Like words lost,
really gone,
knew death,
sweet,
waiting

i’m gonna let these two wheels take me far away from here
far away from this
far away from you
far away from me
ride as fast as i can as my soul slips out from between my lips
leaving pieces of me littered along the sidewalk
next to the trash from the can
raccoons tipped over
and over
and over
and over again
you watch me go
here i go
i’m going
i promise
i’m leaving
just as soon as i gather up the courage
to break off my wings
and fall over
and over
and over
and over again
in the constant never-ending somersault
of neck breaking freedom
i’ll ride right out in front of the car
that carried me far away from safety and comfort
and lose my blood on the cement
i’m sorry i stained the ground
there’s a hose on the side of the house
but i don’t know if it will reach this far

of course it does

why wouldn’t it?

you think i don’t know?

or was that untrue?

was that why i couldn’t?

was that why you wouldn’t?

because of that?

but why then?

you know i’m insecure

would it bother you?

it might

why wouldn’t it?

i hope i’m wrong

but i fear

everything, you know

and especially that

do you know?

do you feel it?

am i wrong?

should i stop?

will i hurt?

will this?

what even is this?

is it?

could it?

do you want that?

maybe not now but sometime

but i think you know

what i think

but do you?

do i, even?

do you still?

is that?

is she?

am i?

are you?

are we

we?

us?

anything at all

do you understand?

I beg the lord you do

and I don’t believe in him anymore.

I am tired
of being tired
because I do not sleep
instead I lay
or is it lie
counting these ******* sheep
inside my head
and feeling dead
because in my head I keep
every thought
I’m sure I bought
within me, dark and deep

I’m ******* sick
of being sick
because I am too weak
to just admit
I’m tired of it
this constant losing streak
of all these years
and all these fears
have left me feeling bleak

I haven’t lived
I have not lived
a single ******* day
I hate my brain
I want this pain
to ******* go away

These words can’t show
what I can’t show
but I’m already dead

You were born with a silver spoon in your mouth
and the world at your feet
always taunting me
dauntingly
you held out the spoon
dripping in your spit
I held out my tongue
and prayed for rain
to soothe the pain
of thirst
but never tasted it

And your tongue tasted more like iron
and your touch felt like steel
and so sharp and cold
against the dry of my skin
my sin
you loved to hold
and stole
away from me
the overprotective mother
of a child you *****
and praised

You told me we'd dance
but it felt more like pulling
like swinging
like violently orbiting 'round
the sun you're too well aware you are
you are
bound to burn out before too long

bathe me, cleanse me, shave me
make me
everything you want to take me
touch me
beat me
anything
any kind of embrace will do
will you?

Clear off the bed
and come lie next to me
or lie with me
or crawl under these sheets
and die with me
or without
I'm used to it
but I could get used to this

Clear out your mind
and sink down low with me
or get high with me
or hold my hand
and lose some time with me
or without
I'm used to it
but I could get used to this

Clean up your act
and fall apart with me
or fall, apart from me
or fall, a part of me
and take some time to cry with me
or without
I'm used to it
but I could get used to this

Clean out your car
and run away with me
or run to me
or put it in reverse
and go back to the start with me
or without
I'm used to it
but I could get used to this

Cleanse your spirit
and embrace this pain with me
or brace for pain with me
or take a moment to put me back together
and just be with me, with me
or without
I'm used to it
but I could still get used to this

"That felt like forever,"
and I meant it
as the sound broke through the noise
of the Saturday morning experience
I was having
and enjoying

I caught your eyes
and you hid from my blurry face
behind the thin flesh
as the phosphenes flickered blue and red and yellow
like my father's old television
that clicked loudly when I'd turn the dial

I buried my burning face
In the soft fabric
that's been through the wash one too many times
and I smelled fresh ink
in the sensation of mallets
colliding with my temples

You wrapped all of you
around all of me
and I felt the crude, harsh lines of your figure
against the curves of my hatred
I held my breath
and released my soul

The building collapsed around us
and in the debris I found photographs
of a face I only vaguely remember
and that old broken heirloom
that I still keep around
even though I know it's not worth anything

But for that one second
when my body and spirit connected
and my consciousness slipped away as I fell into a new dissociation
I woke up and understood
that we were existing only for this
and it felt like forever