I'm so sorry baby
It's not your fault
Mommy's just sad
I'm so sorry baby
I tried to keep it in
I tried to hide it
But it hurts so badly
Don't be sad please
Mommy needs your smile
I know you're scared
I didn't mean to yell
You're the only thing I love
But right now I hurt like hell
Please baby try
To understand
Mommy needs a minute
My strength has depleted
My will has all but left
I'm holding on for you
I'd never tell you that
A selfish heavy burden
But you're all that I have left
Please be patient with my tears
Mommy will be ok soon
We'll read a bedtime story
And gaze up at the moon
Things will be fine again tomorrow
With a little sleepless rest
To ease some of the sorrow
So I can be your mom again

I spend each day counting the minutes until it's over
Holding on to nothing more than strings of guilt and obligation
What love can I give to this little boy?
When all my thoughts are screaming to die
I wonder how much longer until they tell me he'll be better off without me.

The allure of your darkness was swept across my sky with the frigid winds outside the pane.
Perhaps for no other reason than to remind me of my own.
Your consuming presence is heavy in the reality of your absence.
A keen awareness battles the anxious tremors as I realize it is all a product of myself.
Dark clouds I have painted in my own sky. A cloak for that I don't want to see. A reflection I may not recognize nor do I wish to confront.
What that may be is a mystery, even now.
A soothing relief, perhaps. For it was never really you. A mere metaphor and nothing more. A tool. A key to unlock another passage of my halls I've yet to travel.
If only I could build up the courage to open the door.

The perpetual longing for this desire I can't quite put into words has washed over me like a subtle wave. Drowning me with this agonizing emotion which cannot be quelled. This empty void that plagues me like an unquenchable thirst. I'm not sure I could fill it, even if knew exactly what "it" was to begin with.

I have an autumn soul
For I am a child of the fall
And in the dying chill
You'll see the beauty of it all
My light is warm and soothing
But there is a frigid side
For lurking in the shadows
A wintry pain resides
So knit it all together
And bundle your heart tight
Beneath the hooded sweaters
Lies the darkness and the light.

The lighting flashes in synchrony with the neurons firing rapidly in my pounding skull.
The night sky is exploding within itself,
Reflecting my inner turmoil.
A hopeless omen foreshadowing my misery..
For there will be no relief tonight,
as the thunder rages on in the darkness.

Love may be the most powerful force..
A joyous, light feeling,
Embodying the true meaning of happiness...
It's unworldly,
Esoteric.
But in my opinion,
Nothing makes you feel more alive than pain.
The all consuming agony.
The truest reminder of the human condition.
As your spirit begs..
Pleads..
With every essence of your being,
Please just let me out...
PLEASE!
it's too much, I can't bear it..
Held captive in one's own skin
The blissful torment of solitude.
That's being alive.
And darling,
I sure am living.