its mornings like this one
that I wonder if I have a problem
slumped over
shaking
a symphony of heaves being shared with the porcelain
waking up next to someone I certainly shouldn't be
broke
and broken
bruised
curious little indications
that the night before
I was yet again out of control

its mornings like this one
I don't know that girl in the mirror
she's crass and careless
unwavering in her "i'm hard" demeanor
empty
with only the faintest of memories
of who she used to be
drowning in the onslaught of bubbling beverages
she does it to herself though
leaving me with the aftermath

its mornings like this one
id like to ****** that reflection
i'm just not that selfish

ive shunned that part of me
that stupid, ignorant heart of mine
that spot that knows you exist
I found my pain today
in my best friends eyes
his heart was breaking
and tore open my wounds like they belonged to him
he asked me not to cry
but supplied
my brain with memories
of pain
of losing you just the same
as he lost her
lies and deceit
the knife that took my life
dropped at my feet
watch it glisten
with the last light of love
flickering ever so gently
to a far off glow
and extinguished
he shunned his too
these stupid hearts of ours
what good are they anyway?
to life ever present
the blood flowing and pleasant
Pleasant?
what the **** does that even mean?
keep striving for the dream?
goals and achievement's and such?
I wish I could say
"I miss you this much"
but presently
I pleasantly
give no *****

I've never been so addicted. It made all the loud things a distant lull
as the background faded and blurred. All that was bright became a soft golden halo
that you wore so well. The only colors that mattered, the green in your eyes
the flush on your cheeks
the pearl white of the smile that stung so deep and caught my breath.
Injected further than veins. Dilating my pupils and exploring my brain.
Taking me to my darkest of depths and resurfacing to just barely breathe.
I sold my soul for a taste.
That utter bliss that kept me awake,
raging through the darkness with a match light torch.
My horse with no armor and no shield for my heart.
You gave me the purest of all the drugs.
Watched me slip, sink into your grip and carried me home.
Only to open me up and begin to sip,
from my fountain that flowed so freely.
You drank and drank and drank,
never stopped to see me.
The fire that burned so fierce,
that kept you warm and gave you peace,
is now but a fever of withdrawal.
The tears that flow,
every hour
no
every day
no
maybe once a week now
no
the shakes that have eased
the pain that flows and ebbs with sleep
the smile that comes a little more often now.
I'm getting clean you see.
The sick has almost passed.
This course of you, is running its last.

can we just tell each other fairy tales?
feigning adventure that takes us beyond
and taste so real
how fantastic would that be

lets fabricate
assimilate
every inch of our subconscious

intertwine them
romanticize on the make believe
fall in love with oblivion

where innocence lives
and dances freely in the breeze
of  turquoise trees
under the watchful eye of night shaded clouds

sing to me with the voice I know you have
sing me the parable
of the princess you gave your life for

and maybe I can tell you the tale
of the mage who can bring you back