Good Lord, I'm tired
It's been such a long day
A weary year, in fact
I didn't think I could do it
So many things happened
Some of them good
Most of them, not so much
A few were just awful
But I made it through
Though I'm so tired
I just want to rest my head
And sleep for a while
Not yet, though
I still have some things to do
And the year isn't over
Good Lord, watch over me
Like you always have
Please keep me strong
Strong enough to make it
Through just one more day.

I’m not cool
In fact, I’m rather awkward
I’ve lived a life
So interesting
That I hide it from the world
I can’t share who I am
I hardly know what I am
Crazy
Ambidextrous
I love to lip-sync
I randomly dance about
I can’t draw at all
I can’t sing a single note
I can’t really dance
Too fat
But with a pen I can do anything
Give me an inch
I’ll give you a mile
Take my hand
And I will show you a smile
I’m not perfect
I wouldn’t want to be
I am not what was wanted
Or what was expected
I’m so deep into life
That I have no hope
A future obscured
Only what I can make for myself
Truly, it is easier this way
Not easy, but at least I know
I don’t have to wonder
if I can love
But my attachment is stronger
Too strong, too much
I hate my romantic side
I wanted a fairy tale
Too bad they were tragedies
And this is my life
It is what I’ve made it
I wanted so badly
To kiss a pair of lips
Who wanted to kiss mine
To run hands over his shoulders
Feel his fingers on my hip
Pulling me closer
Unable to let me go
I wanted a smile
That reached my eyes
I wanted to fill
What was empty inside
I didn’t need someone
I needed the love
If I could do it alone
You know I would
But I can’t
That’s why that hole is in us
So that we have to fill it
Oh tragedy!
Too much
Too late
I’m never enough
This is harsh Fate
Nothing can change
Nothing can alter
What life deems is ours
Except our hearts
They can change
When I did suffer
Was it enough?
To learn what was
In my heart?
Now this only reminds me of dreams
Moments that were lost
I could have hated dreams
Instead I ran away
Be gone, Hope!
Don’t call for me
Or bother me again
I‘ll forget these dreams
Eventually
And these thousand words
Hidden in a poem
Which will heal my heart
But Hope, you can keep that soul
I’ve no need of it
Hell is where I belong
The Devil can negotiate with you
To get it back
I’m sure He’s interested
Now I’m off
To live my life quietly
Slowly
Alone
I’ll sing in my room
But never in the shower
It sounds awful
And you may laugh
Or perhaps sigh
But this is MY life
And I will be happy
In spite of everything
I will be HAPPY
And I have so much more to say
I won’t wait anymore
No one will care to read this
I’m no artist, or poet
This poem *****, but it’s mine
And I think it’s beautiful
Honest
Strange
Without structure
Hardly unpredictable
Though you must have an open mind
To read it
It took too long
To get to the point
You got lost
You’re not even here
Then again
Were you ever?
Are any of us?
I’ve lost myself
I’ve done it so many times
I now know where to look
But maybe I don’t want to
Maybe I won’t
Perhaps I’ll go on
Lifeless
Soulless
But never heartless
No, I can feel it beating
Painful, painful beating
As though it too gave up
And now just does the motions
crying
Why did my new life
Begin when my courage failed?
I can’t live on just dreams
I can’t live a fantasy
I want a reality
I want a life lived hard
Fully
Breathlessly
So I’m going to go see you
Whoever you are
And tell you
How I feel
And then leave you be
To think about what you would have said
But you can’t say anything now
And that’s ok
I kind of deserve it
For all the hearts I’ve broken
To never know your words
I need to pass this by
But Hope needs to stop
Flagging me down
I’ll offer it the lead
Because there is really nothing I can do
Except tie up loose ends
Because I’m moving away
Going forward
I’m going on an adventure
Come if you like, friend
But I have to go
I won’t stop now
I can’t, and I shouldn’t
I will walk the miles
I will find who I want to be
Because I already have myself
I’ll take this sham of a heart
This unrequited dream
I’ll kiss this goodbye
Before I go
Just to say I did
Because I understand
That life is sometimes unfair
That dreams are born to die
Sometimes to die with us
But it never had to end this way
This is my fault
It always is
I fell
I loved
I failed
I cried
I tried
But it didn’t work
Maybe nothing works
Perhaps the truth will
But I know the truth
I won’t be surprised
I won’t expect anything
I can’t even hope
But I want to know
What it’s like
To kiss someone
Deeply, thoroughly
To hold them tightly as I do
I want to see the look in their eyes
As I say that shaken goodbye
Of all the loves
I will ever have
The one I did not take
I’ll regret the most
And it will be the only one
It’s the one love
That I didn’t have the faith
To try
I’m certainly a coward
I didn’t want to live without these things
But I have to
This is not a life
It’s a dream
I want to live with dreams
But not in a dream
I want love
With respect
Consideration
A future
I had no future here
Not really
My future is out there
It’s beyond the stars
Beyond any heartsick home
I’ve made here
Because life is full of these trials
And these errors
And sometimes it takes forever
Just like this poem
To tell us that
It’s ok to end
To begin again

Burning bright
Like a candle lit
'Luminates a life
I'll help you find it
Give me your hand
Mine's mostly warm
So I can hold you
Against this storm
Oh, so cold you are!
What trick is this?
Who are you really?
What did I miss?
The candle's out!
Where did it go?
What happened here?
I deserve to know!
You took my heat
My heart as well
You said you loved
And so I fell
You took my warmth
Gave me your cold
So deep inside
It makes me old
Old, alone
Forsaken too
All of this
Because of you
Just one *****
My candle died
No more light
I'm dead inside

- 07/09/09

Paraded in ignorance
A thoughtless indifference
Clouded in light
No darkness at night
Invaded
Separated
Hidden and alone
There is no place like home
Forgotten and abused
Not aware or amused
What was longed for
Is not what is in store

Oh!
A burst!
A shout!
Great blinding warmth attacks!
Doesn't know how to hold back
A flood of epic proportions
Wash away those distortions
Exposing what is inside
Too good to fear or hide
Just one hug unlocked the door
It all rushed in and still there's more!
Endless in this reverie

And you still
can't

believe

It's me.

Look at these two feet
    Bare, naked
       Standing in the cold
           They have walked
        A thousand miles
     And they will walk
        A thousand more
             Feet that have felt the sand
           Stirring between the toes
         The dewy grass
                They've felt sticks and stones
                     These two feet will always stand
                        Even with a broken heart
                          They stride on
                            Towards a future that will not wait
                             Towards a happiness unimagined
                             These two feet
                            Oh yes they can!
                            Just two feet
                        And my heart in my hand
                   Head held high as I walk on.

God, I'm lonely.
Not that I expect
That you will do anything about it.
I just thought you should know.
Where is my mind
And why did it wander away?
Is it so much to ask
To be considered?
Too much to ask
To be respected?
Am I so different
That no one can save me?
Because I need the saving.
God, did you make someone for me
Then forget to send them?
I am wearied
I've been playing this game
For so very long now
If you were going to give me a sign
Please make it rather obvious
This pain and confusion is blinding.
God, I'm lonely.
I just thought you should know.

- Jayme M Yaroch, January 16th, 2010

I don't know how it happens
These dreams
I know they grow from somewhere
I decide to let them in
As though I've forgotten what they do to me
It's a bendy sort of reality
My world, that is
Where I sit alone
Dreaming some lovely dreams
To base my reality from
But then I forget which is which
At least for a while
Then I am reminded
Life is no dream
No sir
And my dreams are the dangerous kind
Not about power
Or money
Or success, no
Those are my ambitions
Never my dreams
My dreams are dangerous
World-changing
Life-altering
Addicting
Terrible as they are beautiful
Ever so tantalizing
Dreams of backyards
Baking
Christmas
Children
Stolen kisses in a hallway
Over laundry and power tools
Your smile
My laugh
Two hearts in a single home
What dreams!
Just dreams, my dream
And I wonder if I figure
Into your dreams?

Floating on the wind
Slow and gentle
Their beauty known
The world over
So much fuss
For just a flower
Sakura
An end to winter
The start of something new
Symbolize prosperity
And feminine beauty
To mean so much
On such soft small petals
I wish to be as beautiful
As you.

With my pen poised to write
I stumble on a thought
Stagger to grasp its significance
And falter in my own reality
If I try too hard to hold on
It merely slips away
Leaving me desolate
So I hold it gently
And I listen to it whisper
A faint sound of something
I cannot make it out
I feel it flutter like a wounded bird
Slowly dying as I try to hear
Then it is gone
I am sitting here
Pen in hand
Staring at the page
Where a thought has just died
Attempting to convey
Its last breath to the world
It was a senseless death
Unrealized in its moment
I could never have captured it
Because I am not a poet.

Broken smiles
A grin of love
Forever and ever
Until we end
You take my hand
We walk a while
We speak of love
And all that comes
With being here
In this moment


You look deep
Into blue eyes
Nothing can say
What your smile does
When you look
At me like that
But then your mouth
It does not agree
It says you love
But not quite

I am friend
I am yours
But friend alone
To others we turn
When we go
I do not love him
Try as I might
He cannot compare
To anything about you
I love only you
It’s of you I dream
When I sleep at night

For once this is not
Something that makes me crazy
It gives me peace
Agony, yet peace
I can never have you
You don’t want me to
So I’ll have to watch
As another loves you
Never as much as I do

No one ever could
My darling, dearest
Best of all friends
No one could think you
More wonderful than I
It is why I hate them
Those girls you seek
Especially the bad ones
Who so deserve to die
By my own hands
But they make you happy
If just for a time
A happy you won’t
Allow me
To give to you myself

Why I earned this limbo
Only God can tell
It must have been
Something I did
I must have earned
A place in Hell
For my Hell is on earth
It is watching you
Love me with your soul
But nothing more
Pushing me at another
Yet tearing me away
All you do draws me near
It is a home I can live in

No home is perfect
Nothing is kind
I took what you offered
When it was given
So friend I am
And will always be
Until you see
That light in me
When I look in your eyes
Do you see the truth
Behind my broken smile
That I love you
Only you
As long as you want me to


*Author's note:  this is from some years ago

Minutes matter when
   You are sitting on
       The other side
           Of the bathroom door

                                 Minutes matter when
                                       You have to hear news
                                           From the doctor
                                                   About what is wrong

                                                          ­                        Minutes matter when
                                                            ­                             When what you think you know
                                                            ­                         Is something
                                                       ­                         Completely different


                                               I had a dream last night
                                          I was dressed all in white
                                         Clothes like the angels wear
                                           There was a baby in my arms
                                          Safe, sleeping, breathing, warm
                                        Then it was gone
                                          I don't know where it went
                                             It was just a dream
                                          And like all dreams
                                             It had a meaning
                                                But this one was
                                                           Lost on me

I was moving
   Down a corridor
  The wind was strong
In my dream
Where I was going
     I don't know
   But it didn't really matter
  I saw their faces
  Blurring as I moved past
    Full of emotions
  Sadness, pity, fear
   They knew something
That I didn't

                                                         ­                        When I woke
                                                            ­                    From this dream
                                                           ­                        I knew nothing
                                                         ­                             So it would seem
                                                            ­                    I had my visit
                                                           ­                       I heard the news
                                                            ­                         My minutes passed
                                                          ­                               And I was changed
                                                         ­                           Yet still the same
                                                            ­                     Now I understand
                                                      ­                            What their looks meant
                                                           ­                     They already knew
                                                            ­                    That my minutes were spent

                                                          ­  Because of what I can't control
                                                        T­hese faces and eyes
                                                   They won't see me whole
                                                Judging me
                                                          Neve­r letting it be
                                                   I wish I had never asked
                                               I wish they didn't know
                                            Just one little thing
                                        Changed my life

So take this time
     Think a while
  Ponder your minutes
       Before they expire
  Use them up
       Fill yourself with love
                                    and living
                   And don't waste your time
                      or else Life is rather
                                                     unforgiving.

Creeping shadows
Falling down
Carry me
Below the ground
A place awaits
Dark and cold
Where wonder lies
And tales are told
Here is magic
Terrors, dreams
Where all is real
Not what it seems
Twists and bends
Rank smell of death
The foulest air
Take one last breath
As terror moves
Beneath the skin
No lies now
What is your sin?
Truth to own
None can call
If you're to climb
Or merely fall
Surrounded then
In bleak and cold
By terrors deep
And nightmares old
Confusion chokes
Drowns the mind
Turned around
Too lost to find
Walk away
Come running near
In the dark
There’s much to fear
A glimpse of life
Cold as death
Where shadows lie
Like all the rest
No lighted hope
No chilling fear
In this place
Where none are near
Lost in shadow
The pain is real
And dreams are truly
What you feel
Drive the nails
Move the soil
Given up
No more to toil
So carry me
Below the ground
Tis only here
I’m safe and sound

A scream
A moan
A single creak on the rooftop
The rustle of fabric
The howl of the wind
A cricket sings a sad song of regret
Horns in the distance
A cacophony
The backdrop of living in the city
Silence
The stillness
So thick you could cut it with a knife
The jukebox
Sound of swallowing
And the stale old smell of beer
with a quick wash down the throat

I want to make a wish
Or two or three or four
Just one wish
Itemized
I want to tell you these wishes
To see how you'll react
But then again, I know
I know you so well
I know every little face
I know when you will smile
And what food you will eat
I also know how fast you go
When you drive
Especially when you think no one is looking
I wish this wasn't useless
All these secrets I keep
I wish that I didn't have to
I wish that it wasn't me
I wish I could kiss you
I wish I didn't want to
You see, these wishes, they **** dreams
I dreamt of a lifetime
Of stars and of campfires
Of a house on a hill
Surrounded by flowers
I dreamt of this life
I gave it my all
I wish it had been you
I wish I were more your type
I wish I didn't care about it
I wish, I wish
But what can I do?
Every time I go to walk
There is something you'll do
As if you know
But you don't
How could you?
Why can't you let me go?
Why won't you?
I didn't want it to be like this
I just wanted to be happy
Safe, secure, alone
What is so wrong with alone?
Because I want them
And that life
I want it all with you
Because you shatter my future
With a smile
A joke
And then you walk away
How can you do that?
What magic is this?
I wish I didn't know you
That I had never felt
I wish I were cold again
Heartless, unfeeling
I do not want to be warm
To be warm is to be alive
To have a heartbeat
My heart beats because you make it
It stops when you're not there
Because when I was young
And stupid
And naive
I told myself it didn't exist
That it wasn't going to be real
Not to expect it
Well, I wasn't looking
Or expecting
Or wanting
But it happened
I wish I could take it all back
I wish I had kissed you then
In the grass
Looking at the moon
I wish I was that brave
That willing
Maybe I am
Maybe I will be that reckless
To tell you everything
To see what happens
To walk away when you say it
Because I know what you'll say
You'll say no, never
You'll say it sadly, slowly
As though it will hurt less
Because this is unrequited
Though it doesn't have to be
We're perfect together
But I'm going to grow older
I'm going to go away
I'm not going to tell you
Until I'm ready
I'm not ready now
For now I will wish
Wish that it will end
That I'll wake up one day
And you'll be just a friend
So that I can move on
Wouldn't that be nice?
But I don't know
I just don't know
Would I want that kind of life?

I sought the sunset
The brilliant conclusion
And a star-filled night
I walked the darkness
That edge of madness
I sought the sunset
To be plunged into night
I have walked through it
Moving ever constant
Beating my own path
Towards a new life
A new horizon
I walked through the night
And out the other side
Because I seek the sunrise

Speaking loudly
Nothing to say
But they will say it all day
Without temper to the content
No care to who they offend
Ranting and raging
So much anger!
Why do they shout so loud
Never asking the question
But expecting an answer?

Taken in stride where no other bides
swift swelling of the heart
In beauty lives the fragile frame,
a ticking clock while the mind searches
in fruitless abandon

One moment in time, a false hope.
No home gone forsaken in what was offered
to lead way onto way and moving forward
Leak leisure as words fail
falling through cracks in the ceiling
Crawl away with sweet suffering smiles
burning inside with the prickly wonder that will not fade
To this minute, this very second yield nothing

Perfect in the resolution of these sentiments
to forbear with unanswered patience these cries of longing.
Feeding fear in endless wells of obscurity where shadows march in time
Bringing in them the full sorrow of an empty soul
There is no sunshine in the wind.

Howl for the mighty honor of being the loudest
Arrogance disguised as intelligence
a waltzing masque full of pretty ribbons and bourbon breath
No eyebrow raised this day
Not in any day that shades life lived fully.

Question not as others have this silent broken mind,
dwelling in the rank depths of ignorance and despair
No hope for the faithful, no pause for the weary.
This shallow life is a silent tragedy played on a stage full of Juliets
and souls are lost among the quickening heartbeats.