Lost a word with so many questions an emotion lost somewhere in the answers.


As my mind twists and turns deep within inside my broken soul has no were to run away and hide. From all this anger my sadness creates from the tears running down my eyes.


Please can you help me breath? I'm looking for my mom my dad any one from my family.


 They all lost it's hurting me inside the memory of them is all that I got.


Have you ever lost everything that meant loads to you? Have you ever lost your self trying to find the truth?


I'm trying to breath and it's hard my shadows lost somewhere in the dark. My thoughts are whispering shouting out loud.


The last thing I said to them was I love you now I pray to see them and tell them I missed them.


I feel anxious confused and powerless no smiles but tears filled with sadness, laughing and blaming me but you don't understand this.


You would expect a caterpillar to turn into a butterfly but how strange does the world become the moment you cry?

And not every smile leaves a twinkle in your eye and not every butterfly deserves to fly.

JidosReality 4.7.15

Like a rusty old nail on an old boat, a business class seat on a plan that takes you somewhere were the stars don't don't glow.

From searching for the keys to the ferrari that's as slow as a donkey goes, from been promised a dream that's so amazing you have to go.

People with out friends traveling to a new boarder, running away from they land a place were peace is consumed by death and hatred is all over they land.

We all have a story to tell a traumatic experience our life becomes a living hell. 

And wen all seems down and depression is the mood, you hear about this drop-in it sounds to good to be true, everybody we trusted on our journey has hurt us.

We walk in to the drop-in confused broken and used, we greeted with a smile! hello my friend! how can I help you.

Would you like a cup of tea or something to eat? Or would you like to sit down hear please take my seat. And slowly it changers our trauma starts mending. 

Our trust starts growing our smiles are now glowing, we left our friends in search for new boards.

Now we have found happiness with friends without boarders.   

JidosReality 6.2.16 (Dedicated to all the Refugees)

Why does he want it? My life is crazy please show me why his life is so amazing, write on this  poems page tell me why I'm thinking?


Take a word from my page JidosReality is alive and breathing, I grew up stumbling and learning. hush be quiet listen this poem is speaking.


It's day dreaming looking for something. It's very hungry munching yet tasting nothing. You been so polite as you read! thank you I love that smile I see on your face as you read.


My anger is my heart beat.They watched me crumble falling slowly weak, and whilst they stood there laughing pointing many fingers at me, I'll be making my bed under the corner shop sleeping on the street.


My pen in my right hand my poem book waiting to speak my thoughts fighting so much greed. I want to strangle every word they said to me I ripped out all this sadness they left on me.


I smiled in they face as they spat on me my names Majid I'm lost in JidosReality. It's a world you could never understand it's always been mis-understood my Poetry snapped begged me to tear out this page from my poem book.


The words showed me and promised me they would never stop speaking as long as my pen is still alive and breathing.


JidosReality 20.7.15

I remember wen I walked onto albert road, I was this mix race stubby funny looking toad.I wonder'd around lost with no were to go.

I walked and I looked and came across this Fox, he said his name was Sam but they called him Fat Fox, he whispered in my ear! Than kissed me on the chick! told me that Albert road and poetry needed me.

And than something magical seemed to have happened, I went from a toad to a poet addicted to writing. I stopped and I listened and was shocked at wat I could see, 

A dog with one eye! A One eyed Dog trying to get free, now the sounds it was making it was never barking or growling, it sounded so strange stuck on a corner watching! 

A strange sight to my eyes I decided to keep on walking, I found my self fishing on Albert road whilst thinking, I cought some bass some cod with a bag of pickle onions I was using.

This goose than approached me asked if I had some bread to give it? I said yes I do! come along with me let's move qweekly.

I took it to this place that I had seeing this guy earlier! His name was Alberrito a mexican lost in a bottle of Tequila. He gave it some bread the Goose passed out qweekly! 

He laughed out so loud said the feast will began shortly, so i called my friend Sam! You know that guy they call the Fat Fox, we all sat at the table and fed our bellys with this roasted Goose that ended up Lost. 

The scraps we were dropping, Little Jonny was eating, see he was a Jack-Russell so hungry and needy. 

And at the end of the feast! The Mexican, And the Fox And the Toad that became a Poet made our way to Huss "House"

We sat there drinking pills-Ners staring out of the window, The Good Politician across the road could only wish that he knew us.  

JidosReality 15.5.16

I had to think about the words before I wrote this Poem, see the hatred in-side me had no were to go.


Words broken by letters that felt abused and ripped apart thoughts searching for a place to hide in the dark.


My Poem books about to explode scattered words filled with Hatred falling apart, my angers lost in a rage strangling this poems page. 


I'm writing and shaking my pens fighting this Poems writing.


Understand the meaning my cravings addicted to this writing, it's so exciting it's creeping out from some were inside me. 


Hatred looks like a water drop falling fast running away lost, I want to rip my soul out into many pieces and let my eyes watch me try to fix it.


It's a dark hole scars filled with Hatred many alive with secrets story's that bleed when they start thinking. 


My mind try's not to day dream my day dreams make my Hatred speak day dreams screaming never going away qweek.


Hatred in this moment many memories filled with moments hating this Moment, remember that day when your life changed? Another moment lost away when you try to pray.


No answers coming back and yet you pray and pray all day thinking of what to say. See my Hatreds alive burning me to ashes in-side. 


A smokeless fire with many flames my Hatred will have to be contained in this poem books page.


JidosReality 19.6.5

Silence I hear nothing it's a strange feeling when your thoughts stop talking, not a whisper or a sound my thoughts have become numb. Every word makes no sense silence has made it's bed.

Silence listen can you hear? This poems empty and hollow filled with meanings screaming loud in your ear. While I nodded nearly napping suddenly there came a tapping.

Silence was hear but whispering nothing stalking me at night catching me silently napping, silence all I can hear is breathing! Remind me of the story about the Poem that never stopped screaming.

Why are all the letters shattered into little pieces? Silence my poem book is thinking my pen is silently writing many words that are dreaming. 

Silence listen can you hear? JidosReality is screaming loud in your ear! Every word that you read is trembling with fear.

Silence hush! Be quiet my pen is meditating before the words began to riot whispering in your ear every words phychoticly violent. 

My poem book begins to shake afraid of the shouting the noise is about to make, silence oh! Let's be quiet! Observe my pen in a stray jacket writing words that are silently shouting.

My poetry's to deep so be quiet so it wrote this poem listen to the silence.

JidosReality 6.20.15

My poetry's so deep they got to dig a hole to find it I'm hiding inside it, it's a confused maze of words crying and smiling I'm lost in those words so they can't find me.

Words addicted to my pen my poetry has a friend ink that always speaks, this maze of letters is a
Puzzle they can't complete.

Every corner they turn is a lessen they would learn, searching for a meaning yet my poetry's always always teaching the more they dig this hole the harder it would be to find me.

Enter the maze please find the letters to the words please, do you  understand what my Poetry does to the pens ink when it thinks? Mind games they like to play now they digging a hole calling my name. 

It's getting bigger and darker my poem book never starters, JidosReality can't they see it's my reality the world I live in. A world mixed with a little madness laughter consumed by sadness happiness fighting with anger.

Thoughts that are always numb from running and falling hard every time they try to jump. Don't see my kindness as a weakness or my Poetry been so simple as washing a plate of dish's.

I guaranty you with a pen you'll find it hard to find the words to explain who you are, were you been and how deep you understand the hole that you in.


JidosReality 20.6.15

Be careful what your words speak be weary what your eyes see be afraid of your thoughts when they let you dream.


Remember that soft touch that made you blush and lust, learn from that soft touch that ended up hurting your confused heart.


It becomes hard to stop trying to understand were to start, the bottom of the food chain that pit is rough. It shattered me to shreds broke me but made me tough.


You ask your self why? You feel like a raggy old cloth your questions are pointless you always stumble and drop.  


Tumbling and falling ending up on the same spot, you a raggy old doll back to front forgetting what it's all about. This poems a "Mixed Salad many lost meanings screaming out.


Is it truly amazing the poetry I'm creating? Does JidosReality attack every thought you try hiding? 


I watch you standing there looking at your clock whilst it's ticking, you watch me over there paranoid at what I'm thinking.


Tick tock don't forget that time don't stop I think it confuses you trying to understand what my poetry is about. 


order a mixed salad the menu ain't as dull as you are.


JidosReality 14.5.15

Life was "Testing and screaming dreams were waiting and shouting. Every word felt like something trusting was nothing.


I grew up hurting and breaking literally hating, they say life was amazing my life took me so reality was basically crazy.


What price would you pay for a smile and whilst you thinking all that anger eats you up inside. I searched and I looked but there was nothing I could find.


Poetry came along and changed my life, the imagination in the pen and the pad saved my life. The words came out rushing cuddling me tight.


The rush that they give me makes me tingle inside JidosReality has come alive. 


Do you read what I write? do you like what you read? Does my poetry understand you like it understands me?


Do the words come to you when you sleep in a dream? Do you understand why the words feel so real?


Poetry locked up patiently waiting, watching and thinking the meaning was sleeping lost in a dream were there's no end to it's meaning.


When letters come together words blush like butterfly's in the Summer weather. They break you like suicide makes you cry when you wanna die.


They hold you when you smile everything feels alright. They follow you watching you waiting for the right time.


The clock seems to be ticking minutes passing by, seconds to many hours days passing by another month brings me closer to the day I got to die.


The day when words make more sense to the amazement of my eyes. Reality was as amazing as the poetry that I write.


JidosReality 20.3.15

Time took away all the freedom I had earned the bag full of secrets was waiting for it's turn.


It felt like Time had stopped but every second had it's turn, with every second came a minute I try to be strong but it hurts.


The hours become days moving fast but slower than yesterday, my mind is numb filled with thoughts leaving a bitter taste on my Tongue.


I'm helpless with no help where's the help when you need help? People turn they faces no body answers your txts. Homeless on the street food banks calling me.


See it's a mistary to me how many people have deserted me. I can't cry my tears are dry from crying all the time.


I suppose I'm cut from a different cloth, poverty cuddles me tight leaving a smell that's about to rot.


"Trails and Tribulations now I'm two steps back silently moving like a shadow in the dark.


JidosReality 20.3.15

Don't assume what your eyes see as the truth? You say you don't judge but refuse to read the book.


 I hide behind the smiles that your eyes see all the time, you hide behind the lies that your Tongue speaks all the time.


You hollow and shallow and as "Rotten as they come, you paint a perfect picture as perfect as they come. 


Your eyes see me as a bag of broken bones, my eyes look inside me and see a heart of gold.


My eyes look inside you and wish that I was you, but than they look inside and see the rot that grows in you.


Ain't it strange that your book always looks so perfect and new? No stains or torn up pagers why you ashamed to be you?


See my book is in the corner the one looking broken battered and bruised. I ain't ashamed of it so go ahead open it up have a read take a look.


From every letter to every word to every line that you read, the story ain't so shallow as you thought it would be.


You label me ******* strait out of the gutter skip, but you forget that you two faced so "Rotten as ***** as it gets.


The truth really hurts when it's spoken as the truth, this poem is done speaking ask your self who are you?


JidosReality 27.3.15

Torn apart were do I start? I felt like a cold bath left all alone so I brought a hot water bottle to keep it warm.


 Decision time split into pieces many personalities would now be needed, my trust was taken and abused put me In a position with many rules.


Hear take this pair walk a day in My shoes! Can you keep a secret? Hide it in your pocket take it home and fix it? 


I looked in the mirror and started questioning what 
my reflection was thinking. I was torn between two worlds slowly drowning and thinking . Now the situation I was in needed a solution to all this rule braking. 


I'm balancing trying to walk on this fine line, I'm been expected to choose if the truth is lie. It's a mad mad world when you in to deep and you close your eyes and you just can't sleep.


Now who do I trust? How did I end up torn apart? All I did was listen and give honest advise when I was asked.


The weak link on this chain of trust will have to be addressed, no more games I'll be playing this stress is madly insane. Trust issues throw out the same door you came in.


I'm still torn apart holding onto the edge of the mountain top, if I fall I will drop if I hold on when will it stop? Either way I'm left with two words "Torn Apart".



JidosReality 19.6.15

I would rather trust a women's instinct than a mans reason, I'm sick and tired of fake people for many different reasons.


A women's instinct is the truth no reason to mis lead me. All these fake other people around are a new bread of ******* leaches.


They make me sick they really do cockroach little leaches, I had to write this poem to get all this anger out my system, I see them coming from were they don't I won't let them in my head no I won't.


They mind games are seriously silly hurry up tick tock the clock is ticking, you ******* leaches creatures always scheming and tricking. 


Your end game is your game my anger is your pain I refuse to play dumb that situation has Ended, you blocked and un followed yes mate you un freinded, my Pen is so angry let the words speak to mend it.


How can I trust a mans reason? When a mans reason is unpleasing two faced qweek'ly judging realising that trust was nothing.


At least a womens instinct is realistic no mind games no *******, she's trusting not wanting not thinking she needs to be winning. That game she ain't playing her instincs are all she's saying.


She ain't got nothing to gain but a simple solution to my pain, let me be honest and explain I'm sick of fake people who always sound the same. So let me remind you my poetry's so exciting. 


JidosReality 6.6.15

I don't know my head seems to be all over the place at the moment I try not to write but my pen keeps calling. The inks deep in thought as the words start pouring out.


Take a canvas hears the brush paint my life for me make the picture look happy as everyone I see, tell a story with this picture that's so perfect to see, hears a pen and a book write my life for me.


Try to imagine my perfect life in this broken book that you write for me. I try to be quiet and keep my self to me, but the more I be quiet I draw more attention to me.


My thoughts remind me I'm a miss fit I don't fit, I'm lost in this puzzle that's all around me. My mind is a puzzle everyday is a struggle find me the missing piece please to solve this puzzle.


The anger building up inside me it's confusing how I think, my thoughts are shattered broken up and weak, my Hatred keeps searching for answers to questions that break me.


I'm poison what can I say stay away from this poison, I'm better off Alone no cuddles for me in the morning. I'm the snow flake that melted cause they forgot to tell me it was not snowing.


All alone in this heat where's all the snow that created me my destines been chosen a melting road awaits me.


JidosReality 10.6.15

No body understands addiction unless you stopped missing what you've been missing.

Hears a half empty broken bottle of cider show me how to fix it? Take a sip have a taste ask me why I crave it?

Show me how to hold onto this broken bottle and teach me how to pour it. Whisper in my ear tell me how to drink it. 

You say it's an addicts addiction! Others say it's a medical condition! 

I say it's a habit gone bad overtaking every thought my mind is thinking, why it's always missing memory's that are always searching.

You say the words it's so sad, I say this broken bottle of cider is all I need in my hand. It's not all iv ever hade. But it's road is  long and sad.

It seems to take me to a place were all my control has gone mad. This broken bottle is nearly empty do you have any money you can lend me?

One day when I'm ready I'll ask this craving to leave me. I'll take this broken bottle and hide it some were it cant see me.

Are you drunk? Or are you high? Do you stumble around until you fall down and cry? 

Do you ever wonder why this bottle is broken but always smiles! 

And When you find the broken missing pieces to this bottle.

Ask them why this bottle always made me cry. 

JidosReality 6.6.14

My body is craving, wishing for a drink, alcohol saved me than took me on a depressed road on a suicide trip.


You start reading this poem and than start to think! How could alcohol have saved him? When it broke him and turned him into a thirsty lunatic addict?


My words become poison with a bottle on the table and a drink in my hand fighting with my demons getting as drunk as I can.


I'm angry and fuming  not stopping and thinking, I'll lash out at you if you try to stop me from drinking. You have all these answers but your questions are misleading.


You think that you helping by telling me I'm being selfish? My body is craving uncontrollably shaking. All you see is addiction a problem that needs fixing.


If my craving never took me to a place that's confusing, I would of been lost in a drunken state, losing.


My phone would start ringing and suicide would be calling, knock knock at the door suicide won't stop stalking, I would of given up and ended six feet in the dark.


This alcohol addict had to realise what I would of lost, I had to be strong or ashes to ashes dust to dust.


JidosReality 19.3.15

Your heart is my love always has me smiling and thinking this love is amazing. You can not be replaced you my world my everyday.

Good Times because of you priceless words I love you how can I show you how I feel? And how amazing you make me feel? The only way I know this Poems for you and only you.

I remember my world was upside down twisted and bruised, I felt all alone my world was all gloomy and blue, it was a cracked broken reflection I held the mirror so many questions didn't know what to do.

My life was tainted that cloudy picture badly painted, memory's I want lost to be thrown away hidden in the dark, but if I could if I really could I wouldn't go back and change the past.

They all still look at me and see an old nail covered in rust, when you look at me your eyes whisper love from your sweet heart.

I lost the plot decided to stop forgot what life was all about, I was always sad very mad I suppose I was angry at the life I had I had given up I closed my heart cause I could smell and feel it rot.

You came my way and told me it's okay, you gave me life you gave me a reason to want to stay you saved me from the madness that I was feeling everyday.

Good Times because if you and I'll end thus poem by telling you i love you.

JidosReality 26.6.15

Cold breeze in the summer time warm sun on my skin, blue sky's up above all my senses are tingling.


my eyes are amazed by the sight that they see, it feels like iv been picked up and dropped in a day dream.


A day dream that cannot scream, my eyes are Peaceful as they could ever be, a sight that's amazing as the warm sea running against my feet.


My touch creates a rush blushing goose bumps like a red rose blooming some were in my heart.


The sense that I'm feeling of everything around me that's alive and living is making my touch create memories that remind me that life is truly amazing.


I smell the roses and the violets and the sweet smell that attracts the bees, the salty air fromthe sea blowing around in this cool breeze.


I can taste the smell from my nose the seas so salty it's blue and it glows, taste buds coming alive water drops cuddling this dry mouth of mine.


So many sounds from different places from many places these sounds are created.


Birds humming away children filled with laughter as they play. Ice cream vans play their tunes the soft wind whistles through


The blue sky speaks with silence my "Peaceful Soul is now peacefully smiling.


JidosReality 19.6.15

As my mind twists and turns Deep within inside, My Broken soul has no were to run away and hide.

From all these fear’s my tears create from running down my eye’s, If only I was taught how to laugh then maybe these tears would be a memory I’ll never ever want to be lost.

I’m scared of loneliness I’ve got no one there to love my heart I don’t even have my name on any ones Christmas card.

I’ve lost everything every one I’ve ever loved I took for granted everything they did for me back in the past. The future holds nothing for me but pain trapping me in the dark.

My poor souls crying out can you help me because I’m lost, can you fill this emptiness that I’m feeling in my heart.

I just want it to stop. I don’t want it to ro. I don’t want it to take away the little happiness I have left in my heart.

Because if it’s taken away it will be gone it will be lost, It will never come back to my broken beating heart.

I hope you like my honesty I just don’t know where to start. I’m only looking for love that thing that protects and always warms up your Heart.


Jidos Reality 13.10.11

There is something that i need to let u know, you not only my best mate you are my lover, the only happiness my heart knows.

You are the reason I smile it is amazing when you hold me tight, when you cuddle up to me all day and every night.

This smile is a memory that makes me feel wanted all the time. Every time u touch me I feel a rush deep within my soul, I care for you and I love the trust that we have built.

You are my one and only you are my everything my world. From the first day until today and every other day I will always love you and make sure you are ok.


Want to hold you when you are lonely and be the reason you smile, I will always be there for you whenever you need a shoulder to cry on.

Love you and only you always


Jidos Reality

Scars all over my face on my hands on my knees, they all over the place each one brought alive with a different story to tell.

Some have been an Accident others have put me through Hell.
The situation was never easy been in a place where greed was envy.

Watching your friends turn into enemy’s, using you as the bate like Sharks circling around patiently waiting.

The Scars. On my fists remind me of the walls I used to hit, when the world made Me Angry it made me think it hatted me.

My hands would hurt with pain as all the Hate Rushed through me; the Scars on my face were from a story book that lost a page.

I felt like A Drunk I couldn’t stand like a man, I was angry at the Bottle so I picked it up and smashed my face.

The Scars on My Lip were broken and confused, the Scars on My back had me used and abused.

The Scars on My Legs had lost many friends; tattoos all over my body to hide the Scars that make me feel sorry.

Every one with a story to tell all over my body.

JidosReality 9.5.12

With My Hands on my Head my head to the pillow the pains so deep like a Cold Winters Willow.

In my mind I’m a fighter My Hearts the lighter my soul sparks it up like a fluid lighter.

This Poem Isn’t for you it’s for me Reality is Twisted it will never set you free, a poet suffering with arthritis for every word spoken an emotion starts to think.

And brings out everything at the moment that I think, I’ll be self-destructing mind blowing crushing Poetry searching because they never saw what I could see.

My Pen. wasn’t lazy it learned lessons from the words it had created, it gets a “Rush” every time my hand picks it up to Create Poetry from the heart.

It has a life of its own every Letter picks it’s Poem, every Word has a Sound that the pen helps bring out.

JidosReality 5.5.13

Does Your Shadow have a Reflection? Is a question that gets you guessing!

Could it be alive the only one thing that has never left you.

See the day you know your Time is Over is the day when you turn around and take a look over your shoulder.

As your eyes start to see your Shocked Heart starts to beat slower, Polaroid pictures capturing a Silent World, caught in a moment.

Thoughts watching and pacing Pausing Time as it’s created, no Mirrors for your Reflection see it’s about to be taken.

No mistaken it’s true Your Shadows ready to leave you and trade places with Your Eyes and stand there and watch you.

As you Wonder and Think and feel every Memory that Speaks your body gets cold your heart beats away slow.

Every beat is a step running around trying to capture Tears in your head.

You Shadow shows you why it never spoke or touched you.

Your Reflection was the only face that its mirror ever knew.

Jidos Reality 16.6.13

Twin type of lines they see a Pen and start writing, creating many Words that letters come out rushing.

Holding onto your Imagination this pen is alive Heart Beat Blushing, Depression touched it, could you ever trust it?

As My Eyes watched your whole world fade away, like a Mirage in a desert, sand games the sun would play.

Blue skies with no Stars small trees searching for shade, I’m as nerves as a Tear Drop that’s about to be caught by a smile.

My stomach is filled with Butterfly’s that have no were to hide, I’m shacking like a cloud that’s filled with Thunder, that’s about to bite.

I’m sweating like The Desert in the summer time, that has seen a mirage late at night.

I tell myself to be yourself because everyone is already taken, if words had no meaning and, Letters stopped Speaking.

Reality would fade away into a Lost Dream searching for some meaning.

Jidos Reality 19.4.13

I had to write this for you I have to let you know, you always make My Heart Happy but now it’s sad because you got to go.

You picked me up when I was down and showed me how To Smile you always seem to bring life into this Broken Heart of mine.

You truly amazing my Angel you one of a kind, you the happiness to the smile on my face, every time I feel down I close my eyes and remember what you always say.

Don’t worry my friend everything will be okay, and I thank you for this from the bottom of my heart you will always be My Best Mate.

So Good By my good friend till we need another day.

Love Loads JidosReality

I want to Scream and need to explode hold my breath and close my eyes, and watch My Thoughts take my soul into this dream that I hold.


Cold pain is the expression my face refuses to show, in This Dream my emotions whisper as my silence screams searching for away out of this cold.


Many memory’s torn apart they beauty would never be told, memory’s as long as story books with No Happy Endings to calm my soul.


This dream is The Reality were my thoughts always remind me, once you lost you can’t be found.


It’s heart had No Beat it’s as cold as the winters kiss, it makes your body shake and pulls the life out of it every day.


Your thoughts are now against you.You Scream and Shout but the words are always empty.


My eyes see pain and suffering all this Trusting has lead to nothing.


This Dream is my reality it’s as alive as the world my eyes see.


JidosReality 5.5.13

Depression Took Him somewhere to a place were his thoughts lived and spoke the truth.


Locked away in A Dark and lonely room, with no windows to look out at the lovely sight of the only full moon.


The Heart Beat of the Earth starts to show it’s rainbow, hiding with Fairies and pixie dust, when magic is created a life is born.


Sweet Smiles and cold Tears till we die, only the memory keeps ones name alive, you Pop a Pill when you have a head ache, I pop a pill to Keep me Sane.


See this brain can not think for it’s self it needs some help, it’s Trapped in a word of Depression all by its self.


Doctors and Therapists try to figure it out, but the deeper they go the more this Depression comes out.


Is it time to give up or should I stand up and shout, take this situation and create it into a laugh that’s so loud.


Depletion took him somewhere were he would never feel proud.


JidosReality 27.3.12

Look at that Reflection what can it say? Such a different world what a different day.

Don’t be sad it’s not your problem and it’s not your solution that caused this problem to rot.

I tell you its not it’s a Memory we know because we felt it a lot, it feels like it lost it’s self ******* In a knot.

Attracted to the Mirror like cheese to a piece of bread Toasted or not.


I stand and I stare My Eyes wonder what’s there! This reflection they see make no noise as it screams.

It’s the every thought in My Head the voice that’s always there The Sadness that shatters all my laughter like it cares.

Many memory’s with different voices Running Fast somewhere in my head, I close my eyes and try to think, but the more I think it hurts from deep within.

I try to search for the answers to the questions that are haunting me, I take a look at this reflection but there’s nothing there but Me Watching Me.


JidosReality 2.2.13

And then it happened A Secret and Words that could never be spoken, lost in the reflection of a shadow were hatred and love become happiness.

A situation you could never answer leaving you In a position, of thoughts and emotions.

Anger and happiness confuse the soul as it searches for answers to to questions it’s been told.

A deep hole rotting and first fighting some times two faced hiding away and crying, always waiting.

A lost puzzle were pieces would never fit into a world, with out sadness you will never be missed.

The pure joy of happiness how could this be? that a secret could live and eat away at me.

And it makes me wonder does the Apple really fall close to its tree, the truth can not be spoken there will be no hearts broken.

Secrets come alive like A Mid Night Emotion how could you find your self when the secret learns how to live.

Jidos Reality 3.4.13

I meet a spider one day who could never stop it always shacked, the days became long 10 seconds later there was no one there to hate.


One day I had to walk into a place that was Filled with Misery, there was hatred around sadness was it’s destiny.


The people all around were Lost souls that needed resting, it had taken days for me to understand how far away my addiction had taken me.


A voice from inside was screaming at me to stop, it echoed in my ears and was as silent as a water drop.


My addiction held me close as I was the Heart Beat of it’s every need, our secret kept it alive like a smile wanting to cry.


I'm now trapped in the same world were my thoughts come to hide The Reality my eyes see make them want to shout and never breath.


All the words in my head are as confusing as the spiders web “I meet a Spider” one day who never cared and only waited for death.


Jidos Reality 8.11.12

Look at a picture of your self in the dark everything will be turning over, no body cares you always thought that.


I was always a Lost Soul always searching for love, creating words and situations that would always turn on the light of random pictures my eyes see.


Making my heart beat never stopping, like the sea with the wind blowing confusing the weather whilst I’m rowing in my little boat.



The birds flying above the water safe from the emotion we feel called fear, we are our own Artist painting pictures we want this world to see.


This little Light of Mine always shines but not for me, my days have long minutes and plenty seconds running away from me.


Every step that I take makes My Destiny run away, hide and sick is the game I have to loose if I want to play.


Take a look at a picture of your self in the dark everyday.


Jidos Reality. 20.3.13

The world in your smile comes around the corner to watch me, as your Sadness brightens up my Shadow the further you take it away from me.


My eyes try to call it it’s the only memory with a Reflection that’s been set free, it comes alive when I sleep, I am like My Shadow like how my shadow is to me.


My Words have no voices your smile makes Many Noises that are darker than my shadows tears.


You smile is a story in My Tears Dreams my screams are the soul to your every Heart Beat.


You make me feel like A Silent Picture whispering some were in the wind, your thoughts fill me with Hate and consume me with Rage.


My memories seen to stop every time You Rip you self out, you come from a world that lives in a place were time has stopped.


You secret is The Evil that makes my thoughts rot, you empty and as cold as a rainbow with out life.


Your Light is as bright as the darkness in the night, the stars refuse to shine they never bright when u smile.


You are my Dr. Jackal as I am your Mr. Hyde.


Jidos Reality 20.3.12

Layla Rose this poem is for you because Daddy needs to let you know how much I Love You you the Diamond in my life, the sparkle that keeps me alive.


You take me to a place somewhere in the clouds were the Angels play. My smile is amazed by the laughter that you create.



My soul feels free when I Hold You in my arms close to me, your words are So Sweet when u speak they cuddle me.



You dry the tears from my eyes before I cry, your eyes are so deep they take me to a place were My Heart never bleeds.



They make it come alive I feel a rush running through me, You Love protects me like the thorns on a Rose it sets me free.



When all my problems come around and take me to a place that’s filled with misery, you Love catchers me before I fall and Cuddles me.



Layla you the only Rose in my life that makes me Blush you teach me how to Love and understand how to trust.



You the Angel my eyes see when I breath, you the Paradise in my Heaven the star that shines bright when I need some light to show me.


No wonder why My Happiness sings your Love has given it Wings


Jidos Reality 6.7.13

I Stand Hear like a Picture Painted with an emotion of sadness happiness taken over by the migration of love.



Which costs nothing but tears lost in an ocean of Madness were only pills and doctors live.



One piece lost in a shredded bed on a plate full of salad, your taste has made my tong become abusive.



Batter cod broken life ware’s the mirror who would of knew this little story would become a world lost in a simple chapter.



Mixed with pages of pure knowledge story telling game playing, many answers to simple and lazy days overtaken by sunny laughter.



And scary dreams which seem to Scream out and bite you like a piece of stake I was about to put in my mouth.



Washed down with an Orange taste of fresh Orange juice, the choices I make reflect some sort of attitude you would think that would be the case in-deed.



Words can only create the pens world can you see? It maybe blue ink or black ink a Pad with a Pen with a brush and some colours paint a picture then an emotion  becomes alive in my head.


Jidos Reality 19.5.12

Give me a smile and I’ll be happy for the day, tell me you Love me and I know not everything will be okay.
  


My smile begins to Cry the only life it knows are tears from my eyes, wont you please tell me I'm thinking why?
  


Lost in a wolfs clothing feeling like a sheep that can’t cry, you've gone and made me think you make me angry you make me sick.
  


If I never never we could dream forever holding onto things that we could love forever.


  
No more Strawberry’s or Cheese cakes or sweet things our love craves rain drops consumed by scattered emotions that are all lost.
  


Cold misty nights consuming the only light that I got.The fast wind whispering its not here to catch me when I drop.
  


The earth's ready to take me back as soon as my heart decides to stop, ill be the last one praying from Ashes to Ashes and Dust to Dust.



Jidos Reality 20.1.13

From Life we need more to the meaning as to why Our Hearts sometimes beat rhythms that never Stop Screaming.
  


My lonely Mind forces skies to cry storms of ice, confused swarms of moths erasing out fabric lives.
  


Like a Mirror a Imagination  turns into a true tragedy it’s a sad situation that was never meant to be.
  


My Personality has many actors to play different roles this world wants to see. My Smile is the make-up that I use to hide just how I feel.
  


My Eyes are always searching for a picture only painted for me. My Touch is so cold all it craves is some warm heat.
  


My Taste is always bitter from the lies my thoughts always speak. My “
Soul smells of roses that were never send to me.
  


My Words make no noises they as silent as the church bells that call us to pray from deep with-in.
  


My Personality is split and left all alone like an old willow tree. From Life we need more to the meaning as to why our hearts sometimes beat rhythms that never stop screaming.


Jidos Reality 28.1.13

Happiness is the most amazing memory, It’s the life to our hearts the imagination to our dreams.
  


The smile to our Tears everything our memory thinks, and when death comes we may leave the rest to our Guardian Angel.  
  


Who’s destiny is to help us back to the other world we came from to rest in our Cradle a place where we could be our selves.
  


And not worry if our personality’s will be taken, a place where Soul Searching becomes a thought not so easily mistaken.
  


Imagination dreaming fast catching this memory our destiny has taken, the past now has a meaning it now makes scene’s to what I'm feeling.
  


The future was always waiting for This Memory to come and take it, Happiness may be amazing but when it’s gone Anger will satisfy your Reflections craving.
  

Jidos Reality 6.2.13

It was as though my world was in a Dream with no road, it felt like I was brought here to do as I was told.
  


Even my alarm would wake me up in the morning to tell me I had to go, it’s half four in the morning and I'm surrounded by Silence sleeping in the cold.


My mind wants to be warm in my bed and not out here in this snow Cash Machines turn they faces as ******* Bins take they places.
  


My eyes beg me to sleep as my body becomes weak I'm cleaning this shop with a bucket of water and some bleach.
  


I've got to Hoover and mop and clean up these ***** spots, the toilet is blocked its stuffed and shouting out loud.
  


Everything that I touch must be left looking as bright as a star must smell so refreshing attracting nothing but beauty.
  


Life as a cleaner wish my wages felt bigger, I'm caught in a moment trapped like a hamster there’s no slowing.    
  


I'm cadged like The Dirt that you walk on in the street, there’s no beginning to any good this Life as a Cleaner only gets harder.


Jidos Reality 5.12.12

I don’t know why I stopped to express myself and Write it feels like I've been in an accident, forgetting how to use a fork and knife.


Got to ask the waiter for a spoon looks like ill be having soup tonight, I hit a brick wall the night I felt my Poem Book shut its self up tight.


I got chills in my bones My Pen had forgotten how to write, these withdrawals of my thoughts seem to want to run away and hide.


They've given up this fight my sanity come alive with this pen when I write; every word is Crushed into pieces each one searching for a fight.


It felt like been in an old house Scared and Haunted as I write My Pen picked me up and took all this pain out of my life.



It taught me how to think and stop my thoughts from twisting me deep inside, my eyes would always light up and wonder at about what I write.


The Ink is my best friend on every line that has never tested me, every word has a meaning and My Pen shows me what I'm feeling.


Jidos Reality 5.12.12

They were staring at me with Evil looking eyes; with not funny faces this dream had come alive.


It’s making me scared to sleep at night; I hear knocking at the door and can feel this dream is filled with horrible thing’s to show my eyes.


I'm scared but as much as I bite my pillow it can’t do anything to make me smile, The evil is hear it’s come to be my friend tonight.


Won’t you help me I Scream and Shout and Cry! This dream is a lonely feeling I have to get control and a hold of it tonight.


It makes me so scared it got a hunger that bites this horrible dream is something that will always be the reason I don’t smile at night.


It makes me numb been in the dark not able to move feels like I'm stuck Paralysed from the bottom to the top, my eyes are open and screaming wake up!


I'm trapped in a dream that has no end to its start; I'm lost in a world that’s brought fear to my heart.


My heart beats faster raging as it runs; this dream is a thing taking me were horrors scream out because they lost.


Jidos Reality 30.11.12

The Best Dreams I have are when I dream about you, because not only do you know that I miss you, I can see it in your eyes your smile misses me to.



The laughter all around in this dream is such a Beautiful feeling what a lovely memory you bring.



Every time I sit down and smile when I think of you, and missing you is hard so My Tears cry for you.



The sweet sound of your voice as I see Angels all around you, You closer to me now more than I would have ever knew.



My world turned up-side down the day I heard I Lost you you now sleeping in a dream that’s Peacefully following you.



Your soul is like a light when it gets dark thinking about you, I miss you so much and its hard not thinking about you.



Your eye’s were amazing always filled with love around you, Your smile is a memory kept in my heart just for you.



You touch is my only wish so every day I send a Dream to Cuddle you. Ray Ray I love you now and forever and my heart knows you love and miss me two.



Jidos Reality 2.12.12     “Dedicated to my little sister who passed away Rahilla”

I hate what you have done to my life; I hope it makes you happy destroying everything in my smile.


I hate you smile I hate the way you cry, I hate every emotion in your smile, I hate all the time that you talked when your shadow never seen what I could see.


I hate every time you tried to talk to me, I hate the way you think when you thinking about writing to me.


How could I ever see? Why do you make me hate? Why do you break my every heart beat it tries to make?


How can you take away the laughter to my world and throw it away?  Why do you have a heart that’s filled with so much hate?


How can you hate me for all the things that are wrong that come your way? I hate the way your eyes try to lie as they watch me cry.


I'm holding onto this smile that I keep hidden some were in-side, I live for the day when hate was out of my life.


Jidos Reality 25.11.12

I'm as nervous as a Tear Drop that’s about to be caught by a smile, my stomach is filled with butterfly’s that have no were to hide.



I'm shaking like a cloud that’s filled with thunder that’s about to bite, I'm sweating like the desert in the summer time.



That has just seen a mirage lost some were in the dark night. My thoughts create visions of my emotions slipping bye.



I wonder why they whisper as each one comes alive; they Trapped in my head all fighting for a place to hide.



My smile try’s to catch them but the reflection in the mirror has already got them, the words that I speak seem to have no meaning to what they think.



To lie would make me think has the truth just left me, the truth is the beginning of the past, the weakest link to every question that we ask.



A silent word that slowly eats away fast, many lies become long Shadows trying to open up doors that are locked.



The truth cannot be replaced even when memories have lost they place, I'm as nervous as a Tear Drop that will be lost some were in the past.



Jidos Reality 19.1.12

I'm sorry you gone and taken away from my life, just to let you know you will always be my best mate for life.



I can feel you smiling now because the Angels are holding you tight, my friend I Miss You Loads everyday and all night.



You will always be in my thoughts and make my smile come alive; you always find away to show me my life is al-right.



I wish I could hold you and see that smile in your eyes, I miss you that’s right that’s the truth I can’t lie the memory you have given me is an emotion that’s nice.



So till I meet you again my good friend Good bye good night and please sleep tight just know that your memory is locked away deep inside.



Were all my happiness lives that makes me smile all the time.



Jidos Reality 8.11.11

My mind is Blocked it’s broken like a stone, this rizzla I'm holding is the only life that I know.



Go away and run away see my soul has become cold, it’s trapped in the past its future could never be told.



It’s lost on a rough and bendy looking road Silence is alive but lost in a dream were many story’s could never be told.



It’s looking for the cradle where it came from before it was born, a place that has no destiny only time that protects its soul.



Where words have no meaning and memories are never known, where sound makes no noise and every feeling keeps you cold.



Every touch has no dream for a moment you wish you were free, to hold onto your life as it teaches you how to breath.



My smile craves for a cuddle but it’s locked up in a dark little cupboard, secrets whisper things that I never what to see when I sleep.



Go away and don’t look back at this thing that’s taken hold of me.



Jidos Reality 18.11.1

All These Problems in my life are putting me in a position that’s not right. Turning My Life into a misery and I ain't got the Anger in me to fight.



It’s making me wonder is there more to this life, I never asked it to come along and take away my smile.



Now it’s got me thinking what can I do to make this right, how can I Forgive and forget?

This Pain I feel inside.



My tears cry they own tears of tears without any smiles, with questions Wondering Whispering Shouting out why?



After I talk to you and lie to you, look into my eyes, everyday is a Struggle all these problems have come alive.



I want to rip out every Heat Beat I feel inside, destroy every answer that has a question why?



I'm sad but not a coward that would take his life, there’s no more love hear that feelings been gone a while.



I'm trying to be calm like snow falling on ice, my world is so cold it’s broken up like ice, every piece has a meaning it’s melting away my smile.

All These Problems that I have are destroying my life.



Jidos Reality 13.7.12

I can’t wait till I can hold you in my arms all night and watch your smile and feel your heart beating against mine.



I will always be your mum and your best mate, you will always be the reason I smile every day.



When you need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on, when you need a cuddle when you find things are hard.



You the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life and I thank you for this, I will make sure you will always get your every wish.



From today and tomorrow and for the rest of our life’s, Me and S.J will always be by your side, we would like to thank you for all the love you have brought into our life’s.



See this smile is a memory we both treasure all the time, our happiness is a dream come true because of you.



So till we see you smile and beautiful sparkle in your eye’s I’ll keep you warm and safe, in that special place were life is made.



Wrote this poem for “Hayley & S.J”



Jidos Reality 17.7.12

I love it when I see a smile all over your face; it’s such a lovely memory what a beautiful place.



You not only like my Mum but one of my best mates, you always there for me to make me happy no matter what it takes.



You keep my heart strong as I forget all my fears every day, your heart is warm and lovely like an Angel you can never be replaced.



You dry my tears when I cry and replace them with a smile all over my face, when the days are dark and my mind was cold as snow.



You wrapped your warm “Angel Wings” around me and made sure I was warm, you calm the storm in my head and made “My Heart Beat” Beat again.



When my world is upside down you take me to a place where happiness comes from.



Jidos Reality 8.11.12

If only they could understand were I've been and how far I've come, this smile on my face is a Polarod Picture full of fun.



With love and cuddles there’s always a shoulder for you to cry on, it’s amazing because The Last Piece to my puzzle has been found.



I love my x-box the adventure in this game has just begun, got the keys to the Bat Mobile Gotham City here I come.



See the Joker thinks his funny until Robin comes along, my heart is like a diamond it sparkles all day long.



My smile is a memory that catchers you when you fall, I'm strong and I'm a leader and I’ll always be there when you need me.



My I-pad has an app that’s so relaxing when I need it, I'm **** and I'm Naughty I love teasing as you please me.



Hears the key to my heart love it as you become part of my destiny.



This poem I wrote for my friend “K J Phillips”



Jidos Reality  1.11.12

From the moment we first set eyes on each other, from the first Kiss the first Smile all the times when we held each other.


The late night talks I was hers she was mine we were Lovers,two friendship rings for life we forgot about the others.


The Love that we had was so strong there was no other, nothing could ever come and take away this dream she was my lover.


Her smile held the key to the trust we had build for each other, we watched the day’s go by, with Seconds turning into many Hours.


Many flowers plenty Roses Blushing to the sound of her Heart Beat, we could see the light in our eye’s.


As far away as the stars that float some were in the sky, It was Magical mind blowing like watching sparkles falling out the sky.


I caught her Tear's before she cried put it close to my heart and made it smile.


Her soft Touch had me hypnotised from the start like Water drop’s getting lost in a bubble spinning fast.

Jidos Reality 13.7.12