Brought up by the stain of my surnames identity
I wiped away my face to see the mask of my vulnerability
I scrounged up the pieces to make this body whole
So, does this body still seem deficient like its told?
Repetition of mistakes, my benevolence believes
Brought up by love but then left to just leave
like the horizons where too distant for me to reach
thus, I pose pondering whats easy to achieve
Not because ambitions were little and in between
but because the sea bed was given the name beauty queen
Something no one else sees is known to be prettier then me
So, I'm left to subjection, my minds yearning to plead

Mountains’ majesty

a cave of amethyst brews

confidence in its own perfection

near the peak peeking into the

crayon colored clouds.


Desire for a moment free from earth

where right above our heads

the world is colorfully candid

through a foggy wine-stained film.


Glossy sun through glossy eyes

entices the mind enough

to lift legs one thousand and two

steps up the mountain

coiling through indigo trees

on turquoise trails until

we pass the purple threshold

where it’s best to pass the time.


Pomegranate lips smile

stretching pomegranate skin

yours tastes like otter pops and ***,

mine I imagine is similar

with a hint of bad decisions.


This reality is unrealistically appetizing

contorting trails contort minds

peaking at the sunset so close

I swear we’re almost there.

(shhh its secret but..)
- a nail perfectly holding two surfaces together
- a flower growing from mud
- a **** protesting and growing in that tiny crack
- mould becoming penicillin and saving people
- that perfectly played set of notes
- officially ending another well written book

(don't look to humans
for perfection
there is no such thing
for the likes of us. no
we are all imperfect)

To those who may ask, how are you? My answer is none to simple. Like an ocean I may say. For I too am filled with currents. Waves flow freely upon my surface. Underneath I have icy depths and the warm inviting shallows. I too am ruled by tides. The pull me back and forth between extremes. Dragging me to the whim of the earth and fate. Flashing between sadness and depression. Loneliness. Anger, to the other end, gods euphoria. Joy, happiness and optimism. And as any ocean does, it too carves out parts of me. Chiseling away at my edges. Wearing me down. Only to bring new sands to my shore and once again rebuild. That is how I am.

take my hand
i'll take you somewhere new
we'll go on an adventure
just us two
we'll laugh and joke
**** and tease
new feelings we'll evoke
we'll dance
pretending we know how
stepping on each others feet
giving everything a chance
sleep underneath the stars
huddling together for warmth
nothing could bother us because the world is ours
we are free to roam
free to explore
take my hand let's go
there's no time to "be bored"

when i met my first boyfriend i was a gaping wound
my personality was the hole my father spent years drilling into my chest
he was dating two other girls at the time
we all knew we were all okay with it
i didn't like it but i kept at it anyway because i needed someone
anyone
to tell me things about myself i could shove in the cavernous chamber of my empty heart to try and stop the bleeding
that isn't to say i didn't love him
i loved him even when he fell asleep without saying good night
even if i hated that
i loved him when i shouldn't have
i stayed with him when he cheated on me because i was so afraid no one else would ever give me a second glance
and because i thought i loved him i did things i wish i could take back, that leave me feeling alone and scared and violated

when i met my second boyfriend i had a crush on somebody else
and i was a scared little girl, far away from home and missing people i could never see again
my personality was a time bomb, ticking ticking ticking it's way to mania or depression or anxiety which is a lot like a little bit of both
the wound in my chest had closed all wrong and the skin was uneven and grey
i held both my hands over the ****
until he pried them away gently
keeping me distracted with conversation about books and off handed compliments

when i met my second boyfriend i was scared because i could never figure out exactly what he wanted
or what i was doing with someone so clearly out of my league
i loved him before i noticed that i loved him
and it hit me like a ton of bricks the first time i saw him
when i opened the door and the first thing he did was open his arms
and i was terrified because i am gunshy in every sense of the word
i don't like loud sudden noises and i don't like loud sudden emotions
but he was gentle even as he touched all the rough edges of me

when i told him i loved him for the first time i said in the typographical equivalent of a whisper
knowing he wouldn't say it back
but he did
when i called him my boyfriend for the first time i'd already been in love with him for months
when he tells me i am beautiful i have trouble believing him
but i paper my body in his words like wallpaper bandaids hoping they will cover up the scars that just won't heal
when i say his name it rolls across my tongue like rock candy; sweet and rough and permanent
when he tells me he loves me, even if he says it ten times a day, it is as new and wonderful as surprising as the first time
when we fight, after we make up, he says i'm sorry, even when it wasn't his fault
and when he looks at me, it's a little easier to keep my hands away from the scar across my chest