"i pray that you always stay happy"
my mama used to say every night
whenever i would jump in my bed
before kissing her goodnight.
"mama will i always be happy and never sad?"
"yes my love, i have told God that."
------
i sometimes wonder why mama never told me
the harsh realities of this world instead of
filling my head with all those sweet dreams.
------
"i pray that you always stay happy"
i said to my child while putting her to sleep
she kissed me good night and clutched her teddy
"mama will i always be happy and never sad?"

i look at her, her innocent face
wondering that is how my mama would have seen me

i smile and brush her hair off her eyes
"no my love, you will not always be happy
you will have to face a lot in life
you'll have to laugh but also cry
but i have told God that
i have told Him to make my baby strong
so she can face everything alone"

last night, i lost myself in the darkest of the places
in my mind which even my demons avoid
i stepped in the alley and couldn't find my way back
i ruined everything, turned it all into a wreck
you tried to help me but i pulled you instead
i am sorry my love, i didn't mean to hurt
but i had no control, it just happened.
look at me once and you'll see
i am a ticking bomb, you deserve better than me
this is my place, the dark hole in nowhere
i can't let you live here along forever
i am selfish and i don't want you to leave
but you can't stay here, understand it please
run away, run away before i drag you back
run away and forget this awful place

when i think about my future
all i see
is an old women with white hair
and crumbled skin
sitting near the fire
with a typewriter and a cup of tea
and dogs of every kind
sleeping around her
as she writes her life down
for the last time.

i sat there in the hot bath tub
looking carefully
at the bubbles rising up
around my legs and my chest
the water touched my skin
scrapping off what was left;
all that pain and sorrows and hurt.
i took a deep breath and loosen myself
relaxing every muscle
untangling every thought
drowning all the words.


sitting there in the hot bath tub
i closed my eyes
forgetting it all;
the water, the bubbles
the pain, the love.

sitting there in the hot bath tub
i washed you off
along all the dust.

today in the market of the brutal and tyrant
where people decide to play God
a life was lost to a hospital fees
humanity died
a father cried
it was just a matter of
two hundred and twenty rupees.

sitting in front of the television set
watching an explicit movie and
smoking the seventh cigarette
you shout at your little kid
to shut up and behave properly
the bell rings
"tell daddy is not home
daddy is somewhere out
and he also left his phone"
the kids lies
you smile
now go to your bed it's getting late
you shout again switching the channels
the kids tries to resist
instead he gets badly hit
"relax he is still a child, how else will he learn?"
with that you get back to the television.


years later
you sit here alone
wondering where did
you go wrong.