One step at a time
the journey always begins
not just a decision
but an action
and each action
is its own path
where do you send your soul
when it goes to travel them?

You opened my eyes
so that I might see
and when I was not looking
                                     slowly you opened my heart
with your patient kindness
  and I remembered how to feel
You reminded me what it was like
to come home to someone
   to be talked to
      and listened to
            hugged and accompanied
whether cooking in the kitchen
                together
or watching some tv
         together
driving around town for work
                                 or not work
                 together
and I do not thank you for that
        I do not thank you
                  for your kindness
because I so dislike being right
         about people
and I am right about you
that despite all your intentions
whatever it is that they are
      I have been injured
  and the fault is ours
            together
you for not listening
when I was perfectly serious
and I for knowing what would come
                          and loving you anyway
how could I not love you?
       gentle, kind, patient, intelligent
with a fun-loving streak
and a soft spot for ice cream
dedicated to your dreams
because you still have them
and because of you
       now I don't
You reminded me
that no matter what is said
        in the end
the very soon end
     you will leave
and once more I will be alone
alone in this big room
full of your people
our people
together
and I do not thank you for that.

I never could admit
why I hated to be touched
recoiling in terror
or anger
like how dare you
****** the queen?
and I’m sure I knew why
but I kept it inside
so alone
and so afraid
because I knew
I knew I wanted it
so bad
to be loved
liked
held
and that the desire
stemmed from a need
a real need
to be grounded to this world
to hear a heartbeat under my ear
that was not my own
and know that I wasn’t alone
to feel the warmth of another
even through clothes
just a pressure on me
that is different from
all the pressures within
and I never wanted to need that
because I provide for myself
because I can’t need people
because they will leave me
right?
and I can only count on myself
to save me
right?
RIGHT?
wrong.