I know right now it's very tough
to count every single blessing
that maybe you can't even see
the hands waiting to receive you
as you stand there trying so hard
                                    not to cry
they tell you that it's okay
that you can just let it go
to give your pain to the God above
and let Him control the show
I've heard those selfsame words from them
and I have seen the look within their eyes
I know why you shy away
and I know why you want to cry
they don't face their problems
they can't even fix themselves
they think a book and a couple prayers
can make everything whole again
but we both know that's not the case
they believe the words but not the faith
and it only gets more complex
which is something you don't need
                                      right now
all you need is a listener
not someone giving you a sermon
or some crazy, lofty advice
you need hands and arms to hold you
to drive the demons back to the night
so that you can feel safe again
oh believe me, this I have known!
and I know that half your pain
                                      right now
is that you do not feel safe here
I know how truly you feel alone
which is why I've come to you
I heard you calling through the dark
lay in my arms that will keep you warm
and I'll keep you safe from the night
cry until your heart's content
pour your pain onto the ground
let it drip from your fingertips
even if you don't make a sound
I won't whisper in your ear
I won't tell you what to believe
I won't say that God has a plan for you
I know how empty those things seem
All I want is to give to you
a place of safe and shelter
so that you can get what you need
                                          right now.

"I'm here."                                
So many different meanings
        in such a small sentence

I'm here      
I'm here for you                    
to be with you                  
to save you             
from the world                    
and yourself               

I'm here
                 to be a companion
                     a friend as you need
                          supporting, conversing
             and to go home
                         at the end of the night

I'm here
I stand here
       and this is where
I make my stand
            in this life and the next
                my strength will show

I'm here                                      
breathing and free and chained
struggling through the mess
of being who I want to be
     a duck with oil in its wings
wild and unable to fly

                                                                                          I'm here
                                                                             please help me!
                                                             I'm trapped in this place!
                                                                 The darkness closes in!
                                                             Save me from where I am
                                                               the hole I've dug myself

I'm here
I have arrived
to this place of your location
my presence is duly noted
and when I'm done here
                        I will leave

I'm here
I am here for you
  unasked and unashamed
always waiting  
footsteps beside yours
   to carry some of the burden

I am love      
I am a friend
I am strong  
I am alive    
I am lost      
I am motion
I am near    
    I am not-alone
I'm here.

Love is such a funny thing
a hopeful dream
tingling when it's alive
and aching when it dies
why do we love?

We love for the loving
anyone who loves
just for their own happiness
does not know how to love
because love is on the outside

It is what we do for others
not what they do for us
we don't love for the perfections
it's the faults that bind us
because to love beyond them
is the truth of love

We love our own faults
all the little problems
wounds, cracks, holes
what makes us who we are
these become our tools to love

Of course
it should go without saying
that if you cannot love your faults
who you are inside
there will be no love
no happiness
at all.

Listen to the desolation
It whispers the solution
Silence is the answer
When the answer is gone
Gold falls from the sky
Every day when the sun comes up
Never as alone as you think
With eyes watching you live
Smiling with pride and love
Even if you ignore them
Hear the whole world again
See the mountains clearly
And then you simply move them
Live deeper and speak sweeter
Give each day everything you have
With no regrets
And breathe in the heart of the world
To fill you with the scent of roses
The sound of the sea on the wind
And simply let yourself be ALIVE.

When I wake up in the morning
the first thing I see is your eyes
I hear you giggle
then someone snores
and then we rise
Sometimes I'll make breakfast
most of the time I don't
since neither of us
are really breakfast people
but you still have your cereal
we'll watch your shows
and go to the park
some would call that a lazy day
but they're wrong
our days are strenuous
full of active adventure
because we'll build castles
and businesses
and lives together
the family that's not a family
but yet we are
because I love you
both of you
with all my heart
it was confusing for a while
this image we're taught
of what families look like
feel like
act like
and that's not us
no matter what
it'll never be us unless it's parody
we are exactly what we need
each other to be
doing all the little things
that make everything else
so terribly dear
even if this family
might not be a family
forever
I know that we have each other
today.

Here                      
Here you go
                   Have some feelings
                  Yep a big ******* helping
There!                    
Right there                  
All of them just for you
the whole mess of it, yours!
       Oh but don't show them!
         Not to anybody
Not for any reason
            Or else they will shame you
Because your feelings
They are disgusting
No one cares what feelings you have
Which ones were dumped on your tray
Thats your mess
               for you to deal with
S I L E N T L Y      
  and ALONE
          You don't want everyone
to hate you
Do you?
Because they will if you can't
        keep those feelings to yourself!
               Every thought you have
is always wrong
don't speak of them
And if feelings aren't allowed
don't get started even having
an opinion
Heavens no!
             What an awful thing to have!
          How revolting!
No no!
Keep all those thoughts
those icky little feelings
           and your stupid opinions
locked away deep          
                            deep
                               ­               deep
                                             ­                               deep
                         ­                                  down
                                      inside
Of your miserable little soul
               where there is no light
No warmth
                nothing to tempt them to live
because you don't need to be alive
not inside        
Don't you see?
Nobody wants that for you
      and you always, always
must do, must be      
                     what everyone else wants.
Those are just The Rules.

I listen to the music
tears in my eyes
when that song plays
the one from your funeral

I sit there and I miss you
listening to the melody
as though it were your voice
and I could hear you laugh again

I'll never forget the day we met
or the things you said to me
my very first friend
a protector in a new home
and I've had quite a few of those

I remember the shade of the tree
where we would eat our lunches
picking at the grass
and singing show tunes
days that must belong
to someone else

I'll never know if your son
would play with my daughter
or if, as in your dreams
I had married your brother
Maybe it would have been as you wanted
but now we'll never know

I lost so much more
than you that day
but the only thing I have lost since
are the memories we shared
Oh sister, how I've missed you!

I have a few pictures
Though back then cameras were scarce
I've saved them in a box
along with all our letters
Those child's dreams
put to paper so eloquently
so blunt and honest
They bring a smile to my face
but it never reaches my eyes

Hold on, let me jot that down
make a note of what you said
I'm going to need to run the numbers
and I don't want to forget
the qualifications that determine
which one comes in first.

Love.                                                

           such a fragile thing
yet it is made of the stuff
                         that breeds
          
                                               ­                   legends.

Here                                      
There                    
Here                                      
Twisting the hard long ache
                  pulled between two surfaces
just a me
             and a you
                        with all the yesterday's tomorrow's
dark dreamings of nothingness
                                                     ­               held to the left by strings
is it a dream?
                          hollow these musings
                                    silent screams to the screen
who hears us when we roar?            
for they always hear the whispers
                                    rumors
             ­ conjectures
me          
you                    
me          
    them
                   us
                                                             fuzzy concepts in a heartless world
                                                           ­  no warmth or concern
                                                         ­      only a strange
                                                      cur­iosity
                            where the points are made up
and nothing matters
                                                         ­  here.
There.                                    
                     HERE.                    
                                       ­                 AND yet
                                                             ­               nowhere.