Sometimes, repressed memories flood back,
and I get swept away in the current.
Trauma has a way of repeating itself,
with current physical pain, my body reminisces.
Remembering, some of my closest sibling memories,
involved my actual back as a shield.
Huddled together, trembling in anticipation,
of that next forsaken crack of leather.
How the scars have faded away,
the pain still has a firm hold.
The instances stung, with those studded shards
encrusted into the belt.
Humans find ways to survive,
in any situation you adapt.
Tried to avoid the rage at all costs,
no complaining, no whining.
Sharing feelings was frowned upon,
Sympathy and empathy replaced by malice and anger.
Didn't matter what we did,
If there was drinking, there were beatings.
Hope long lost,
only a distant memory.
But the worst part was the constant fear,
the uncontrollable flinch, when someone went to pat you on the back.
Not just "good jobs", but all sorts of little things
had a nasty habit of dragging out these memories.
Fire drills, huddled over,
protecting what you could.
Brushing up against a chair,
pain receptors flaring.
Learning how to sleep,
without any pillows.
You don't need them,
your sister does.
Trying to explain being at the pool,
95 degree weather, long sleeves on.
Back against the wall in every room,
so no one could sneak up on you.
Scared of back massages, and the wrong press,
tissue still sensitive here, and completely numb there.
Afraid of thunderstorms,
just sound like cracks from the studded leather.