Inside this fractured head of mine
I find no solace, only time
But time makes waste and waste makes rhyme
So hastily I'll say, "I'm fine"

Inside this broken head I hold
No secrets, words adorned in gold
The wind blows through, so brash and bold,
This desolate world etched in cold

Inside this splitting skull, you see
There are no demons, only me
The epitaph reads, "set me free"
I wait for you, here, patiently

I snuck into your room last night
You always leave the doors unlocked and those lights aren’t fooling anyone
The floorboards creaked with cloudy memories and I feared I’d wake you
But your mind was buried so deeply in darkness the sky could not stir you

I laid with you in silence last night
Your bones whimpered and rattled like the bitter cold wind against the windows
The ice must have certainly entered through those tiny cracks in the glass, in your shell
Crystals fell softly from the ceiling and landed upon your cheeks

I took myself away from you last night
Peeled back your eyelids gently and wiped out the cloudiness I’d left there
Soft cotton picked up the old traces left on your skin, your fingertips; under your nails
Your mouth I traced with honey and perfumes; I placed young crickets under your pillow

I left you last night
Though you walked me to the door and watched me drive away, you never once saw me
You must have been dreaming that I was merely visiting; a guest, unaware
Blind to the mirror you dressed yourself in, and adorned in the “all along”

You always were a light sleeper.

if every time i thought of you
i only shed one tear
i'd have myself an ocean
swimming, wishing you were here

if every time i thought of you
one tear was all i shed
i'd have myself an ocean
drowning, wishing i were dead

The hardest thing I've ever done
is try to convince myself you're not the one
while we continue to go on as friends
knowing we'll never have what we once did, again.

I’m stuck somewhere between your head and your heart
caught in the back of your throat
always on the back of your tongue
and I’ve marked my name and days here in my prison
in the soft tissue around me
I’m sure it will scar, at least a little
my feet are burned from your reflux
and I have lost the strength to climb, to fight
you will not swallow me or spit me out
you just keep me here pressed up against the wall
your voice moves through me, shakes me
I catch a glimpse of the back of your lips
and the memories of when you kept me there, gently, between them
overwhelm me; I long to be back there
back before you gobbled me up
and my grief upon your breath is a breath of strength for me
I’m sure it is my last

I’m stuck somewhere between your head and your heart
caught in the back of your throat
and there are two ways I can go
but I do not want to live in your head anymore
although you know I love the view from out your eyes
but it is far too lonely to live as just a thought
in the magnificent gallery that is your mind
and I am afraid that your heart will read ‘no vacancy’
or that I cannot afford the rent
or that I will grow weak inside the muscle
when it beats me down again
and I will no longer have the strength to climb back up
as I make the drop as the knife makes the plunge
down to your stomach
to be digested
alongside this morning’s coffee
and I fear the caffeine will stay in your system much longer than I will

You are like a lightbulb
the kind that burns out slowly
bright white light that fills the room
daily yellowing
the dust in the air becomes more visible
as the words on the page darken
even my own hands change in your glow
and you begin to fade
flickering now and then
reminding me you still exist
and you are still trying to stay here
but I know you won’t last long
as you pulse from dark to darker
sometimes you do not shine at all
and I fear you have truly gone
but you manage a subtle gleam
and I sit under your warmth, waiting
for the day your filament burns away
and the connection can no longer be made
the spark is no longer enough
and I will remove you from where I once hung you
above my head, above my hands, placed among stars
but I will not throw you out
for you once lit my room
you showed me the brilliance of color
that had always existed around me, but I could not see
and you allowed me to see myself
in reflection
so I will keep you
wrapped in silk and cotton, in a box lined with velvet
in the back of the bottom drawer
hidden in the empty space there
where my heart once was.

i feel myself going numb again, and it's nice, and it's scary.

i just wish you'd come rescue me,

but i know i'm on my own.

besides, even if you wanted to, you'd probably be too late.

I am tired of living in fear
Fear that you will not like me
Fear that you will stop liking me
Fear that you will not love me
Fear that you will stop loving me
Fear that you will not want me
Fear that you will stop wanting me
Fear that you will not be with me
Fear that you will leave me
Fear that I will accidentally hurt your feelings
Fear that I will show a side of me you won't like
Fear that you will hurt yourself
Fear that you will love her instead
Fear that you will no longer be my friend
Fear that you never loved me
Fear that you lied to me
Fear that you were never really mine
Fear that you never thought I was yours
Fear that I am doing the wrong thing, no matter what it is
Fear that you loved me and I ruined it
Fear that you didn't but could have
Fear that you didn't and I made more of it in my head than it was
Fear that I gave you all of my heart, all of me, and you ran with it

I have been afraid so long to tell you how I really felt
That I loved you more than I have ever loved before
and I am afraid that if I would have told you sooner things would be okay
and I'm afraid that if we would have never left together things would be okay
and I'm afraid that even if everything happened differently things would be the same as they are now

And now I'm afraid to tell you how much you hurt me
and how I feel lied to, used, abandoned, and confused
how much I want to hate you, but can't, and how unfair I think you were
and how much you are killing me now
I'm afraid

I'm always afraid

I'm tired of being afraid.
I'm tired of fear.
I'm tired.
I'm tired.
I'm tired.

And I'm absolutely mad.
And I'm absolutely dead.

When Everything feels bad...
                                                      
          ...Nothing feels good...
                    
                                  *Nothing feels good.

I never liked the winter, it’s much too cold for me; but even summer’s sun can’t warm me now, and I can’t sleep. I can’t sleep.

My head and I are fighting again. You know I never win these arguments. Silhouettes on skin, so pale, I traced them with my lipstick and they fractured in reflections and rearview mirrors and spoiled milk.

Crumpled receipt paper, change in my sleeves, and holes. The moths came in and ate away so slowly. Light me on fire and I’ll run.

But don’t you follow me, my friend, into this darkness, cause it’s my time and you’re so young. I know you’ll make it. And if you ever need me, I’ll be there in your memory forever. Just think good things of me - I beg you, I beg you.

I can’t touch anything, my hands just go through. Stomach walls dampen the pulse, the tube pulled from my throat, fingertips smooth.

Throw your skeleton away. Remember me in shades of porcelain. Howl out, keening. Erase myself. I wish I could change.

Destroy, destroy. The light goes out, I held my breath, I’m gone for days, chemical shift. A final kiss? Now don’t you miss me. Opened out, I stitched you in.

But don’t you follow me my friend, into this darkness, cause it’s my time and you’re so young. I know you’ll make it. But if you ever need me I’ll be there in your consciousness forever. Just think good things of me - I beg you, I beg you.

well they say that your heart is the size of your fist
and my friends try to hit me but most times they miss
but your heart is a wrecking ball, i can’t escape it
and now I can’t remember the last time we kissed

and you buried my heart somewhere under your sheets
and my soul is out in the rain wandering the streets
and my mind’s in november trying to piece this together
and my body is trying so hard to remember

that there was a time when you looked in my eyes
and you told me i’m beautiful, but was it a lie
are these memories, killing me, haunting you too
and did you ever love me, dear, like i love you

were those words that you wrote to me covered in ink
that would wash away easy in the bathroom sink
off your hands, as you wash out the memory of me
while your colors still stain everything that i see

well they say that your heart is as big as your fist
and for all the times i’ve been knocked out i have missed
and your heart is a wrecking ball, can we survive this
when i can’t even remember the last time we kissed

yeah you buried my broken heart under these sheets
and my lonely soul’s lost somewhere out on the streets
and my mind’s in november trying to keep us together
and my body is shaking as i try to remember

the time that you held me and looked in my eyes
and you made me feel beautiful, and i felt alive
now these memories are killing me, do you miss me too
and could you ever love me, now, like i love you

were those words that you spoke to me covered in ink
that would wash away easily right down the sink
wash your hands of this, wash out the colors of me
while your memory stains everything that i see*

and they say that your heart is the size of your fist
and my friends try to hit me but most times they’ve missed
and your heart is a wrecking ball, i can’t escape it
and now i can’t remember the last time i kissed you.

oh i’ve cried a million tears for you
til i can’t breathe and my lips are turning blue
and now i sit here wondering what i’m supposed to do
cause i lost it all, i lost it all, but mostly i lost you

i cry myself to sleep each night in bed
cause i can’t get your face out of my head
i lay here singing to myself and wishing i were dead
cause i lost it all, i lost it all, but mostly my best friend

where do i go, cause you know i don’t know
how to be by myself
please tell me what went wrong, i don’t wanna write this song
i wasn’t ready for this

i know that you were never really mine
but i hoped that things would fall in place with time
and now i’m lying through my teeth each time i say i’m fine
cause i lost it all, i lost it all, but mostly lost my mind

i wish we could go back to how things were
and how it was when i felt like your girl
and how i thought back then that you could love me, i was sure
now i lost it all, i lost it all, but mostly my whole world

i’ll drink to your health, cause i can’t help myself
i don’t want no one else
i’ll wait for days that will never be, until the day you turn to me
but i’ll be happy if you’re well

i hope someday you realize that it’s true
how wonderful you are, the good you do
and if i never hold your hand again that’s okay too
but i loved it all, i loved it all, but mostly i loved you

once upon a time or two there lived a family
the mama and the daddy and their little girl Prairie
Prairie was a happy child, her smile big as the sea
and her eyes shone like two bright blue stars hung in the galaxy

Prairie was a girl in love like flowers with the bees
with the wind, and how he blew right through and swayed the canopy
she’d breathe him in and hold him in her chest until she’d wheeze
and just as soon as he was there he vanished easily

her eyes looked like two big gray stones, she shook alike the leaves
she felt him all around her but his face she could not see
she cried she cried “I love you so” into the empty breeze
and the only thing the wind brought back was dust to make her sneeze

a broken heart, her body was too weak to move, so she
around her wrists tied red balloons, lifted her off her feet
she watched the landscape fade away, the clouds they kissed her cheeks
and her tears they fell like raindrops down onto the empty street

she laughed and smiled although she cried so hard she could not speak
the wind stirred up and blew right through her like the canopy
she closed her eyes, apologized, her lungs refused to breathe
and the wind grew cold when he couldn’t hold her like she would with he

her mom and dad searched day and night looking for their sweet pea
but the wind had pushed her far away, like secrets kept too deep
they found her body safe and warm nestled between the trees
the animals had gathered ‘round, she smiled in endless sleep

once upon a time or two we all fall to our knees
but time has gone and will go on even so when we weep
but do not hold your heart of gold as black beneath the sheets
for the world is full of love for you my dear, if you believe

I love
I hate
I give
I take
I need
I want
I plan
I plot
I will
I won't
I have
I don't
I'm gone
I'm here
I'm mean
I fear
I'm warm
I'm cold
I'm meek
I'm bold
I kiss
I lick
I push
I kick
I hurt
I heal
I'm fake
I'm real
I love
I hate
You were
You're late

if it’s too hard to say it
then show me
but if you don’t mean it
don’t whisper it in my ear
hidden between your breaths
rhythmic and in time
as your body lies to me

walls of thick darkness don't react, fading in around me
my chest is hungry for the venom, the only soothing
i can find behind your teeth, soft clouds break in two
rain falls, suspended in the empty space of the room

if life’s a house of cards, each hand that she was dealt was too much or too little
and even when she changed the game the hands she played they broke her every time

she only wanted her child to succeed

someday she will be happy, someday she will go back
someday she’ll cut right down that scar and her heart will breathe again

if life’s a bowl of cherries well she broke her teeth when she would bite into them
the fruit was sour but the juice ran down her chin - we all thought it was blood

she only wanted to be loved like a queen

someday she will be thankful, someday she will come back
someday she’ll open up her head and her dreams will live again

~~

and if life’s a box of chocolates you know she prefers, well, any other candy
specifically valentine’s hearts because she likes to bite them down the center

she only wants it all

well life’s a game of russian roulette if she loads the gun you pull the trigger
the early bird will get the worm, the worm will get the fish hooked with one line

she’s different, different now

but someday she will be hopeful, someday she won’t look back
someday she’ll pack her bags, she’ll hit the road, we’ll meet again

I thought of all the things you do, the things that make me smile
and though the pain still beats inside, it helped me for awhile
I hope, for you, thing things I do stretch your lips ‘cross for miles

I thought of all the things you do, the things that make me swoon
and though my head is still a mess, it helped me through the gloom
I hope, for you, the things I do help you shine like the moon

I thought of all the things you do, the things that make me laugh
and though the tears well in my eyes, it helped me to relax
I hope, for you, the things I do make you feel not so bad

I thought of all the things you do, and hoped you that you thought back

I can’t sleep at night
you know I never have
can’t even dream no more
spend all day inside my head
and I won’t try again, I won’t
try to find myself, I won’t
try to hide from this, I won’t
close my eyes.

I can’t lie, you know
the devil lives in me
takes up all my time
he likes my company
and I won’t cry again, I won’t
try to find my way, I won’t
try to be okay, I won’t
open my eyes.

I can’t smile no more
my lips deceive my mind
I’m not a child no more
I’m aging all the time
and I won’t trust again, I won’t
try to be someone, I won’t
try to please anyone, I won’t
dry your eyes.

I can’t stand the morning
kills me more each day
I’m so detached now
from this unbearable pain
and I won’t love again, I won’t
try to breathe in, I won’t
try to believe and I won’t
dot my i’s.

will you leave me in the morning
with these scars run through my head
and the only thing I’m calling
is your name across my bed

but I wait
for you
I wait
forever it seems

will you hold me when I’m mourning
with your hands upon my chest
and your touch it leaves me shaking
when you lay me down to rest

but I come
to you
I come
to the endless sea

of lovers you’ve had before
and I’ll wait on the empty shore
I’ll stay with you forever
if you’d love me just tonight

lead me out of this fear
I’m alone though you’re near
I’ve been waiting all my life
will you love me tonight?

Sometimes I wonder if you really think of me. You spend so much time in your own head I wonder if there is any room up there for some one like me, with all my insecurities. I’d spend all day inside your brain if you would let me.


Sometimes I wonder what you’re thinking when you laugh right out of nowhere - no relation to the present situation - and it’s usually a joke you have between you and yourself and no one else quite understands but I am trying.


     Sometimes I wonder who we are. Sometimes I wonder just how far you want to take me down  
     this path that we are making. And sometimes I wonder about not a thing at all; and other times I
     find myself trying my hardest to recall.


Sometimes I wonder if we’d be friends if we met when we were kids, both aging much more rapidly than all our friends. And by the time we grew up, crookedly, would you be sick and tired of me? We’d see the time each other started dying.


Sometimes I wonder what you dream when you’re asleep or if you have a fantasy world like I do but that’s my secret. And I wonder if someday you’ll store all your secrets inside me and I’ll hide them from this dark, depressing, dream ingesting world.


     Sometimes I wonder what we are. Right now I wonder if my car will make it to your house when
     it and I am shaking. Sometimes I wonder if someday I’ll be driving to our house; finally a place
     where we can maybe try to get some sleep.


Sometimes I wonder if you worry ‘bout things you say ‘round me. Do you feel stupid, do you feel crazy, do you think that you might scare me? Do I steal your breath away with each kiss like you do to me? Or am I mystifying, romanticizing this time?


Sometimes I wonder what you do when I’m not there or you’re not here, because you’re interesting, and I worry because I care. Sometimes I wonder ‘bout the spaces in-between your fingers where your soul begins and this world ends and I know my lips have been.


     Sometimes I wonder if we are. Sometimes I’m really ******* far away and I can’t say the
     meanings I am thinking. And sometimes you need your space and sometimes I need my space,
     too. We like alone but alone’s better when I’m with you.


     Sometimes I’m scared half to death. Just want to rest my spinning head upon your chest and
     listen softly to the rhythm and I hope you know I’m hopeful that things will be okay someday I
     hope you know that I mean every word I say.

Dear Morning,

      Please believe me, I know you're still shining...but it's me - I just can't see how I used to see at all. When I wake, the darkness holds me. He wraps his hands around my waist. He pulls me in. I shake but I know I cannot escape.

Just hold me closer
I will obey
My body dies but I'm awake
Forced to carry on
It's my mistake

      I know you will leave me, my love; you will break me, I know, you will never love me like you've loved before.

Just hold me closer
I will obey
My heart will die while I'm awake
Forced to carry on
It's my mistake

"Super...just...
   Unbelievably well.
      I've never been better. Honestly, I
        Can't recall the last time
           I felt this
             **** good. I'm happy to be
                Alive and I
                   Love you."

Open ceiling
Modern edge
Lost the TV
Two lights dead

Fires flicker
Sofa stained
Fingerprinted
Window pane

Booth or table
Shadow box
Fav'rite billboard
Down two blocks

Paint is peeling
Flashing sign
Free access code
Rush crowd time

Added sugar
Should have asked
Darkened corner
Fabric mask

Freezing, scalding
Stomach's sick
Head is spinning
Fog too thick

Cars on corner
Day to day
Repetition
Window pane

Lonely bookshelf
Business date
Recall Sunday
Here too late

Laptop keyboard
Garbage bag
College dropout
Tweet #hashtag

Only lonely
Ghost is near
Notes aplenty
Meet me here

empty house, floor is cold
sense of fear

dull gray sky, snow on ground
you're not here

water glass, film on top
baggy-eyed

lost myself, "I'm okay"
dead inside

once you are gone
there will be no evidence that you were ever here at all
no photographs
no letters
no clothes left behind
the smell of your hair will not be on my pillow
your warmth will not resonate in my bed
I will find no hair of yours hidden among my sheets
and I will eventually find it hard to prove even to myself
that there was a time when you existed
and I ask myself
if you even do
now

You said it first; I mocked your words, and followed like a bird,
And of the joyous song we sang, all people once had heard.
To scarcely feel how hatred, remorse so wrong could be
The way the words just seemed to flow - a dying symphony.
So plainly seen as just another era in one's life
Was how it understood itself to daily free recite.
But deep within the casket and the depths of lovers' souls
Lies, dying with a vengeance, the truth from what is told.

They dream a dream unwaning, as to show how they are true,
But dreams are made for one alone and never meant for two.
But if a dreamer's mind breaks down the walls of prison bold,
A dream may seem what he hast seen, and time itself would fold.
Though rarely - oh, so rarely - as a snow in summer's peak,
Those walls they fall and crumble, for love has made them weak.
And as each ember slowly falls like tears from wretched eyes,
They feel the warmth of each one's soul - a love you can't deny.

Though life may tear the skin and hair, and often break the bone,
With dreamer's love, and dreamer's soul, you know you're never 'lone.
Yes, homes will burn, and fires too, but ungainly, once it's true,
The only things that will prevail are dreamers...lovers...fools.
No bonds can hold together, no bonds could surely break
The fire of one's own desire - alone the pain will take.
Hearts never forgive or die, they're endless like the time;
Though all this true, though I love you, I still can't make you mine.

My dark bitter soul may command my tongue
To speak of the things that be not true.
But bitter souls and bitter hearts be young,
And lie of the torment that they go through.

As skies go black and life comes to an end
I realize the glow of stars in her eyes.
And, ye, tho' I shall have to alone fend,
I will miss the ways her eyes ne'er cried.

She protected me when monsters clawed deep,
And took every bullet that shot at me.
And painful secrets in the darkness creep,
And now they've come to have her cease to be.

I'll ne'er have this love for any other
Than she, the seraphim, called my mother.

death sounds sweet as honey when played upon my lips and in
my ears
it echoes like silent whispers in my mind and tortures
far away
I could make it closer
all you have to do is beckon
if you call it
it shall come
if you act upon it
life shall go
like a vicious circle it runs and around and around, over and over, until
it drives you
mad

          and then you write

She knelt there on the dusty, stained carpet that stung her ****** knees through torn nylons. The lighting was bad and the air was heavy. Her frame shivered in the warmth of the cheap hotel room of which she wasn’t even sure how she made it to. Her chest rose and fell violently as tears stung across her cheeks and fell like bullets to her sides. Her heart, or what was left of the mutilated muscle, pounded against her ribs like mallets to a vibraphone. She could no longer feel the pain.

Her weak hands grasped the handle of the blade like a child holds mother’s hand, and she realized then that the furniture here wasn’t waiting for her to put on a show. There were no cameras. There was no microphone. No people. No bodies. No eyes. No ears. She was alone. There was no use imagining it as a heartbreaking scene in a movie; a tear inducing, award-winning music video; a postcard. But she moved like a dancer in her mind’s eye as she tightened her grip on the knife in her hand and a tear played across her lips, now bringing in air between them softly and lightly; barely alive. All she wanted was for him to burst through the door, screaming, and run to her; and hold her. She imagined it in her mind; she thought of the whole act, but she wasn’t sure when his lines were. She waited, hesitated as the ceiling refracted shadows of a different world with each passing car on the highway that brought her far from home and into comfort now torn from her soul. No one was running to her, no one was chasing after her, this time.

The blade plunged deep into her chest with an unstoppable force from something preternatural within and without her. Her breathing was fast and harsh as her eyes darted around the room they had shared briefly. Her head spun faster than the walls. The red stain grew across the front of her dress like a flower blossoming. Tears filled her mouth as she finally accepted the realization that she would die here alone and he wasn’t going to find her just in time like in all the stories; even the real ones.

She fell gracefully like feathers from the sky to the floor, to her side. As she bled out she hoped she would think of all of the beautiful moments she had experienced in her life. She hoped she would think of all of the things in life that used to make her happy. She hoped she would think of his face, his touch, his smile, and her love for him.  She hoped she would regret her choice. She hoped she would feel something, anything at all; but all she could think about was how she’d like to notify management about the collections of dust and small debris under the bed left behind by housekeeping. Her lifeless eyes began to close and she knew for the first time she would actually get some rest. In her last moment she felt like the universe; beautiful and infinite and empty. She faded from the world like snow on warm skin as the door opened in slow motion and his blurry shoes couldn’t carry his body to her side, like in all the stories; even the real ones.

He knelt there on the dusty, stained carpet. The lighting was bad and the air was heavy. His frame shivered in the warmth of the cheap hotel room of which he had only paid for hours earlier. He collapsed into himself, weeping silently, wishing he still loved her.

I'm sorry I cannot write tonight
My muse was but a wet match
Struck against the box until the tip broke off
And I hoped it was my neck

There's no light in my head tonight
Nothing to inspire me
I've tried to drag myself down lower
But numb was all I found

Goodnight.

When the birds devour me
I hope they start with the soft tissue
my eyes and ears and mouth destroyed
my senses lost to the sky

When the birds devour me
I hope they find their fill in my stomach
where the weight of the world was carried far too long
wearing my viscera like Versace

When the birds devour me
I hope they pick my digits - one through ten and ten again
so I may touch every part of the world when they carry me away
so that my feet may fall on grounds I’d only dreamed to grace

When the birds devour me
I hope they tear open my chest and make their way behind these ribs
not realizing the irony of the situation as they sing
and I am filled with the music with each rise and fall

When the birds devour me
I hope they take my bones between them in their thanksgiving, pulling
wishing for legs to run and hands to hold, for lips to kiss
if they only knew, if they only knew

Maybe rock bottom
Could become
The solid foundation
We've both been searching for.

i pray for nothing more
than for you to drain this heart
of every last drop
to drain me
of every last drop
leave me dry
leave me hollow
leave me numb
i beg you
kiss me softly
and steal away this breath
leave me cold
and still
bury me deep beneath the earth
beneath the dirt
under your fingernails

when, in those few moments
we share each other’s presence
we steal each other’s time
your kiss it cuts me deeply
from my lips to my ears
down my neck
‘cross my chest
through my stomach
your fingertips peeling away
each layer
the fabric
of safe and fear
I am naked
and you leave me
open
and exposed
vulnerable for hours
while I drive home
stitching myself back together
praying that one day
you let me cut you open, too.

I see you swinging
you smile when the wind is in your face
you laugh when your stomach drops a bit on the backswing
you look so happy
I’m so happy

I see you swinging
you cry when your toes hit the ground
you shudder when you lose momentum
you look so sad
I’m so sorry

I see you swinging
you start all by yourself sometimes
you get a push other times
you just sit there once in a while
I’m so nervous

I see you swinging
you know I’m watching
you know I’m feeling
you know I’m thinking
I’m so confused

I see you swinging
and I sit here playing in the dirt
building castles
wishing you’d stay in the air and never come down
I’d always know where you were
and I wouldn’t have to see you swinging

My brain has been infected with memories of years gone by
and I can’t sleep
and I can’t create
and I can’t touch
and I can’t feel
and I can’t stop

I want to smell you again
I want to sense you again

Half of my body lies next to me and half of it lies next to you
Half of my heart is in a jar and half of it in a tomb

My mind is split and I regress into years gone by
and I can’t sleep
and I can’t create
and I can’t touch
and I can’t feel
and I can’t stop

I want to surprise you again
I want to inspire you again

Half of my soul is black and blue and half of it is gray
Half of my stomach is on the floor and half of it in my chest

My love is broken and belongs to years gone by
and I can’t sleep
and I can’t create
and I can’t touch
and I can’t feel
and I can’t stop

I want to lie with you again
I want to lie to you again

is nothing more
than learning to play
a new instrument

Well, I'm the real thing, baby
I'm the talk of the town
and I'm the one that you taste
when her tongue's in your mouth
and I'm the dirt on your hands
that will never come clean
I'm the bleach that you drink
I'm the stains on your sheets

Well, I'm the blisters screaming
every time that you touch
and I'm the ache that keeps you up at night
the sick you stomach
caught in your throat, you can smell me
I'm the plaque on your teeth
you know there's something in the way you gag
that says you love me

And I'm your bedbugs, baby
I'm that itch that you scratch
you get me caught under your fingernails
I spread to your mask
I'm your disease now, sugar
sickly sweet on your breath
so sweat me out
I'm the fever that you'll never forget

Well, I'm the real thing, baby
I'm that crutch that you lust
and I'm the limp and the cramp
when you're trying to run
I'm your infection, honey
your point-oh-eight percent
you see, I go down easy
and you won't feel regret

And I'm your fleas now, sugar
crawling under your skin
you watch me hatch, I'm starving
baby, feed me again
I'm the body writhing
in antibiotic
swallow me whole, my darling
take it slow, I'll act quick

I'm the rash on your skin
I'm the dust in your eye
I'm the hole in the ground
you tried to crawl back inside
I'm the womb, I'm the host
a parasite with a twist
I'm the maggots crawling in the wound you cut
I'm the stitch

And I'm the ashes burning
on the soles of your feet
I'm the sliver stuck under your skin
you tried to lick clean
I'm the scars on your back
the needle mark on your vein
I'm every thought you'll ever have
I hope you'll have me again

'Cause I'm your bedbugs, baby
I'm that itch that you scratch
I'm caught up underneath your fingernails
and under your mask
I'm your disease, you chose me
muttered under your breath
so sweat me out
I'm the fever that you'd love to forget

a watched *** never boils,
shine red letters, “9:09”
a watched wrist will not cut itself
this wristwatch won’t keep time

my pockets they are full of sand
i think i need a drink
but the bottles are all filled with ships
the salt is full of sink

the kitchen drawers are filled with clothes
the bedroom tile’s stained
theire’s bodies lying in the tub
i flushed it down the drain

“it hurts, it hurts!” i cry out
through the painting on the bed
the pink and blue’s a vivid grey
that noose i made from thread

“BATTY, BATTY, LITTLE ONE”
a psychic claiming womb
“we lies, we lies” he hollers back
a whisper, shoebox tomb

when tap run dry tap tap a vein
i wait ‘fore you(r) reply
the alphabet’s your master now
subvide by multiply

my my my you’re growing
every new voice looks the same
each set of eye’s thats staring back
deferent different game

the early bird just passed we
floating downward wrinkled skin
worm slither in your fat cells
to your wheels on broken rim

we’ve eaten all my vegetables
i’m eating all that’s green
whom made you king i’m paying
there is something underseen

name starts to sound familiar
daily hourslongs each week
enough milk baby didn’t drink
she too loud when i speak

i cut back on the coffee
i’m not laughing, ha ha ha
one tweak, I’m boiled water
it’s 9:10, a smoking ***

it's more than distance
it's not the time between us
it's just that...nothing

You downed that liquid courage like there was hope at the bottom of the bottle,
And each glass that lay strewn across the floor reminded me
That this house we tried to make our home was nothing more than a wooden box
Which would, at any moment, collapse and become a casket for two;
The final vessel and resting place of our love.

I filled with tears the remains of what gave you peace every day,
Hoping you would think you overlooked a carton and had some more indulgence to enjoy,
But you knew something was different about what was left after the first time through;
And you looked at me suspiciously from that day on,
Knowing full well that you had changed something in me, and I in you.

You spoke those words with the tongue of a snake, the sting of a scorpion;
Deep into the tissue that poison traversed and tainted -
A wound so deep that it bled out quick and left me feeling drained and dry
And hollow like the ground before death calls it home;
Reassuring in me that the ghosts that were haunting me were real.

I swam to shore alone that day, tired, sore and breathless,
But when I looked back across the horizon I couldn't tell where the sky met the Earth
For everything was a reflection of everything and everything was still;
Much like the heart inside this cage you rattled so hard it broke,
Tearing the bird from it's nest and hanging me out to dry.