Such expectation in our hearts,
When the World Cup football starts,
Off to Tesco, for shirts and flags,
Carried home in plastic bags,
3 Lions worn upon our chest,
England's going to be the best,
Little kids collecting  footy cards,
In sticker books, they love this part,
You know where they will be found,
Swapping cards in the playground,
Our team heroes now they stand in line,
Mumbling national anthem, or some just mime,
Our pubs are full, the fans all wait,
For our team England to be just great,
Yet once again, it's a crock of ****,
Still we can't quite believe it,
Our national team can't find the goal,
Been better if we'ad learned to bowl,
Excelled ourselves this time, it seems,
An early exit home, it means,
In some ways it's ended all the fuss,
Of buttock clenching, for all of us!

When we are happy in our lives, every day is a bright sunny day,
Then things go wrong and run astray, black clouds, they chase the sun away,
The wind and rain creep in your soul, and chill your heart, that is their goal,
But with the power of positive thinking, we can lose those thoughts without blinking,
Relax your mind and feel the heat, from in your head down to your feet,
Your on a beach, warmth on your skin, breath in deep, let the sunshine in,
Now feel the glow, around your room, think life's too short to live in gloom.

There's not much funnier than a ****,
It's immature, I know, to start,
So many styles of wind to pass,
Gas blowing out your smelly ****,
Some high in pitch, a squeaky door,
Or quiet and deadly, so much more,
Dare we pull the offered finger?
A nasty trick we will remember,
Always makes your children squeal,
But never ever loses it's appeal,
When you meet a brand new partner,
It takes a while to **** in front of her,
When farting terms are established yes,
It's far more intimate, than ***,
It matters not, just where you be,
You need to let your wind go free,
You might think that I am obscene,
But we all do it, yes, even the Queen,
So lighten up, and have some fun,
And blast some air out of your ***!

Where and when my loved ones die,
I find it really hard to cry,
If just one tear, out would pop,
I think I'd start, and never stop,
My preferred route of self defence,
Is to play a game of false pretence,
No ones died , this dream's so vile,
I've just not seen them, for a while.

When I'm sad,
I hug my dog,
When I'm happy,
I hug my dog,
When I'm angry,
I hug my dog,
When I'm frustrated,
I hug my dog,
I guess it's really true to say,
I'd hug my dog, just anyway :)

Eurovision, a crock of ****,
We are never going to ever win it,
Our European cousins we know,
Hate our guts, that we know,
A song for Europe, it's not a fix,
But everyone, their neighbour picks,
Ten points to the country next door,
We are an island, it's just **** poor,
It's a shame it's not about the song,
Politics are involved , it's wrong,
Enjoyable it is to watch the tunes,
The judging is the same old news,
You only need to see a map,
To see why voting is such crap,
Poor England bottom of the shelf,
Even if represented by Christ himself,
I try to switch off at this stage,
Perversely though, I stay to rage,
Although to watch I cannot bare,
I hate it when it's just not fair.

I've gone and hurt my ****** back,
So now I'm walking like a ****,
Too impatient to wait for help,
I lifted the stuff, all by myself,
So now it's painful once again,
Diazepam is my new best friend,
I lay in bed, I just can't get right,
Won't sleep a peep all ****** night,
When morning comes, and up I get,
I'll be at work, yes, don't you fret,
Perhaps a lesson now I've learnt,
Next time it's someone else's turn.