I fear one day I should have daughters,
Yet I already know their names:
Ruby, Jane, Dotty, Maggie, Charlotte.
Would it be a blessing or a curse
If they turned out like me?
My mom told me when I was young
“it ain’t easy being a woman, I’m sorry.”
Sure as **** that was true.
I swear I never took that woman for a fool.
I can’t help the way it plays in my head
The pain in a woman’s eyes
Her smile so alive
It tells every lie
Deep down she’s half dead.
As I walk this path myself
Just as generations before
I wonder if that’s why
Little girls have such pretty names
To have something to keep it together for.
I’m older now and I still dream of their faces
How they’ll do right by
Our family of strong women
Whose names they were given.
Don’t be sorry, Mamma dear,
You pass your burdens to me
So our family can survive another year.

What's usually blemished considered a sin
Your accent marks on porcelain skin
Each crafted by caring clean hands
Crafted like a Persian Carpet
Each imperfection intended
So imperfectly perfect
Rich, pale, silk tapestry

Lily pads that dot a foreign river
Falls last leaves on Winters first snow
Paint splattered on white canvas
Each inch speckled
Every crevice freckled  
I'll find each one you wear

The Astrology of your body
Making constellations with my finger
Your back is Gemini
Orion on your shoulder
Leo for your inner thigh
Serpens, Sextans, Ursa Minor
Late night skies for lonely eyes

You pull at my hair.
You pull at my teeth.
You spit at my back.
You say you care.

I give you my hair.
I give you my teeth.
I smile at your lies.
I tell you I care.

You wipe my tears.
You hold my hand.
You are yourself,
the source of my fears.

You cause my tears.
You pull at my arm.
I am not myself.
Take away your mirrors.

you said
you werent going to eat off my plate
but now its clean
and im hungry

you said
this was your last smoke
but my packs empty
and im feenin

you said
YOU SAID
ill be with you thursday
but my beds empty
and im alone
and cold
yearning
livid

but im taking breaths
deep ones
teaching myself that each voice
each utterance
doesnt bind me or you
to a radiator
stuck in the dark
and steam burned

these chances to vibrate
throaty chords
are chances to perfect our relationships
with acuity we sharpen our souls
through our tongues
but accuracy is the sum
toward what each syllable should strive
each consonant building towards
our harmony
and peace of mind
validating our trust

tell me a secret
whisper a truth

the fuzz under my ****
rattles the cup near me
the base of a floor speaker
is a poor place to be undisturbed
and from my place upon
the hard wood slats
i peer through the slots
above and to the right
to view the limbs in decay

i was trying to impress you
now im only being housed
within myself and tightly
snug

the first word that i received from you
when my eyes cracked apart
"hatred"
between hatred and "no"
no was the beginning of the last things
there was a flurry of expressions that reminded
me of you
the real you
all things that we only whisper to each other
like a sting of cartoon hearts
"tell me youre alive"
"i hate your guts"
"secret telling sessions"
"lord father god"
but that wasnt you today
you were that overly independent
woman who
holds my hand when she wants
only to beat me in private
you dont get to pick
when you have someone
like you have me
i have no on off switch
i stay on
this is no co-dependence
this is me relying on you
for rescue from my own
loneliness
dramatization
and voice

i talk to my self in my sleep
without you
mostly jibberish
but that one percent
of real-life murmuring
that sobbing speech
MEANS something
im not sure what
quite yet
nor will i ever i suspect
im still taking notes though
but i guaran-*******-tee you
it doesnt mean things are swell
peachy ******* keen

i ask for no lap dog
but for a cohort
i desire no therapist
but for a co-conspiritor
i yearn for no nurse maid
but for an equal

a woman who
i dont have to teach
but am taught by
a fellow ex-patriot
who still believes in no borders
a woman with a skerple
ready to write on my walls

stay still
perfect and silent
stay any way youre going to be
stay if cranky
or too tired to keep your eyes
pried open
just stay
in fact
ill move half of the ****
from the small closet
closet?
**** that
i have five
just stay
sleep here
just like you are now
soft and welcoming
sweaty and chastising
sleeping with a skerple in your hand

caressing you
the nape of your neck
towards the dimples on your back
flirting with every finger
to a jazz rhythm
making every pore pert
dreaming about our love
waking you up most subtly
coaxing you back into the bed
back toward the place where we
have the best memories
STOP
that tickles
and to write this
only to the be coaxed back
come cuddle with me
i oblige