If you asked me if I was real
I would tell you no
But if you looked to my wrist
Those scars are all too real
These smiles and laughs
Come from the instinct to hide
To avoid the predatory explanations
Everyone will ask for
When I tell them I'm not happy
I can't tell you in a sentence
And I'm not asking for time
So you can hear my story
Cutting it short would still take too long
The summary itself would take all day

The smiles are fake yes
But not these scars
So if you ever see me
Look the other way
You'll see nothing more than a mask
Deemed undesirable even at a masquerade
This isn't a charade
Or a game I'm playing
I don't need your attention
I'd rather be left alone
Because you'll want to know
Why there is so much blood at my feet
Why the scars I have are the only thing that's real

I'm not the person everybody knew back then
I'm just the kid looking for a way out
No escape ropes
Or secret passage ways
I want a clean way out
Making sure to never end up
Back in the pits
I managed to pull myself out of
I want to be free
From the mask I wear now
To quit my acting career
And finally be who I was meant to be
I'd like these scars to fade
And these smiles to be real
Because it's killing me
To be like this
I don't want to be the author
Of another tragedy
I don't want to dance
One of those fancy dances
I just want to smile for real...for once

She told me she loved me today
which can only mean our clock
is ticking.

To most that word marks a beginning
to a new and wonderful existence
full of meaning but to me it's
a single syllable that ushers in
a cascade of doubt, lies and
animosity that slams you into the
ground so hard the Devil thinks
you're knocking on his door.

To me it's the signal that I've
overstayed my welcome and if I want
any chance to spare myself from misery
I should just jump ship and take
my chances with the sharks below.

I'd rather be ripped to shreds by
ravenous beasts than get fooled into
thinking I truly matter to her.

The sound of her sweet sincerity
is drowned out by the echoing sentiments
of her predecessors, forever ringing
in my ears like a constant reminder
that all you have in this world
is your ***** and your word and
she has neither.

But the joke's on her this time.

I've found my way out.

Because I love her too.

She was born in April, baptized in may and we married on valentines day.
Her beautiful soul changed my life for the better.
When I was with her it was always sunny weather.
Remember that trip we took to Denver?
That was the best week of my life.
I'm so happy I got to make her my wife.

Unfortunately for me ,nothing gold can stay.
I told you that mommy had to go away, up to heaven and  I'm sorry but she's not coming back,
that was the moment that my soul turned pitch black,
My spirt couldn't defend the constant attacks from the adamant grief that had stricken my heart and denied me relief.
My veil of despair clouded my mind. When I lost my wife I thought you were fine
forgetting that you too lost something divine.


I was so absorbed in myself that I couldn't see you needed me.  
You cried out for help but I couldn't break free.
I was so concerned with what was happening to me that I rejected my duty and responsibility.
Please don't hate me.
**I'm sorry

A clean white sheet-
the left side tucked under his mattress,
one corner held underneath a stack of books.
The other corner tied into a giant knot
around his desk chair.
We crawled inside on our knees,
careful of what we built,
bodies side by side,
our breath was all around us,
warm.

When he turned towards me,
his foot knocked over the books,
the white sheet floated down onto my face,
destroyed.

Unzipping layers of this skin
Trying to reach what's within
Spent all the years searching for
What lies behind this heart shaped door
The burnt chalk taste of the sins been made
A desire so great its time you've paid

You think you're not beautiful  because there is no space between your thighs;
Yeah, well every girl that suffers from anorexia would **** to gain some weight, but instead pieces inside of them just die.

Girls think the definition of "beautiful" is skinny legs, a flat stomach and skin and bones;
Well the truth is: being beautiful is so overrated and every girl should be accepted for the image she owns.

We are expected to look like Victoria Secret models who have "perfect" written all over their bodies;
Have you ever heard of photoshop? No girl is perfectly made and for that they get teased.

All over the world there are girls risking their lives to try and be perfect, whatever that means;
They don't even know how much they are hurting themselves and yet they are only teens.

The media has planted a picture in our minds of how we are supposed to act and what we're supposed to look like;
What happened to being accepted for the individuals we are on the outside but also on the inside.

We have all been brainwashed by this sick thing called society, where we are forced to be perfect and act like robots;
Nobody is recognized for who they really are, it's all about the numbers on the scale and how much weight you've lost.

Well, I can only say one thing about what the world has become;
I'm sick of everyone being judged on what they look like because if you're happy with yourself than the opinions of others should be. NONE.