A box, that’s all I was left with when I was seven. A box of trouble, pain that haunts me in my sleep waking me up gasping for air. Daddy come back, come back to the house of yesterday where the grass is green, the sky the most perfect shade of blue. Daddy I miss you, I’m stuck here wondering what I did wrong to make you run away. Daddy where are you? My fist are red from bleeding, raw, from beating myself down. My head has open wounds from pounding it against these clean white walls hoping. praying to God they fall down, bringing you back to me. We grew up without a dad, he was somewhere else, too busy for us. Daddy, when are you coming home, do you miss me at all? Daddy you came back, you’re not really here though. You being gone changed you somehow. Look at me! Do you recognize me?Can you remember all of the things we use to do? Do you only remember the bombs, guns, and violence you’ve been around for the last two years? I’m sorry you had to be around that Daddy, even more sorry I lost you in the process. I’m no longer the little girl you thought I would be. I grew up fighting to survive, not being able to trust anyone. I get in trouble and cuss when I get mad. I’m sorry Daddy, please don’t be disappointed. I’m sixteen now, still haunted by those nightmares of you leaving. The box is the same nine years later, in the dream you’re leaving again. You promise me it’ll only be for a little. Daddy I’ve lived this nightmare before and we know it will be awhile before I can hug you again! Dear Mr. President, bring my father home, end this war. All it’s done is tear families apart, ruining the lives of the little ones growing up in the middle of it. I hate you, I hate you for everything you’ve put me through! I’ll never want to travel to Iraq, they knocked down our towers making you leave! They’re the reason I don’t have my Daddy anymore. So forget everything you do to make it so I can sleep peacefully at night! You may have brought his body back in one piece, but, his mind has never been the same since that deployment nine years ago.

My dear
I have never told you
I used to be jealous
Of the moonlight
The way it got to kiss you
Goodnight on the cheek
It cut like a knife
The yearning

In your infuriating eternal oblivion
And I in my juvenile infatuation

I would love nothing more than
To watch you smoulder into ash
By the flame I carried
And kept burning for you.

I'm dying in this house
this room is filled with laughing gas
yet I'm filled with carbon monoxide
bolting through my body
flying through my fibres.
The toxicity settles beneath my skin
the key is lost.

I touched his blurred face, a poorly painted portrait
and his substance melted in the tips of my tired fingers
and fell through like liquid
soaking me with his being. He washes my face away
and become two conjoined clouds.
Sunrise clears the haze over the horizon.
Mistaken again. I'm losing it
my best friend.

The barriers closed around the prison of thought
yet lust, loss and lies creep in through the slits and cracks.
I sit on my burnt bed
and wonder what could have been if there had been no obstacle?
fire cries from my eyes, and
sand sighs through my lungs.
I still felt the poisoned water ingested in my skin.

These feelings of hopelessness
attack me constantly like a tidal wave
And when they do they leave
me feeling like I will forever live
my life being trivial.

It’s something I can’t explain
Like how the wind blows
suddenly and violently and in
it’s aftermath leaves nothing but
pandemonium.

I feel overwhelmed by my own emotions.
My ability to control them
diminishes everyday.
If my future is something that
is in the cards
I want it now.

This feeling of longing for distant places and different people is consuming me.
I long for a life I have never had…
Not something better…
Something different.

I miss someone I have never met…
Someone I am not sure even exists.
I cannot accept that this is all I will
ever be

There is a possibility that things
will change and a possibility it will stay the same.
The odds are it will get worse if
I don’t stop digging myself into a
bottomless pit.

I am screaming silently only I can
hear the harsh sounds of my
stifled screams
The noise is deafening.

I feel like I have been falling off a cliff since the day I was born..
When will I finally slam onto the ground
I am not afraid anymore..

Maybe I need to reach an even
lower rock bottom
before I can stop fighting myself
It comes and goes in gigantic
waves and it leaves me feeling
like I will never be more than this.

             12 September 2013

I know I'm a bit bitter,
And I may be a tad sour,
But didn't you say those same things to me,
When we were together?

You make me want to laugh at your childish ways.
You make me angry and sad at the same time.
I'm a wave of emotion and I know I shouldn't care.
But I do.

You've shown how to identify boys versus men.
Boys will lie and say sweet nothings, only living for the moment.
Men will be thoughtful and think before they speak, planning on forever.

So, next time you want to be "there" for me,
Don't even try.
I don't converse with hypocrites,
Especially not boys who have broke my heart.

I think I'm going to drink a little more
Because I heard you where laughing a little more

It'll explain my bad behavior
You and i know that love never was  in my favor

So write another ******* song about another girl who has done you wrong
      
            you couldn't say that about me.