it's more than distance
it's not the time between us
it's just that...nothing

You downed that liquid courage like there was hope at the bottom of the bottle,
And each glass that lay strewn across the floor reminded me
That this house we tried to make our home was nothing more than a wooden box
Which would, at any moment, collapse and become a casket for two;
The final vessel and resting place of our love.

I filled with tears the remains of what gave you peace every day,
Hoping you would think you overlooked a carton and had some more indulgence to enjoy,
But you knew something was different about what was left after the first time through;
And you looked at me suspiciously from that day on,
Knowing full well that you had changed something in me, and I in you.

You spoke those words with the tongue of a snake, the sting of a scorpion;
Deep into the tissue that poison traversed and tainted -
A wound so deep that it bled out quick and left me feeling drained and dry
And hollow like the ground before death calls it home;
Reassuring in me that the ghosts that were haunting me were real.

I swam to shore alone that day, tired, sore and breathless,
But when I looked back across the horizon I couldn't tell where the sky met the Earth
For everything was a reflection of everything and everything was still;
Much like the heart inside this cage you rattled so hard it broke,
Tearing the bird from it's nest and hanging me out to dry.

On the right side of the steering wheel
and then
on the wrong side of the road
didn't see it coming
too fast
I'm too slow
flashed before my eyes
my life
is gone

Waiting for the lonely call
just to hear them say
D.O.A.
one last tear will fall
for you
my all

I fall

On the wrong side of the gun
and I hear you say my name
all the memories remain
now stained
see you guide me back
through all
the pain
just to have you go and
****
me
again

Waiting for the lonely call
just to hear them say
D.O.A.
one last tear will fall
for you
my all

I fall
through the mist
into shadow
fall
throughout time
to below
fall
through the hurt
just to have you go
leave me with myself here on my own
no one I can trust here but my own
can't seem to hold on now, hold my own

Waiting for the lonely call
just to hear them say
D.O.A.
one last tear will fall
for you
my all

I fall

i want to sleep
deeply, soundly
curled up tightly
warm and peaceful
comfortable and quiet
wrapped up in sheets
of paper
covered with your words

i fear
that you have become
my favorite song
i know your words by now
i know the chords
and i can sing along
i’ve even begun to harmonize
and i can hear you everywhere i go
i’ve learned your shape
your phasing
your balance
i hum you softly in a crowd
i scream you loudly in my car
you are always in my lungs
on my lips
in my ear
and my fingers can find you
on any surface
brilliant enough to resonate
something slightly resembling your pattern
i replay you
over and over again
i fear i will grow immune
to the masterpiece you are
the score all too familiar
so i will force myself to stop
i will indulge myself in silence
in books
in statues
in television screens
but i know you still exist
you always will
and i will still recall you well enough
to play along one more time
despite the sour notes i’ll hit
and you will fade from my memory slowly
but i will always
always
remember the hook
the swell
and the nostalgia of the first time i heard you
will overwhelm me
and sustain me

but i fear more
that you will believe
that you will always be that song
never changing
collecting dust
a fading memory
the soundtrack to recollection
but you are
a new record
each song
each lyric
each symphonic incident
every time
you are released

i am thankful
for the breaking of hearts
and of bones
and of brittle hair
and of children's toys
and of  mother's fine china
and of vinyl
and of collectable vinyl
and of glasses
and of fingernails
and of trinkets
and of one-of-a-kinds
and of water mains
and of sewer lines
and of violin strings
and of twigs under your shoes
and of thin ice
and most of all, of mind

for if they did not break
then we would never know
that they were so unique and special
when they still were whole

and when i smell you in my clothes
for days after
like the burn of black coffee
when my arms retrace yours
and when i taste you on my teeth
for days after
like the sour of nicotine
when my tongue retraces yours
and when i feel you on my skin
for days after
like the strumming of strings
when my fingertips retrace yours
and when i hear you in my ear
for days after
like the setting of the sun
when my words retrace yours
and when i see you in my dreams
for days after
like the ghost of memory
when my thoughts retrace yours

that is when i begin to worry
that i no longer worry