i'm really good at running,
just not down the street.
but away from my fears,
i'm afraid of defeat.

i knew you'd catch up,
i didn't know when.
but depression why must you
come visit again?

i've fought for so long,
it's really not new.
but this time i just
don't know what to do.

i've run out of ways,
to fight you once more.
you're way too persistent;
i'm tired of war.

why'd you pick me?
i'd just like to know.
and please tell me why
you will not let go?

i had some ambitions;
some really big dreams.
did you want me to fail?
cause that's how it seems.

depression, please listen.
i have one final plea:
i want to be happy
so please let me be.

12
6+6
7+5
8+4
9+3
10+2
11+1
12

Seems simple enough.
Reality was like a *****
film. Beaten and touched
by the sins of a woman corrupt.

Too poor to play.
Mom was getting high,
so I joined a play
to stay away
from the fists and verbal abuse of the day.
No lunch money.
Mom was getting high,
So I left for school at 6 A
M. Yes Ma'am, I was dropped off I would lie
everyday.
No, Sir, It's ok I already ate" I would lie
everyday
Tim, wanna come over and play?
*No I have to go home and get slapped and and screamed at when my mom isn't screaming some strange man's name...I mean...I have homework to do."

Straight F's. Never attempted a page.
Too busy learning what goes well with sage
And how to calm my rage
The singe of my skin let my emotions disengage.

Every time the levees were going to break
Just crawl into my hiding place
Heat up a paper clip
and all that was inside would slake.

10 years later I am covered in scars
Hundreds, head to toe, all over my fleshy bars.

They are much more difficult to see.
However they are still embarrassing
Thus the long sleeves and I always wear jeans
irregardless of how hot or discomforting.

One day I want new scars, head to toe
tattoos to tell a new story.
of how I escaped the blues
I never really did but it sounds nice.

I am experiencing a problem with my poetry
I do not know what my next step will be
Wobbly

Stumbling

over syllables and web pages
I am shaking and vibrating
Spot light is blinding
on life's stages
I keep forgetting my lines
So I speak of shoe laces
in leveled metaphors
and the look of their flesh cases was ageless
Yet, I can't stand their faces

Not on this or that knee

It is anxiety
I thought it was mild but its becoming severely
annoying. Faults and fractures
flake my stature
like bark from a tree

Just start running

Evading
Something I do not want to face
Slave trading, soul maiming
while their raiding
I am hidden in the shading
of planets in space
We're all black in this place
No superiority nor disgrace
Just aiding
the next broken person
so they can have a chance in the race.

She always knows
She always knows what to do
I'm glad she's just a friend
and doesn't know the crew

I never tell her my story
She reads every page herself
She never touches the exhibits
the essences of me
elegantly
arranged upon the shelves

She always knows
She always knows what to do
I'm glad shes just a friend
and never knew the crew

She paces in silence
Slight smirk under her eyes
As she wanders around my gallery
galaxies
analogies of abnormal realities
Seen from within the guise

She always knows
She always knows what to do
I'm glad she's just a friend
And will never know the crew

Every so often she pauses
Her footsteps resound
The curator looks up interested
and solicited
a reaction uninhibited
From a mind profound

She always knows
She always knows what to do
I'm glad she's just a friend
And doesn't want to know the crew

Her analysis is always unique
And as if she was the artist
The curator thinks, in retrospect
she is correct.
As she walks out the exit
Her path is marked by a trail of stardust.

She always knows
She always knows what to do
I'm glad she's just a friend
And is unknown to the crew

I am envious.

Jealous
of the way you speak
I can't do anything as beautifully
as the way you say I
or anything between A & Z
in any combination
found in any dictionary


Noticing the way you breathe
Takes away my breath
When I see the rising in your chest
and that slight smile you make
before the exhale
makes me quail
and my heart flail
like its on fire
Thoughts stop, drop

And the way you roll
those R's makes me perspire
And time transpires in slow motion
when you say L and all I can say
Mm, Its going to be a lovely day
I won't need the jack & coke potion
when I retire
If you can pop the P in pole

I am jealous
of the way you speak

This is not goodbye
Dry your lovely brown eyes
That I find mine
So often locked in a stare
Though I'm aware
Of the dangers that lie ahead
Rest peacefully in your bed
Knowing somewhere out there in an ocean vast and blue
I'm riding out the storms, coming home to you
A love that's true
Know that even as the world around me burns
This is not goodbye, I will brave the fires and to you I will return...

You were dating that girl from heaven
So angelic yet mind so brittle
You took her to better places
And gave her things you couldn’t give me.

She’s polite, all tender hand shakes and smiles
And she’s even nice to me to be on your side
She’s not the stereotype of perfect
Cos she’s got a dark side but it’s worth it
Cos I bet you want to see her naked
And I bet she looks better than me
And if you do something wrong
She’ll never tell you.
Nearly perfect.

So why

You were dating that girl from heaven
You were dating even when you didn’t know it
Your walks were romantic and flirtatious
But oh so gracious
And so ungraciously you fell for her
And bought her better perfume
But I wasn’t in competition
Now I don’t want to be involved -
With a silly girl from such a tragic, lethargic world.

So why

I hope you and your girl from heaven dance in woods
And run on hot coal together
I hope your love isn’t based on words
I hope she offers you things I never knew
And I hope you get her name tattooed
Girl from heaven, thank you.