for once in my life I am not the needy, but the needed.

the panic attacks are more frequent and the tears seem to flow continuously. I could probably produce enough salt water to house some sea creatures.

I'd never been this low before. I guess the pressure of my thoughts pressed hard enough to drop me to my knees.

If you are uncomfortable when you look in the mirror,
keep in mind:
We spent thousands of years
trying to convince the earth
she was flat.

We wrote her maps as evidence of the things we saw;
and she believed them.
She cried tsunamis, and had earthquake breakdowns.

Keep in mind: the Sun never gave up hope.
The earth will keep spinning and breathing
the star-dusty space void of encouragement.

Next time you look in the mirror
and second-guess your potential divinity,
remember you will keep shining and living.

Because the Sun is out there
believing in you,
compensating for lack of the human capacity
to treat each other empathically.

You don’t need proof or approval
to be exactly what you are;
Eventually everyone will see
your infinite beauty.

I. I've heard that attaining happiness is as easy as waking up and saying 'I want to be happy.' I can't even bring myself close to accomplishing this and I'm starting to think that I don't want to get better.

II. for as long as I can remember my mind and my heart have always stood in opposition with each other and every decision I made would be followed by regret. I won't be able to succeed if both exist at once so maybe I'll be even more successful if I hit a vein and neither of them exist anymore.

III. I've always felt reluctant towards change which is probably why i can't just decide to be happy. I've found comfort in the depression and now I can't look elsewhere.

IV. if it was up to my heart I would have been happy years ago. if it were up to my brain I'd "know too much" to be happy.