I'm extremely convoluted
Complex and misconstrued
There's a feeling that I don't belong
Compounded with ineptitude

I'm not quite sure where it began
Or when things first felt wrong
But there is one thing that's been consistent
I've never once felt that I belonged

From grade school to adulthood
Until this very day
I've been misunderstood completely
In almost every single way

I know I'm not alone in this
We've all at one time felt the same
Some days I gaze up to the sky
Wondering, who is there to blame?

I sit and stare into the mirror
I try to see what others see
I wonder who is this stranger
That's staring back at me

The questions are abundant
The answers, there are few
I presumed I'd one day nullify my doubts
But it only made me more confused

I've always been the one that's lagging
Trying to catch up
Afraid to raise my hand in class
For fear I'd interrupt

So instead I went unknowing
As the rest progressed as was the "norm"
While I stood in the rain with no umbrella
Weathering out the storm

I became content with my exclusion
Believed I was meant for greater things
I found solace in my delusions
That I'd soon one day be king

My imagination grew much more rampant
When reality began to shine it's light
So I conjured up a gambit
I so painstakingly contrived

I'd cut corners if I deemed it necessary
To make up for the lost time
But my plans, alas, made me feel wary
And success, was never quite derived

But I learned that ones own failure
Only happens when we stop to try
It takes tweaking and deciphering
Before we've finally arrived

And with that, I can draw comfort
While on this earth and I'm alive
I'll spin my dreams into my reality
And begin passing others by

When you're all consuming
Alone inside your head
It makes it kind of hard to see beyond the light
With no one there to ask you how your day was
Or let you know, whether or not you were in the wrong or right

It's not always a gift to be a Chamaeleon
To blend in, as though you weren't even there
When no one makes you feel like you're one in a million
But everyone acts as though they could not care

I'm just one man in an endless sea of people
With two ears, two eyes, and a mouth
Is there no one in the world,
Willing to show me love
And learn exactly who I am,
And what I'm all about?

I'm not sure if it's me
Or if it's who I'm perceived to be
I'm hard to read
And a man in need

I'm so hard to read
And a man in need

If I saw you, and you saw me
Then that would be something
I don't ask much, and after all,
I see no need for greed

After all, I see no need for greed

I've never been one to captivate an audience
I don't care to venture into a war of words
It's just so hard, when what you say,
Doesn't seem to carry weight
The whole entire thing to me, seems absolutely absurd.

The whole thing to me, seems absolutely absurd

A mind that feels caged in
Oh, where to begin
With a wall of brick
Directly in your line of sight
That's when I know, it's time to close my eyes
And dream that I'm living someone else's life.

Dream, I'm living someone else's life

To fall asleep,
And dream I'm living someone else's life.

Dear Departed Friend


Ten years ago today
A good friend passed away
It's not so much he died
But the circumstances at play

I found him lying dead
In a red pool of his blood
He handled his inner demons
The best way that he could

His pain had been released
And was laid to rest in peace
But leaving in his wake
No answers could we reach

He wasn't in poor health
Never asked for any help
He was always in good spirits
Held the aces he was dealt

His demeanor never worsened  
He was a very well liked person
Always offering a hand
Kindness, he was well versed in

It was just the man he was
He smiled just because
Always looking out for others
But he did like a good buzz

He could put away his liquor
A tolerance that never quivered
But even he surpassed his limits
And with gun in hand he pulled the trigger

A disturbing revelation
For his loved ones in the end  
A discerning final memory
Of my dear departed friend

I wish I weren't so shy
Had the confidence to try
Set my paralysis aside
And just be satisfied I tried

But the fear is all consuming
That I may somehow be denied
My inner demons multiplying
Disabling my once sound mind

I'm socially inept
There's nowhere left to hide
Cozy, snuggled in my comfort zone
While I'm left swallowing my pride

I'm conflicted by a yearning
A feeling deep inside
To seek out a companion
The Bonnie to my Clyde

A forever tender lover
Our bodies intertwined
But I can't seem to get past the part
Where I look them in the eye

It's got little to do with my self image
I think I'm one hell of a good
guy
It's just so rare that I meet someone
That's in rhythm with my vibe

It may be the signal that I'm sending out
I've gone along for the free ride
I'm always caught up in some traffic jam
That's wasting all my time

Traveling down a winding road
Without a map to guide
Headed toward the future
And not the past I left behind

I'm constantly contemplating
Whether I'm the one that's to decide
Am I qualified to be tempting fate
By choosing my own bride

Did I miss my window
Should I peek out through the blinds
Will I be disappointed by my bride to be
Or be content with whom I find

Shall I put faith into the process
Leave my worries by the side
Find a place to settle down
Recite the words that bind

I know my reservations
To you may seem benign
But the clock is tick tick ticking
As the days go slipping by

Although I watched it flying,
I could see it had no wings.
From a gust of wind it started rising,
And a handheld ball of string.
As my father began to run,
It kept rising ever higher.
I remember thinking to myself,
This was something to admire.
My father handed it to me,
Told me to hold on tight and run.
And as I ran across the field,
I remember smiling and having fun.
But all at once the wind died down,
And the sun crept through the trees.
My flying friend came swooping down,
Like it had been stricken with disease.
I heard my father yell out to me,
To pull tightly on the cord.
But curiosity overwhelmed me,
And my father's orders went ignored.
On that day I watched it crash,
From whence it flew so high.
Although I felt discouraged,
Dad just smiled and said "good try".
Even though it was not me up there,
I still feel I touched the sky.
And it gave me confidence to think,
That I, too, one day could fly.

Pitter patter
Pitter patter
Tip-toed on supple feet
Through the house
Down the hall
Quietly discreet

The inhabitants of the household
Resting, sound asleep
Attempting not to breach the trust
I've worked so hard to keep

Anonymity is conducive
From past high levels of deceit
Striving diligently for a common goal
But one that can be reached

Not adapting to a stagnant life
Through the strangers that we'll meet
But protected by a safety net
Like a child under sheets

Not stampeded by the raging bulls
While others count their sheep
But hidden deep within the lions den
Where one can hear his own heartbeat

Has the beast succumb to his hunger
Is there nothing else to eat
Shall I end up as a midnight snack
Transformed into a pile of mincemeat

I grab hold of my foundation
Made from bittersweet concrete
Safe from harm or danger
A place where fear is obsolete

A gentle roar is humming now
The air begins to stir
I feel something approaching
I fear what will occur

Has my time come to its ending
Through the darkness I see light
I recognize the sound I hear
It's my mother, wishing me good night