I was climbing this wall trying to get to you
a wall of rusty nails and barbed wire
I'd climb a little bit and then
I'd loose my footing
a couple feet lost
and I'm closer to the bottom
further away from you
Fight for it soldier
you yelled
Watching me below you
but i kept falling while
the people who surrounded you
pushed me down
and my fellow soldiers below
fighting their own battles
told me they needed help
and my battle was useless
so I let go
I loosened my grasp on the wall
and fell to the depths below
the bottom
but I did not know
that above me
where you stood
there were mean people
holding you against your will
and you wanted me to save you
you yelled for me
and I let go
and I left you there
i thought you wanted me to fight
to be worthy of you
but really you said
Fight for me soldier
because you needed to be saved

my hands shake
as I place a single candle
on top of a store bought cupcake
it doesn't mean much anymore

I take out my lighter
and light the wick
staring at the flame
as in flicks
lighting the shadows in my dark room

I start to sing
choking on the words
trying not to cry
or wake anybody up

"Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday, dear Jenna
Happy birthday to me"

I try to blow out the candle
one pathetic attempt after another
until I finally succeed
I wish to simply disappear
like i never existed
to save my family and friends
from the heartache

and i quietly clap to myself
tears streaming down my cheeks
but i know this isn't my last year
and next year I'll make the same wish
*over and over