Jayme M Yaroch

Jayme M Yaroch Jul 2016

I must speak with you
on a matter most urget
it is of my heart
of the cloud settled there
my mistrust
the sheer uncertainty
of the hearts of those
nearest me
why can we not speak
except that I am wrong
when what is wrong with me
is how I am treated?
This was a mistake
all of it was foolish
how could I have let you in
so very far?
Don't I know better
than to let people near?
At this distance
there is no more distance
yet the chasm between
You and I
is immeasurable
I don't know how to fix it
If I let things go
nothing will change
but the changes I'm forcing
are terrifying
and I do not know
if they will make things better
or simply make them worse.

Jayme M Yaroch Jul 2016

Penny

found a penny today
     an ugly little thing
  bent and dull copper
with edges coated green
                    heads was down
                   oh that's bad luck
            I still bent
                             and picked it up
               dropped, forgotten
        and it's just a     penny
     not good enough to keep
           even though it's     money
            life gives a lesson here
                the ugly ones seem cursed
                 not quite true
                                     but still
                             all the pretty ones do go first.

Jayme M Yaroch Jul 2016

Anger

I don't know how
to take a compliment
Every time someone is kind
I don't know what to do
Not really
I express my gratitude
Which only seems
To confuse them
Or anger them
Most of the time
They stop talking to me
Because my shock at their acceptance
Is off-putting and strange
And somewhat alarming
They think that I have
No self worth or esteem
They are wrong
There isn't anyone I love
More than I love myself
Everything about me
Attracts me
I find myself extremely attractive
In every way there is
But experience has taught me
Other people have shown me
That expressing my own worth
Is even more off-putting
Than my shock at their kindness
That it is less disgusting
To undervalue who I am
Than it is to be the strong
Proud, brazen, sensual
******, beautiful, intelligent
Mysterious, hilarious goddess
That I really am
When I down myself
It is a lie
If I speak ill of me
It is a lie
A lie that makes them
More comfortable
It makes them think
That they have the power
To place value into me
And that makes them
Happy
Perversely so
I don't understand why
Because I love my weird
Absolutely
And I want to be myself
But no one else seems to like me
For being me
They aren't happy that I'm free
Not in the least
Quite the contrary
They are happiest when I'm sad
Downtrodden
Weak
Because my weaknesses
Make them feel strong
And my real strength
Makes them feel pitiful
Because my strength
Is limitless
My will is stronger
My mind is quicker
My heart is more steadfast
There are no limits for me
Except the ones I make
And I make them
So that you
Are comfortable
Because my worth is not determined
By people too weak
To handle all of me.

Jayme M Yaroch Jul 2016

Hollow

Hollow
I just want to be
Hollow
To hear the
Echo
Of nothingness within
Silent
Just for a moment
Still
And at peace with myself
Awhile
Though perhaps
Maybe
I don't deserve it
Cursed
Is my whole life
Blessed
In many things, yet
Never
That one thing that is
Dearest
To my aching soul
Forsaken
In the bitterest of ends
Blind
Because my heart still finds
Hope
Even in the bleakest of
Times
A ray of light emerges
Agony
To eyes so used to the dark
Piercing
Every part of my being
Until nothing is left
But holes
Pain
Fear
Suffering
Darkness
Enveloping as I bleed out
Bleeding love
Joy
Faith
Hope
Admiration
Respect
Trust
So broken
Rejected in the end
The bitter end
My end
Finality
Finally
The end.

Jayme M Yaroch Jul 2016

Thumpity Thump

Thump
Thump thump
Thumpity thump
And it flips over
Flopping on the floor
Like a ****** up fish
Gushing and gooing
Just everywhere
Oh god
It's everywhere
The blood and thicker things
Thump thump
Thumping on the floor
As though it were
Taking a final breath
Dying, right there, on the floor
(Thump)
****, I'd just cleaned in here
For pity's sake
What is wrong with me
(Thump thump)
Letting this happen
Again
As if I never learn
Always doing the same thing
Over and over
(Thump)
At least, now that we're here
(Thump)
All of this
Will soon
Be
(Thumpity thump)
Over
As my heart lies there
Thumping blood onto the floor
Blood and all of my love
****** from my chest
For all my bad decisions
Every hopeful moment
Each rejection of love
The betrayals and backstabs
(Thump)
All of it
Over
At last.
Silence.

Jayme M Yaroch Jul 2016

I see You

I see you, with those
Clear blue eyes
So sure and unsure
Angular face
Oh that slow grin
A charmer, you are
With your villain's beard
Quick with your hugs
And your kindness
So much passion in you
It can be frightening
But we all want to be seen
As strong
To be the hero
You are a hero
You are my hero
And you always will be.

Jayme M Yaroch May 2016

Untitled

change may rattle sharply
but that's what change is for
find a penny have good luck
but luck doesn't pay bills
so work hard every day
save your pennies for tomorrow
it sounds real good except
there's no such thing as tomorrow
there is only ever today
so go do what you're told
be what they made you to be
follow all the same rules
just remember something for me
they also made the ships
berthed safe in the harbor
but that's not what you, or ships
are made for.