Every letter in the word I'm talking about felt ashamed to be the reason why this word was alive filled with pain.


Each letter with a meaning to create this words name. When this word is spoken the letters break up like broken pain.


They memory could never be the same, tangled and twisted blind men always thinking why they eyes are always searching to why they blind but always listening.


Letters don't want to be picked the alphabet try's to speak. Life had left these letters oh how much power does this word need? It's filled with greed that's all it needs.


Pain and misery give life to it's every heart beat, the secret was silent only the letters knew about it. Each letter brought together to create one word filled with lost letters. 


Disgusting and sick thoughts washed up in a ***** sink, torched and tormented the pen stops writing when this word is mentioned. 


The poem book shouts with loads of anger so much pain this word will always remind ya, with out these letters it's meaning begins to crumble.


All these letters want to know why they were picked to create a word so disgustingly sick, a word that causes anger pain and grief. 


It's secret was alive as a snow flake searching for some heat, the Tongue would not speak it stutters this word makes it weak.


The memory it creates has only a place in a heart that's filled with no love but hate. It takes love away twists it and turns it into pain.


Trust will make you think when this word begins to speak! Silence leaves the room running from the screams. Don't lie this word shouts hopping that you never believe.


When these letters come together it's another stormy cloudy weather. Rain drops turning into tears.


Lightning mixed with fear, dark clouds screaming but no one seems to hear. The pain brings alive every emotion that we try to hide.

"******* 


JidosReality 20.3.15

I had to stop and think! Why were letters chasing me? Why my pen would not stop craving for words that felt amazing.

How every line in my poem book satisfied my pens craving. The imagination in the poem had all the letters rushing and blushing.

Every line came alive as my one either smiled or cried. The sounds the words made created memories that would never go away.

Mixed with love and pain in every emotion, filled with dreams and imagination many words had to be spoken.

My hand comes alive every-time every time it picks up the pen and writes. My thoughts can not speak! But every poem let's them breath.

Every letter searching and whispering for a word to start listening. This addiction has my craving wanting me to write poetry that's amazing.

And when I sit and I think! And write poetry that's so deep, my mind becomes free my heart beat cuddles me.

The anger inside me that wants to explode and become free, comes out when I write my pen sets it free. 

Letters and words give life to my  poetry. What a different type of life reality has shown me.


JidosReality 26.3.14

The bottle is open, the rizzla rolled, the glass is half empty now the story’s told. The days are long and the nights are short, look at that drunk he can’t even walk, let alone talk.


  
He seems to drink all his memories away, hopping that the alcohol will take he’s tears away.


His stomachs rumbling and his mouth is hungry, He’s got three pounds in he’s pocket, that’s okay he’ll be round the alcohol store in a hurry.



His therapy sessions are long and boring He’s asked: Do you like feeling like this every morning!


What started out as a hobby has become a thirst? He knows deep down inside he will never be missed. Not even by the newsagent or the drunks that sleep in the dirt.


Or by the cold lonely mornings or the alcohol he sips or the smile and thing’s That he wished he would never missed.



Addiction needs help, not a story that twist’s. It needs love and understanding, so would you be the first?


Jidos reality 12.10.11

What goes throughout an addicts brain? Besides static pain broken words addicted to pain.

A broken train derailed as death waits to slowly inflict more pain. My pen tries to breath like an addicts addiction craving for another drink.

Scratching around looking for another hit, the addict may be rich or poor living good or on the street. With every hit and every drink the addict will never be like you and me.

Addicted to something Buzzing addict what a munchie, ill have a smoke this high grade is some nice ****.

Come on baby girl come smoke with me , sit down and listen my poetry is amazing just let all the words go free.

An addict is cleaver what a lier so clever. It all comes down to a drink. Another hit let's the addict breath.

It don't matter if they score in a house or on the street. They thoughts always echo making sounds that are empty. 

Pockets always empty they bellies are always starving, the words from they mouth are full of ******* and nothing.

The addict won't stop! The addict is broken and torn apart there's no honesty or trust. See now the story's told everyone has given up.

Making choices broken promises and the lies will have to stop. The addicts at the bottom were there's nothing to hold on.

Everyday they get judged, stop the drugs even tho it's hard Stop.

Stop the drinking and start thinking? You alcoholic your life is with living. Don't destroy this life you were given.

You think you understand an alcoholics addiction? Understand this? Put your self in an addicts position.


JidosReality 17.6.14

I remember wen I walked onto albert road, I was this mix race stubby funny looking toad.I wonder'd around lost with no were to go.

I walked and I looked and came across this Fox, he said his name was Sam but they called him Fat Fox, he whispered in my ear! Than kissed me on the chick! told me that Albert road and poetry needed me.

And than something magical seemed to have happened, I went from a toad to a poet addicted to writing. I stopped and I listened and was shocked at wat I could see, 

A dog with one eye! A One eyed Dog trying to get free, now the sounds it was making it was never barking or growling, it sounded so strange stuck on a corner watching! 

A strange sight to my eyes I decided to keep on walking, I found my self fishing on Albert road whilst thinking, I cought some bass some cod with a bag of pickle onions I was using.

This goose than approached me asked if I had some bread to give it? I said yes I do! come along with me let's move qweekly.

I took it to this place that I had seeing this guy earlier! His name was Alberrito a mexican lost in a bottle of Tequila. He gave it some bread the Goose passed out qweekly! 

He laughed out so loud said the feast will began shortly, so i called my friend Sam! You know that guy they call the Fat Fox, we all sat at the table and fed our bellys with this roasted Goose that ended up Lost. 

The scraps we were dropping, Little Jonny was eating, see he was a Jack-Russell so hungry and needy. 

And at the end of the feast! The Mexican, And the Fox And the Toad that became a Poet made our way to Huss "House"

We sat there drinking pills-Ners staring out of the window, The Good Politician across the road could only wish that he knew us.  

JidosReality 15.5.16

All These Problems in my life are putting me in a position that’s not right. Turning My Life into a misery and I ain't got the Anger in me to fight.



It’s making me wonder is there more to this life, I never asked it to come along and take away my smile.



Now it’s got me thinking what can I do to make this right, how can I Forgive and forget?

This Pain I feel inside.



My tears cry they own tears of tears without any smiles, with questions Wondering Whispering Shouting out why?



After I talk to you and lie to you, look into my eyes, everyday is a Struggle all these problems have come alive.



I want to rip out every Heat Beat I feel inside, destroy every answer that has a question why?



I'm sad but not a coward that would take his life, there’s no more love hear that feelings been gone a while.



I'm trying to be calm like snow falling on ice, my world is so cold it’s broken up like ice, every piece has a meaning it’s melting away my smile.

All These Problems that I have are destroying my life.



Jidos Reality 13.7.12

I don't know my head seems to be all over the place at the moment I try not to write but my pen keeps calling. The inks deep in thought as the words start pouring out.


Take a canvas hears the brush paint my life for me make the picture look happy as everyone I see, tell a story with this picture that's so perfect to see, hears a pen and a book write my life for me.


Try to imagine my perfect life in this broken book that you write for me. I try to be quiet and keep my self to me, but the more I be quiet I draw more attention to me.


My thoughts remind me I'm a miss fit I don't fit, I'm lost in this puzzle that's all around me. My mind is a puzzle everyday is a struggle find me the missing piece please to solve this puzzle.


The anger building up inside me it's confusing how I think, my thoughts are shattered broken up and weak, my Hatred keeps searching for answers to questions that break me.


I'm poison what can I say stay away from this poison, I'm better off Alone no cuddles for me in the morning. I'm the snow flake that melted cause they forgot to tell me it was not snowing.


All alone in this heat where's all the snow that created me my destines been chosen a melting road awaits me.


JidosReality 10.6.15

And then it happened A Secret and Words that could never be spoken, lost in the reflection of a shadow were hatred and love become happiness.

A situation you could never answer leaving you In a position, of thoughts and emotions.

Anger and happiness confuse the soul as it searches for answers to to questions it’s been told.

A deep hole rotting and first fighting some times two faced hiding away and crying, always waiting.

A lost puzzle were pieces would never fit into a world, with out sadness you will never be missed.

The pure joy of happiness how could this be? that a secret could live and eat away at me.

And it makes me wonder does the Apple really fall close to its tree, the truth can not be spoken there will be no hearts broken.

Secrets come alive like A Mid Night Emotion how could you find your self when the secret learns how to live.

Jidos Reality 3.4.13

I can’t wait till I can hold you in my arms all night and watch your smile and feel your heart beating against mine.



I will always be your mum and your best mate, you will always be the reason I smile every day.



When you need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on, when you need a cuddle when you find things are hard.



You the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life and I thank you for this, I will make sure you will always get your every wish.



From today and tomorrow and for the rest of our life’s, Me and S.J will always be by your side, we would like to thank you for all the love you have brought into our life’s.



See this smile is a memory we both treasure all the time, our happiness is a dream come true because of you.



So till we see you smile and beautiful sparkle in your eye’s I’ll keep you warm and safe, in that special place were life is made.



Wrote this poem for “Hayley & S.J”



Jidos Reality 17.7.12

My dreams are in a reality of a hash tag that does not exist.

Oh you who do not believe! Put your self in the shoes of a soul that screams. 

Would you dive into a bin? And cut off the only good parts left on the apple that's rotting? 

So at least the little 5 year old you meet in this jungle lost and weak! Can have something to chew on.. 

so many tears holding they hands out asking for help please! 

This jungle is Beautifully Brutal the only home that I know there's no snow but it's cold. 

There's no heating but my mouths dry craving for water a mirage is all my eyes can see. 

What day is it? Is it Monday of thursday? Are you sitting there in your warm house complaining that your favourite show was not recorded? 

Tell me? What happened to humanity? You pay money to go to the zoo to see animals caged up living nicely! 

I pray you turn on your telly and see me in this jungle been judged for the choices life had dealt me!

screaming so loudly yet you hear nothing the tv's on mute Surprisingly! 

Hear please come let me hold your hand! Come breath this air full of tear gas the police breath out shouting shut up your life no one cares. 

Beautifully Brutal this world I live in from a baby to an immigrant to a refugee.

Who's future hope is raising a family in a world I belong to and not this open prison you all see.

JidosReality 24.1.17

Because now I’m fantastic living in a glass dream, so say that I got another day Hours and Minutes all come in a very different way.




Suicidal thoughts rushing should I cut my writs today? Will it Hurt when I feel my veins exploding filled with pain?




The sharp knife on my cold skin makes me start to believe, my heart is as cold as the shadow the follows me. 




It has no meaning to the sounds that I scream, my paranoid sense bites away at my finger nails as it thinks.




My soul is confused as it lives this misery, death is round the corner smiling as it thinks.


Every tear that I cry take away a little bit of me. 

My eyes have no Light only dark memories that have stayed with me, I’m searching for the truth as this knife starts calling me. 




I’m lost in a Glass Dream with many mirrors staring at me.A Cold Whisper in the wind comes along to remind me. 

Because I’m fantastic this dream is not a world that was meant for me.




Jidos Reality 1.11.12

A new baby is like the beginning of all things wonder hope, a dream of possibilities we all grow to know. A new life so sweet oh wat a perfect soul.


Love not complicated smiling before we think it. A soul so peaceful it brings tears to my eyes knowing that one day this soul will be broken.


Tarnished into many pieces dark secrets lost in the decisions. From a cute little baby who's heart beats love whose eyes shine brighter than the scars.


Skin so soft a delicate Rose that cant be lost. To a cold heart beating anger and pain personalities switching places depending on the lie of the day.


We all wait for time looking at the clocks hoping the life to come will bring happiness to our hearts. How you going to hold the life you created in your palms? Keep it safe in a nice warm place?


You say it's the beginning of something new, still making the same mistakes blaming everyone else but you? It's a sad sad situation I was a lovely baby so cuddly so cute chubby cheeks little Afro looking good.


Wat happened to that baby? Where was everyone that always said we care for him? They left it all alone on a silent dusty road, now my life's been one big Bus stop no were to go.


JidosReality 24.7.15

Have you Being in the Silence? Just play with the silence for a moment. Instead of using it as expectancy, waiting for something to happen, flip it just slightly and just be in it.

Are you really here or are you just waiting for the next thing?

It’s interesting to see where we are in relation to time, whether we’re always just between what just happened and what happened next, or whether we can just be here now.

So, let’s just find our way here to be together. If you’re feeling agitated, just notice the agitation. If you’re warm, be warm. If you’re cold, be cold. If you’re overly full, be overly full.

Be it, whatever it is, but put it all in the context of a quiet space, because there’s a secret in that, and it’s worth playing with it.

See it's that lost story that says That there’s a place that we can be inside of ourselves, inside of the universe of our soul, in which and from which we can appreciate the madness in life.

Where we can still have delight and quality of presence, and the quietness of Peace.

JidosReality 18.2.17

Every letter that I write seems to be burning JidosReality my poetry started learning, that letters become words and words become meanings.


Memories are never lost they awake but day dreaming, sounds searching and screaming my poem book is drowning silently shouting.


The genius in the words as I write when I think, JidosReality was as twisted as an apple refusing to fall down from a tree. Like a shadow afraid of the dark scared to be lost.


A pen with out ink! Oh how hollow can I think? Words come out rushing the poem cuddles my pen as it starts blushing. 


My fingers are tingling buzzing to the words my thoughts are speaking. Sun shine filled with rain drops cold misty days trying to warm my heart up.


I crush and break every word I can't tame, there's a name for those words every word has a name! Poetry as I write it will never be the same.


JidosReality hears my pen pick my brain, hears the book I write in write down what you see. 


But the pen has no ink a "Blank Page is all I can see.


JidosReality 20.3.15

You so boring every time I hear you speak, the words and the emotions you show on this page are never deep.




They never seem to make this tear cry and make it speak, it don’t make any sense what you write it sounds like a lie. 




There’s no feeling of compassion to bring life to your poetry that you write, I wish you understood that poetry is another life. 




A world where you cannot speak but you gifted enough to show them you can write something for someone that’s unique. 




That every time they read it to say I’m sorry ain’t as hard as it seems, Your words have no meaning have no story to what I think. 




See when I read your poetry it makes me tired I want to sleep, but I respect you for what you write about what you think when your eyes blink. 




As your words try to scream listen when I’m talking just let it in, It has always been a beautiful piece of poetry to be boring is truly unique.




Jidos Reality 22.2.2012

No body understands addiction unless you stopped missing what you've been missing.

Hears a half empty broken bottle of cider show me how to fix it? Take a sip have a taste ask me why I crave it?

Show me how to hold onto this broken bottle and teach me how to pour it. Whisper in my ear tell me how to drink it. 

You say it's an addicts addiction! Others say it's a medical condition! 

I say it's a habit gone bad overtaking every thought my mind is thinking, why it's always missing memory's that are always searching.

You say the words it's so sad, I say this broken bottle of cider is all I need in my hand. It's not all iv ever hade. But it's road is  long and sad.

It seems to take me to a place were all my control has gone mad. This broken bottle is nearly empty do you have any money you can lend me?

One day when I'm ready I'll ask this craving to leave me. I'll take this broken bottle and hide it some were it cant see me.

Are you drunk? Or are you high? Do you stumble around until you fall down and cry? 

Do you ever wonder why this bottle is broken but always smiles! 

And When you find the broken missing pieces to this bottle.

Ask them why this bottle always made me cry. 

JidosReality 6.6.14

The words coming out from this poem were sad!

This memory I had hidden away had found away to get out. My pen embraced it knowing every word would break it. 

As i looked at my pen and it's ink winked at me, I whispered to it you not ready to write this memory. 

my pen lashed out angry at me! Dropped out from my hand reminding me it's the reason I'm able to breath. 

It's ink has been loyal to every memory I have let free, it makes me smile when I write reading words that are so deep. 

So my poetry stepped in put my pen in my hand, told us we need each other, with out either one well both go mad.  

So I allowed that memory to speak! The pens ink began to think from happiness and all laughter to the madness so much sadness.

My pen begged me to stop writing, understood why this memory was hidden away from reality. 

My question was not been answered! So i asked again? Can I eat the ashes of your burned figed leaf? 

But the time stopped ticking a broken pen is all I had in my hand not breathing.

JidosReality 9.10.16

I had to think about it? Everytime it had me in a place where evil breathed.

It's been a long long time, thought I could run far far away! But it got me calling.

And knew why I looked my pain was the price I had to pay to understand this life that I lived.

It's reality was twisted by many words that were lost in an empty star that was bright with darkness.

I cried tears that smiled this was my destiny, I fight and I try but my tears still cry. Why won't it leave me why?

It's the only thing that believes in me. It's words make no sounds but it's caring always sounds out loud.

Every time it's not around my thoughts hear it calling. In the morning it's the worst Shaking Alcohol Carving.

Begging for some Cider to come and take away this thirst that's craving. It don't really care that I'm hurting and braking.

All it really knows is that it has me craving, screaming and lying in control of my thoughts, whispering words always shouting literally dying.

Letters never smiling they always crying and bitting. Memories are created because somebody's smiling or crying. 

Rehab never had the answer but addiction would make you wonder? That drinking Cider has many questions and answers to make you wonder! 

JidosReality 9.6.14

Reality is the only dream I live in, I've stopped searching for the clues to the life of my destiny. 

I feel left all alone as cold as a stone that's covered by snow. Today felt like a silent picture searching for sone colour in it's world.

The ones that I trust are only happy when I hurt, I fought all my demons by my self when I was been kicked lying there in the dirt.

This picture was painted by an artist with a broken brush that had no thirst. It's colours were as dim as a fire fly been swallowed by the mist.

The road in this picture leads to a dark place were silence lives. Were screams feed the heart beat life that makes it hurt.

Were pain will not go! It gets deeper as your tears only make it grow. The trees have no leafs! Only branches filled with lost memories that twist.

The rain drops are cold, the wind seems to whisper shhhhhhh! Like it knows. It wonders and moves around this picture with no were to go.

The moon is dim it's light has run away from the night, taking away all the stars that shine bright, because they happiness never felt right.

Come with me into this picture that's so cold.

JidosReality 4.4.13

When the dead return wounds re-open, secrets come alive with many words to be spoken.

We all have secrets many things we hide. Little story's and big ones all ready to come alive.

Closet doors shut closed waiting to be opened up wide. The truth has a begging but got lost in the lies. 

Our eyes can not speak but tell a story hidden deep in our smiles.  Your face never lights up! Always confused by the lies.

Your words make no sense from the beginning to the end. Your secret is not lost it's just silently eating you up.

Your personality will change every thing you do will never be the same. Confusion has now come to get you! 

It was stalking you and you never knew. Nothing fits it always breaks, tiny little pieces scattered all over the place.

They all lost misplaced confusion has them feeling out of place. See now nothing seems to make any sense, 

What a mood? So much stress, this place is a mess. Why are you confussed? Doors closed locked in a cupboard in a little dark room.

Wounds hurting as memories start screaming, the trauma has never left you.

All the lies will now confuse you, there's no were to run confusion has come to get ya.

JidosReality 18.6.14

Confusion is not as complicated as it seems to be, control mixed with happy and crazy but lonely feelings of memories lost in a maze of your own world.

How can someone help me when they can’t and would probably never understand how every memory I have changers at how my life is?

It’s an unexplained but sad situation one has to deal with, stop all the stressing and everything will be okay!

  
Feelings shattered and broken pick yourself up they say? What of those memories I cant pick up because I’m blinded by the anger consuming my every emotion to this situation.

You expect them to understand in a way that makes you feel comfortable, but the truth is that is not how it works.

  
Help yourself they tell you, be positive and find your broken mind and look after it like how your mom looked after you when you were just a little baby.

  
It’s not fair on us as we will never be normal, but can only be honest. So with this I will try to love and become friends with my fractured mind and look after it for as long as I am alive ~ CONFUSION ~

  
Jidos Reality 21.1.11

Death was waiting for it's finger nails to grow long, so it could grab him in the back and drag him into another world were all it's secrets lived.

His double life was catching up.

All his lies had to stop, his demons would never leave him turning his smile into something evil.

To sacrifice he would never think twice. His black book was filled with secret rituals to  conjure many different demons that were blood thirsty.    

In the morning whilst we were sleeping, he was awake feeding demons plotting and scheming.

His food was always special it was blessed from Hell with a message from Satan.

With words he had to speak to take control of what we think, from a smokeless fire to what the snake desired.

He would make sure your soul was promised to those that come from the fire. To him *** was never pleasure! 

It was this way to show the demons that they had his blessing. He would take your soul and slowly live off it.

Sit back and watch your whole world crumbling. The more souls he takes the stronger he begins to hate.

There's not a twinkle when you look into his eyes, it's the evil that scares ya at night.

He was consumed by guilt at power, the angel of death is coming even if he tries to run away faster.

JidosReality 24.4.14

My thoughts are lost in this house of cards build from bricks, some doors in this house open up memories that scream. 

The room in this house I'm sitting in writing this poem needs to breath, to many memories in this room fighting for oxygen that's trying to leave.

There's no house warming feeling, or a hand baked loaf of bread in the oven dreaming. Just memories torn apart they happiness stopped speaking.

So deep wen I think! Its so sad how could it be? Anger and pain are the only voice to my memories.

Happiness and Love those memories are lost far far away in the rust of this broken falling house.

So many Memories laughing at me cause I'm weak, every room I walk into tells a story with no happy ending.

Im trapped and I'm lost, the keys in my hands only open doors to were loneliness is never lost in the dark.

All I'm left with is Cracked Memories all over this house of cards build from bricks. 


JidosReality 9.8.16

My body is craving, wishing for a drink, alcohol saved me than took me on a depressed road on a suicide trip.


You start reading this poem and than start to think! How could alcohol have saved him? When it broke him and turned him into a thirsty lunatic addict?


My words become poison with a bottle on the table and a drink in my hand fighting with my demons getting as drunk as I can.


I'm angry and fuming  not stopping and thinking, I'll lash out at you if you try to stop me from drinking. You have all these answers but your questions are misleading.


You think that you helping by telling me I'm being selfish? My body is craving uncontrollably shaking. All you see is addiction a problem that needs fixing.


If my craving never took me to a place that's confusing, I would of been lost in a drunken state, losing.


My phone would start ringing and suicide would be calling, knock knock at the door suicide won't stop stalking, I would of given up and ended six feet in the dark.


This alcohol addict had to realise what I would of lost, I had to be strong or ashes to ashes dust to dust.


JidosReality 19.3.15

Crazy I’ve been told; Close to sanity was never a choice or an option, the future held nothing.

See my glass is never half full or empty it’s a place in time where only this glass seems to make sense.

One wrong crazy move or thought, would cause such a reaction that the glass would shatter into multiple personalities Where one would get lost indeed.

This is not a family adventure when Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde become one Fighting to bring out each ones character.

Some turn to drugs, others turn to abuse with not a care in the world about who they hurt.

See it’s such a sad situation to be in a world that allows no sense to be made of it, and then takes you away from the reality of one’s self belief.

One day I’m normal, the next I’m playing Russian roulette with not one but everyone’s emotions.

Like a duck Calm on the top but disturbed and chaotic underneath Uncontrollable feelings of madness.

When? Why me? How come?

It is true indeed, I am crazy Take this glass and look after it, before it shatters even more.

Jidos Reality 23.1.11

Slow down for a moment shut up and listen! My depression turned me in to a crazy poet turning words into lunatics. 

Sitting in a square room around a table with the mad ones, suicide whispering in my ear it's time to get out.

The mad ones in the room screaming that the voices in they heads are trying to get out. Call me honest wat ever iv been already Labeled a lunatic! 

Have you ever stood in front of the mirror watching your own reflection cut it's self with every memory that makes it go sick? 

Every word that I write tries to mend the SCARS hidden inside somewhere playing hide and sick. Padded cells decorated with silence.

Medication boxes light you up like matches, therapy sessions leave more questions than answers.

Love trying to be explained! Pain trying to be explained! Emotions all mixed up in this bowl that has no name. 

Crazy poet JidosReality ask Majid? He knows my name.

JidosReality 4.2.17

I express my emotions with a mirror picture of myself in a happy place. When the truth is that the emotion I might or may be feeling is filled with rage And Anger.

How can one keep this up? Only for so long trying to get out of this rabbits hole only gets harder and harder as the more the rabbit tries the weaker it gets.

To understand my strength i must become friends with my weakness guiding my Negative thoughts through this hard time. To become friends with my positive feelings set them free and let the two become one, I have to find the balance or will end up like humpty dumpty who fell of the wall.

Emotions shatted with no one to pick the pieces up! I can’t hate can only forgive and forget and as I do I expect you to it’s the principle you would think? But the world is not so round.

The calm water on a Sunday morning may seem like that but beneath this place of calm water is utter madness and chaos.

Thoughts take control take your clothes off jump in the water go under and control this chaos that can’t be seen from where I’m standing. My mind is racing like a flock of geese flying north away from the winter to some were nice and warm.

Which path should I take? Don’t want to go the wrong way or hard way because the more it races the more they get consumed by!

“PANNIC” “GUILT” “HAPPINESS” “SUCCSESS" You shouldn’t throw stones if you live in a glass house iv been labeled i should go and get a bar code with my MED Numbers tattooed all over my body! I’m not a leader or a follower but I am only human just like you and everyone else.

My thoughts have now become my Drug addiction craving for this and that I’m addicted for wanting to be loved and respected, Love is a big word but feels and brings out a lot of pain and respect for one’s self. Do you believe in love or just the thought of having a peace of mind Love and anger are just thoughts that tend to affect our daily moods.


Can one describe how your mind and heart works with out laughing or crying? I don’t think so! Like getting up in the morning brushing your teeth making your dinner then going back to sleep. This “DEPRETION” And feelings of loneliness becomes a habit in your daily life.

  I then think that this habit needs to change like reading a novel you have to change to the next page to know how the story goes or ends! So with this illness I’ve got to change this page so that these days next time i take a bed time story book it will have a happy ENDING.

Jidos Reality 18.2.2010

I'm dedicated to the pen my Poetry makes words that come alive, so please let's smile take a moment and think for a while.


I want to cry as I smile writing this poem the words are coming from a place that iv never known. Hide and sick as the words play games that I'm supposed to know.


Have you ever wrote poetry in the snow and not known were it's gonna go. Has your soul told you secrets that you only know? 


I'm Dedicated yes I got to write I go to sleep get lost in a dream my poetry still writes. Eyes open up in the morning craving to write.


Dedicated to this medication my pen gives me all the time. Shaking like an addict craving to write addicted to many letters the words feel so write.


I bit my lips as I write my hands cuddle this pen, words from my poem book have come alive. I see when you read my poem your thoughts stop thinking and start speaking.


How amazing are the words you been reading from the beginning, a simple question with many answers searching for a meaning. 


Poetry with out my words becomes lost and confused so naked poetry becomes a mess. 


Im an addict Dedicated to the story the words keep telling, read Dedication again many story's on one page like the scars on my pen when it thinks every day 


JidosReality 4.4.15

I cannot describe the feeling of anticipation, waiting like in a food restaurant wondering!  Seen all there’s people munching. Drinking they fine wines away, all I can feel is the smell of the food around me.


I’ve been told my order will be out soon, not sure what it is?    The menu is in French I have this feeling of desperation! Wondering if what I’ve ordered would be good news to my palate.


Like been told you were adopted waiting on that park bench to meet your mom and dad for the first time. The time seems to go slow as you look around! Is that them? Hearts racing with anticipation.


I know what I want the outcome to be, but feel disappointed and sad at the thought that what I want to be would not be. See now I’m thinking why am I causing this emotion of lose through anticipating the worst outcome.


Fatigue and tired my brain becomes as these thoughts of been disappointed take’s over my mood. ~TICK TOCK, TICK TOCK~ the grandfather clock ticks but never stops i suppose it does in a way when you fall asleep.


Because for that moment your heart beats. Your brain is telling your body breath. As normality become thoughts. I now enter this dream this dream like state of emotion makes me remember that my mind is my temple.


It’s absolutely amazing this place I’m in. strange things in the world that my eyes have seen. And like a shadow fading in the distance light of this special place.    My thoughts stop been images and go back into my mind for only me to feel.


~ How Delighted ~ I am for waking up in the morning and breathing that first breath of life I will live for today and pray for tomorrow.

JidOs Reality 1.2.11

Destiny is a word filled with hope and wishers that our dreams come true one day. From every laughter to every tear that is filled with every emotion that some time brings out the fear.



The same fear you have to feel all your life. So you can understand and become friends with that special thing they call happiness.


With every breath that we take and every step that we make and all the lye’s and the truth that we tell every day.



We should never worry it’s not scary it’s okay, our destiny will come around one day. It will knock on your door step and look you in the face. And show you there’s more to life than living it and worrying about thing’s every day.


Because not everything is so bad everything will be okay. My destiny’s not my option it’s just a story on this page.


Just remember the things the same emotions that scare us are the same.
Our tears are lovely they tell a story that says I wish I knew my destiny, so I can prepare for the next day.


Not to make the same mistake I did that was just yesterday, the same day i thought today will be a better would be a much day.  



Jidos Reality 27.9.11

Does Your Shadow have a Reflection? Is a question that gets you guessing!

Could it be alive the only one thing that has never left you.

See the day you know your Time is Over is the day when you turn around and take a look over your shoulder.

As your eyes start to see your Shocked Heart starts to beat slower, Polaroid pictures capturing a Silent World, caught in a moment.

Thoughts watching and pacing Pausing Time as it’s created, no Mirrors for your Reflection see it’s about to be taken.

No mistaken it’s true Your Shadows ready to leave you and trade places with Your Eyes and stand there and watch you.

As you Wonder and Think and feel every Memory that Speaks your body gets cold your heart beats away slow.

Every beat is a step running around trying to capture Tears in your head.

You Shadow shows you why it never spoke or touched you.

Your Reflection was the only face that its mirror ever knew.

Jidos Reality 16.6.13

Dint stand on me my life's filled with wild flowers. You know nothing about it! Iv been to Hell and back I can show you vouchers.

That's why I write poems that are filled with broken bottles. Today felt like a silent picture searching for some colour in it's world.

I hold onto the old willow tree, but it's shade is Oh so cold! I let go and the wind takes me to a place were silence grows.

A place were screaming has loads of meaning, every sound screaming and searching.

Where your heart will never love, because hate will make it starve. I try to run to find somewhere to hide!

But when I hide my eyes start to cry, my tears think but they thoughts are deep.

Sadness comes along and takes hold of me, so don't stand on me take a look at the picture painted for me.

JidosReality 24.1.13

Dreams are emotions that run the feelings one can only relate to, controlling pure lust with mixed feelings of illusions.

Strange places we get taken to another world were the ~ Boogie ~ man stays protected by the sweet feeling of peace and control.

  
Flying all around without the outcome of falling, wired people chasing you with all sciences under deep control, paralyzed by the feeling of self-control.

  
Afraid to run but amused by the beauty, deep into the rabbit’s hole you go! From ~ ALICE IN WONDER LAND TO HUMPTY DUMPTY ~

something so pure your brain starts to ****** as the the scence of control starts to take over.

  
Eyes wide shut heart beating faster like the rabbit and tortoise race, what a strange place to be so peacefully uncontrollable.

  
Hypnotised in the mind with joy with joy mixed sorrow. And then it happens awake to the real world just for a few seconds reality kicks in.

And the dream was a journey your mind had to take, till another day I’ll be waiting for another night ~~ DREAMS ~~

Jidos Reality 21.1.11

The world in your smile comes around the corner to watch me, as your Sadness brightens up my Shadow the further you take it away from me.


My eyes try to call it it’s the only memory with a Reflection that’s been set free, it comes alive when I sleep, I am like My Shadow like how my shadow is to me.


My Words have no voices your smile makes Many Noises that are darker than my shadows tears.


You smile is a story in My Tears Dreams my screams are the soul to your every Heart Beat.


You make me feel like A Silent Picture whispering some were in the wind, your thoughts fill me with Hate and consume me with Rage.


My memories seen to stop every time You Rip you self out, you come from a world that lives in a place were time has stopped.


You secret is The Evil that makes my thoughts rot, you empty and as cold as a rainbow with out life.


Your Light is as bright as the darkness in the night, the stars refuse to shine they never bright when u smile.


You are my Dr. Jackal as I am your Mr. Hyde.


Jidos Reality 20.3.12

The cold touch of the deserts sand, the whisper on my skin from the suns heat.

The lonely feeling of the lost wind. The little gecko pacing fast on its small feet.

The shade holding on to the only tree, the blue sky smiles as the sun shines.

The brown color of the sand waters run away and left this land as far away as it can.

This desert is alive there’s nothing hear but sadness and pain become friends with the heat and it will spare your heart beat.

Sand Dunes confusing you as far as your little eyes can see, you can shout and scream and wonder why nobody thinks?

You feel like you trapped in a dream with only a bottle of water to make you feel.

If it’s not the desert the sun or the heat your life is about to be complete.

JidosReality

Emotions are like a flavour in my mouth I can taste them Joy tastes like Strawberries. Hate is like a hungry mouth. and love is like rose water I enjoy them all except for one betrayal that has a taste like a burned piece of meat.

My life's full of twists and turns bumps and bruises along the way. See I was quiet but not blind my silence whispered to me....There are some people who could hear you speak a thousand words, and still not understand you. And there are others who will understand you with out you speaking a word.

In the colderst of darkness, see the light.
In the anger of fear, invoke the love.
In the lost time of chaos, claim the peace that lies beyond.

You must not lose faith in your soul because your Soul is like an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are *****, the ocean does not become *****.

See life is to short to be angry for your self for been human. There are many things that can only be seeing through the eyes that have only cried.

Cause Nothing in this world is permanent, and we’re foolish when we ask anything to last, but surely we’re still more foolish not to take delight in it while we have it.

Eventually you’ll end up where you need to be, with who you’re meant to be with, and doing what you should be doing. Patience is the only key.

JidosReality 18.2.17

My life decided to rest me with determination, found my self in this city I knew nothing about called Portsmouth, the first emotion that attached it’s self to me was loneliness.

My mind was in shock but I knew I had to carry on and be strong. Cause I was about to have a baby this little life inside me needed me. Far away from my family a lot of mixed feelings going on.


And than like a nightmare it slowly faded away like an angel my best friend Shamilla was send my way. She threw away the loneliness I was feeling everyday.

Took my hand and said don’t worry from now on everything will be okay. And now I don’t worry my little boy is grown up and happy.

From shopping down Gunwharf to taking him for walks down the beach, watching my son grow up so happy in this amazing place we both call home Portsmouth City.

It took time to adjust and I may of felt trapped, but my future looks bright I have my little boy by my side.

JidosReality 4.10.17

Family what a lovely looking tree, amazing how it makes you feel deep with-in.

You can always turn to some one for some help solving a problem. You laugh you cry! Family are your guardian you are they angel.

They teach you how to walk and talk with respect, they cuddle you when you need it and leave you with that warm fuzzy feeling.

Your birthdays are always special, balloons and cake for you to remember. Blow out the candles and make a wish for something special.

But sometimes family can be the worst thing in your life, you never saw it coming now your family has disowned you.

They don't appreciate your pleasure or the love been in your life, it's against all they tought you, they feel like you've let them down.

No mama or pappa Get out from our house! there's no food in ya cupboard, no water to bath or shower. Your brothers drug habit causes such madness. 

But his family still has time to help him. Your family tree is broken and cold you never did drugs or caused madness Oh No.

But family have chossern to love who they want depending on the day if you lucky you might get a smile that's been searching for ya soul.

JidosReality 3.3.14

First time Again

Your walking towards me, back into my life suddenly.
A feeling comes back from years before, but your smile puts me right and the feeling; no more.

We get to each other with pace, leap into a long awaited warm embrace.
There's an instant spark when we touch, we fall apart I remember I missed you so much.

As we walk to the van I still can't quite grasp,
The fact your right here (nervous) but with me at last.
We get in the van and gaze at one another,
Recovering old memories and excited to see what we can rediscover.

Now we spend our time promising and flattering, urging assurance were both serious but still we're battling.

To sum it all up life is risky, knowing its take it or leave it just gets tricky.
But know this I'm here to stay,
Your making life amazing and better each day.

Your not sure I can see why, I will always hold you with regards which are above sky high.
I'll show you all I ever wanted is to be by your side,
Just sharing good times and a long loving roller coaster life ride.

Mike Herne 18.8.15

Trust has to be the life of forgiveness; words like sorry, if only don’t make any meaning to the emotion of the words spoken. Mistakes often tend to creep up and happen somehow without realizing it, ***** the life out of trust.


Causing such a situation where to forgive and forget becomes an option not so easily felt or done. Almost totally impossible I did things that I took for granted forgot that moment of spontaneous happiness I can’t turn back time but can only hope that time could be a healer.


Heartbroken thoughts shattered running wild in my head all trapped in a bubble of plastic. Miss that sweet smell of roses in the morning, now it’s cold and lonely mornings, forgiveness is all I want you to see and feel.



I Put these sorrow times away close this cupboard cause the skeletons have been and gone. The key to solving this situation is to learn to trust yourself first then you can trust and love those you care for.


If there is forgiveness the will always be happiness


Jidod Reality 16.1.11

From Life we need more to the meaning as to why Our Hearts sometimes beat rhythms that never Stop Screaming.
  


My lonely Mind forces skies to cry storms of ice, confused swarms of moths erasing out fabric lives.
  


Like a Mirror a Imagination  turns into a true tragedy it’s a sad situation that was never meant to be.
  


My Personality has many actors to play different roles this world wants to see. My Smile is the make-up that I use to hide just how I feel.
  


My Eyes are always searching for a picture only painted for me. My Touch is so cold all it craves is some warm heat.
  


My Taste is always bitter from the lies my thoughts always speak. My “
Soul smells of roses that were never send to me.
  


My Words make no noises they as silent as the church bells that call us to pray from deep with-in.
  


My Personality is split and left all alone like an old willow tree. From Life we need more to the meaning as to why our hearts sometimes beat rhythms that never stop screaming.


Jidos Reality 28.1.13

Give me a smile and I’ll be happy for the day, tell me you Love me and I know not everything will be okay.
  


My smile begins to Cry the only life it knows are tears from my eyes, wont you please tell me I'm thinking why?
  


Lost in a wolfs clothing feeling like a sheep that can’t cry, you've gone and made me think you make me angry you make me sick.
  


If I never never we could dream forever holding onto things that we could love forever.


  
No more Strawberry’s or Cheese cakes or sweet things our love craves rain drops consumed by scattered emotions that are all lost.
  


Cold misty nights consuming the only light that I got.The fast wind whispering its not here to catch me when I drop.
  


The earth's ready to take me back as soon as my heart decides to stop, ill be the last one praying from Ashes to Ashes and Dust to Dust.



Jidos Reality 20.1.13

My mind is Blocked it’s broken like a stone, this rizzla I'm holding is the only life that I know.



Go away and run away see my soul has become cold, it’s trapped in the past its future could never be told.



It’s lost on a rough and bendy looking road Silence is alive but lost in a dream were many story’s could never be told.



It’s looking for the cradle where it came from before it was born, a place that has no destiny only time that protects its soul.



Where words have no meaning and memories are never known, where sound makes no noise and every feeling keeps you cold.



Every touch has no dream for a moment you wish you were free, to hold onto your life as it teaches you how to breath.



My smile craves for a cuddle but it’s locked up in a dark little cupboard, secrets whisper things that I never what to see when I sleep.



Go away and don’t look back at this thing that’s taken hold of me.



Jidos Reality 18.11.1

Your heart is my love always has me smiling and thinking this love is amazing. You can not be replaced you my world my everyday.

Good Times because of you priceless words I love you how can I show you how I feel? And how amazing you make me feel? The only way I know this Poems for you and only you.

I remember my world was upside down twisted and bruised, I felt all alone my world was all gloomy and blue, it was a cracked broken reflection I held the mirror so many questions didn't know what to do.

My life was tainted that cloudy picture badly painted, memory's I want lost to be thrown away hidden in the dark, but if I could if I really could I wouldn't go back and change the past.

They all still look at me and see an old nail covered in rust, when you look at me your eyes whisper love from your sweet heart.

I lost the plot decided to stop forgot what life was all about, I was always sad very mad I suppose I was angry at the life I had I had given up I closed my heart cause I could smell and feel it rot.

You came my way and told me it's okay, you gave me life you gave me a reason to want to stay you saved me from the madness that I was feeling everyday.

Good Times because if you and I'll end thus poem by telling you i love you.

JidosReality 26.6.15

Happiness is the price I had to pay for my smile it came along and all it did was made me cry.

The smile the twinkle in my eye the days when I thought I was by myself, the medication the mad house talking to a mouse no answer back because I was lost.

The sound felt so soft a Cold Chill running away very fast, Thoughts leaving my head taking me back to the past.

Reminding me that I could never be loved I would always be starved I looked for happiness but all I lost was love.

Found it hard to trust begun to feed on anger my world was lost in the past, I hate happiness it crushed my heart very hard.

I open my eyes but all I see is the dark, no light at the end but a cold door waiting for me to pass.

Hears the key there’s no rush it will take it’s time and eat away at my broken beating heart.

Happiness is a word I want to leave in the past.

Jidos Reality 15.10.12

For every smile and every cuddle from every wish to every tingle. Happiness creates a memory that will never be missed.    

Kept close to your heart where happiness is never lost. You always make me smile when I’m crying and text me when I feel lonely late at night.    

The way you look into my eyes and make me smile it’s so nice. You’re truly amazing and one of a kind.  

Want to hold you and tell you I love that smile. Happiness is all I feel because you’re in my life.    
Angels and roses, Sweet candles all night, you asked me to write you this poem to show you how I feel.    

Happiness is lovely so thank you for what you have done. Let me know how to win your heart because I want you.    

For this happiness it will never be missed.    

Jidos reality 11.8.11

Happy days often seem like lazy days taking absolutely no account of the time passing by, Blinded by the memory of happiness which seems to have been lost.


Shadowed and over taken over by the feeling of guilt and failure, I’ve come to terms with my illness.


My compassion to be more accretive with myself has grown, like a little baby who’s found the beauty of taking its first steps feels so pure and natural.


To make the same mistake twice would shawley make me a fool, a fool i was once always craved to be happy.


When i was little growing up in a situation were to be loved and cuddled, was almost to impossible to ask.


But for that second when you felt that love you would spend the rest of your day smiling, I found happiness and could not understand it so I let it go.


Now I’m ready and it’s too late because she’s gone and never coming back.


Jidos Reality 2.1.10

I had to think about the words before I wrote this Poem, see the hatred in-side me had no were to go.


Words broken by letters that felt abused and ripped apart thoughts searching for a place to hide in the dark.


My Poem books about to explode scattered words filled with Hatred falling apart, my angers lost in a rage strangling this poems page. 


I'm writing and shaking my pens fighting this Poems writing.


Understand the meaning my cravings addicted to this writing, it's so exciting it's creeping out from some were inside me. 


Hatred looks like a water drop falling fast running away lost, I want to rip my soul out into many pieces and let my eyes watch me try to fix it.


It's a dark hole scars filled with Hatred many alive with secrets story's that bleed when they start thinking. 


My mind try's not to day dream my day dreams make my Hatred speak day dreams screaming never going away qweek.


Hatred in this moment many memories filled with moments hating this Moment, remember that day when your life changed? Another moment lost away when you try to pray.


No answers coming back and yet you pray and pray all day thinking of what to say. See my Hatreds alive burning me to ashes in-side. 


A smokeless fire with many flames my Hatred will have to be contained in this poem books page.


JidosReality 19.6.5

He looks as he Blinks see his eyes see what he sees! It stimulates his brain like he’s Medically Insane psychologically he’ll never be the same. 



Many veins with different story’s scratching away at his brain, He’s gone way past depression as his personality slips away.




Mind tricks every time he thinks his medication will make him feel okay, It makes him go more crazy the more he tries to remember his name.



Every blink leaves a mark with a scar on his heart, his trapped in a Cold long room that’s filled with stairs that seem to go no were don't stare!




His down on his knees as he looks and sees his life scatter everywhere, getting lost by the cold sound of weakness in his head. 



His words don’t want to speak as his Anger Screams at him, Time was never on his side his Reflection tried to hide.




In a deep dark hole were broken souls wouldn’t even go, a broken memory with a heart that was cold. 




Addicted to the pain the past is all he knows, he lost the key to his future his eyes only showed him what he saw. 




Jidos Reality 18.10.12

She had evil in her vain's, her heart wished for all our pain. 

From the moment she could see the true meaning of fear, it made her think! How much she needed it.

Her words would never speak, they would always whisper to us whilst we sleep.

 Our nightmares were all created every action was meant to break us.

Our hearts were filled with fear, our happiness were turned to tears. 

Our happy memories were all erased and replaced with suffering that lived on our pain.

Her secret was so deep her love breathed no heart beat. Her destiny has no soul it's world was dark and cold. 

Her smile was always lost as it twisted watching us rot. Eating away at us slowly like shadows searching in a fog. 

Her secret was in a box! Locked an tired up in a knot. Her past was never gone it's future had to be found.

Our souls were all promised to a spirit she had conjured. Blood has to be spilled every drop taking away our youth.

She acts like she's caring loving and always smiling. Her food always tasted good but we never knew it was blessed with African voodoo.

Animal sacrifice the snake would cuddle her at night late in bed. The eggs would be planted around the house in th morning.

Her world is a world were demons would respect and wait to be commanded.

JidosReality 20.4.14