I’m tired of all back and forth politics
It makes me sick
Like spring
When the pollen hits
Words get manipulated
Bend like contortionist
How unfortunate
That we speak the same language
But entirely different dialects
This is not a test
And if it was
The answer wouldn’t be no or yes
Fill in the blanks
To what you think is best
No wrong answer
So you try to guess
No wrong answer
But your Incorrect

It’s not difficult to put two and two together
To know it won’t go the distance
But insist we still measure
Like if we pretend that we care just enough
We could possibly do better
But I didn’t want tomorrow or a just a few weeks
I was in it for forever
Then everything got misconstrued
The man I said I would never be
I ended up becoming worst then that dude
Trying not to jump to conclusions
But i would always conclude
Trying to stay to true to self
While trying with you
Was impossible
When you were in an impossible mood
Promises were always broken
Lies were beautifully spoken
Doors to our skeletons that were shut closed
Were now exposed to the open
Leaving me to find the right words
To bring us back into focus
Words that don’t exists
So why do we persist?
Even though
We know there is no meaning to this *******br>

There has been so much turbulence
It took me a while to find calm skies to finally be circling
Obstacle after obstacle
My body was fatigue off the hurdling
Only thing that kept me going
Was the good memories
But even those were in jeopardy
As I found the nightmares more nourishing
I found myself not wanting to drive no more
Rather be chauffeured by all my demons
Who manipulated my feelings behind closed doors
Hard to argue when they were always better on the track  
Even though stops signs were ignored
But I was down for the ride
Seatbelt unbuckled
Doubts I had a couple
Quiet was the tunnel
Loud was the collide
My life rolled like film right before my eyes
Out of body experience
I was delirious inside
And I was disgusted on what I saw
I mean the tickets were free
But I wanted to refund it all
So many regrets piled on regrets
Playing Russian roulette with my life's crystal ball
Just because I was too weak to form a fist
Too spineless to stand tall
But that was the old me
A *****
It took a near death experience to final wake me up
and push me
And it felt amazing to revolt
To take the noose that strangled and dangled across my throat
And use that piece of string to find footing
Like touring on tight ropes
The same monster that tried to **** me
Now gives me hope
The same place that broke me
Now shows me the truth through the smoke

I will never die

I will forever reside

Between the delicate whispers

And the roar of the battle cries

To never fold

Because I am gold

Forged between the tamed

That became the uncontrolled

I see
With such clarity
Every stitch of every seam
Every wake of heavy dreams
Every ray of steady beams
I see
With such clarity
The evolution of man
Pearls conjured through a sea of blood
To die on empty sands
I see
With such clarity
Events so muted and small
There said to have not existed
But I witness it all
I see
With such clarity
Life against the lifeless
I see with such clarity
But I yearn for the blindness

Call me

Not by my name

But by the memories we made

The feelings we enslaved  

And the songs that we played

Just call me

Not tomorrow

Or next week

But call me today

I lay awake
My soul solar flared
My eyes moon baked
The folds of my psyche do nothing but excavate
Dreams and aspirations who face each other to annihilate
The bodies in the bodies of water that suffocate
From the gases of the masses of the pools I hydrate
To restore the lost of concentration when I fail to levitate
I love the evolution but the revolution breeds the hate
And evil deeds plant seeds that blossom to ones fate
Stuck In in the middle of these shifting tectonic plates
Being told I'm right on time
Knowing that Im late

I have been having dreams
Actually more like visions
About tight roping on the division
Of two polar opposite positive dimensions
Trying to find my balance
Trying to slay this monster of a challenge
Trying to decipher the fiber of this forgotten passage
This script burns my flaws like gold on a skillet
And my emotion run cold
To where pain I don't feel it
My core divided like a sliced apple
Like the one Adam ate with no limit
Being told by Eve it was good for his soul
Even though it rotten the essence of  his spirit
I know I ****** up
I can just feel it
I danced on the other side too much
But it was just so appealing
Now Im unsure if I'll fuse into the floor
Or scape these high ceilings

Its either you never felt it

Or you felt too much of it

I can tell by the way you dealt with it

Ill treating your authority

Bleeding for the therapy

Nourishing your enemies

All for the love of it

You want to give up on it

But your not even close to being done with it

It provided mediocre times

But now you seek to have fun with it

But answer me this

Why you climb out these crevices

Just to nose dive to die in these pits

You make it so complicated I have to admit

Dressing in garments as fabricated as fabrics should ever want to get

Yet I try to find bliss in the abyss of what I fear to reminisce

Still I can't even fathom the phantoms of what it really all is

So I stare at a refection of a collection of addictive liquid courage

I pour just a bit

I take just a sip

It superheats my core

But I don't dare to ever spit

Because the stronger the proof

The more potent the soothe

And the more potent the soothe

The more spoken the truth

And the more spoken the truth

The purer the youth

So I take this voyage

On murky brown waters inscribe with the clearest of clairvoyance

Enforcing visions upon me I for so long heaved to avoidance

I'll ask again please excuse the annoyance

But do you want to know what I see now?

I see a person being consumed by vices

A drained soul trying to roll a seven with only one die

When its only possible with two loaded dices

Still you vigorously try it

As your body deteriorates on this empty caloric diet

Usually there is a method to the madness

But your anarchy holds no intricate sciences

It just a short cut to out race what slowly but for surely inevitably dying

And out race you do

Leaving nothing but dust in your wake

As you over lap it by two  

To some your a winner

To all your a sinner

But which every way your branches have swayed

The most important part of the day is that they have honestly grew

All your actions are one sided deeds

So what do you claim to have ever done for me?

Except run from me

Block driveways

Disguise pathways

Lock doorways with melted keys

Having me walk on burning sands

Melting the bottoms of my already rotten feet

Yet you continuously encourage me

By speaking a tongue so enticingly sweet

It has me swimming in a tomb full of acient Egyptian

Straight out the farmers kitchen  

Honey

But Its ugly

I drown in its texture

As you religiously lie to me about the glimmer of your treasure

I only begged for the minimum

And received half of that measure

I would have died for you

Lied for you

Cut all ties for you

But now I know better

Now I day dream

Fantasizing about when you need my presence

When you can no longer fight

No longer strong enough to draw your own weapon

Exposed to those you label as foes

Nothing left but to glare at the heavens

Enemies draw near because you hopelessly let them

Praying that my sword will protect you

But It won't be in attendance

I only reserve the blade for my own independence

Why you always speaking voodoo on my name

Trying to turn me violent

By boiling the blood in the canals of my veins

And short circuiting the wires energizing the flows in my brain  

It like you ******

When I crash into the base of my pains

Hoping that I would turn into sand

So you can bury your feet in the grains

Your logic has always been misconstrued

But now its just simply insane

Like... really ******* crazy

Exertion you abuse daily

Your life force steady draining

In attempt to jeopardize my safety

Im just trying to push these rhymes

Before you have me pushing these daises

But no

But Hell noo

But **** noooooo

You too lazy

And revenge like ***** on a plater

Is way too tasty

Its elementary to know that your wrong

But yet sing a song that does nothing but blame me

For the lost of your flame

For the tragedy associated with the syllables of your name

For the distortion of the water mirroring the curves of your frame

All things I have not nothing to do with

But I wish I could claim

Yet your determine to finalize this quest

So you stay unrest

Staying awake to see the sun dying in the horizon

To be silenced by the resurrect of the moons crest

A machine would be impressed

Witnessing you out perform its best

They way you devote your essences trying to obviate mine

A busy schedule

But thats fine

Because you always find time to make time

Why?

You could see so much more

Feel so much more

Do so much more

Be so much more

But you let hate consume your once illuminating core

So this is a warning to a soul I once adored

Free yourself from this self inflicted war

And don't think of me

Not even in the slightest anymore

Each word was heavier then the next

Punctuations were blackholes

Trapping solars through the text

Translations read "I am not afraid of death"

I am however petrified of a timeline

Terrified of an algorithm trying to define the textures of my rhymes

And the tendencies of the contingencies that disorientate the frequencies of the bell chimes

Pitches that were left to malnourish in these chambers

In the same crucible that replaced its rudimentary nature

With walls of foam that absorb the most infinitesimal of vibrations

Along with windows with shades that annihilate rays of the most miniscule of molecules of the nights constellations

I continue mediating

Eternally Waiting

Forever Creating

Until I hear a voice

It slices through the vapors

Telling me to trek and claim terrain

To march to a candice on clay

Even though grass was my choice

Now Im Forced to grow the green In my psyches Elysian fields  

Because as a man dress in all orange  

The color of Freedom will always systematically appeal

Faceless reapers come to visit dressed in business suits for a deal

A contract drawn in blood to harvest my crops for their sacrificial meals

I signed knowing whats to come

And at the time I wished to leave with the skeletons

Hold their robes of night

Dance my digits along their scythe

Because I see the beauty in every one of them

And I would too

That's the purest of truths

If I only knew the right numbers to dial

But I have no clue

So I'll dance in limbo for awhile

Until Deja vu

Because I was promised as a child

That they'll give me a call when its my time

I just hope thats true

I always miscaulate my math

Is the excuse I use when I fall in love to fast

I explain to my audience that there is a gap

That my emotions can never clear

Always misfiring on the obvious

Barely missing the leap  

But never near

Its seems the only thing that hits the target

Is the project of my fear

Able to warp the cosmos

And entirely disappear

Yet is presence is permanent

Like these words I brought before you here

Words you see as just words

No dimensions, weight, or color

Sentences I pour my being into

Yet you see it just like the others

It makes me sick

But I keep it undercover

Because I don't want you to take back what you said

Because those were your thoughts lingering in your head

That the passion surged out

So there is no need for regret

Yes I am destroyed

But I take comfort in knowing you got it off your chest

Destiny has cheated me by forcing me to choose

Between nurturing these thoughts

Or to consume for food

This conundrum feels more redundant

Then any déjà vu

Visions of roads spread by the dozen

With only one them to be  true

The correct one

I wish I knew

But the sun always wakes me up

Too dam soon

You ask me what kind of work is it that I do

Its not that simple even when I try to simplify it to the simplest terms

I promise you

You see my occupation carries vindication of the highest order

I am a gladiator for your so call saviors

Tasked to keep their hands hygienic

While Im charge for the ******

Of your demons because their halos wouldn't let them proceed

You see their aura of light don't shine too bright

In these dark crevasses so they reserve it for me

Because of my gumption that bloomed into a flower

 Giving  me the power to take the fruit from off of the tree

To bath in its juices

To elevated to a degree

Where even god's hand couldn't reach a stitch on my tee

So thats what I do

I choke out your fiends until they turn a beautiful blue

I feel the agony with in me that resembles an alien to you

A suffering that cannot be visualized but felt

Such as the wind blew

Through and into the emptiness of your sea

All for free so you can be free

Not once did I ever charge a tangible fee

Not once did you offer to reward me for my deeds

So please

Don't ask me about it

You stay dormant to the torment because I allow it

Equivalent  exchange what the ******* know about it ?

Not a dam thing

So don't worry about my profession

Stay dancing within the gates of your heaven

While I do war with your devils in a field of your restricted dimensions

In hope that one day you will abandon all these ******* questions

Im transforming
My spiral ladders are morphing
My ivory contorting on wires of string
Put to dance like a jester before it's grasious king
My heart no longer sings
And my mind can no longer think
I carry a lobotomize container of gray matter
The shell shattered
So I flush it down the sink
A million fragments left to float in my river of wine
A million reasons to bloom
A million and two reasons to die

Your truth sounds slow and disorientated
Like film left to marinate in the sun
Your equilibrium fluxes
Because in one hand you grow a flower
In the other you a tote a gun
Fiends you thought you put to rest
Are now agile and sprung
Hope where there was
Is now barren and overrun
By silhouettes of soldiers that strip you naked of your eden
Holding you still
While they dance and fornicate with the curves of your freedom
A ****** she was
Now she can't stop bleeding
Drug laced memories are measured to be eaten
Then sold like gold to a punisher of felonies
Tasting so heavenly
The poison gets the best of me
But not the death dealers
Its protein to them
Consumed to navigate down the lines of their stem
An all powerful but misshaped gem
You spit in mirrors because your reflection reminds you of him
The same glass in your eyes
The same shade in your skin
Waiting for a reaper to punish you for your sins
Well Im here
So dear why do you refuse to let me in?
Its rude to have death waiting at the door
I have souls to collect
Way more valuable then yours
OH
You change the locks along with your mind
Because the words that sounded sweeter then lullabies
Betrayed you as soon as your lips began to pry
Open
The silence was broken
The moment my existence was spoken 
This ride is free so don't offer me a token
You close the blinds
When you see me approaching
Like I was jehovah witness
Casually collecting donations for forgiveness
***** this is strictly business
I don't give a **** about the religious
I chase them down for the fitness
Consume their glow because its nutritious
Chew it to pieces
Until my metabolism increases
Their remains makes my breath smell worst then human feces
But their thoughts move me like psychokinesis
I didn't choose you
You choose me for the reason
That you thought it would better off holding my hand then a demons
So open the door or slide me the key
You called for mercy
Which means you called upon me
The summoning ritual planned so carefree
You been awake for too long
Its time to go asleep

I left footprints in the snow

A map to guide you home

But you mediated until the sun pierced through

Until there was just water on the roads

This is destiny

And what is destined has no control

So maybe our paths will intertwine some time

To greet each other souls

Or maybe it won't

The finale no one ever knows

But until judgment day live out your days

Learn to Love

Learn not to hate

Embrace your mistakes

Because there will be many until you ascend

And I'll do the same right to the very end

Mediating just like you did

Patiently waiting for the day that it will snow again

She finds me handsome

But refuses to intertwine branches

Because of the fear of letting go

I extend

She retreats

She is afraid I'll strip her naked of her leaves

Then leave to let everyone know

That her alinements once laminated with flowers that hung along the seams

Can no longer grow green

No matter how hard she tries no to let go

I reach again

The answer is still no

Even after  I explain that I can mend the pain that lingers in her soul

But she has heard it all before

She needs tangible truth

Before I can manage to help myself to her succulent fruits

But my papers are long past due

Well expired past its rebellious youth

And my word holds no currency

She has heard the angels lie and the devil speaking truth

So she can see right through my poetry

So I have not choice but to be

Honest

I tell her I just want to play with her emotions like a pianist

To conduct a tune darker then any onyx

She looks at my hands and laugh

She can tell that Im a novice

She knows I never played anything but my own mind

Still knowing this she open up her gates and welcomes me inside

So I walk around her confines with ill intentions

To take her hostage in her own dimensions

To shatter her glass citadel

But instead her castle becomes my home

An oasis from the false heavens and the truest pits of hell

That reside in my psyche deepest catacombs

I entered as a man on a mission to colonize her insides

But now I am a slave to her ways

Shackled around my ankles to be held in place

As she throws away the key and lowers down the cage

But I never felt so at peace

Even though I am bound with a ball and chain

I never moved with such ease  

Titled me as your property

But I never felt so free

So I'll gladly stay behind these bars if its your jail

I'll gladly endure your Chinese water torture

If the water comes from your wells

I'll gladly be buried alive

My lungs oxygen deprived

As long as its your earth that I'm buried inside

So punish me the way you see fit

For trying to destroy your precious archives and your ancient monuments

But know this

I see the beauty in it now

I didn't back then

But I promise I do now

You use to breathe life into like my name was Adam
You would open up my chest and rearrange my atoms
Have them in total symmetry like a planetary alinement
Your image would dance around my thoughts in total confinement
But now I have no choice but to find serenity not in your voice
But in the defiant silence
Because I see it all happening
I see it perpetually evolving
Your craft for generating problems
And your lack of problem solving
And that is why I haven't slept since birth
There is nothing worst then closed eyes
Except believing not seeing is a blessing instead of a curse
What about you?
Are your eyes color true?
Can you differentiate from what they say
Between what they actually do?
You say I need to spot looking
But I stay cooking new methods to stay to myself
As you protect your wealth but neglect yourself
I remain stealth
A shinobi of the darkest nights
A no face assassin
A killer of all light
Clipped wings keep me grounded
But my voice takes flight
Submerge into the shadows
To emerge to greater heights
Expose it all
**** it I just might
But I won't  
Not because of fear
But because you need to encounter it on your own
Let it defy you
It will try you
But its up to you to take control

It's during restless nights such as these when my mind is at its optimum state

Where I am able to tap into my psyche to excavate emotions and notions once frozen like nitrate

I feel the temperature rising

Becoming irate

The flamethrower steady mediating while it patiently waits

It has me excited but also afraid

Like tight roping a bridge thats charging a toll I can't afford to pay

Or knowing I overdosed on a drug with no antidote

In order to coast its euphoric waves

Causing my heart to quit its job and my pupils to dilate

As Im dethrone from my throne and thrown inside a crate

To be placed to sleep for an eternity in a tumulus grave

But I smile because they see me as resting

When my soul is wide awake

Even though my body is stiffer then a new pair of shoes

I can spend all day seeking for the truth inside the truth

But I'm terrified of the journey and what I might loose

And the answers

Fearing the exposure and what it could prove

Do I have a halo or horns?

Or maybe both of the two?

I need to swim deeper

So I do

Until my lungs fill with water up to the brim

And burn with white fire hotter then fallen seraphim

But I continue to breast stroke into the abyss

Past the wine jars

The greek paintings

Past cities more lost then the city of atlantis

Past the treasures of the galleon of San Jose

And into the door way of what was took off display

And this will be the place where I will drown

In exchange for discovering what was never meant to be found

Im trying to let you down easy
But your rolling to hard
Your Eyes made out of sand from a hour glass
Gazing into the ceiling of stars
Hoping to just catch a glimpse of who you truly are
Not your name
Or your ancestors dancing flames
Or the construct and deconstruct of your DNA
But to unravel your purpose
The reason for urges of the currents jolting in your brain
The motive for the moving left instead of right
Why your demons masqurade during the day
But parade at the peak of night
Why do you hide?
Why do you fight?
Why do you lay under a canopy of what you wish to be?
You have sight but no vision so what can you really see?
Why do you keep secrets from yourself and no one else?
You dream to be rich but malnourish your health
You pray to a god but don't know who
You find a cup of ricin enticing knowing the flavor that it brews
Why you do the things that you do?
Answers you need them
The fiends you feed them
Regrets you bleed them
Your words you bleep them
Apologies you keep them
Your flaws I see them
Clearer then prehistoric waters
Tainted with blood like the nile after the slaughters
You thought your punishment was elusive
But I caught her
Raised her as my daughter
Became both her mother her sister her brother and her father
Then released her into your world
So you can see the product of your abuse
And wear her like a neckless to choke on it like a noose

I guess its just one of those things
Where I'm wrong but i'll never admit it
Trying to swallow my pride but the taste is sour so I just spit it
Like listerine in the sink
Or tequila chased by a lime for a drink
You would always say I need to stop talking before I think
And that if I build a ship out of my promises it would do nothing but sink
So it seems  
You must of made this desicion based off a vision in a dream
To R.I.P these connections so effortlessly at the seams
To walk away for the fifth time because this time you have had enough
Yelling "If you would of acted right I would have stayed"
But sorry to say I'm no Shia Labeouf
And even that ******* has demons too
Yeah he rich and famous but he could still catch a flu
Sorry but not Sorry because its true
I Just like the way I use to feel about you
But thats all in the Books
And there shouldn't have been a first
So there is no chance in hell for any second looks
Not even a Delorean can take us back now
Not even if Doc came back to 2016 for his TLC plates
And became an Uber somehow
But don't feel special
He just needs the money for Marty who ****** up his brain
After those daily trips to the 80's for the hookers and *******
Even though you can get better service and stronger stuff
For around half the price these days
Ironic
Time traveling to the past to escape the present pain  
But I understand
The kid just wanted to hold on to that nostalgic feel
Having *** to some Marvin Gaye
While taking a bump the horizontal way was probably what made it all real
So real it made Marty believe he could fly
7th floor dismount where McFly almost died  
Wow that was a dark type of Cheese
But **** it I said it
I said a lot things and did a lot of things that I regretted
But back to the topic
This isn't no gimmick
This is my true Image
My hair is really Black
My skin is really brown
I may change shades depending on the lighting if you move me around
But that's it
You try to change my whole being into something more profound
You swam my minds uncharted waters and expected not to drown
But Its all good under the hood
Like a k20 with only 20 miles on the dash
And a clean carfax showing an accident free past
I'll be lying if I said I was not going to miss your ignorant ***
But just that *** because I never did like your mental
And I can do with out your dentals
A smile so fake Colgate would ask for credientals
Thats probably why we could never really mix
Like I was water and you were oil
You wanted more and I wanted ...
Still don't know what I wanted or what Im gaining from all this
Imma just stop rhyming and tell you the truth
I might say Hi when I see you but don't get confused
I never thought I could hate so much
until you gave me the reasons to hate you
And yea I lied about the stop rhyming stuff
Just like you did all these years when it came to everything pretty much
You were a smooth talking assassin
A no pulse having quadruple agent
Similar to bond but without the Aston and the accent
But please believe me when I say that I wish on a comet
That nothing but good comes your way
Im being very Honest
And that I hope to be there when it doesn't
Because that would be nice too
To see you on the receiving end would be a refreshing point of view

Pick up a mirror
And throw away the gavel
Because we are all on the same journey
We just choose different paths to travel

Im up to my neck in sand
Helplessly watching the waves persuade their way on to land
This was unplanned
But I was told this is the key to what makes a man a man
So instead of fearing my demise and choosing to hide
I decide instead to go to war with the demons that manifested inside
The pockets of my subconsciousness until they wither up and die
Triumphantly clearing any and all thoughts
In order to concentrate on holding my breath for impact
Like a ****** between shots
And even though I have very little
I give it all that I got
So I can prove my self worth to a world that couldn't care less
About the lack of morals compared to the spike in senselessness
But as the tide draws near I see the truth that they hid clear as day
That even though I sold my soul to live
I will die anyway

I once met a sage 1000 years of age, who wore eyes that were hazed with the tragedies and victories of the glory days, who had feet that set ablaze a trail across the circumfrance of the earth, A man who has been in attendance for the death of this world and its rebirth, protecting and collecting the stories of the people, who's truth made them question their belief in their cathedral, and during this meeting we held a conversation consisting of no words, only the exchange of vibrations that spoke a language unheard, He asked me, "Where is that you go when your eyes become glass", and I spoke honest, "I envision all the mistakes I have made in my past", he laughed, a laugh that can be heard through out the cosmos and beyond, stating that mistakes do not exist, but I insisted he was wrong, telling him that there are many things that I should of done differently in life, he smiled and replied "But you do not have the privilege to live it twice, so embrace those mistakes because they molded you to the man you are today, and the moment you realize that, the lighter the burden will weigh", and all I could say was that I agreed, realizing that this wise sage, who knew so much, was actually me.

I want nothing more but to be alive for my autopsy, to experience the nature of what it is to be out of body, to be a phantom in theses cult parties, where everyone is willingly to sell their souls to pay the toll, to be the latest model of exact same copy, but not me, I choose to be a ghost instead, to escape society who's main proirty is censoring my head, because the world of the living is just as lifeless as the one of the dead

I close my eyes and walk on the tracks, because the thrill of not knowing when the train will come, is the only thing that reminds me that I'm even on a journey to begin with.

You can never remember how or when  you obtained your sanity, but you can always recall vividly on the moment you lost it.

Your eyes are pools of mercury, with a resonating gaze as endless as eternity, and as deep as the abysses of space, your lips a delicate shade of blood soaked roses, with an aroma so enticing that it has me fiending for a taste, and your skin as flawless as glass, as smooth, rich and hot to the touch as the forging of brass, and your curves have my eyes wondering all over the map, seeking out your mountains, hills and the holy arch along your back, but even with such mesmerizing beauty at your fingertips, your soul is still a reflection of your subconscious crevices, so you can try to cover up your inner ugly with your outer appearances, but I see right through your falsity, so no matter how gorgeous you are to me, I know what you truly are in reality, a cynic who just wants to see the world fold, so this time I disregard my mind and heart and listen to my soul, that enlightens me on the truth that everything that's shines is not always gold.

Your love is a poisonous green Palm tree, it provides shade from the tough times, but always leaves out the fact that it will **** me in the end.

I free fall threw life, with no sense of direction, not knowing if the bottom is  really water or just a reflection, hiding  the jagged rocks that are ready for  dissection, or maybe it's all a deception, maybe this dive has no end, maybe there are no rocks to break me and no water to save me and it's all just pretend, an illusion which was lend to see which way and how far I could bend, maybe this dissension is as infinite as space, deceiving  me into believing I am wining the race, when all along I have been jogging in place, But no mater I will still surf this wave, because it's the rush of not knowing that has me bound like a slave, to keep interacting with the undiscovered and unexplained, the thrill of the mystery is too sweet on the brain, and that's why I can't stop falling, because the sensation gives me life like the blue in my veins.

I have grown accustom of hiding my emotions, because they prove to be too potent for me to maintain, so I lock them away inside the subconscious parts of my brain, in an attempt to some how mitigate the pain, but it only seems to concentrate the hurt, resulting in a build up of an array of feelings, to the point where I fell as if I'm about to burst, and to make matters worse I have been conversing with death, who suggest that I be left six feet in the dirt, deceivingly making something so cruel sound as sweet as a flirt, tempting me to convert to his side, and It doesn't help that I have been running out of reasons on why to deny the offer, questioning my own existence, asking myself "Am I  truly my life's author?" Or Is there someone else writing the script, and if so do I have a say in any of it? My mind strays into these dark places far to often, people telling me to toughen up, but I just soften, I just wish this morbid thinking could be easily forgotten.

I may not have much, but what I do have is enough.

Give me your vulnerabilities, and I'll give you strength, give me your short temper, and I'll give it length, give me your doubts, and I'll give you assurance, lend me your pain, and I'll grant you endurance, give me your regrets, and I'll show that you made the right choice, give me your thoughts, and I'll supply you a voice, give me your dreams, and I'll show you ambition, tell me what you fail to comprehend, and I'll provide intuition, I just want all those things that you label as imperfections, so I can show you why they are not flaws but true blessings

I tried to navigate you clear of the rocks, but you insisted I stop, saying the collision has to happen, because a captain is not captain until he has went down with the ship, and at the time I did not understand what you meant by all it, I could not fathom how you could be so accepting of death, when you only begun to take your first steps, and breathe your first breath, then you begged me with tears in your eyes to abandon the vessel as you ready yourself to die, but I have been with you through the worst of times, so why would I choose now to leave your side? And so if this is how you want to go then together will ride.

I spoke to the devil, and he said he would free my body in exchange for my mind and soul, I guess to hell I go

If I was a ship they would be the calmest of all seas, making sure I had safe voyage throughout all my journeys, and if I was a traveler they would be my bridge of passage, linking all gaps that were perceived to be massive, and if I was a man stranded out on the road they would be the constellations guiding me where to go, so when I walk this path I do not walk it alone, because they are eternally there directing me home.

If you are not willing to flip the page, then you should of never have took the book.

Why do you insist to be visionless, claiming that your eyes have expired pass their youth, when you yourself have witness the contortion of the cosmos, and why do you declare yourself a mute, when your words carry the power to sway nations, and why do you block out the sounds of the earth, when you are able to hear the most infinitesimal of vibrations. You tell me inorder to obtain euphoria you must disregard all pleasures of the world, but how are you to  neglect what is not there? You make it appear as if this is a grand burden to bare, saying numbing yourself is a sacrifice, but I think other wise, because to be oblivious to ways of the world is a genuine paradise.

I once was a man made of muscle, with veins pulsing hot with blood, and a mind surging with currents of endless notions, and a stomach with an apatite to eat the world, and a heart with aspirations to lead. But now I am just a skeleton of what I once was. Just a hollow shell of granular matter, waiting to be obliterated by the most delicate of whispers.

These four walls that keep me confined, keep closing in and in, and in due time, will crush not only my body but my spirit and mind, and as eager as I am wanting to explore, what lies behind those forbidden doors, they deny me the right of passage because they view me as less, expecting me to blindly except the lies that they spew and deny the truths that they kept, but I see the reality of it all, and refused to be silent when I hear the voices of the world and it's me that it calls.