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Jayme M Yaroch Aug 2013
I used to be a Hurrier
always ready to rush
and to rush others
but what for?
what did I accomplish
in all those hurried moments?
did my checklist even have a purpose?
and it wasn't enough, to rush
it wasn't enough to always be on time
ahead of time
as if I could conquer the ticking of the clock
Now, I can't bear the sound of clocks
a tangible reminder of my Hurrying
because being prompt
efficient
orderly
was not enough
I missed on life
I forgot the details
I lost friends
I lost myself
and while I haven't found me yet
at least now
I'm giving myself
the time to look.

It's not much
but it's enough.
Jayme M Yaroch Aug 2013
I hate to be alone
left all by myself
with no one but me
for company
I am some awful company
So self-destructive
so full of selfishness
and pride
As though I alone
was important enough
to ignore
or that my apparent
unimportance
was something
everyone should notice
but that’s not what makes
being alone
so difficult
it’s the part of me I hate
the part I don’t bother to hide
because how could I?
It’s the part that says things
I could never mean
and yet I do and I hate it
the part that makes me enjoy
solitude
and despise it at the same time
I’m so afraid when I’m alone
because my character is weak
because I want to do the things
I know people do not approve of
To drink so that I forget that I am alone
for when I drink my inner demons
come out to play
sometimes I simply sleep
like a princess in a tower
waiting for someone to come by
who is worthy of my awareness
as though I were ******* special
which I’m not
not any more than anyone else
and they care about me
though I don’t deserve it
and they love me
but I don’t know why
if I mentioned this
used it even casually
it would be a weapon
So here I sit
all alone
all afraid
afraid of driving away the people
who leave me all alone
such a paradox
but thus is life
so I think I’ll skip the *****
and read a book
go smoke a cigar
and wait
wait until someone comes
or something happens
because what’s the point
of feeling sorry for myself?
It only makes misery
and while I have time
I do not have time for that
I hate being alone
in a strange place
surrounded by strange people
but I could go make a friend
I could try to do something constructive
call the friends I do have
remind myself that I’m not alone
even when I am.
Jayme M Yaroch Jul 2013
Give me just a moment
I'll be right with you
even though this is my job
I still make you wait
because I can't lose
my sense of POWER
of the time I hold over you
because time is money
and money is everything
so I'll take just a moment
or all the time I need
to make you feel insignificant
unimportant
as though you do not matter
because in this moment
this space in time
I am God
and I control your fate
even if
for just a moment.
Jayme M Yaroch Jul 2013
My home is on a lake
a small thing
almost ordinary
for this part of the world
but my lake is special
it is different
for through my windows
is magic
the sunrise is here
which for here is odd
since we are accustomed
to the sunset of the lake
Michigan, that is
here in the southwest
known for our sunsets
but my house has a secret
we get a sunrise
every day
over our little lake
so much magic
in the colors
the wind
the reflections
my father prizes those days
the mornings where the lake is like glass
so smooth and reflective
it catches every color
as though we had TWO sunrises
and I think it is special too
because of him
but to me
the best part of a sunrise
is that I see it
the colors I could not imagine
stretching as high as I can see
as far as the sky is long
such COLORS!
the clouds of their blue-gray
visible in the earliest light
then the stain of red, like fresh blood
a small, uneven half-circle
where the sun will inevitably rise
it turns to pink
the dawn is coming!
pushing warm colors before it like a dozer
oranges and pinks grace the morning
who needs a silver lining
when the clouds give me wonders?
and when the sky seems to take no more
there is the sun!
bright, warm, glowing, pulsing
full of life, and light, and burning
I can't stare at it, even though it is beautiful
the beams refracting off the water
the light is uncomfortable
as though something were staring
watching me watch the sunrise
so many nights have bled this way
darkness receding as the light takes over
but I never regret it
I know it will not last
one day I will leave here
and never return
and this magic will be lost to me
so I enjoy it
even though no one understands
I do not care
this is my moment
my sunrise
every new day
is MY new day
a gift
the most beautiful gift
and I know it
appreciate it
acknowledge it
because in this life
this short, unbearably minute life
such magic is rare
a mystery
glorious and ephemeral
when it is gone from me
given to someone else
I will miss it
so now I treasure it
so that I have no regrets
because this is my home
the only home I've ever known
a house
on a hill
by the lake
bathed in a sunrise.
Dedicated to my parents, Brian and Suzanne, for giving me the most magical life a kid could ask for.
Jayme M Yaroch Jun 2013
Just for today
             I'd like to forget everything
       to lay under the sky
with my hands in the grass
                                 feeling
and not feeling                          
I want to breathe deep          
to smell spring on the air                      
before spring is gone again    
Just for today
                      I'd like to play make-believe
                       that my life isn't a horror
and that all will be well
because right now I just can't make myself
                believe
that tomorrow has a happy ending
or any tomorrow I might have, for that matter        
it just doesn't seem possible          
that all of this terrible  
ends in a wonderful
So just for today
         I want to forget all of that
                  to make memories of the grass
                        of the wind and the sun and the air
I want to pretend    
               that it's alright
     that it will be alright
      no matter where I go
              or what I do
                             I want to believe that there is happiness
                                                       ­                     in my end
                                                             ­               just for today.
Jayme M Yaroch Jun 2013
Just for today
I'm going to let it all go
I won't put my hair up
and I'll lay in the grass
smelling the flowers in the air
no more worries
no more stress
Just for today
I'm going to rest
Jayme M Yaroch May 2013
I love too openly
Feel too freely
Never tricked by my heart
But gently persuaded
The 'what if' looms
High and powerful
Tangled with promise
And all I can think is
What do I have to lose?

Not much
It would seem
Though I do suspect
That I often abandon
What little sense was given me
For high hopes
And drowning dreams
I can pray all I want
But they are just words in the wind
And I am still a fool
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