We cracked the sun wide open
and drank till light spilled across our chins
then down our chests
until our shirts were drenched
your pale skin and pink petals
Glimmering through the sheer white wool

And not even the least put off
You tore your blouse right from your back
and roared with laughter and delight
tearing mine while running toward the shore

We pulled two stars down from sunset skies
And hung them from your gentle lobes
And though they tried could not eclipse
The light from your true self exposed

Growing weary from the day
We tore  fabric from the clouds
And made a blanket on the ground
Near the waters edge

We slipped out of our sun soaked clothes
And drank so gently from the moon
From root to crown in deep embrace
made love like lovers, friends and fools

We thanked the sun and thanked the stars
While drifting off to dream
interlaced our hands and legs and hearts
And rocked the night to sleep

I look for you (sometimes);

not often,  not for very long, (but sometimes)

it’s hard to find someone (that doesn’t know they're lost)

And though I know you're not where I’m looking,
(I look anyway)

For a glimpse, a glimmer in the eye of stranger
(that perhaps I’ll recognize)

I’m not lonely (often)

And I’m grateful (always)

I won’t rush you (ever)

But I’m here

(when you’re ready)

to find me

Perhaps you are right,
You are here for
little more than sorrow,
twisted ambiguity,
languishing in torrential rain

But what if you are wrong
And you are here to
transcend the sorrow,
clear the ambiguity
and dance in the sun

Were you to be as sure of the
latter as you are of the former,
how differently would you
live this day?

I wait for you beneath the stars, in the place that we agreed upon
In a dream I can’t remember, though I’m sure we both were there
And though others ask if anyone is sitting in the empty seat beside me
I tell them that it’s spoken for and see them on their way

I wait for you beneath the stars, in the place near where the wind begins
With fresh cut grass and dandelions and sand down to the shore
And when it’s clear I see your face among the constellations
And when it’s not I see your heart float among the clouds

I wait for you beneath the stars, in the place that we agreed upon
The fire burning just enough to warm two cups of tea
And when you arrive I’ll know you by the words you spoke
when you told me……….well, you already know

But I love him.

Yet you are so unhappy.

But I love him.

Yet you cry all the time.

But I love him.

Yet you miss so many flowers in your path, lost in sadness.

But I love him.

Yet you don’t feel loved.

But I love him.

Yet you don’t feel fulfilled.

But I love him.

Tell me, what does love mean to you?

To need someone so much.

Need and love are not the same.

To want to be with someone all the time.

That is not love, that is desire.

To want them so badly, naked in my arms.

That is not love, that is attraction.

To miss someone so much.

That is not love, that is loneliness.

To get so angry thinking of them with someone else.

That is not love, that is jealousy.

To know that this is the only person that can make me happy.

And yet you are not happy.

To feel so afraid of losing someone.

That is not love, that is fear.

Then what is love?

Love is wanting what’s best for another, even if that is not being with you.

I do not feel that way, I want him with me.

Love is an appreciation for someone as they are with no need or desire to change them.

I do not feel that way, there are things he should change.

Love is an open, brilliant energy that transcends time, that is present always and that needs nothing in return.

I don’t have that for him.

Perhaps you are not in love.

It seems that I am not.

What are you then?

I am in need, I am afraid, I am lonely and I'm directing it at him.

And?

And so it is not love.

Are you sure?

Yes.  Now I am. Quite.

Then, your journey can begin.

A soft glow emanates from the place where
there is no longer you and no longer me
yet brilliant shards of light, slowly fading,
still buzz and hum  

Never would I trade your memory
in exchange for hole left by your loss
as I found this morning, by my bedside
a needle and some iridescent thread

And being reasonable,
I can only assume
you left for me whilst sleeping
that which I needed
to knit my life anew

Two lovers canoodling in the woods along the path whilst I run past,

They, embarrassed, disentangle

Having canoodled my way into conundrum so many times, and wishing that I'd known that which I now do,

I would love to tell them to not
let
    go,

instead, (hold tighter still)

For I am but a stranger, anonymous, fleeting, passer by

And there are far too few moments of (embrace)
in dappled morning sunlight  breath
                                       Beside tall oak trees,
to let a few
            foot
                 steps create, so much alarm so as to
lose each
other

I would tell them

when beauty's found, no matter where,
hold on, gaze fixed-and-deep
into its eyes, and declare
that this life time, there will be no interruptions;
steadfastly defend the moment;
ignore all else that beckons,
as so much will
phantoms all
and take arms against that which would otherwise intrude

No passerby, or gilded path should draw you from this place,
this
depth

you must not allow that to come to pass

For, in the final accounting, years from now perhaps, the two lovers will lament having disregarded a moment enraptured, for but a passerby -

I would love to tell them all of this,

but I’ve long since run passed them,

just a passerby

Side effects may include:

Marriage
Divorce
Sleepless nights
Anger
Depression
Self deprecation
Unquenchable Thirst
Abusive behavior
****** *******
Night terrors
Jealousy
Anxiety
Misdirected blame
Infidelity
Substance Abuse
Searing Pain
Excessive *******

Please consult yourself before starting this or any new relationship by passing fear off as love and pretending it is real.  

Studies have shown that the hard honest work of falling in love with the beauty of the real you will lead to a lack of willingness to subject yourself to suffering.  

Ask your doctor about LoveThySelf and whether it's right for you.  

LoveThySelf- The soul you save will most certainly  be your own (for it's the only one you can)

Available now, at a mirror near you.

I spent last night with your potential;

We met for tea at that place you love
drizzled with lavender and light
She was understated dazzle,
like brilliant, beaming, sun soaked wonder,
yet not interested in whether
anyone noticed

We spoke of you all night
the spills and chills and twists and turns
And being honest, of the two
I'm not sure who had deeper tracks
from salty tears left upon our cheeks

Tears of joy for what you may become,
Tears of sorrow for the torture you
fashion for yourself each day

We laughed as well;
Not at you per se,
But at the time you waste
on boys and toys, and empty joys
that lead you astray and further from her door
where your potential is patiently waiting

I do so wish you could have been there
You would have loved the
Chocolate Molten Lava Cake
Though we only had two spoons
And of course you were too busy
with the obsession du jour,
your ex again was it,
perhaps your mother's love,
or the problem you're currently
sleeping with


We didn’t take a single picture
as the only two to share it with
were present for the evening

She wanted me to tell you
That she believes in you more than ever
As do I my love

She was hoping that starting tomorrow,
the moment that a thought arises that
takes you further from the rendezvous
You’ll tell yourself
‘I’m more beautiful than I know
because my potential told me so’

And she promises that it works better
than clicking red heels that sparkle
to get you on your way

She loves you honey, so much
and so much more than the people
you waste so much time on
trying to make love you and make love to

Oh, and she asked me to remind you
that she’s ready for you to meet her,
As am I as well

For when you meet your potential
I’ll be there with two spoons, but this time
the second one will be for you

I made you something you’re not.

I made you sweeter than you were, like summer rain or springs’ blossom.

I’ve made you something you weren’t.

I made you honest.

I made you the victim of circumstance.

I made you beautiful inside and out.  

And if the light revealed cracks in your plaster, I turned them off.

I made you something you’re not.

I made the worst parts of you my fault.

I made your responsibilities into something they’re not; I made them mine.

I made your intentions pure.

I made you kind.  

I built an illusion and let myself believe it to be real.

You let me make you these things; knowing that you were not.

You could not help yourself; I understand.

I taught you the notes to play to make my heart open, even though the song was never yours.  

I made you play it and you obliged.

I made you something you’re not.

I made you into the lover, pushing past the furthest boundaries.

I made you good for me.

I made you right for me.

I made the lies you told into truth.

I dismissed the warnings.

I dismissed reality in favor of the most compelling of dreams and hid in the shadow of the nightmare to stay asleep.

I made you into something you’re not.

Perfect for me.

Kind to me.

Honest with me.

I made you into my ocean and swam your depths.

I made you into my safe harbor, even as the waves battered my boat at your dock.

I let you hope that I would swim too deep, that I would get caught on an ancient shipwreck, moored to you forever.

The darkest part of me was hoping for the same; for choice to be removed, to be bound to you.

Intentionally unwittingly.

I let you take from me.

I let you drink from me until it was no longer safe; and knowing it was no longer safe, your sunk your teeth deeper and you drank deeper still.

I don’t blame you.

I am slowly waking up.

I made you into something you’re not.

I am to blame.

I loved you; I love you.

I loved and love the you that there isn’t, that there never was.

I made you into something you’re not.

I made you into something you never were.

I made you into something you will never be.

I made you mine.

If not but for the illusion that we are alone, this would all be so easy.

then there was this moment I realized
I no longer knew what you would have said
given the situation

what expression would have donned your cheeks,
what tone your voice would have taken

and being neither happy or sad about it
(for it is hard to say which would have been appropriate)

I focused more intently on the sound of my own voice
and was pleased to find I had much to say in your absence

If there’s no you then
I wouldn't have cut my hair at odd angles
and shapes in anger because you
****** a disco chick whose breath,
So full of smoke and ashes ,I tasted
On your lips even still this morning

If there’s no you,

Maybe I’m still the disco chick
Dancing till sunrise, kissing strangers
Feeling myself be felt by someone else

hair
      down
              to
                 just
                     above
                            my
                                hot round
                                                 ***

Which looks so good from dancing in
Heels which you know is hard to do

If there’s no you,

There’s me.  Still lonely perhaps

But then I’m the one that will have
The smoke and ashes of the disco chick
On my breath in the morning, she will
Find me far more pleasing with my mouth
below her waist then she could possibly
Have found you to be

And tonight, they’ll be no you

They’ll just be me, me and her because
I took her number from your phone
Just before I packed my bag
And left the hair behind

Like so many before,
sure that you will resist
when the tide draws high

Once across the line,
too deep the swells
and how quickly resolve weakens
in the face of desire

It isn’t wine that you are drinking whilst they prey like dancers, on your unique brand of insecurity as you give yourself over now oh so willingly as if to say ‘I am no more than what you tell me that I am or that you want me to be’

Until you are drained of all that is you, and left floating beside your potential

When they call, and they will, simply turn left and head toward the shore on the higher ground

The view there is quite lovely

Don’t look long on the darkening of the night
And give no energy to their gaze
They look upon us from crumbling vantage points
steadfast but hands empty, save for what they steal

Don’t look long on gilded pyres
Give no contribution to their cause
hollow eyed and wayward souls
They’re simply drawn to you my dear

Don’t look deeply into the dark
And hope that you will find the light
The bottom is still much further down
but it tries yet still to brush itself across your lips

Don’t look at your own reflection
through the lens that they provide
Instead sit here in repose
And conjure images of light

Don’t look away from truth
But Be the seer and the seen
and let the rag and bones
of the pretty broken turn their indifference elsewhere

Don’t look for answers in the darkness
no great secrets will be revealed
It’s just a place where hope’s been *****
tragic fools are fools none the less

Don’t look for glory in extinction
There nothing romantic about being dead
And vampire’s teeth hold no beauty
A lesson learned too late for some

Don’t look for ecstasy in the pain
An ****** isn’t worth your soul
You’ve no idea how great the risk
And how quickly your wager will be lost

Don’t look but in my eyes my dear
And walk with me from this place
There’s nothing that I want from you
But to see you delivered, unharmed.

I'll drink you down like violets in bloom
Swallow you in colors,
tangled up in sheets and love
scent like *** and gently swollen
You're too much for everyone,
but not for me
never for me

I found me, as you found you
the lost element
on the periodic table
U² and I, when combined,
Brighter than phosphorus ablaze,
Slow like Mississippi mornings,
Sweet like sweat and that so soft
skin where your cream lingers on us both
Entwined like origami
Folded in tandem

Your hand, on top of mine
On top of yours
On top of you
inside of me
Till my end
and your beginning
is your end and
our beginning never ends

Clothes scattered on the hotel floor
Slow heat in the waning light
afternoon shadows dancing lazily

no need to clean yourself off
as we are just getting started
and beside, I will clean you
when we finish, which we never will
just simply start again at sunset's rise

I love you madly, want you deeply
But I will never need you, nor you me
As we are guests eternal,
not prisoners of this love

You tell the story of my body
With words borrowed from my soul
And never with the lights off
Why would we need the lights off

And how sweet it is
to be the smile on your face,
the moisture tween your legs
the throbbing of both your *** and heart

And how you laugh and squirm and shake
When I continue to consume
you after your cloud has rained
while I am lying in your storm

If ever there's a hurricane
We will stand inside the eye
But never break each other's gaze
Until the world with us is done
Then off to the infinity
Where we will
leave our clothing
on the floor
forever

If yesterday were your last
And today you were at rest
You’d no longer have to worry
About how you looked in the picture
that your sister took while you weren’t looking
Or whether or not your neighbors dog continued to bark after six
You’d forgive your ex for the mistakes you both made
along with your daughter for running away with that Alex

Yet if there were enough magic left in the night
to give you one more tomorrow

You wouldn’t worry about your broken heart
Or your net worth

You’d probably just sit among the lilies
struck by the beauty of the sun
And for the first time realize,
just how beautiful the world is

So why then won’t you please do that while you’re alive

All the best sins are committed after midnight
When corners hold the light at bay,
It's people that are bent
Over the bed, the bar, the back seat of a stranger's car
Shadows and silhouettes crowned king and queen
When darkness holds the center spotlight
firmly to its chest

But even the darkest among the throng,
whose steely bloodshot wicked gaze
is fixed upon the sidewalk's *****
can not delay the rising of the sun
And the birds,
the birds they sing for everyone.

I want your everyday eyes and your everyday smile
Your everyday laugh and your everyday guile

Your everyday love and your everyday pain
Your everyday sun and your everyday rain

I want your everyday body; your everyday skin
Your everyday loss and your everyday win

Your everyday breath on your everyday kiss
Your everyday stress and your everyday bliss

I want your everyday dance and your everyday stroll
Your everyday rock and your everyday roll

You're every day dress and your every day hair
You're everyday hug and you're every day care

I’ll give you all of my life and all of my trust
And all of my love and all of my lust

I'll share all of my hopes and all of my dreams
All of my plans and all of my schemes

Just the everyday you and the everyday me
By your everyday side is where I'll everyday be

Such exquisite irony

that a will so free,

makes choices

that cost so much

And yet,

all the beauty lies

in the will to try yet again,

to do better

Somewhere in the distance an alarm is sounding.

For most, it’s transparent,
indistinguishable from the cacophony
of life’s noisy complexity,
causing no disruption in their slumber.

For others, it’s a whisper, one they
are convinced they are imagining,
hearing things perhaps.
One that causes but a shift from
one side of the bed to
the other as the night
becomes strange,
yet continues

For fewer, it’s an itch, a constant
distraction on the razor’s edge.
Like a dream, almost remembered
that slips away when attended to.
They stir in their sleep,
slouching toward morning,
holding on to night.

For fewer still, it’s deafening, impossible
to ignore, evolution, rising like the sun,
at times blinding in it’s beauty, with
a ferocity that demands an audience.
Those few are dreaming lucidly, fully aware
that waking is inevitable, yet still afraid
of the messy road that lay ahead.
Some have opened their eyes
only long enough to strike the alarm
in favor of five more minutes

For the fewest, sitting up in bed, eyes open,
alarm still ringing, groggy, like waking in a
strange bed, unsure of the surroundings.

Recognizing beauty, grateful for the
day, and the moment, coming to terms
with the messy nature of evolution;
so many sleeping in their bed around them as they
themselves, prepare to have their feet on the floor



And a handful have become the alarm.

Walking among the world,
careful not to disturb those
immersed in the dream,
whispering gently to fewer,
speaking quietly to fewer still,
wrapping their arms around the fewest,
rocking them gently,
and warmly embracing
the handful, reunited with
age old friends.

You will know them through
chance encounter, coincidence,
synchronicity, serendipity or happenstance.

You will find them in song, in poetry, in a
summer breeze, an old oak, in a comment
overheard in aisle seventeen.

Listen closely my love. And have no fear,
even the softest light when awakened
is brighter than the most brilliant sun of
the dream.


Somewhere in the distance an alarm is sounding,

calling you to see your own beauty,
to reject the insecurity,
**** the lies,
to recognize the
demons for what they are,
their costumes,
once so convincing,
look absurd in the light of day.

The lover that lied and the lies you tell yourself will
seem so unimportant as black light is useless
in the sun

You were made for the sun.



Somewhere in the distance an alarm is sounding,
it’s time my love, to wake up.

You’ll find me in the kitchen fixing breakfast, your favorite.

I reach my hand down below the sheets and beneath the wasteband that gives way,
to find myself engorged

And though I know we've not yet met,
I find my love still yet to be,
climbing up the bed I've conjured,
while laying between wake and sleep

I've done things that make some blush,
that I'd never thought I'd do
But with no regret, nor pride
Looking back on seasons passed,
while dining in hell's lobby

Boys and girls and girls and boys
And boys and boys and all those games
At times tied down, straddled by an angry hearted girl looking to exact revenge on past lovers by digging in to my softer parts while forcing me to ask for more

And yes at times, the one on top, succumbing
to the darker drives, holding firm onto the wrists
of a lover, begging for a harder smack, a stronger sting, a more forceful pull on her locks, and coming only when she's felt sufficient pain to satisfy her shadow

And yes it's true, nights when still, I can't be sure in the pile
whose hands were where, whose mouth it was that wrapped around me
When tangled in so many arms, that truth becomes a story that we tell ourselves should we recall the night before

And if by chance, my reading friend, you're out there now tangled up in twisted sheets, drink until you've  had enough,  but not so deep that you mistake  neon for the sun,  as  there are some that never leave the shadow's cave

For as I lay here now alone, only two hands in this bed, not feeling lonely but instead, a sense of peace while still turned on.  
Having danced in demons arms and finding not the truth I sought,  I sinned my way to virtue

Where now I wait, for one true love, that will accept the things I've done and those things that were done to me that  even now are too much to tell

My self engorged, I touch my body, not with shame and with my head not filled with darker scenes as I've lived them all, and now have found that I prefer the sweetness and the light

................

----------------------------/

Because I know

There is nothing that you would not give

IF I allow myself to perceive even the softest of sounds
so ever fleeting and far flung
I can hear that which would otherwise, unobserved,  
have ceased to exist

And how untrue a life it would be,
if not for the quietest moments
when silence is nearly upon us yet escapes, hat in hand, through the open window
through which the gentle sound
of a mighty sparrow
discovers me discovering myself

and either observer or observed
how we yearn to find the sacred
without seeing that it is in front of us
like so many sparrow songs that go unheard,
lost under the din of thought -
perfectly knowing nothing of that would otherwise have shown us great glory and places which we would never see. -

Yet I, sitting ginelrgly on the edge of my soft white comforter
know that in the sound is the entire universe
summed up in a single wave.

You managed to swerve around
the dark circles under my eyes

Staying on the shoulder (my left)
To avoid traffic

Then arrive at the beltway
which you unbuckled

Blindfolded and reckless (never abandoned)
and a complete disregard for ***** safety

pulling me over, hands behind my back
legs spread,  guilty and charged

I love the way you never care if I’m in the mood

The one you didn’t get
But I know you always wanted

.............

......................

It’s not the relationship that you’re holding on to.

Nor is it the person
lying on the other side of the bed,
across an unreachable chasm
breathing softly in the night

He is merely a part of the illusion
that you so intricately carved
and then pinned on this
unwitting soul saddled with your expectations

made him your atlas, weighed down by
your insecurities, unexamined truths that
rather than explore, you’d hoped he'd vanquish

And when he could not slay the invisible
dragons (for he is fighting with his own)
you began to hate him almost as much
as you do yourself

and yes I know, while wine nearly dulls the senses
enough to not hate being taken from behind on occasion,
it only leaves you with muffled tears once the flush
of lust has passed.

No my love it’s not.
It’s not the relationship that you’re holding on to.

You never even liked his laugh,
but he was enough to momentarily
quiet the insecurities that torment you
on your mind’s playground
that tell  you that you’re not worth loving,
how no one wants a girl with scars or
stds or two young kids


It’s not his fault nor is it yours,
release him of your shackling hopes
and don’t waste time with anger for him
not being what he never was.

Then start down a path cut by love’s
sharp edge, through the thick overgrowth of fear
rather than the other way around

And on your own, you will discover
that beauty is but the reflection of the
light that you already possess, that the playground bullies lie and that you're so deserving of your own love
and understand the lover that you want isn’t the one that is seeking the insecure, for insecure only seeks the same

I know my love.
I know that you’re afraid to loosen your grip.

But I promise you this much is true,
if you let this go and instead use your hands
to reach inside, to find out who you really are,
the light that shines from your eyes
will light the world, and as an incidental
artifact,  attract a lover matched in full

  
It’s not the relationship that you’re holding on to.

And the time has come my love,
to just let go.

Yes it's how I love you,
and how I always will.

There was never any keeping us part

It was physics as much as it was madness

Drawn together, compelled maybe, I'm just not sure

One plus, one minus, both magnetized, cocked and fully loaded.

In a single fluid motion from strangers to lovers to so entangled and entwined, so inextricably linked we long ago lost sight of where one of us Begins and the other ends

I don't think it's healthy

It can't be healthy

To need the other to breathe, to drink you as my water, to be your cure, to consume ourselves so completely, hours pass in minutes, days in moments, I miss you when I'm with you, I miss me when I'm not, and I'm no longer entirely sure which is which

I don't think it's healthy

I think the pace is quickening.  I can feel it but I don't know where and I know I should, but I don't want it to slow down.

People are starting to notice.

They're attracted and afraid, were just too close, too connected, fiercely loyal, but running like a freight train unbalanced, pitched at 45°, swinging around a pass on a mountain side overlooking a bottomless ravine and we've both stopped conducting.  

I think we're into deep,

                                   but I like it


so please, write back soon.

I've seen such eyes before
the way you look at me
curious, enticed, enamored

you are young and beautiful
but I am not for you
nor you for me
we will need to just leave it at that

Dearest,

It seems the front is more dangerous in these waning days of spring and talks of peace were premature; I know yet not when I'll return

I long for moments under the two-trunk oak near farmer's bend where we spent many an afternoon.
And I'm embarrassed to say that I've thought of having taken your dress up above your waist on more than one occasion to distract myself from mortar rounds and far away cries in the darkness

Tomorrow it seems we are going to see the worst of it, at least that's what I've heard, though rumors, like ghosts, dance among the battlefields so I can't be certain

Dearest, I've loved you since you were eight years old, wearing your sister's shoes two sizes bigger than you feet could fill and freckles from cheek to cheek and I love you ever more still each day

I've not heard from you in so very long, the silence is nearly unbearable, though the mail has been unpredictable and I fight to stay positive.  I pray these words reach your eyes  with haste and this kiss your lips without.

Ever yours,

Most die as caterpillars, their stiff long carcass left hanging somewhere precariously, a ridge they attempted to climb that proved too much in the end for them to struggle through – incarnate no longer

Most die as caterpillars, a shadow of their possibility, many legged creature that could not find a way, even with so many legs, to overcome the most brutal of obstacles, the self from which they run, walk, and crawl

Most die as caterpillars, round, crusted, unyielding to those around them, determined instead to bowl ahead with their own agenda, lost to the possibilities not only around them, but inside them, for the greatest mystery of all was still inside them when they died

Most die as caterpillars, the undiscovered country of themselves left behind, and having lived a life whereby the greatest annoyance were the unusual creatures that occasionally fluttered by, golden wings and unstoppable spirit that soared to heights that even so many legs could not reach

I woke with a start,

the cracked wooden shutters banging wearily in the wind, hinges groaning, slowly rusting, fully unaware that their time had past, instead they hold on like steadfast soldiers defending a front that no longer matters, in a war that’s already been lost

And, as sleep dissipates, my attention narrows and I -
I realize that I have no wooden shutters, that they have not
been attached to a house in which I’ve slept for more years than
most dogs live in east coast towns with half lit neon signs
O en 24 rs

and yet somehow I heard them rat, tat, tattering like the
shuffling of shoes attached to a woman that needs a wheelchair
but refuses, in favor of a walker, who never leaves the house without
removing all the curlers and putting on her face

None the less the shutters, some time long ago
were torn and left asunder, when the house was removed from
its foundation, by a chipped yellow painted machine,
with enough torque to remove the home in which I grew from existence, leaving a gaping hole that was the basement
where I had my first second base

But there is you, laying beside me, gently breathing in the dark
like the consistent flow of ocean waves, lapping the shore with certitude then slowly disappearing into the vastness of the green blue sea

You are more than I ever could have hoped for, more than I
could have imagined decades ago, when, with a pillow pulled upon my head,
wishing that the wooden shutters attached to my blue green house would drown out the sound adults in family rooms make when
screams are louder than Carson and the studio audience’s laughter

Instead of falling back to sleep, I prefer to listen to your ocean’s breath, the silence from the family room that you and I occupy, while hoping to one day hold you steady long after you need a wheelchair but prefer instead my forearm and a cane

I will begin on the plains of your abdomen,
gently tracing their rise and fall
as breath enters and escapes your lips
noticing like mountain dew,
how sweat begins to glisten on your skin

And moving up toward your northern exposure
I’lll scale your round, soft mountains,
achingly slowly yet steady just the same
while you beg me
to reach the sensitive peaks
But twirling just around them,
refusing your demand to bite,
and leaving two soft kisses where
a flag would otherwise stand

Then charting a course around either side
of your most golden coast,
instead gently running my fingers
(with ice held between them)
down your peninsulas,
toward the straights of your inner thighs
across the narrows that lay behind your knees
And though you spread your geography
to create an inlet to your ocean,
I will instead continue to attend to
the peninsulas’ ends,
greatly in need of attention
as they’ve carried your land
from place to place without complaint

Then rolling the landscape asunder
And revealing your southern exposure to the sky
I’ll gently explore your heart shaped dunes,
Soft yet firm, causing a vibration in the ground
as you express your approval with the progress
of the expedition

Moving on to the edges and ridges of your
so strong back, your femininity pronounced only more so
by how strong and broad your shoulders,
I’ll hold and rub them firm, thankful for the place
upon which my head at times will rest

And finally, the last frontier of this journey
The soft sweet center of your landscape
like swollen earth between my lips,
and then our hips like rolling hills
An earthquake slowly building
tectonic plates shifting out of place
until the world begins to shudder,
the room shake, and then fall silent
as our two bodies remain as one
while drifting off to explorations
found among our dreams


(National Pornographic was the alternative name)

I let you have your way with me
and in the moment of such reckless abandon
I was turned on by my own disgust
knowing that it wasn’t for my greater good
And how mourning and morning would come in tandem

But putting my hands above my head
and feeling you press down on either side of my hips
while fighting the urge to run
I wanted you to make me yours
dark though this way it would come

I licked my lips unconsciously
biting down as you opened me up
while I bargained with myself
for no one lies to us sweeter than
we do to ourselves

Then just before I allowed myself
to be devoured, to be consumed by the fire
pouring from your wet sweet flush
I caught my reflection in the mirror

Afraid of what I would become
should I allow the desecration
I flipped you on your back
Held your head in both my hands
Kissed you on the forehead
Laced my soul up from the floor
While walking slowly from the room
at last, I was finally free

For you my love the river bends,
and monsoon rain abruptly ends

Trees one sagging, lean toward sky
in case, per chance,  you happen by

For you my dear,
the babbling brook quiets itself
in hopes you mistake it for a majestic stream

while dandelions stand on end
to appear as sunflowers
in the oft chance
that your gaze will fall upon petals

For you my sweet,
even the crescent moon embellishes
so as to seem nearly full
to attract your momentary glance

while winter waves
warm themselves
to tempt you
to dance
and splash among them

But you, my love, notice only me,
and I my love, only you
for in our world,
there are only two
No matter what the
world will do

This, once again, is that moment
Whence so many times before
my shadowed self, so cleverly disguised
sets fire to progress
Preferring to feed at the trough of repression
Than to unwind the painful nature of the past

Afraid to see myself,

unfiltered

In the unyielding light of the day

and instead, choosing to destroy lest I take honest inventory


Yet, this IS that moment, delightfully so
For somehow, by mere recognition
it is my shadow that is no longer disguised,

but instead,

laid bare

By the light of the day,

and I, struck by the contrast,
put down the match
and stand comfortably beside myself
ready to build a bridge, rather than
burn one down

There's nothing casual about it.

I wish I could blame you

for the cracking of my heart

that left me languid, and gasping for air

I wish I could blame you

but I am that one that drew you in to my  syringe

and injected you so deeply

so deeply


I knew the risks

don’t we all,



when we abdicate the throne of our heart to another king or queen

and believe that some one else can make us whole


aren’t we the fool?

and then we protest the way we are ruled

and gnash our teeth when they decide to seek another kingdom
or to rule another secretly; one that’s not protesting


I wish I could blame you

for wearing the crown I gave to you

for becoming the tyrant I allowed you to be


I could recount every deed in great detail

all the crimes against my heart

and wave my righteous indignation like a flag


but it’s not the drug, it’s the one that pushes it into their veins that is at fault

as I pushed you

so deeply

We'll meet in our life's afternoon
As the morning's all but gone
Lessons learned, small scars, big tears,
but no regrets at all

I'll share the bread and wine I've brought
Half or more, I have enough
I built small castles 'long the way
Money and its comforts
this time easily they came

I'll be merely who I am
I stopped pretending long ago,
to be something that I'm not
or caring what the critics say
When writing of me in the times

And so I'll meet you free and clear
Mind and body, both are sound
Thanks to yoga, and reflection
About life's meaning and that of love
One and the same they seem to be

Please don't rush; I will be here
Take care to learn your lessons well
Arrive too soon and you'll still be searching
For the self you've yet to find

How lovely though that day will be
And all they days from then till night
Walking hand in hand
No concern of other lovers
or casual friends that want us just the same

And we will have the love
that lovers always dream of
but never preserve to find
and exiting too soon
wind up miles from the spot

I'll meet you by the rising sun
And somehow will just know your name
As you will mine, and hair and eyes
While moving at the spend of sound
My lover, soon is soon enough

I don’t know how I never noticed
the fairy dust, that now I can so clearly see
sprinkled gently across your cheeks
Along your neck, and dancing down
across your breast, to your edges
round and soft, reflecting light
beneath your heart

Some how it seems, for so very long
You hid your wand, behind your back
In places that I couldn't see
Yet making magic all the while

so I finally understand, how it is
that so many wishes wished came true
while walking hand in hand beside you
summer sun or winters snow both
having the same glimmer that I now so clearly recognize, sparking in your eyes

My sweet divines

You did not come to search for love
in vacant eyes or flaccid *****
(chickens though they might be)
or toil with such silly boys or even men
whose fists are larger than their hearts
Or cracked and angry souled little girls
who know nothing of beauty (even their own)

And yet you burn your days and years
trying out their broken bodies
Sliding them inside of you to see if you can make them fit
Like some twisted cinderella searching for her heels

Yet all the while,
the secret that you seek
is seeking you as well,
but you’re hiding from it’s gaze

Forget for now these silly games
and fix your focus straight ahead
Unleash the light you’ve withheld
worry not for now of love
For as you become the you of your potential
Love will find it’s way to you, not as the end
But merely a reward along the way to your destiny

Stop searching in the bars and cars
Please stop fighting lovers wars
Become what you came here to be
find the world will be yours
for it already is if you so choose

the pace is quickening my divines
you're stronger than you know
you have the heart of a lion
and the soul of a phoenix

Soar, or Roar; it's up to you;
who am I to tell a goddess what to do

It’s me there in your sunrise eyes
your swaying hips, your sunset thighs
like tasting sun kissed lemon pies
writhing in your sun soaked ties

My fingers gently wisp your breast
Bite your petals, kiss your chest
Holding you when you need rest
Restrained there at your own behest

It’s me there lapping you like waves
Exploring all your hidden caves
Sensual your body craves
So wild as it misbehaves  

But soon it will be you I’m sure
Who’s pinned me on the sandy floor
Begging me to beg for more
Begging you to touch my core

It will be us then side by side
Arms entwined but neither tied
No foolish thoughts nor foolish pride
No fears or feelings we must hide

Just us there in the fading light
And us there in the quiet night
Again, when next the sun takes flight
Like two birds soaring to great height

Then gently fading out of sight
Yes, gently fading out of sight.