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5.6k · Feb 2010
backstroke
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
i'm not sure what happened
to those beautiful women
i used & let live in my
shivering veins
synchronized swimming in my circulatory system
sunken eyes brimming
with that chlorine concoction they used to dip in
i dug them & ditched them
but i still recollect their quivering lips
as i dispensed the final kisses
& surrounded the spa with walls & fences
i mean i wonder if they still exist
with no lifeguard there to witness them?
4.9k · Feb 2010
moving on
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
so i see now you're with someone else,
& finally now i'm free:
you left no excess residue
as you exit me.

i expected to express regrets
as your final vapors left my vents
but now your vacancy sustains me:
i have aptitude in lacking you
& your absence accents my best attributes
because i'm no longer attached to you.

& each step weighs a little less
sans you stealing half my breath,
& when i'm bathing in her flesh
she'll find comfort in my cleanliness,
& she can finally drown inside my depth
as i love her like there's nothing left.
4.6k · Feb 2010
insecurity
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
i failed to mention
the frail dimensions
of my pale existence
no details specific
just the vaguest senses
of a plagued decision
that locks my life in prison
for an extended sentence
but when you inch in to visit
i get intricate visions
with our limbs all twisted
in romantic antics
& the only thing between
you, true love, & me
besides bedspreads & sheets
is my dead self esteem
3.7k · Feb 2010
idols
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
i slap my hands together
& point them to the sky
please god if you could
deliver her tonight
jesus what the **** am i doing
praying to clouds when my faith is in ruins
begging every blinking star
please don't keep us far apart
pleading with that black abyss
i need to feel her hands & lips
but she probably forgot i exist...
3.3k · Feb 2010
rocks
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
hello bottom nice to meet you
underneath these reaching trees
i have decided to defeat you
please proceed to preach to me

tell me of that golden sky
that i will fly up to tonight
tell me of the sacred light
that guides my often orphan eyes

scream of all the sterile dirt
& bask beside my broken dream
tell me exactly what i'm worth
& barter for no breaths between
2.6k · Feb 2010
warm
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
your heart pumps kerosene
to your matchstick veins,
& maybe i imagined things,
but i remember your eyes as ember rings
& i can't wipe my memory clean
of the dingy debris--
the delicacies of your legs & knees--
this fire's not extinguishing!!
those ashes you disguise as eyelids
won't keep me from the iris
i know i'll find inside them

& i'll skim past your skin grafts
to your smoke-smothered stomach
then plummet to your flame-engraved pancreas
((scarred from swallowed promises)).
these propane x-rays
can't scan the barcodes
on the charcoals
that the holes in your heart hold
2.6k · Feb 2010
ambition
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
i seized the day
and ended up in seizure pains
where a heated fever reigns
and eats my brains like beaten eggs
feverishly fried
on a stovetop of lies
where you drove off the side
of a cliff and broke off the ties
and that's it i quit
i've dusted off my hands
and trusted your demands
til i was crushed like a cardboard can
2.3k · Feb 2010
"friends"
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
i fell into a deep hole
6 feet steep in demented people
a crimson liquid comes up
from subtle muddled tugs of
dark artistic blades
sharpened & parked in place
are scarring my heart from the arch in my back
while i'm starting to starve for a part of your laugh
but your stabbing tactics,
adverbs grabbed to get me back with,
are childish attacks on your selfish self for what has happened
you cant even admit the **** you brag about in private settings
& you'll deny & lie to try & find a way to die without regretting
but i guarantee it wont work
i've been there when i was younger
you're just building up the thunder
to be burned & buried under
& the stress is infested with aggressive death messages
when all your best friends' chests are ****** messes
2.2k · Feb 2010
fingerpainting
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
oh jeez...
look at how unsanitary the air can be
this area's apparently embarrassed of the error
so please excuse this breeze abuse
& breathe in deeply...heavily.
be ready for the steady supply
of thickened oxygen that's boxed me in
pressed against the rocks again
fending off that wretched wind
it bends me with its petty whims:
my lazy lungs got stretched too thin.

this air
this air...this heavy necessity
wrestling emptiness endlessly
TESTING TESTING
please inhale as you're listening
i'm invested in your empathy &
especially your circulatory circuitry
every blood cell has its worth to me
every photosynthesized sympathy
is my chlorophyll currency
& i'm spending it like burning leaves.
2.2k · Feb 2010
criticism
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
"the words you found yourself exploring
are curdled old decayed & boring
i haven't heard one spoken sentence
but i enjoy the broken remnants
because then i can place & rearrange
the lame explanations on blank pages
replace the phrases i don't care for
erase the reason they were there for
display them as a euphemism
more mistakes to be forgiven
you're pathetic i'm the greatest
you're regretted i'm replaceless
i'm incredible you're a waste
i'm sensible you're outrageous"
2.0k · Feb 2010
escaping
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
ok well
lets return to reality
or whatever that may be ...
isn't that a vision that
all our backward habits breed?
or some fallacy of tragedy?
well yeah
i guess so. . .probably.
but life is ******* crushing me,
i can barely get my lungs to breathe
& the reaper's always touchin me
with phalanges ******* stuck in me
he just does this to some of us
my bones are only crumbled dust
& yeah i'm lonely just because
i cant distinguish lust from love
1.7k · Feb 2010
necrophilia
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
five years
of slight tears
& subtle sadness
but i guess that's what happens when
you think our love's an accident.
i cant convince you that it's true
ill always feel the same
whether you do or not
but please
just let a dead corpse rot.
1.7k · Feb 2010
retina wrestling
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
i loved making you laugh
your clouded eyes like a thousand skies
sewn together, seamlessly
& im floating through them, aimlessly
lost inside them, namelessly
my anonymous exploration
of your pupils' dilation
i wonder how wide eye can make them...
playing with the petty words
your eyelid's optic prisoner
1.7k · Sep 2012
fuck.
jerard gartlin Sep 2012
i'm sorry you find it necessary
to put other people's body parts
inside your mouth
like you're some teething mental infant,
or maybe you're trying to take the place
of the baby we're pretending never happened…
…****.  i need a moment. .. …. …


ok.
anyway,
******* got you into this
so you think ******* will get you out?
it's ******* funny i have to flee the ******* country
to get free from your fingers' guilty grip
on a sad mind that can't ******* forgive himself,
on a mind muddied with so many mistakes
i get light-headed every ******* morning trying to decide
which regret to let ruin my day today,
but thank god you've always been there to remind me.
i thank that great guy in the sky
that you're always there
willing & ready
to rub it in.
maybe i just loved you too much,
i guess,
& you loved me just enough
so i'd still do favors for you
& god isn't that what Shakespeare was talking about?
we were rarely a well-written romance
but we ******* NAILED tragedy.
& i told you that first night
as we talked over
some movie i didn't care about
in some language i'll never learn,
that i ******* hated musicals….well
you must've read my subtitles
because you still sing inside my head sometimes.
1.6k · May 2010
phone surgery
jerard gartlin May 2010
the day you called me
i could hear that tin can tear drop echo
in the midst of my happy hello,
but my hopes crashed faster than my ego
as you recited those rehearsed lines of let go,
& the words were wet with sobs & sweat
& love wasn't mentioned amidst the mess
of apologies & idle threats.
& i listened with my full attention
until you ran out of breath,
& i responded cautiously
with tiny verbal tip-toed steps.
& while your eyes ***** dishonesty,
your heart hunts for a better chest
because you're aware of it so sparingly
it's just a ribcage ornament.
& i felt empathetic as you wept
because your valves were finally thawed & thumping
& i wonder if you felt the weight
on your breastplate
as it was shocked into a waking state,
& made up for missed decades
by pounding at a rapid pace
& revitalizing vapid veins.
& as i listened to you come alive
over that claustrophobic cell phone line
it floods my ears & drains my eyes
& makes my heart divide...
1.5k · Feb 2010
nightmares
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
i fell asleep
to the swelling beat
of ****** jealousy
& woke up
to a full cup
of cold love
that we hadn't
spoke of
since we broke up
& now sounds like
a low thud.
rather than
the thunderous
industrious thumping
that your valves
screamed out
when they ******
pumped for something.
1.5k · Feb 2010
vacation
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
there was an awkward silence
as i walked the islands
as i tiptoed my dry lips
across the tops of your eyelids
& i got my lips wet in the
depths of your retina

as i stepped along the beach again
my hands dipped in your sea of skin
as i breathed in your summer scent,
carried through air like whispered winds,
my fingers played with every pore
& ill linger here forever more
1.4k · Feb 2010
guidance
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
your eyes are like a beacon
i'm being drawn toward
& even though i know
death rests on that shore
i still batten the hatches
& slice through the surf
& no matter what happens
i will reach that dirt
so there are rocks there
& they will **** my ship
& i will live in despair
because my vessel had missed
but i headed toward the light
it just wasn't your eyes
just a hidden deception guise
you had kept inside despite
utterance from subtle lips
of some love that was infinite
well darlin that dont exist
& thank you for proving it
& i still carry this love
but i will bury it now
i'll cover it in sand & blood
just under this lighthouse
i.miss.you.
1.4k · Sep 2010
eavesdropping. . .
jerard gartlin Sep 2010
(( Joshua walks into the small diner by himself & stands obediently next to the "WAIT TO BE SEATED" sign.  His eyes are casting shadows down his cheeks that blend into the subtle stubble that his long day created.  Eventually a waitress comes over to him & he holds up one finger.  They walk like a somber funeral procession to his booth, his grave, & he descends into it like a rigid corpse.  He comes here because it is one of the few places left in the city to smoke, & he gets right down to business.  The flick of his lighter is muted by the bickering coming from the booth behind him. ))

WOMAN: so do you still love me?

MAN: yes, but not really.

WOMAN: what does that mean?

MAN: well, it means i do, but not as much as i used to.

WOMAN: when did this happen?

MAN: yesterday...last week...

WOMAN: when, specifically?  you still say "love" a lot.

MAN: i can't say, really.  it's like waking up from a dream, covered in sweat and unfamiliar with your surroundings.

WOMAN: why are you sweating?

MAN: because of the dream.

WOMAN: no, your face right now.  you look like you went swimming.

MAN: i know.  could you hand me a napkin?

WOMAN: you still haven't answered my question.

MAN: another napkin.

WOMAN: you probably need a sponge.

MAN: i didn't see it on the menu...

WOMAN: so why didn't you tell me?

MAN: i didn't want to break your heart.

WOMAN: so you decided to stretch it out until it cracked under the pressure?

MAN: is it hot in here?

WOMAN: that's not your decision to make.  it is MY heart.

MAN: well, you have to admit i had it on loan for a while...

WOMAN: WELL YOU HAVEN'T BEEN MAKING PAYMENTS!


(( A loud thud.  Joshua looks up from the smoky haze to find a coughing waitress. ))


WAITRESS: to drink?

JOSH: an ashtray.

WAITRESS: what?

JOSH: there's no ashtray here.

WAITRESS: sure.  and what to drink?

JOSH: coffee, black.

WAITRESS: and what to eat?

JOSH: i could use a bit more time.

WAITRESS: we all could.


(( The waitress disappears. ))


MAN: look, i never said i was right.

WOMAN: neither did i.

MAN: at least i am telling you now.

WOMAN: now is later than it should have been.

MAN: i said i was sorry.

WOMAN: no, you didn't.

MAN: well, i meant to.


(( A long period of silence & clinking plates. ))


MAN: i should probably go.

WOMAN: i am pretty sure you left a long time ago.

MAN:  i'm sorry.

WOMAN: is there another?

MAN: another what?

WOMAN: if you don't love me, then your love must be somewhere else.  you have to love something.

MAN: no, there's not.  i've never been so alone.

WOMAN: that sounds terrible.

MAN: you will know the feeling soon.

WOMAN: jesus, the man behind us is smoking like a chimney...


(( Joshua puts his cigarette out.  The waitress appears amidst the smoke again. ))


WAITRESS: have you decided?

JOSH: i don't think anyone has.
1.4k · Feb 2010
collapsing/rebuilding
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
& so my bones are brittle now
they crumpled & it's crippling
slipping over simple things
that never used to get to me
the strain on my marrow
is just narrowly missing these
pieces of a vessel just barely deceased.
so i'll pick up my packages &
peace out to paradise
& finally start living
so i wont be scared of life
let my skin see the sun
let my mind find the sky
& expose my broken bones
to the reasons i'm alone
1.3k · Feb 2010
skeletons
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
there's a color in my heart that cannot be created
using pastels or pencils
it could never be painted
darker than black
more angry than red
much brighter than white could aspire to have been
more alive than green
but deader than grey
like purple but harder to wash it away
blue with more hurting
brown but more *****
orange with much stronger emotions there burning
1.3k · Feb 2010
coma
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
my dreams seem so realistic
or my waking life is so surreal
i can never tell the difference
so i treat them both as hopeless jokes.
if the sky falls suddenly
& i get buried underneath
i know soon ill either be
AWAKENING or going back to sleep...
it keeps me calm when the bursting bombs
come crashing in so rapidly:
i'm laughing & know exactly how to handle things
        because its a bland repeat of last night's dream.
& each time my eyelids clasp collapsed,
i just call it practicing
1.3k · Feb 2010
impossible
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
i wish
i could skim your lips
with a kiss
that entices life
to rise in slight resistance
against death's intenseness
when it tries to reunite
the ties that bind our split hips
but never could we ever
endeavor in our pleasures
because together we would sever
the heaven that we live in
& end the friendships we mended
but its worth it
to be cursed with
that verbal disturbance
& hurt when this turns in
to a perfect occurence
1.3k · Feb 2010
rockbottom
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
oh how the coward counts his cards
blackjack entrapment habits
at least there's free drinks!
what a time saver:
enabling 2 addictions at once,
maybe i'll save some money this way...
hit hit hit stay, embrace
hug my hands around the chips
my multicolor relatives
i'm betting on embellishments,
time to double up or split
my hand's as steady as my faith in god
so i'm shaking like an epileptic
seizing with the scenery
blinking with the burning lights
knee-deep in unending debt
i'll go all in on my hesitance
& sleep on this abandoned bench
1.3k · Feb 2010
paperwings
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
my fingers tap dance on the keys
hopefully the rhythm rhymes
wrapping words round the relief
my sans serifs have symbolized
if i can alliterate the literacy
& make allusions to my usefulness
maybe it will hyperbolize the symmetry
& let similes diffuse the mess
so please believe in paper wings
ink blots will not weigh me down
i'll deceive with dialogue & themes
while i antagonize the ground
1.3k · Jun 2010
alienated majesty
jerard gartlin Jun 2010
complex moveable pulley systems
consisting of rope
had hardened his heart:
that moveable block
a native of rocks
a kernel of nourishing corn
pumping starch to starving veins.
his naïve nerves reborn,
new to nature
where nothing is known
but the trumpets of judgement.
a society of contemporaries
with a common condition:
speak your latent conviction
while avoiding exhaustion by speech
(know the limit of the lungs),
so we accept the same transcendent destiny
of intense despair while it lasts
but not for nothing.
when we end up in the ground
do we still dream of the sky?
1.3k · Jun 2012
decisions
jerard gartlin Jun 2012
so you've got a heartache in your belly.
& as you casually told me
" it's about the size of a thumbnail
right now "
i looked down & realized
i needed to clip mine.
your eyes dimmed like theatre lights
when i closed the curtain
on your monologue
about motherhood
to tell you we couldn't keep it.
& i probably never loved you more
than those days where we would sit
in silence,
thinking about how empty we were about to become --
you literally,
& me….desperately.
& we went to that sterile building
with the bulletproof glass windows
& the chubby old woman,
using a blue blouse as a veil to cover the layers of
stress & years underneath.
she spoke to us through an echoing intercom
in a grave attempt to keep her distance
from our fingernail problem.
we got buzzed in & we waited &
we sat close but god you were so far away
& i reached out & grabbed your hand to pull you back in
& you looked over at me --
overpassed me --
& the ghost of a smile haunted your lips for a second….
they called your name, well
not your name…not the name i call you,
but the one your dad gave you,
& they told me i couldn't go back there with you
& i said i understood but i never will.
the waiting room filled with somber souls,
& we all pretended like it was just a normal doctor's office
but it was obvious who the better actors were
as some randomly burst into tears
like confetti poppers at a birthday party.
we all knew we were at a funeral but
they turned up the volume on the TV
like the quiche that Rachel Ray was baking
would make us forget the mistakes we were burying
& i remembered the picture you showed me
that looked like an x-ray of a jelly bean & said
" that's it.
that's what it looks like. "
& you stared at my face like you were trying to
memorize my expression in that exact moment
so you could dig it up whenever you needed to hate me again,
but then you came out of that door holding your belly
& i knew you wouldn't need to dig that up
because you would have no problem hating me
anymore.
1.2k · Jun 2011
solar rape
jerard gartlin Jun 2011
you're so gorgeous
in the morning
the sun can't even
stay away,
spreading itself evenly
across your sleepy skin
in a way i can't even
get peanut butter to...
& i let the sun have you
every morning
& i watch you,
like a pervert wearing sunglasses,
as it kisses
every
inch
of
you.
i mean i knew you were into older men
but Jesus...
he's more aged & damaged
than the planet that we're dancing on,
or drowning on,
& i'm jealous of his yellow fingers
lighting up the white
hairs on your belly
like his mourning dew defeats the dandelions,
but when i scramble
for your eyes' yolks,
you're already gone!
panic-
i'm--rapidly--
building--scaffolding--past--
the--ra­fter--beams--
IN--HOPES--
that--i--can--catch--the--theif---- --- -- -
but he sets ablaze my plastic wings
& i come crashing
                to
         cat
   as
trophy cases that i place you in
because i'm so afraid to touch you
in those moments
you're awake,
so i just whisper
in your ear
when your eyes are put away...
1.2k · Dec 2011
mourning.
jerard gartlin Dec 2011
i still think about you
every ******* day.
feet flat on the tile floor
eyes locked with myself in the mirror
foamy lips and the bristles of my tooth brush
methodically scraping memories of you,
residue of our relationship,
white plaque off white teeth
like it makes a ******* difference.
i grind the back ones down
each night
in an attempt to forget you, i think.
hopefully one day i'll wake up
just gums.
but now, as i gargle
i can see the face you would make
as i rubbed the head of my ****
against the inside of your belly button
trying to get it
to come out the other side
and sometimes i would
press on your belly
to see if i was close to breaking through
and your eyes would disappear
and you would open your mouth
s  o      w  i  d  e
i could see you still had your tonsils
and i would go to kiss that
gasping mouth of yours
and you'd act like
i wasn't there
at all.
so i spit that ghost into the sink
and watch it linger there before
it has a chance to spill down
the pipes clogged with your hair
and i think..
...i'm gonna go ahead
and take down all the mirrors
in this apartment..
...as i blink at my reflection.
1.2k · Jul 2010
(re/de)construction
jerard gartlin Jul 2010
2 years of separation
leads to reunions & dissections
of the shared heart we once betrayed
split symmetric down the chamber veins
& drained into a vacant maze
of muscle-coated misdirection:
from a gory war of self-destruction
to a boring morning-long discussion
on the proper functions of affection,
a lecture on the subtle pressure
of stitching missing years together.

so we descended through the memories
of manipulation tendencies
& our blended lungs breathed in relief
at our splendid self-discovery:
you're a different you & i'm no longer me;
thick skin grafts & habit transplants
transformed us to an image abstract
from a former siamese attachment,
our blurry split from commitment
carried independence infinite
& we soared more weightless through the clouds
with our orphaned organs on the ground
1.2k · Feb 2010
surrogate
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
i ride the wave
of brighter days
hoping hard to find a way
to realize & recreate
that blatant stress
        i was so obsessed with,
that violent mess
        to which i made
                a blind investment.
i looked to you for chest compressions
when my veins prayed for resuscitation lessons
but you're a ******* ugly loveless corpse
absorbed in the self-esteem endorsements
i adorned
              & orphaned
                               on your doorstep...
you adopted it but dropped it quick
the first birth on your
                          abortion list
cut the cord legitimate
so i've gained bleeding fetus freedom
1.2k · Mar 2010
organ donor
jerard gartlin Mar 2010
i tried forgetting you so hard
my liver's collapsing
& i've got these bruises & cuts -
contusions & concussions -
from my aggravation, concentrated
on the wrong people in crowded places
but we all need ventilation.
so i spilled out abuse
on whoever was willing to take it,
combining fists with faces -
call it distraction or entertainment,
whichever way you phrase it,
i won't remember...i was wasted -
i was swimming in liquid sentiments
the backstroke of the blind
as i'm blacking out my mind,
turning off the lights
on the portion of my life
you partially defined.
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
you say i’m long gone
but i wasn’t gone long
you just lost interest swiftly
when I stopped dispensing attention
not to mention the distance:
Ohhh it accumulates endlessly
when you’re not here with me.
every second you’re not tangled in me
i can feel your resentment building
& it’s not a very fulfilling feeling
dealing with your fading needs,
wrestling with empty memories
& their durable permanence.
if only i had the courage to cremate those corpses
but you’ve currently buried them deep in my cortex,
& now they have rooted like religious convictions
& even if i don’t live them, i’ll never forget them.
1.1k · Feb 2010
lust
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
fishing for innocence
or some little chunk of flesh
an image so picturesque
you'd place it on your bed rest
so it's the first thing you see
while waking up without me
some soft spoken simile
of a *** display yet to be
and a slight lack of compromise
of a desire you'd rather die
than never quite realize
to see your skin reflect in his eyes
1.1k · Feb 2010
writer's crock
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
for years i've churned
through dirt for
the perfect words
but i keep hitting
the same old sacred
volcanoes of phrases:
some molten emotions
long left unspoken
that simmer in soil
til they spurt up like oil
& man's machines toil
to collect every speck
of that liquid that's left.
now there's not a noun for me
just my igneous ignorance.
1.1k · Feb 2010
projection
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
i took all the poems i've written of you
& created a quilt of lovesick youth
& under this i gently sleep
& of our love i always dream
& sometimes in the dead of night
i swear i feel you press close to my side
i pull you closer & kiss your head
& realize how blind i've been
even in sleep you thought of me
resentment, addiction, jealousy
the past has ruined everything
far too selfish to forgive
i always looked for faults in you
far too perfect to be true
1.1k · Feb 2010
decapitation
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
my sharpened ****** fingertips
i used to burst your veins
i hold up to your loosened lips
as your hearing fades away

the crimson-colored cutting blade
i used to gouge your eyes
now peels the skin from off your face
to make a mask of ***** lies

a hundred dripping needles
i dropped into your skin
are now a hundred tiny tunnels
a lost highway for your sins

one sullen screaming bullethole
that traveled through your head
is a bookmark for the thoughts you stole
that you'll never think again
1.1k · Feb 2010
basement
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
i threw the carcass of your caring
     solemnly down the cellar staircase,
            locked the door & clogged its airways

& cautioned the corpse of the consequences
of burning bridges & building fences
before i slit its lips to ribbons

& dared it to mumble love again
ohh so the feeling bubbled up did it??
no wait here comes hate in its midst
one more final, lifeless twitch
before i collapse your cranium's measurements
1.1k · Feb 2012
accept, tense.
jerard gartlin Feb 2012
i need to start falling in love
less often.
stop idolizing every brave girl
who shows me the part of her skin
that rarely sees the sun &
waits patiently for my response………..
…..& i always inflate her ego
like a carnival balloon,
& in the coming weeks
i twist it into different animals.
a lion when i'm lonely,
a mouse to mimic misery,
but one day when i'm twisting up
the closed fists of some
metaphor of a memory
it pops & she's suddenly aware
of the clown.

but love is a dish best served
not at all.
skip the meal
& lose the weight of love
& the world seems so much bigger
& instantly you fit into places
you had never even tried before.
the feet that used to make those
distinct etchings in mud
like a tiny topographical map,
hauling that love around
like a bowling ball in a backpack,
those feet don't even touch the trees anymore
& the clouds envy your freedom
as they whisper pick up lines to the moon.
1.1k · Feb 2010
delusional
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
i conjured up these demons
so id finally have something to believe in,
but now they slowly scratch & scrape
& coldly break my brain away
so they can bury evil forces
deep in my cerebral cortex
they make precise slices
in the insides of my iris,
these devils forged in darkness
tear my spinal cord apart with
their steady stained & solemn heads
where hurt’s absorbed & swallowed in,
digested, divided & then dispensed
by their dissolving acid lips.
1.0k · Feb 2010
experimentation
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
craSH land ing in your
hand or
somet..h...i.n..g...
somepalm or plane
your fingers figured
EVERYTHING was
in theirange

"
i NEED the  cement
to   stack   the bric
ks  more  even  [][]
"          
        -she said

like self-construction
is in her-interests:
like she SPOftenKE
of scaf fold & ropes
& renov(icaine)ation????
instead of
numbness, running, & vacations
OHHHHHHHH THE GREAT PATRON SAINT
of r u   n a    w   a    y    s
is suddenly b-come-ing brave!!
1.0k · Feb 2010
sailing
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
all that you want is
to lay with something warm
but i just wanted to
feel normal once more
a broken-down sailboat
that's heading to shore
and a naive young captain
who does not know the course
so they float on the ocean
'til they reach sterile sand
where they'll stop and drop anchor
at the sirens' command
but those angels confused them
when they sang certain words
and as the men tried to listen
misunderstandings occurred
their songs had diseased them,
the men disappeared
those women deceived them
just as the men feared
soon night took the helm
of the masquerade sky
and the men died of loveloss
and so soon shall i
so your wish will be granted
but minus the warmth
tomorrow you'll wake up
next to my corpse
1.0k · Mar 2010
godhead
jerard gartlin Mar 2010
i'm anxious for an early grave
an expressway to the pearly gates
or a laundry chute to the furnace flames
any burning faith that i can claim-
like yearning for a puppet string,
i'm addicted to the dangling-
salivating for that suspension
heaven help me make these hard decisions
because the aimlessness of atheism
is weighing down my weakened limbs
as it beats me til i'm bedridden
or confines me to the casket's grip.
1.0k · Feb 2010
dependent
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
your sweet hot breath
the day you left
will linger in my mind
your sacred skin
the day you went
will reflect in my eyes
your pretty voice
will be the noise
i hear until i die
your gentle hands
in their tactile dance
will always hold my life
989 · Jan 2012
shopping trip
jerard gartlin Jan 2012
i took a corpse
to the mall
on SUNDAY
(it was a religious experience)
& the weird thing is
she drove.
& when i got into her
car
or casket
or whatever
we hugged & kissed (like relatives)
but that was it
then she went stiff
again.
a tattooed statue at the wheel
& me
coughing up embalming fluid
amongst the cigarette smoke
i whispered out the window.
& you winced as we wiggled
between winnebagos & station wagons,
sloooooooooooooooowly
like pallbearers
                    balancing
                a box,
or like a mother
                 placing an infant
                                         in a crib,
hand behind its head.
& she understated the overture
so i sort of never understood
we were ending
up as enemies
all before the engine
stopped.
& it was winter but i was overheating
smoky breathing &
the words i couldn't reach &
the heaviness of my chest,
the weight of waiting.
but she never said another word
as we walked through the mall
& i floated next to her
like a ghost
or a balloon she was holding
& she grasped
at something new to try on
& let go of me
& i floated
& floated...
987 · Sep 2012
27.
jerard gartlin Sep 2012
27.
now i know why twenty-seven
is the age where
people bleed out in bathtubs,
or asphyxiate in the attic
swaying from an angry beam
with a face as blue as
the gown their mother wore
when she introduced them to misery
in a hospital,
or put a bullet to their busy brain
leaving a red Rorschach reminder
of their final moments
on the hotel room wall
that will only be seen
by a 42 year old maid
amidst a guilty type of jealousy
she doesn't understand,
or standing with shaky hands in a kitchen
emptying a bottle of aspirin on the counter
& greedily swallowing the little white teeth
following by gulps of water that feel like boulders
tumbling down a throat
with nothing left to say,
or even spreading their arms wide
like jesus on the cross or like a relative
at the airport waiting for a delayed hug
& jumping from the highest bridge or building
they can find so they can feel weightless,
once.
982 · Feb 2010
dreaming
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
sleep
is just a metaphor for
deep dream seeking.
chasing dragons & demons
through a seamless sequence
of events which
defy all weakness
with tongue in cheek
& grinding teeth
toward bedsheet beacons
bright light beams
that scream through
bleak dreamscapes.
but better your head
than these streets & freeways..
975 · Feb 2010
adjusting
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
i made several etchings in my sketching pad
some wretched reachings at the love we had
with pencils & stencils i outlined our path
but my designs were confined to crimes of the past
filled with charcoal barcodes all sparkling black
the receipts that we keep to compete & compare
arguments we begin just to mend & repair
i yell & yell trying to tell if you're there
but the transactions happened & it's been a year
i'm fading away but i wont disappear
i'm still here
969 · Feb 2010
floating
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
lifelessly living
drenched in the blood
of forgotten memories

you heartless bag of bones
i'm just another meal
on your diet of dying souls

this disgusting vessel
i'm piloting
will never find its place in love
895 · Feb 2010
inkwars
jerard gartlin Feb 2010
pull on my preterite
volatile verbs
i lay every letter for you
inches of ink
morph into miles
stretching out far to find truth

soft-spoken syllables
tongue-licking treachery
now i constantly keep my mouth shut
linking up lips
ill eat with my eyes
but you'll never forget what i've done
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