your eyes do not work
they don’t see clear, they are not blue
your skin is not clear
it is not soft, it is not tan
your hair is not soft
it is not straight, it is not blonde
your teeth are not straight
they are not clean, they are not white
your clothes are not clean
they do not fit, color’s faded

you do not fit
and I would never
break
a single part
of you
to shape you to that mould

white smoke rolled out from betwixt parted lips, soft and pale
it rolled across the golden sand as it refracted under whispers
and the sun it billowed ‘cross, now blackened by the sea
whose waves did it invalidate with hopes and fears and dreams

caught in the fog of yesterday
trying to find meaning in anything I say
and when I fall apart it comes as no surprise
when you dissect the truth that's left between these lies

and you see me under the ice
barely alive but it feels nice
but you gave me this skin
and now I can't tell where you end and I begin

and you saved me but you still bring me down
you stole my face and wore it like a mask around this town
and you had me believing that I was real
but now I know that touch is something I can't feel

I was young when first I fell in love with a close friend
My lips upon his icy neck did down mine shivers send
And, “Al,” I said, “I think I’ll hold you with me ‘til the end”

I was still in High School when I fell in love with Vic
His kisses tasted bitter and his presence made me sick
But it was just as well because he finished far too quick

In and out of consciousness and clarity I wept
But this time Mary my hand held and all my secrets kept
Her breath inside my lungs for the first time in months I slept

And I would think your kisses are the sweetest yet by far
Your poison leaves me shaking in the backseat of the car
I overdose on anecdotes while your lungs fill with tar

The antidote lies dormant in the strain of death you are

Kiss me again and
I will breathe this time
Letting all of your
Life pour into
My soul and
Erase my own

everyday feels like dreaming
I scream but I can't wake up
and the feeling of falling won't stop

I'm not afraid anymore
I'm terrified

everyday feels like repeating
I feel less and less each time
and the swimming, the spinning won't stop

I'm not afraid anymore
I'm terrified

every day feels like drowning
I gasp with every breath
and the constant corrosion won't stop

I'm not afraid anymore
I'm terrified

everyday feels like dying
I cry but the tears never flow
and the beating and breaking won't stop

I'm not afraid anymore

there is a blank email
addressed to you
sitting in my drafts folder
that has been there since my birthday

and in the empty spaces
are all the words i could never tell you
because they do not exist

but you exist
in a chaotic world

and i hope someday i know you