I'm afraid sleeping soundly only occurs after a fifth of whiskey
The void of sound is achieved by borderline alcohol poisoning
A deafness like the still of the night
When all things fade to black
Until one awakes with the dreadful ringing
Of bad decisions in ones ears
Like the incessant hum
Of Brain cells as they quiver and die

I feel like an alien in my own skin again
The overwhelming urge to leave my body radiates through me like an anxious tremor
I try to convey my angst to those around
But it seems my words are unable to articulate my all consuming yearning
The desire for some reassurance is annihilated by blank stares and misconstrued words against fragile egos drowned in self absorption
It's pure agony
Please tell me that someday it will all be okay
That I will align with a purpose and feel a tranquil sense of fulfillment
Instead of this incessant energy running rampant throughout my tiny frame
Surely I'm bound to spontaneously combust
For I fear the profound is churning rapidly without any hope of release
And it's only a matter of time until I burst within the darkness.

In my mind you're a scientist
That sadistic smile sparkles
With the glow of your white lab coat
Another day of tweaking the variables
Measuring the effects of each experiment
Carefully calibrating the potency of your words
To acquire a more spectacular combustion
All just to see
If the power of your consuming lust
Can put out the flames once more
Or if your fragile test subject
Will finally reach her breaking point
And shatter into a state of no return.

No light may fall upon my skin
To heal the darkness that dwells within
Draw the curtains and pull the shade
As you peer into these eyes of jade
A haunted glimpse of pain concealed
The horror if it's all revealed
It's the pity that I dread
I'd rather have disgust instead
If it's truth that you seek
Perhaps I'll show a little peek
I'm not looking for your absolution
Spare the awful light pollution
I'm not one to try to save
I prefer the dark inside my cave.

My hopeful thoughts have shimmered away,
Like fireflies in the darkness of summer nights..
I thought I saw a spark..
But now it's gone...
I search in the shadows,
But once again it has retreated.
I'm left to wonder if it was my imagination again..
A mere facade in the night.
Impulsively I seek to numb it,
But in the anguish I may find something better than relief...
To feel it all with the burning realization
That there was nothing ever there.

Today or tomorrow.
I'll never be able to tell you.
To be reached out for.
To see a hand appear out of thin air.
Seeking only my hand.
I've seen it happen in movies.
Where she looks at him.
And it's only him she wants to see in that moment.
That must be an amazing feeling.

To be written about in prose.
To be an infection on someone's mind.
So much so that they need a release.
So they write, or they call just to hear their voice.

Something else to be imagined.
Like flight. Escaping.
In one life maybe.

The week of the moon
Always comes way too soon
As it boasts so full in the sky
Yet here I am empty
Good spirits have left me
Cursing, asking why
The cycle's completed
As I lay here depleted
Watching the minutes go by
Emotions are churning
My body is burning
Revolting at its cue
nature, my friend
I'd like this end
But there's not much She can do
In misery I wait
With this cruel twist of fate
For it all to start anew.