How I miss your embrace
When we met in that crazy place
I miss your touch
But when you’re close I tremble
I broke your heart am sorry
Never was it my intention I swear
Someone broke my heart into a million pieces
I’m still putting it back together
Forgive me if I doubt you
I know you are not to blame
But I am broken, and
I’m not sure what you expect to gain
But just know that while you hold me and I am next to you
About the world I forget
It’s not your skin color or your race
it’s just that honestly I am afraid.
Scared to give you my all
And about me you will soon forget
I have no more tears to cry
So I’m taking a chance and giving you my heart
I just truly hope this is a decision I won’t regret.

Silence…
Peaceful, finally alone
Safety, no one to hurt me
Calm, I don’t have to worry
this is
Tranquility.

It lasts too long…
Anxiety, alone for a while
Dreading, when they will ruin it
Panicking, where is everyone
I’m getting
Paranoid.

Lasts forever…
Maddening, I can’t stand this
Insanity, I’m going crazy
Confusion, this darkness is overwhelming
This life is
Chaos.

My wife, a psychiatrist, sleeps
through my reading and writing in bed,
the half-whispered lines,
manuscripts piled between us,

but in the deep part of night
when her beeper sounds
she bolts awake to return the page
of a patient afraid he'll **** himself.

She sits in her robe in the kitchen,
listening to the anguished voice
on the phone. She becomes
the vessel that contains his fear,

someone he can trust to tell
things I would tell to a poem.

A piano I was born to be. But not just black and white because my fingernails are blue except for three of them. I feel safer in fresh white sheets and 8 foot deep water than I do by your side. You are a dangerous convict who has never committed a felony but you are also the vulnerable grandmother who has a mean right hook.

One time I sat and watched a tree fall and **** the ground almost, shot it right in the center and left a crater for critters to crawl. Adult hood should be a lot more scarier than my childhood. But it isn't. Fear of the Inevitable is irrational because God is inevitable and so is Buddha and Jesus and any other deities. Speaking of diets, my mother went on one and lost a lot of money (weight, too) because I could have told her for free but parents are a weird thing because they always say they're looking out for you but instead all they do is look down (or up depending on how tall you are). I'm 5'3" but I like to think I'm 5'2" but I act like I'm 6'4" but I feel like I'm 4'3".

And every day is a struggle when you aren't the same height as you feel.

The gas in my car goes quick and so does my temper and my friends. When waterfalls crash another boat is built to break. Whoever created the car also created the car crash and that deserves a round of applause because it is beautiful and destructive and just the way i like it. I'm a ******* so when people tell me to cheer up I take it to offense, but a fence gouged my stomach once and I told all my friends it was my appendix which is an appendage you don't need like your heart when it turns cold because no one can thaw ice without melting it to a puddle.

Immense anger bubbling deep inside
No way for it to subside
The anger is rising now
Fueled by all the wrong you’ve done to me
The saying “blood is thicker than water” must not exist
If it were, my hands wouldn’t be clenched in fists
The anger is reaching boiling point
I can feel it in my throat
I want so bad to scream it out
To scream until the anger retreats back to were it came from
But like a lion, its lying in wait, its still there
Waiting for the next way you find to make me feel unwanted
We all have imperfections, and your drowning me in mine
And yet I always find a way to put on a smile and say, “I’m fine”
But this is my ***** little secret, believe me its real
“I’m fine” actually means, “I wish I could tell you how I really feel”
This one is for you Mom
Prove to me blood is thicker than water
With Love,
Your Hurting Daughter