He held my hands when he first saw me, after that silent night fights. He stared at me like i'm the prettiest girl, and everything feels right. He hugged me like tomorrow will never come and whispers words that sounds better than the first time. He says something serious and i should've said yes and then pressed my head on his chest. A promised that we will never say goodbye, and those were the things that i remember on the 1st of July.

Wish i am strong enough by this time.
Wish i had the courage to face him later.
Wish that i could hug him tight by the time that i saw him.
Wish i could kiss him again.
Wish i could reach out and grab him and feel his arms around me again.
Wish i could share another day with him and share the laughter again.
Wish i can smell his armpit and feet.
Wish i could say i love him endlessly.
Wish i am not craving for him anymore.
Wish i am not crying at night wanting him to just appear in front of me.
Wish i am not crying on the bathroom floor begging God to bring him back.
Wish that i had him not only in my dreams so that i would not want sleep so much cos i know that dream is the simplest way for me to feel him again.
Wish the gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart game is not that strong.
Wish i didn't wished these last Wednesday wishes.

I woke up in the middle of the night
"He is the 100% perfect boy for me" I said and cried

It was many and many a year ago,
  In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
  By the name of ANNABEL LEE;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
  Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
  In this kingdom by the sea:
But we loved with a love that was more than love—
  I and my ANNABEL LEE;
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
  Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
  In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
  My beautiful ANNABEL LEE;
So that her highborn kinsmen came
  And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
  In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
  Went envying her and me—
Yes!—that was the reason (as all men know,
  In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
  Chilling and killing my ANNABEL LEE.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
  Of those who were older than we—
  Of many far wiser than we—
And neither the angels in heaven above,
  Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
  Of the beautiful ANNABEL LEE.

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
  Of the beautiful ANNABEL LEE;
And the stars never rise but I see the bright eyes
  Of the beautiful ANNABEL LEE;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride,
  In her sepulchre there by the sea—
  In her tomb by the side of the sea.