self destructive wrist is
always bursting into pieces
using flesh as your parchment
write with razors til it hardens
then the slicing isn't burning
this crimson pain just isn't working
the deadness beating in your head
won't be brought to life again
search through shelves of self improvement
resort to smoke to dumb your senses
figure "if i can't transfer all this hurt
then i'll cloud up these problems first
and maybe they'll fill with such confusion
they'll forget what they were doing"
but soon enough the fog is clearing
and the voices you've been hearing
rumble back until they're SCREAMING
"you will never ever leave me"

i made several etchings in my sketching pad
some wretched reachings at the love we had
with pencils & stencils i outlined our path
but my designs were confined to crimes of the past
filled with charcoal barcodes all sparkling black
the receipts that we keep to compete & compare
arguments we begin just to mend & repair
i yell & yell trying to tell if you're there
but the transactions happened & it's been a year
i'm fading away but i wont disappear
i'm still here

did the days get slow again
& i didn't even notice it?
i just used up my lone defense
on sins i didn't know exist
ill give you just a little tip:
i've loved you since the day we met

"the words you found yourself exploring
are curdled old decayed & boring
i haven't heard one spoken sentence
but i enjoy the broken remnants
because then i can place & rearrange
the lame explanations on blank pages
replace the phrases i don't care for
erase the reason they were there for
display them as a euphemism
more mistakes to be forgiven
you're pathetic i'm the greatest
you're regretted i'm replaceless
i'm incredible you're a waste
i'm sensible you're outrageous"

one lonely night in davenport
& i swear i couldn't miss you more
but ill find these lines a lie tomorrow
when i stretch to wretched depths of sorrow
as i follow freight trains through the great plains
& pray things stay the same way

but the future ******* frightens me
cuz life seems such a sight to see
so i'm running from it (rightfully).

lets raise a beer in cheers:
here's to the reason
the seasons disappear
running dumbly from eachother
winter scarcely escapes summer,
but here's to life all
bright with hope
if there's a cliff we'll build a moat
if today's a waste there's tomorrow,
& here's to death &
its ***** certainty
in the sky or under earth we'll meet
& live perfectly eternally

at your funeral
your friends & lovers said
"she was so beautiful
and still is when shes dead"
but you requested no mirror
inside your coffin

you slid along quietly
past everyone's face
with so little vanity
we all felt ashamed
for being the epitome
of everything vain

you sought no reflection
in the ocean’s waves
you strived for perfection
but never forgave
my sudden inception
in your personal space