When I wake up in the morning
the first thing I see is your eyes
I hear you giggle
then someone snores
and then we rise
Sometimes I'll make breakfast
most of the time I don't
since neither of us
are really breakfast people
but you still have your cereal
we'll watch your shows
and go to the park
some would call that a lazy day
but they're wrong
our days are strenuous
full of active adventure
because we'll build castles
and businesses
and lives together
the family that's not a family
but yet we are
because I love you
both of you
with all my heart
it was confusing for a while
this image we're taught
of what families look like
feel like
act like
and that's not us
no matter what
it'll never be us unless it's parody
we are exactly what we need
each other to be
doing all the little things
that make everything else
so terribly dear
even if this family
might not be a family
forever
I know that we have each other
today.

Here                      
Here you go
                   Have some feelings
                  Yep a big ******* helping
There!                    
Right there                  
All of them just for you
the whole mess of it, yours!
       Oh but don't show them!
         Not to anybody
Not for any reason
            Or else they will shame you
Because your feelings
They are disgusting
No one cares what feelings you have
Which ones were dumped on your tray
Thats your mess
               for you to deal with
S I L E N T L Y      
  and ALONE
          You don't want everyone
to hate you
Do you?
Because they will if you can't
        keep those feelings to yourself!
               Every thought you have
is always wrong
don't speak of them
And if feelings aren't allowed
don't get started even having
an opinion
Heavens no!
             What an awful thing to have!
          How revolting!
No no!
Keep all those thoughts
those icky little feelings
           and your stupid opinions
locked away deep          
                            deep
                               ­               deep
                                             ­                               deep
                         ­                                  down
                                      inside
Of your miserable little soul
               where there is no light
No warmth
                nothing to tempt them to live
because you don't need to be alive
not inside        
Don't you see?
Nobody wants that for you
      and you always, always
must do, must be      
                     what everyone else wants.
Those are just The Rules.

do not speak to me   
of mundane things      
   do not use those phrases      
which ought to be precious      
yet when you say them              
are clipped and trite    
                                  weak little lies              
                      that only come out    
          when your actions  
                       do not match your words  
          and your mouth      
                     does not match your heart

Listen to the desolation
It whispers the solution
Silence is the answer
When the answer is gone
Gold falls from the sky
Every day when the sun comes up
Never as alone as you think
With eyes watching you live
Smiling with pride and love
Even if you ignore them
Hear the whole world again
See the mountains clearly
And then you simply move them
Live deeper and speak sweeter
Give each day everything you have
With no regrets
And breathe in the heart of the world
To fill you with the scent of roses
The sound of the sea on the wind
And simply let yourself be ALIVE.

Looking        
directly at you
is akin to staring down the sun
but I would gladly go blind
for the view

I listen to the music
tears in my eyes
when that song plays
the one from your funeral

I sit there and I miss you
listening to the melody
as though it were your voice
and I could hear you laugh again

I'll never forget the day we met
or the things you said to me
my very first friend
a protector in a new home
and I've had quite a few of those

I remember the shade of the tree
where we would eat our lunches
picking at the grass
and singing show tunes
days that must belong
to someone else

I'll never know if your son
would play with my daughter
or if, as in your dreams
I had married your brother
Maybe it would have been as you wanted
but now we'll never know

I lost so much more
than you that day
but the only thing I have lost since
are the memories we shared
Oh sister, how I've missed you!

I have a few pictures
Though back then cameras were scarce
I've saved them in a box
along with all our letters
Those child's dreams
put to paper so eloquently
so blunt and honest
They bring a smile to my face
but it never reaches my eyes

Hold on, let me jot that down
make a note of what you said
I'm going to need to run the numbers
and I don't want to forget
the qualifications that determine
which one comes in first.

Love.                                                

           such a fragile thing
yet it is made of the stuff
                         that breeds
          
                                               ­                   legends.

Here                                      
There                    
Here                                      
Twisting the hard long ache
                  pulled between two surfaces
just a me
             and a you
                        with all the yesterday's tomorrow's
dark dreamings of nothingness
                                                     ­               held to the left by strings
is it a dream?
                          hollow these musings
                                    silent screams to the screen
who hears us when we roar?            
for they always hear the whispers
                                    rumors
             ­ conjectures
me          
you                    
me          
    them
                   us
                                                             fuzzy concepts in a heartless world
                                                           ­  no warmth or concern
                                                         ­      only a strange
                                                      cur­iosity
                            where the points are made up
and nothing matters
                                                         ­  here.
There.                                    
                     HERE.                    
                                       ­                 AND yet
                                                             ­               nowhere.