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 Mar 2014 jessika michele
Kari
Teeth ground to dust
Dirt, where it lies
6 feet under    wringing    hands
Ringing knell,    bells burned into
Ears popping vessels out to sea
Storms making waves causing wrecks
Biting nails between teeth
Ground to   dust.
I struggle with a major anxiety disorder. This is what it looks like.
 Feb 2014 jessika michele
Mikaila
When I was seven
I asked my aunt how she knew that there was a god.
She told me
To go wait in the car.

When I was twelve
I asked my teacher
Why so many cultures that never intersected
Thought their gods wanted human blood.
He told me
To go sit at my desk.

When I was fifteen
I asked my peers
If they thought heaven and hell
Were manmade.
They told me
To talk about something else.

Apparently
This is not a world for questions.

But
Last week I asked my friend
If maybe this is hell
And we are being punished
And we fear death because it is our release
And we are not meant to have that until we are broken.
I asked
If maybe instead
This is heaven
And this is the best we will get
And nothing is ever so simple as
Good
Or evil.

But
She told me to stop asking questions
That scared her.
****
i wish we could drop acid
on a rolling hill like earthly ocean
waves,
summer breeze swiftly rocking
us back and forth in the
twisting realities, and
folding, condensing, expanding
visions, exploding in our
open, wide eyes.

i wish i could kiss you
and feel flowers grow from
your lips,
my ******* turning into
opening roses
soft and voluptuous under your
persistent hands.

get grass in my hair,
and count each and every one of the
angrily pulsating stars above us
as we lay naked somewhere
where reality can't breach.

let me comfortably say after
that i have lost my virginity;

because it'll be the first time i've ever
made love to a god.
Just another morning,
just another day.
Drag myself to the sink,
splash some water on my face.

Sometimes I look down,
at my trembling hands.
I want to wash them clean,
but I can't.
The stains are too deep,
skin like sand.

I work in a cubicle,
nine to five every week.
I come home to a wife and kids,
who don't understand me.

And every single night,
right before I go to bed,
I pray that these demons,
will leave my head.
Somethings that I've done,
are better left dead.

I feel the knife inside me,
twisting and digging in.
It's serrated edges tearing,
at the flesh and skin.

I feel the bullets sinking,
into my broken heart.
Sometimes it's easier,
to just hit restart.
I wish this world would realize,
war is hard.

I wish this world would realize,
war is hard,
on a heart,
now torn apart.
Copyright Barry Pietrantonio
 Feb 2014 jessika michele
Mikaila
-
 Feb 2014 jessika michele
Mikaila
-
I am a very simple person.
I am not an easy person,
But I am simple.
And here is the thing:
Either you WILL **** me
Or you WILL save me.
I see you looking for your way out
But darling
I told you this was how it was
The moment I met you.
I knew you'd get here and I told you so.
And now...
Now either you will make me suffer
Or you will make me smile.
And I wish it weren't so
But neither of us has control of that anymore.
 Feb 2014 jessika michele
Mikaila
I think when god punches you in the stomach, he's waiting to see
If you'll grovel on the floor
Or straighten back up and say, "I will make something beautiful of this, just to spite you."
But then again,
We have never been on good terms, he and I.
That was it,
my greatest fear,
bringing my greatest tear,
a old man unable to keep his hands still,
there is no cure, no pill,
to make it stop,
he stood there unable to stop the shaking,
unable to to be the one faking,
its getting worse and I can feel it,
I can see not being able to write a little bit,
and I am terrified.
My future standing in front of me,
like seeing an island when out to sea,
I know I will get there,
so I keep my hopes up and down I stare,
at the man who can't stop or grip a pen,
there is a now and always a then,
and my fate of being unable to do,
wishing to stop and feel new,
but I have to accept,
I'll be that old man too
I have a tremor and I know it's only going to get worse...im scared of having my kids shave my face because I can't grip a razor any more
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