You know the feeling
when you just live your life,
but you're not actually living?

it's just like being
in a circle of todays, yesterdays and tomorrows.

And then you catch yourself one day
lying on the floor
thinking
:why the **** am I so bored of everything?

I'm so used to love that lasts forever.
Well sort of.
All those “I love you”
That I never mean any more.

Next time I love,
I think I want it to be like fireworks.
Never sizzling away, but instead
exploding with a bang
in our faces.
Making us deaf and blind.

Like the kind of love
that makes me slam the door
on my way out,
and it makes you slam me against it,
when we have *** again the next morning.

I want the kind of love
that tugs every string of my heart,
turning me into cacophony.
The one that gives you rage
and then
gives us shattered dishes on the floor
in the morning.

God, I am so bored.
I really need to stop saying
“I love you too”.

baby got back.
baby got
sleeping problem
baby got
too-much-ice-cream-not-enough-vegetables-problem
baby got
bad case of the mean reds
baby got
curly hair problem
baby got
stepped-on-her-hair-straightener-problem
baby got
cat trouble
baby got
unattractive-boy problem
baby got
sore guitar fingers
baby got
too lazy to do laundry problem
baby got
smile-problem
baby got
elliot-problem
baby got
stress problem
baby got
anxiety problem
baby gonna
need help
they say
baby's in trouble
they say
baby needs a shovel
baby needs a backhoe
baby needs a drill
but baby's a girl,
so what baby really needs
is a man
to do the work

it has been discovered
by yours truly
that no matter how bad your thighs look when you sit down in ***** shorts
it's ******* worth it
you don't need to sit down anyway
you're a girl.
they'll take you standing up
or anywhere else
they can get you
just wear those ***** shorts,
baby
they say

My birthdays tomorrow
On labor day.
its suppose to be a very special day.
But its not.
because of my mom.
who wants to hang with her friends & get drunk.
You say you dont have the money to do this & that
maybe u would if you werent tryig to impress you friend.
I understand you havent seen her in a long time
but ***** its my birthday tomorrow.Its My time to shine
None of this is for me.
None of this is about me.
but hey , its my birthday! i hope your happy.
since you seem to wanna party like its your day
ill let you have YOUR shine & ill just lay
in bed with all these bad emotions in my head
alone im here

i'll give you a second chance
you say.
i say
don't,
i'll just sell it
for something better
mother taught me too well
to monopolize men's hearts
find another girl
who wants you
for your money

baby,
your hip bones aren't supposed to be sticking out
your ribs aren't supposed to either
they pump you full of pictures
of skeleton girls in cute bikinis
and weight loss tips
and though you always think "don't let it get to you, they're wrong"
it gets in your head.
because all the boys commenting on the photos say they'd totally ride her
long and hard
and all the comments on the girl who's slightly overweight
involves comparisons to cows
and you're so soaked in social media
that you can't help but see it
and all the girls commenting on how that's all they
want

but if all you want from life is to be "slightly sick"
to eat things and then puke them up
or not eat at all
you will never be satisfied
because you are feeding a hunger that does not go away
you lose the ability to judge how skinny
is too skinny
how pretty
is too pretty
after all, they are
the same
thing...

baby,
stop looking at those pictures.
stop reading those comments.
stop letting a pornographic generation of boys
tell you that ****** appeal is all you're worth.
start saying to yourself
i am not on the same level as a pornstar
because that is unrealistic
because **** is make believe
with plastic barbie dolls
to set the scene....
baby,
pretty isn't skinny
like pretty isn't fat
WE KNOW WHAT PRETTY REALLY IS

....we just ignore that fact.

I can see the numbers rolling back behind your eyes.
Never know what the slots will bring.
When I told you I liked surprises
I didn't mean I'd like to find you spilling your mathematics
all over the bedroom sheets
counting how many times you could divide yourself
from yourself
and the languages spoken by mumbling mathematicians
always failing to find the difference
between their science and the love you needed.

I was 7 digits from talking you down.
You felt you were born 6 feet too high.
There are 5 times I can remember you laughing
the last of those was on the 4th of July.
     How can anyone believe they are free
     when we are bought at this calendar price?
You were laughing at the irony of the time it took you to say it.
Silly woman,
time is not made of numbers,
but of songs.

I replay that memory at least 3 times a night.
Your 2 shoes are the only music I'd still like to hear playing
I am currently discovering that 1 is not a lonely number.
I have spent cozy evenings
cuddled up with the burden you left behind.
It is colder than I remember you
and always seems to squeeze my neck
just a little too tight.
You wanted to become 0,
ignoring my side of this equation,
but before you left you swallowed my equilibrium whole.
I fell down bell curve cliffs
until my words themselves became improbabilities.
My love was more than average,
I mean...
I miss you.
I mean...
You're so **** stupid.
I mean...
I loved you.
I mean...
I love you.

If you and I are numbers
we are easily replaceable,
replicable as science has always wanted us to be.
I am telling you now
that no one else fits.
I should have told you that a few days ago
when I had more of you to stand by
than fragments of memories
each one passing, blaspheming your sum.