone known me so well
Never has someone been able to say
"Oh she would say this"
Or "Don't say that, it'll make her mad"
Never have I been able to be myself and not feel uncomfortable
Never except when I'm with you.

I wish we still lived in the same country.
I wish there weren't oceans separating us.
I wish that I had the courage to give you these poems.
I wish you were here to help me through this move.
I wish I was in Sweden with you
(Or you were here in America with me)
I wish
I wish
I wish.
Only wishes are left.

I wish I could tell you I love you
I wish you knew how much!
I wish you knew I never loved someone as much as I love you.
I wish I had the courage
The courage to send you all the poems
I've ever written about you
Because there are so many
With so many words
That you'll never hear.

I wish
I wish
I wish

We forgot to make love last night,
yet again like many other nights
we remained distant islands separated by
Bermuda's of bed sheet and air.
The body wasn't very happy
Those thousands of red cells inside you
divided and redivided in anger
Ached and oozed and broke free
from your restless

When I woke up this morning,
I found you lying in a pool of blood.
You decided to go to work
After all it was a Friday and
the long weekend was a week away.

You take too many iron supplements
I fear, one day your body will be so full of folic acid
that it will cry.

We have the Smokies lined up for October
and the Cayman Islands in Christmas
Thinking of planned vacations makes me go to work
every day
Even though I ****
so bad
that I'd rather open a book store
and read all day
and sell a book or two.

My life is still all about you
After all these years
I still couldn't kiss that woman who
asked me on a coffee date at 10 pm by the lake.
or the one who found me cute on our album by the dressing table
You would say "Go ahead , we are not married yet".
I would laugh when I am alone,
thinking of the all the things you say
these days.

You say all the good things in life needs planning
marriage, kids,
buying house on mortgage
convertible sport coupes
vacations in South Pacific.
I find it ironic that I met you on a book store
when I cancelled a TGIF party and had this sudden urge
to buy Alice Munro's short stories.

We were sweet, back then.
Now you lie,
about being anemic on your weekly routine checkup
hide,
your biopsy report soon afterwards;
lie again,
on the reason of your sudden cancellation of the planned vacations for the year end
saying it's work.

Then you disappear, terrify me
Only to come back strands of hair gone from your head
still say nothing,
yet finally disappear saying nothing before I could buy us
the last vacation together.
I regret how much we could have done
together
if we made love more often
my body healing yours
resting, soothing,
purging all the enemies.

On the day when we supposed to be married
I visit the Caymans
laughing alone in a crowded beach
thinking about all the things you used to say these days
having Alice Munro's short stories for company.

Kira is gone again,
Loose from his cage.
I don't understand how he manages it
But he squeezes himself between
Thin little bars
And enters the freedom of my bedroom
Time and time again.
I only catch him
With sweets and good luck.
He's a tiny little mouse,
Black and white speckled like a cow,
Such a sweet wee thing,
But much too adventurous for his own good.
I'm lucky he has a sweet tooth.