i wondered
if there were others
that submitted to the summer's comfort
smothered in their sunny mother
snuggled under yellow covers
absorbed by that burning orb
of course our skin became golden
& our bones were worn paper thin
by that often hot & rotten oxygen
the air that scarred our hair & hearts
both sun-drenched blonde & clotted dry
by sun spots that dot our blotted eyes
us foster kids got tossed aside
when the rain came in that vacant night
our mom got carried off by clouds!!
persuaded by grey to leave us without...
those sinning cirrus salesmen
stole her with the wailing wind
& convinced us to pray to them
now i am a pardoned pastor
to the precipitation i used to hate
& we don't mention mother's name.

i remember
when we were younger
& you'd scrape into your arms
searching for bones or soul or something more
than what you thought you had inside
& i would lie about my life
to get you to look into my eyes
but neither ever worked for us
lost causes in the search for trust
& you used to walk with your arms crossed
to make another layer to your heart
or better yet a barrier to keep the two of us apart
& that barrier you learned to build
worked better than the beer & pills
& **** & coke & ecstasy i put between you & me
because i guess we were just afraid
of the weight behind that sacred phrase:
to be in the heavy hand of love's command
& that ambulance that tried to rinse
the toxins from my coughing valves
as you got a ticket coming quickly
to see the extent of my crippled kidneys
i wonder if you understand
i just wanted you to miss me...
& all those many many arguments
so drunk, frustrated & intense
those glass-punching pancake conflicts
a competition with no confidence
that i laugh about now that things are different
now that you've forgotten my existence
& i've gotten used to this division
but at least now i know it's true
i don't think i'll get over you
until my lips are cold & blue

oh jeez...
look at how unsanitary the air can be
this area's apparently embarrassed of the error
so please excuse this breeze abuse
& breathe in deeply...heavily.
be ready for the steady supply
of thickened oxygen that's boxed me in
pressed against the rocks again
fending off that wretched wind
it bends me with its petty whims:
my lazy lungs got stretched too thin.

this air
this air...this heavy necessity
wrestling emptiness endlessly
TESTING TESTING
please inhale as you're listening
i'm invested in your empathy &
especially your circulatory circuitry
every blood cell has its worth to me
every photosynthesized sympathy
is my chlorophyll currency
& i'm spending it like burning leaves.

my fingers tap dance on the keys
hopefully the rhythm rhymes
wrapping words round the relief
my sans serifs have symbolized
if i can alliterate the literacy
& make allusions to my usefulness
maybe it will hyperbolize the symmetry
& let similes diffuse the mess
so please believe in paper wings
ink blots will not weigh me down
i'll deceive with dialogue & themes
while i antagonize the ground

these ink stains are like linked chains
i'm engaged in these pages like deep veins
& its making me see things.

like beauty & truth in words
that don't usually sooth...but soon
its a stuttered excuse i don't have the stomach to use.

i envision hopes & goals where
there were wicked open holes
& obstacles so inoperable as i'm getting awfully old...

just a killing fear of a fulfilling career
i've been building for years while welling with tears
but that backwards searching was
a crash course in learning & i'm finally here.

i remember winter months
being thinner than the summer ones
fattened with a dumber love
that happened just...because.

we eat this, drink this, breathe this weakness
hoping 2 half-souls can break even
the open hearts of broken people
deleting love they once believed in

we're lonely now that its not cold
troubled with how your eyes got old
while running they're so colorful
but now they're nothing & i'm miserable

your starry eyes
my lornelei
will set ablaze
the darkened sky
and get the blood
from my frozen heart
to burst from death
to a screaming start
they'd uproot trees
from the ***** grip
of mother nature's
earthen fists
they'd take the sea
of salty tears
and lap it up
until it disappears
and all the sea-dwellers
grow pairs of legs
and have the will
to walk away