in and out of sleep
eye to eyes
Wondering what you're thinking
in case it's not what I'm thinking.
I don't remember much
because my memory is with you.
Trying to piece the days together has become an one thousand piece jigsaw,
when it use to be an 'ages 0-5' 12 piece.
My mind is blank and bland
as my days are short, but long.
Everyday I drift
and fall asleep
then wake feeling more blank.
My work all goes to a drink
which kills my anxiety
which held me back from being a bit of an *******.
But it's fun
and it helps me forget
so I can remember.
In a crowd of question mark faces and weak acquaintances
I tell my self I need someone, to be here, to make this enjoyable.
Though I prefer to be alone,
in a dark room where the only sound is the banging from the inside of my mind,
reminding me of everything I've done wrong
and that is wrong.
So I go
and sit on that floor of clusterfuck.
And when I am there,
I wish I wasn't alone.
My eyes are starting to adjust.
Slowly opening, as the light of unfamiliarity evolves into a familiar dark.
And my ears,
they jump to the sound of new conversation.
Quiche talking elders with lost words, soon to find a new home.
You could say we're getting on with our lives,
as we're getting older and our hair is getting shorter.
Moving on as I stay behind.
You use to tell me to come home.
We are now in the same town
and I miss you more than when we weren't.
I didn't think I could feel like this again
Like my being is filled with wet cement
and when it sets, I will be stuck to the ground
where you will walk over me
and i will whisper your name
and if you hear it
maybe you will remember that i was once part of your life
but nothing will change
because i am stuck here
for the rest of my life.
I don't think I can do this thing
That thing everyone longs for, dedicates their lives for, dies for.
I don't feel comfortable enough
Following paths ending where they start.
I don't like to chase, I can't keep up.
When everyone judges you
yet dreams stay the same.
I feel the same.
Making me walk in all directions.
Often going the wrong way, always getting lost
Won't you lead me?
One more path.
Will you take my hand?
I don't really want to come back
You are why I think
About everything wrong
Unable to stop
Even if I try.
You are why I love.
You are why everything is wrong
In every possible outcome
And why it always will be.
You are why I'm lonely.
You are why I sit in the dark
And talk to myself
Or is somebody there?
I guess I'm talking to you now.
What was your name?
"Hi, you can call me Bee"
You were the reason I could clear my head
You were the reason I got out of bed
You were the reason I went for pointless walks in the middle of no where
You were the reason I made it home
I would stop you from fighting
You stopped me from hanging with Bee
You let me forget my thoughts
You were my best friend for 2 months.
You're not here, and the bad influence is back.