kick turn and flip up covers
replay
and again
i touched myself
and was held
i dont need you
but to be loved
replaced the things
visage
and my reflection
return
interluded
my behavior
connection discarded

necessity

you* : its just not the case that i see you more than the regulars at "that place"
me : i never see you

you : you need me to see your home
me : you never saw mine

you : im taking this  art. oh and this work. ...next time
me : only because you know im going to toss it.

you : come here.
now.
whats so terrible about that corner bar?
i hope you learned something while you visited.
i would imagine that next time you would keep your work.
me : i
love
you

this is no flop house
its a proper crash pad
and im no addict
im a proper user
and she is no harlot
shes a proper accomplice

this place was built for us
and i for you
and the space around us
for each other
for us all

so darling
you and i
we should spread out

wait
define proper

leave it to me to awaken
with guilt and embarrassment
oh ****
what did i write
which words did i fumble
how often did i repeat myself
what did i direct towards my family
what did i withhold from my lover
who did i hurt
when did i stop
why are my pillows wet
can i be forgiven
even by me
maybejustahairofthedog

fixed.

that pig
pink and swollen
slots in its back
chastises me for my contribution
or lack there of
decorated with an enamel
floral and embossed
shaken and silent

im poor
and so are you if you didnt know
well we all are
i had this terrific idea yesterday
i dont remember it all now

but

it had something to do with holding hands
yours are slightly moist
and mine dry

i forgive you

i just had a couple of years on you
but im certain we built to the same place
through vice
through falsehood
toward holding hands
cheek kisses
dirt roads
songs on repeat

weve built to this
gChat and
superstitiously deleting the book

new sheets
and the visit to where our soul
can find a harbor

not yet
not too needy

im not writing anymore
***** my cigarette on the hardwood
pouring out my drink in the bathtub
lay next to a speaker until
well
forget it
sleep and wake up
3am
i dont blame them
write what no one reads

rinse.repeat.

one more time
i can use these keys one more ******* time
one more time
just one more
if im not asleep im writing
if im not writing im dead
if im dead then im wandering
if im wandering im not finding

possibly finding

we should both stop using our language like this
the way that i can turn a phrase can be malicious
the expressions conveyed may harm our constitution
there is no border between negative & positive infinity
our limits are extending between the length of x-axis
without fail we are divided by infinity without separation
its not fair that i heap more on you
and us
between the effort of shoveling it all
and it being dropped
steaming above the plane equal
where out hearts met and our souls touched
and we wept in turns
youre first
no me
no you
and drip and drip and drip and drip

i crouched
one knee to the floor and one up
facing god and his holy host
gasping for air and dribbling
knowing everyone that ive hurt indefinitely
wishing none of it was true
taking it back with tears
hoping "were alone now"
would ever be made honest
when the tune dies down
and the crust dries
on my high cheeks
something may have been developed
my mind anew
thoughts reconfigured
life repositioned
with imaginations like these
who needs

what are those called
cousins
no
the other ones
concerns

close enough