An exit is sought, yet not to be found.

Defeat overwhelms me,
my mind  I cannot escape,
my anger spoken through actions,
my nerves are restless with adrenaline.

Jealousy uncleanly tears apart my soul.

I pray that I am deceived by these images,
for my sanity cannot afford this breakdown,
Have I not suffered enough already?

One simple glance at your smile,
enrages my soul with heat waves of anger,
This fusion inside of me is burning-
hotter than the depths of hell.

My urges become more tempting and irresistible.

What you value the most, would give me great pleasures to rip away,
for the passion of anger I hold, is beyond itself.

What appears through my words; is happiness,
but I've merely fooled you, as I am a master of deception-
my heart cries in pain.

*I am consumed by anger

I feel it has been too long,
all seemed to be wrong,
why can't this pain end?
I can no longer pretend.

My life has too many downs,
my face carried too many frowns,
I just want to be at peace,
when will the sadness cease?

Is it a question of what I deserve?
because I'm losing my nerve,
what lesson is to come of this?
it's life's pleasure that I miss.

I wish I could say why,
I feel as if I want to die,
instead I'm left with dismay,
yet again to face another day.

Confusion leads to negative thoughts,
and yet my heart will never stray,
many battles I have fought,
to live with you in this day.

My mind continues to wonder,
conjugating a mess inside,
causes actions of blunder,
wishing that I would soon die.

My heart begins to decipher,
asking "what's truly going on?"
am I really that crazy?
why am I in the wrong?

How don't you understand me?
it's simpler than you think,
when will I be free?
where's the connection, the link?

Your confusion frustrates me,
have you even tried?
I just want to be understood,
I don't want to hide.

It was mid day,
When I went home for lunch,
Walking down the street,
The five of us in a bunch.

Hungry I was,
A girl in grade four,
I couldn't wait to eat,
Excited to step through the door.

Behold--it was ready,
A sandwich with peanut butter,
Little did I know,
It came with another.

Jam there was,
And I began to cry,
Forced to eat it,
I screamed why.

I don't like it I said,
As I sat down,
"Too bad then, starve",
I began to frown.

I threw a fit,
In front of the stairs,
And I checked the lock,
Although I didn't care.

I thought it was closed,
Turns out it was not,
Back flipped into the basement,
A mean cut I got.

I split open my head,
All because of the Jam,
But I came up laughing,
So funny I am.

One moment she feels fine,
The next moment she is lost,
Life promises her happiness,
But at hidden costs.

She's been angry for so long,
That she feels tired and weak,
Her mental strength is crumbling,
As her eyes begin to leak.

She has no explanation,
So to you she gives the blame,
Yet you are only a part,
Of what makes her insane.

One second she is sure of herself,
Only to turn around and face doubt,
Her emotions are swelling inside,
Uncontrollably letting themselves out.

You were able to call her depression,
Despite her ungiving poker face,
She tried to hide the feeling,
That she does not belong in this place.

You suffer the repercussions,
Of her unfulfilled dreams,
She feels regret for not knowing,
Why that always seems.

She tries to achieve better,
But it is mostly all hope,
She is unsure of how,
She will manage to cope.

My heart has loved many times,
Also spoken in many rhymes,
But my truest love is for you-
the strength that gets me through.

Time and time, I have said;
I love you, dearest ed,
But you will never understand,
For me, there is no other man.

The love I feel is too much,
And yet, I can't get enough,
So I will say it once more;
it is only you that I adore.

You may tire of these words,
and even think I am absurd,
but I can't surpress my heart,
as you gave me a new start.

The allure of simplicity fades,
For this inner turmoil is complex,
I have no creative release,
Or satisfying means to express.

Like the merry-go-round, I spin,
Feeling a sickness in my core,
For each battle that I lose,
I become more invested in my war.

Pleading for the hiding strength,
To appear in my times of need,
Familiar enemies I am facing,
Those of love, hate and greed.

A cycle of vicious confusion,
Has brought me great pain,
Leaving an unsettling doubt,
To forever stir, and remain.