I found this old guitar
In a run down thrift shop store
R.J. were the initials scratched into the back
Could this be the guitar of lore

The guitar that Robert Johnson held
When he signed on the dotted line
Here is the music you live for son
But from now on your soul is mine

The very same blues guitar he played
Like there was no tomorrow
Alas tomorrow for him came
Filled with pain and sorrow

I picked up that old guitar
Started out strumming a few simple cords
Laying around all of these years
It sounded sweeter than sin and more

I can't remember ever playing so well
As I watched nimble fingers fly
Don't know how long I'd been in the back
Losing all consciousness of time

When I found the old store keeper
Asked him how much he wanted for my find
He said it looks good on you son
It's all yours...
If you'll sign on this dotted line...

Can you imagine my surprise
When I woke up with thunder thighs

I looked in my mirror and
It gave me back a knowing grin

Hard and heavy the diet days
And all of my sweet tooth chocolate craves

Knowing what's  in front of me
Makes this fat boy wanna scream

So I check out the internet
To find the perfect diet yet

        Lets see......

***** injections from a pregnant babe
That seems to be the latest craze

How about this bubble wrap
I just might be down with that

Who is there to really say
Which pill and how many I should take

One that sympathizes with the way I feel
While feeding me pint size starvation meals

Here's one guaranteed to clean my clock
While the next ten days I'm on the toilet docked

This is funny...try and eat more sensibly
That's like a foreign language to me

Get your daily exercise
Obviously written by some wise guy

Goes to prove just what I've heard
On the internet don't believe every word

How about the Himalayan soft cheese wrap
The secrets in the cheese to squeeze off the fat

Or I could go the Hollywood way
Have it ****** out and back to eating in one day

There are so many options here
It's hard to know which way to steer

As my options all expand
Think I'll just go buy elastic waist band pants

And learn to enjoy in my own eyes
The fact that I have thunder thighs

Who can tell me
What it is I need to know

               *About the moment
               Between fast and slow

About that slight tick
Between on and off

               About the silence
               Between what's here and whats lost

Who can show me
What is good and bad

               The importance of
               The opposite of sad

What it is once
That we all had

               The knowledge of
               What we all now lack

Who can tell me
What is right and wrong

               The subtle heartbeat
               Between here and gone

The coming showdown
Between old and young

               The major let down
               Of what we thought and what we've done

Who can tell me
        Of these mysteries
                 Who can show me
                           *Because I'd love to see

Wish I was a hood ornament
On a 58' Ford Fairlane
With my face pointed to the West
On a lone Texas highway

Where I can feel the engines hum
As it purrs under me
A 58' Ford Fairlane hood ornament
Is what I want to be

A 58' Ford Fairlane hood ornament
Feeling the freedom of the wind
The coolness of the metal
The metallic of the skin

Enjoying every moment
Bringing on the glory of day
Riding on the hood
Of a 58' Ford Fairlane

Little boys and little girls*
Playing in the sand
Taking life for all its worth
Without a care in hand
Enjoy it all little ones
While it is you can
Before this life grabs hold of you
And you begin to understand

Time you spend with mommy
Daily in the park
Good times for you to have
Till daylight kisses dark
If you're  within the sound of my voice
Take a moment where you are
Hug them tight your inner child
For all that they are worth

Childlike innocence always is
The first thing that we lose
Trying to get it back seems to be
The last thing that we choose
I'm sure we would try harder
If it is we only knew
How much losing it would change
Our very point of view

When we stop to view it all
Through wide open eyes
Hits us all so very hard
Should we be surprised
Happens to the best of us
And so goes our lives
I dream of the forgotten days
*Innocence of a child

First come up with a catchy title
One that will draw the crowds
Throw in a bit of Mojo
A little pizzazz, a lot of Wow

Give it a twinge of what people want
A slight tweak of what people need
That can stand on it's on, slap them square in the face
How about you call it FREE MONEY!

Now that you have the hardest of parts
Tightly locked in place
It's time to spin the ultimate rhyme
One that will blow them all away

Throw in a little love for all the ladies
One or two car chases for Dad
So as not to leave anyone out
Dinosaur's and bunny rabbits for the kids

Now take it and mix it together
Slightly shaken but never stirred
Till you have them eating out of your hands
Devouring your every word

This will keep them coming back for more
They will always be waiting in line
For your next junket through
The world of mysterious rhyme

I hope that this has been helpful
And in a way has enlightened you
Now go out there Mr.and Miz Poet
There's a line outside waiting for you

There's no reasonable explanation
To how this all went down
When the world woke up one morning
All made up as clowns

Not a single person in the world
Did this phenomenon not claim
With big red buttons on their chests
Spelling out new funny names

There was Patches and Petunia
Floppy and Cupcake
Winky and Bumper the Clown
Were just a few that they displayed

Everyone went about their business
Only now they all carpooled
You could see clowns piling out of cars everywhere
From businesses to stores to schools

Crime it did die down
Because all the guns that people have
Instead of shooting bullets
Shoot out brightly colored Big Bang Flags

Of course the circus lost its glamour
With an audience made up of clowns
It's hard to tell who's there enjoying
And who's entertaining all the crowds

People stopped taking each other seriously
Over anything they had to say
Pointing at each other and laughing
As they go about their day

Who knew a thing like this would happen
When the world went to bed last night
That the very next morning
They'd wake up clowns for life

Oh, I almost forgot the Politicians
Were the only ones to stay the same
It's already a simple known fact
*When your a clown you don't need to change