I never noticed the
flowering tree on
Franklin Boulevard

I walked down
that footpath
a thousand times,
and saw right through
the bark.

But now it's full of
blossoms that
reflect the sunshine's rays

and I hold my
breath as I walk past
and shower in
the shade.

I never saw the tree
because some roses
line the street

So I ignored simplicity
(eyes and roses meet)

Now I can't ignore
the blossomed tree
growing on Franklin
Boulevard

It's profound how a
flower blooms and
makes you notice bark.

I lost a mountain
worth of soul the
moment
I gave in
and wrapped
the ivy 'round my legs
and let the carnivore
**** me in.

I lost an ocean
of passion when
I sat in front of you
and closed my eyes
to lose the pain.

Empty pit
and empty hole
and where did all the
roses go
when I can't dance
and I can't sing
and no one even knows my name.

And now I know
how to
trade a soul
for empty space.

You'll never see the Eiffel Tower

or the elephants in
India
or
that painting place in
Portland
that you saw in
the paper
last week.

Last week.

a week when you were you
again
(and I was all of me again)
and you were breathing air
again and
everything
       was
   right
        again

[again
again]

You'll never see the the moon shine
and
I'll never see your smile

again

or hear your laugh
and hug
and 90's tshirt

(the camel on the front)

or see you walking up
the gravel

a hand over your eyes
to see the way.

To see the way again.

I need to see the way
again.

I heard your violin
swoon
and the sand on my back

I'm sinking

the cold wind
feels colder than
last summer
and more familiar
all the same.

and I can write symphonies to your sounds
to the waves
to the crackling of the fire that went out

(long ago)

and I heard your violin play
and I heard it cry
and I heard it reaching for me
as I waited for the waves
the tide
to touch my legs

a
crash

of cold

and the waves hit my knees
and there's salt in my eyes

and I can't stop laughing.
hysterically laughing
and crying
(it's all the same,
Pacific
Atlantic)

I heard your violin swoon and
it kissed the stars
and me.


I'm
  sinking.

Draw me in
And hold me close.
Feel my body
Shiver in your strong arms
And the spreading Goosebumps
Stand firm
Against your warm skin
As you try to shelter me
From the brisk night air.
Stare at the sky with me
And search its depths
For all the stars
We could possibly find.
Light a cigarette
And take long, steady drags
And inhale deeply
Allowing the tar to tickle your lungs
Before you exhale the poison
So the sharp, comforting smell
Of ashes and a Marlboro Red
Can engulf us.
Gaze down at me
With warm, dulcet eyes
And turn me around.
Brush the hair from my face
With your rough, callused hand
So our eyes can meet.
Rest one hand
Gently on my hip
While the other
Carefully holds my face
So your eager lips
Can be pressed against mine.
And when you’re done
Let me feel the moisture
Of a wisely placed peck
On the center of my forehead
In a subtle but sincere attempt
To prove your care for me
And my worth to you.
And when all is said and done
And you’re staring down at me
Hoping that maybe, just maybe
For once
This time you got through to me,
Wrap me in a god ****** hug
And swear you’ll never let go.
Cherish the feeling
Of being entangled in each other’s arms
And our bodies pressed together
As we desperately cling
To the only thing either of us has left.
Just hold me and hope
By some random inaccuracy of nature
Time suddenly stops.
And allows us to live these seconds
For minutes.
Hours.
Days.
Months.
Years.
Any amount of time
Longer than it really is.
Because, truth be told,
We’ll never experience a moment
More beautiful than that
In our entire lifetimes.

Begin to break me,
crack me, shake me.
Smack me, hate me,
shatter my will.

Tear my heart,
from my chest,
and throw me aside,
just like the rest.

But before you let me go,
I just want to let you know,
I never stopped loving you.

Slowly tear me,
wear me down,
till I am nothing,
but a bit of dust.

And if you must,
take my heart,
because I will no longer need it,
once we're apart.

But before you let me go,
I just want to let you know,
I never stopped loving you.

No matter how far apart,
we may grow,
I want you to always know...

No matter how long it is,
till I see you again,
I want you to always know,
I loved you.

The night we got drunk and told each other secrets
Wasn't a good night
But it was a reading poetry night
A looking up poetry on your iphone and reading out loud night
Our favorite verses
Leonard cohen, andrea gibson
We're very different for best friends
But typical, a boy and a girl
Stealing liquor from the grocery store
In my purse, under your shirt
Secrets
A few drinks and you're crying, telling me
People only see your looks
And I think you're superficial, get some real problems
Until you tell me
About how he held you down and tried to choke you
In the middle of the night
Another drink and I'm holding you saying I'm so glad they called the cops
So glad you're here now
So glad we're best friends
So glad we've bonded over shared
Awful secrets
Another drink and you're telling me not to feel self conscious of my scars
That even though they reveal to everyone
The worst thing I've ever done to myself,
And they show this without my consent to anyone who might look
That they are a part of me not to be ashamed of
And you have another drink and say you don't think worse of me
Not anymore.
And we have another drink and look up another poem
Read it out loud until the words are too slurred and we're laughing
Like the worst things that ever happened to us
Are only parts of us
And they can be remembered without falling apart
And forgotten without losing everything
And we have another drink.

I hope you listen to Blue October and think of how you ******* me over
I hope it sparks in you the
Same confusion it does in me
The same confusion I felt
   When you said hello like
Nothing ever even happened
Like you never promised me the world
And I never dreamed of taking it
I hope you wonder too
What the hell happened
Because I sure do

For my "Big Brother".*
Love Always, *****.

You said it was adorable
The way my hair curled
around the hollows of my neck
Brushing across my skin
like a
n o o s e

You said my looks could shatter glass,
that my repugnant features
would SURELY guarantee a life of solitude
You loved to point out my flaws
And how my laugh was too late
breathing too loud
walking too fast

The shallow scars on my wrists
were alluring to you
you encouraged me to make more
and I loved the kiss of cold metal just a little too much
and
you
loved
that
I
loved
it.

You said you understood me
my thoughts were dark and scattered
I wasn't always able to share them with you
But I didn't need to
you already
"u n d e r s t o o d"

my dark companion
the only one I ever trusted
We fought our demons together
Dragging the other to hell as well

You wasted no time in telling me
what a waste I was
of skin
of space
and I wasted no time in  b e l i e v i n g  you

You would hold me in your arms
and whisper bittersweet nothings
compliments with a hard slap attached
convincing me I was far more flawed than I am.

We fought like rabid wolves
growling,
hissing,
howling,
circling,
nipping at my ankles,
you'd force me to f a l l.

tearing and ripping apart flesh
with words
and my feeble palms
left angry red marks on your chest and face
but my struggle only made you more eager

Every tear that fell from my face
gave you life
every sob that came from my throat
gave you a voice
you could not stand alone
you said
y o u  c o u l d   n o t   l i v e   w i t h o u t   m e

You said I didn't understand you
that I could never comprehend the torment YOU
were experiencing
I was FAR too dull to see.

It wasn't until I realized
I didn't need to play your childish games
I didn't need you
or your "passionate, intense" heart.

Once I stopped hitting back
your blows became harder

Not worthy of love.

Not worthy of life.

Not worthy of existence.

And I believed you.
I trusted you.

E n d   i t,
you said.
Peering down at the street far below us

You said to.

The height was dizzying

Y o u   s a i d
"Jump."