Lie
in and out of sleep
eye to eyes
no sound.
Wondering what you're thinking
never asking
in case it's not what I'm thinking.

I don't remember much
because my memory is with you.
Trying to piece the days together has become an one thousand piece jigsaw,
when it use to be an 'ages 0-5' 12 piece.

My mind is blank and bland
as my days are short, but long.
Everyday I drift
and fall asleep
then wake feeling more blank.

My work all goes to a drink
which kills my anxiety
which held me back from being a bit of an *******.
But it's fun
and it helps me forget
so I can remember.

In a crowd of question mark faces and weak acquaintances
I tell my self I need someone, to be here, to make this enjoyable.
Though I prefer to be alone,
in a dark room where the only sound is the banging from the inside of my mind,
reminding me of everything I've done wrong
and that is wrong.

So I go
and sit on that floor of clusterfuck.
And when I am there,
I wish I wasn't alone.

My eyes are starting to adjust.
Slowly opening, as the light of unfamiliarity evolves into a familiar dark.

And my ears,
they jump to the sound of new conversation.
Quiche talking elders with lost words, soon to find a new home.

You could say we're getting on with our lives,
as we're getting older and our hair is getting shorter.
Moving on as I stay behind.

You use to tell me to come home.
I did.
We are now in the same town
and I miss you more than when we weren't.
I didn't think I could feel like this again
Like my being is filled with wet cement
and when it sets, I will be stuck to the ground
where you will walk over me
and i will whisper your name
and if you hear it
maybe you will remember that i was once part of your life
but nothing will change
because i am stuck here
for the rest of my life.

I don't think I can do this thing
That thing everyone longs for, dedicates their lives for, dies for.
I don't feel comfortable enough
Following paths ending where they start.
I don't like to chase, I can't keep up.
I'm shy,
Scared,
Disorientated.
When everyone judges you
Especially you

Days pass,
yet dreams stay the same.
I feel the same.
Reoccurring thoughts,
Making me walk in all directions.
Often going the wrong way, always getting lost
Won't you lead me?

One more path.
Will you take my hand?
I don't really want to come back

You are why I think
Uncontrollably
About everything wrong
Apparently
Unable to stop
Even if I try.

You are why I love.

You are why everything is wrong
In every possible outcome
And why it always will be.

You are why I'm lonely.

You are why I sit in the dark
And talk to myself
Or is somebody there?
I guess I'm talking to you now.
What was your name?

"Hi, you can call me Bee"

You were the reason I could clear my head
You were the reason I got out of bed
You were the reason I went for pointless walks in the middle of no where
You were the reason I made it home
I would stop you from fighting
You stopped me from hanging with Bee
You let me forget my thoughts
You were my best friend for 2 months.

You're not here, and the bad influence is back.