She smiles at birds and children as she passes by with content and love in her eyes
I think for a moment
All her pain and worry for the future
Is farther away than those birds can fly
It’s as non existent as it is to a child’s heart
I think for a moment
She is present in a world that I have never traversed
Moments like these
Are instances where beauty has won
I wonder what it takes to win a heart like hers

Here I am again
Locking myself in my bathroom
Trying to be alone when I’m not
New place
New boy
New life

Familiar pain

Pain I still don’t understand
I thought I was making progress
Becoming a better me

But now I’m left feeling unsure
And riddled with thoughts of the
Last time I found refuge in my bathroom
So much has changed since then

But have I even changed

What is it?
what creature takes away my slumber
what creature steals away my ability to sleep
My eyes are heavy
my mind is overworked
my body ready for the night
but when I close my eyes
these creatures laugh
they laugh at the absence of escape
They laugh of their deed
they laugh at me
what kind of creature would do this?

*** hurts when you are not turned on
*** hurts when you are not in love
*** hurts when you are waiting for it to be over
*** hurts when it is easier to say yes than it is to say no
*** hurts when it is just to make him happy
But that is the price of being a woman

I can’t believe I used to be the girl
That would tell everyone it would be okay
I used to be the girl that all I wanted to do
Was make people feel better
I used to motivate people and be there for them when they lost their loved ones
But look at me now
I am none of that now
I never really was I guess
All the **** I said
Maybe it did make people feel better
But now I know it was all *******
I don’t know anything
Look at me now
I’m just the girl in tears
On her bathroom floor
Writing a stupid poem
Trying to hide from the world
Trying to hide from the pain
I am just a stupid girl full of lies

I went shopping today
I thought it would make me feel good
It did in the moment
But
My closet is full
But my life is still empty

Im so alone
And I hate myself
What am I
I’m just a lie
I want everything to just end for a while
I’m just existing
I don’t know what to do anymore